poppyfields Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Like being dishonest? Selfish? Not caring about others? Or not caring about the consequences of their actions? I am not sure they don't care, but rather they are so caught up in the moment, they're not thinking clearly. One of my ex's cheated on me while in the throes of his drug addiction, with fellow drug addicted skanks (female), now I KNOW for a fact he was not in his right mind at the time. I walked out, but we talked when his rehab ended and he was extremely remorseful, so I chose to forgive him for it. Not forget and I never went back, but forgive, there is a difference. Edited July 20, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Miss Spider Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Just over a decade ago, I dated a wonderful beautiful redhead that was a two pack a day smoker. She and I got along great and dated for quite a while. I didn't mind the fact that she smoked, one bit. Sadly, she developed stage 4 lung cancer and is no longer with us. Wow this is really sad. I’m rethinking this now I’ve always encouraged my bf’s not to smoke( and they were always”im going to smoke less around you because I know you don’t smoke/like it” )because I know it can kill. But so can a lot of things so i was kind of 1/2 ssed about it. I think it might be a “thing” for me. Not in that I watch people smoking to get off, just that I find the act of it interesting. Idk. also sorry, weezy, I was just teasing you about how you were calling people out for things missing in their 5. Hope you got I was joshing. I’m out of here Edited July 20, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Not forget and I never went back, but forgive, there is a difference. Definitely. Forgiving is for our own well-being. As is not forgetting. That’s just learning… 2
Happy Lemming Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: Wow this is really sad. I’m rethinking this now with what you and poppy said. When I met this woman she had already been smoking for almost 30 years. That deep smokers voice she had was sexy (to me). She was courteous about her smoking and never smoked in my car. She also smoked outside and never inside. We'd spend hours on her back porch in these comfortable chairs, talking and star gazing. I can remember also having morning coffee (together) on her back porch as she'd have her first morning cigarette. It is sad that she is gone, though.
poppyfields Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 39 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: When I met this woman she had already been smoking for almost 30 years. That deep smokers voice she had was sexy (to me). She was courteous about her smoking and never smoked in my car. She also smoked outside and never inside. We'd spend hours on her back porch in these comfortable chairs, talking and star gazing. I can remember also having morning coffee (together) on her back porch as she'd have her first morning cigarette. It is sad that she is gone, though. My mom was NOT a courteous smoker. When growing up, she smoked SOOOOO much, our den which is where we all congregated in the evening to watch TV, wreaked with smoke, I mean we couldn't even see each other clearly, it was so smoky. It was all normal to me, I didn't know any better. But now I am fearful I may get cancer from the second hand smoke, I know that happens and I (and my doctors) are aware of it too.... It may look cool but it's a very nasty habit, fortunately I have never smoked not even in HS when all my friends were. I was a free and independent thinker even back then!! I always just said "no thank you" when my friends tried to pressure me about it.
Ami1uwant Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said: Like being dishonest? Selfish? Not caring about others? Or not caring about the consequences of their actions? no there were other relationship issues going on that were not addressed or solved. This get fixed the cheating woukd not have happened
Daisydooks Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said: Reliability overall. If their mental illness interferes with their reliability (I.e. I can’t count on them to do what they said they would do) then it would be a dealbreaker. Hygiene isn’t a dealbreaker in that when my wife comes back sweaty from exercising I’m not the least bit turned off. Or first thing in the morning before she’s brushed her teeth for that matter… It may be if she did this for a week or more straight Id hope?! Hahahaha I mean, she probably showers daily and brushes her teeth once she is awake. I LOVE the smell of my hubby when he wakes up. I wouldnt want to smell him after a week of not bathing though. I do love to cuddle into him when he wakes up however. But thats after a day 2
Weezy1973 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 7 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: no there were other relationship issues going on that were not addressed or solved. This get fixed the cheating woukd not have happened Sure, this could be situation specific. My experience with cheaters is that it’s a personality trait. They’re impulsive. 1
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Here goes: 1. MUST be extremely intelligent (not necessarily educated but intelligent.) 2. Must NOT conform to societal norms 3. Must not have hair on his chest (for real I do NOT like hairy chests, a real turn off for me). 4. Must be in great physical shape or strive to be. 5. Must not put up with any crap from me whatsoever!! lol There's more but those are FIVE. You're good! Great list! I am definitely not a fan of chest hair too. It makes me feel like I am snuggling with a shaggy pillow. Not a preference of mine, but to each their own.
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: Just over a decade ago, I dated a wonderful beautiful redhead that was a two pack a day smoker. She and I got along great and dated for quite a while. I didn't mind the fact that she smoked, one bit. Sadly, she developed stage 4 lung cancer and is no longer with us. 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: I don't mind a smoker cookies, as long as he maintains good oral hygiene. If I fell in love with him, I may encourage him to quit though, my mom died from lung cancer after years of smoking.... may she RIP. Sorry for both of ya'll losses 1
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 2 hours ago, Alpaca said: No cheaters (past or present). No drugs. Mutual respect. Accountability. Trust. I feel like some people are too quick to forgive a cheater especially if they've been in a long relationship. For me, I wouldn't care if I was married for 20 years, if you cheat good bye. It's a complete violation of trust. In my mind, if you cheat that is a guy's way of saying its over and moved on to someone else. 1
Andy_K Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 1) Good tempered 2) Must have some sort of interest in exercise/fitness 3) Non-smoker/drugs 4) good sex drive 5) empathy 2 1
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 9 hours ago, Olivia24 said: Chest hair isnt a deal breaker for me. Not my preference though. Same. If he checked off even box on my list and we mesh well together, it would be weird to say hey we can't date because of your chest hair. I can compromise on that. However, if he's one of those guys that keeps his shirt slightly open to show his chest hair like its attractive, I can't...I just can't.
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 4 hours ago, Andy_K said: 1) Good tempered 2) Must have some sort of interest in exercise/fitness 3) Non-smoker/drugs 4) good sex drive 5) empathy Great list. I think sex drive is like number 6 on my list. My partner and I would have to share the same drive or he has to have a little more, it makes me feel wanted. Because someone with a low sex drive, I would think they don't find me attractive anymore, cheating, or just not interested in being in a relationship with me. And I am not one to beg for it either
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 17 minutes ago, Olivia24 said: Just look in his eyes!! I canttt there's a chinchilla in his shirt and I just want to rescue it and sent it back to the wild. 1
introverted1 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 Top 5, eh? Ok. 1. Intellectually curious. 2. Lean/lanky (= sexy imo) 3. Honest 4. Critical thinker (no sheep) 5. Appreciates black humor 2
smackie9 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 (edited) 1. no train wreck baggage. ( mental illness, substance abuse like pot/drugs, smoking, heavy drinking). 2. Must be a beer drinkin car guy 3. no crazy exes 4. good work ethic, working in construction, looks good in a tool belt 5. loyal, attentive. Edited July 20, 2021 by smackie9 2
FMW Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 I can make a list of things that I would like or would rather not have, but honestly the actual non- negotiable qualities are ones are about who someone is on the inside. The first 5 no-go qualities I think of are abusive (physical or mental), self- righteous, elitist, racist, and closed-minded. My guy smokes, which has always been on my list of things I don't want, but he's a fantastic human being. Other than worries for his health, it's not something I count against him. 3
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: 1. no train wreck baggage. ( mental illness, substance abuse like pot/drugs, smoking, heavy drinking). 2. Must be a beer drinkin car guy 3. no crazy exes 4. good work ethic, working in construction, looks good in a tool belt 5. loyal, attentive. Idk why I read as "No crazy exes" as "No crazy "eyes". I was about to say that is an oddly specific non negotiable. But totally great list. A guy that is good with his hands a.k.a construction background or just basic understanding is a turn on. 2
central Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 Mine are: integrity and shared values warmth and compassion pragmatic intelligence high libido and creativity non-smoker and moderate in all other "vices" 2
Alvi Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 (edited) 16 hours ago, poppyfields said: 2. Must NOT conform to societal norms Poppy, could you elaborate more on that one? What do you mean? In some cases not conforming to societal norms might be a not a good thing. Might get a person in a whole lot of trouble. I would find it to be incredibly selfish is a guy would describe himself that way. For me, it would say that he is going to do whatever he wants and who cares about the other people who might get hurt somehow by his actions. As long as does whatever he desires, nothing else matters. Edited July 20, 2021 by Alvi
Amanda141 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 These is what my ideal guy must have: desire to get religiously married desire to have children no use of drugs financial and emotional stability common goals/view towards life 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 I don't think there are exactly five of them, but I know I'd never date someone who had been to prison. 1
poppyfields Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Alvi said: Poppy, could you elaborate more on that one? What do you mean? In some cases not conforming to societal norms might be a not a good thing. Might get a person in a whole lot of trouble. I would find it to be incredibly selfish is a guy would describe himself that way. For me, it would say that he is going to do whatever he wants and who cares about the other people who might get hurt somehow by his actions. As long as does whatever he desires, nothing else matters. All I meant by it was be a free and independent thinker, and not allow society's "rules" to drive your ship. Create your own rules. Particularly with regard to relationships and marriage. Unconventional may have been a better word. I am the same and I seek a man who shares this mindset. However, I should have added to my list MUST have "integrity," because having integrity would prevent him from being overly self-absorbed and/or doing whatever he wants without recognizing or being aware of how his actions might negatively impact others. Hope that explains!! Edited July 20, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 39 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: I don't think there are exactly five of them, but I know I'd never date someone who had been to prison. Just top five not exactly five...I personally have other negotiables, but I would think that in general everyone has their top 5 must haves.
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