Kai_Kai Posted July 19, 2021 Posted July 19, 2021 My boyfriend and I were re-watching one of my favorite dating shows this past Sunday that he hates, but watches because I like it . One thing that kept coming up on the show was non negotiables. As a couple, we already discussed our non-negoitables in conversations before. My top 5 are : Trustworthy Doesn’t want any more children Spiritual Stability (Emotionally and Financially) Honest/Open Book My boyfriend knows that one of my biggest thing is not having anymore children. My boyfriend did mentioned that sometimes things can be subject to change. He shared some perspective where he has changed from when he was my age to present. He initially didn't want kids, but went on to have a son in his late 20s. Even though right now, he is on the same boat with not having anymore kids. He knows that there is a possibility I could change my mind, and we would have to have a conversation about it and go from there. But its interesting because my non negotiables have definitely changed significantly from when I was 20 to present (25) . For one, my non negotiable at 20 is no longer surface level. I also think that early 20s are a transitional period, so maybe I am set in my ways now What about you guys? Have you ever had a complete 180 in your non-negoitables from now to maybe like 5 years ago? 1
BaileyB Posted July 19, 2021 Posted July 19, 2021 (edited) Never changed - No drugs Does not abuse alcohol Nonsmoker Must be employed/financially responsible Must be honest and trustworthy - loyal, faithful, reliable. Edited July 19, 2021 by BaileyB 4
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 19, 2021 Author Posted July 19, 2021 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: Never changed - No drugs Does not abuse alcohol Nonsmoker Must be employed/financially responsible Must be honest and trustworthy - loyal, faithful, reliable. I have never explicitly had drugs/alcohol on my list. I just plugged that all in the stability category. I have never met someone who does either and functions well in a relationship. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2021 Posted July 19, 2021 5 is really limiting, but off the top of my head must: Drink and/or smoke cigs and/or 420 Be little bit weird Be a bit cynical Agnostic atheist/skeptic Smell good 1
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 19, 2021 Author Posted July 19, 2021 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: 5 is really limiting, but off the top of my head must: Drink and/or smoke cigs and/or 420 Be little bit weird Be a bit cynical Agnostic atheist/skeptic Smell good 5 is limiting, really? How man non negoitables do you have? Now I'm totally curious lmaoo 1
Happy Lemming Posted July 19, 2021 Posted July 19, 2021 I guess my top five would be: (1) No kids/single moms (2) No drugs use or heavy drinking (3) No Mental Illness (bi-polar, etc.) (4) No Religious zealots, especially the ones that try to convert you. (You do your thing and I'll do mine - when it comes to God and religion). (5) No bi-sexual or trans-women. And no Goth females, but that could fall into 4(a) as some people recognize Goth as a religion and some don't. 3
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 19, 2021 Author Posted July 19, 2021 3 minutes ago, Olivia24 said: Dont be set in your ways at 25!!, ha Girl, I think Im set. We shall see a few years from now if I change my mind lmaooo 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 19, 2021 Posted July 19, 2021 Min have been 1 agreement on views 2 not religious 3 how we are together in our interaction and conversation 4 no smoking, not heavy alcoholic/ drug use 5 common goals 2
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 19, 2021 Author Posted July 19, 2021 11 minutes ago, Olivia24 said: I havent really thought about it as a list though i feel strongly about a few things. Non-smoker is a must! Love me unconditionally. set goals we can work toward Accept my friends and family Be surprising!! Be surprising is different but important. No one likes a boring, mundane relationship. Keep the spice.
basil67 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 22 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: And no Goth females, but that could fall into 4(a) as some people recognize Goth as a religion and some don't. I've been hanging out with goths in the more recent years. If it's at all reassuring, the beliefs of my goth friends is as diverse as regular people. Athiests, agnostics, pagans and I know one Satanist. But never has anyone tried to convert me. "I'll do my thing and you do yours as long as everyone respects each other" is the best way to sum up what I've seen.
basil67 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 My non negotiables: Calm (those who do road rage, shout or use insults when arguing are out) Good boundaries (I can be strong, so I want someone who's not afraid to respectfully stand their ground) Progressive Employable Reliable 4
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 4 minutes ago, Olivia24 said: An unexpected surprise is so romantic. Well, unless he says he is gay, lol I think we can come to a consensus that a guy revealing that he's gay is a very unwelcoming surprise. 1 1
Miss Spider Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 Maybe it’s the pale skin, dark clothes/ lipstick, and aFFinity for Bauhaus ? 1 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: Never changed - No drugs Does not abuse alcohol Nonsmoker Must be employed/financially responsible Must be honest and trustworthy - loyal, faithful, reliable. Those are more than 5 things. Way more. But all good… 2
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, basil67 said: My non negotiables: Calm (those who do road rage, shout or use insults when arguing are out) Good boundaries (I can be strong, so I want someone who's not afraid to respectfully stand their ground) Progressive Employable Reliable Yesss. Boundaries are so important especially at the beginning. I feel like its harder to instill boundaries later down the line, so very important to have this as a non negotiable. Leaves less annoyance down the line. 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 For me it’s: Reliable dependable honest trustworthy empathetic That is what it turned into when I knew I wanted a “rest of my life” relationship. Before that it was things like sense of humor, taste in music, etc. So yes, it can change… 2
Miss Spider Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 (edited) I like guys that have a strong boundaries with other people but kind of weak ones just with me haha hygiene comes before trustworthiness for me.If you smell, I’m not getting close enough to you to trust you Edited July 20, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I like guys that have a strong boundaries with other people but kind of weak ones just with me haha hygiene comes before trustworthiness for me.If you smell, I’m not getting close enough to you to trust you I can't even with YOU! Hygiene before trustworthiness should be on a t-shirt. 1
Author Kai_Kai Posted July 20, 2021 Author Posted July 20, 2021 3 minutes ago, Olivia24 said: One other non-negotiable Dont ask me to be part of a 3-some(which happened) You will end up in a 2-some with me gone for good. Oh never that! It makes me think he is trying to keep his "options" open. Like what happens after the threesome? Is he and the other girl hooking up? I cant deal with that potential insecurity. 2
Happy Lemming Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 21 minutes ago, basil67 said: I've been hanging out with goths in the more recent years. That's fine... for you, but I really don't want to date a goth-female. I don't find the attire/makeup attractive. I'll also shy away from the Wicken/witchcraft women, as well. I briefly dated one woman that was Wicken and it seemed to get in the way or maybe she was just weird to start with. Either way... I bailed. 2
Happy Lemming Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 29 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: aFFinity for Bauhaus ? I had to look this up... Is this referring to Bauhaus construction/architecture?? Rectangular forms/buildings?? Can you educate me a bit about this?? 1
poppyfields Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 (edited) Here goes: 1. MUST be extremely intelligent (not necessarily educated but intelligent.) 2. Must NOT conform to societal norms 3. Must not have hair on his chest (for real I do NOT like hairy chests, a real turn off for me). 4. Must be in great physical shape or strive to be. 5. Must not put up with any crap from me whatsoever!! lol There's more but those are FIVE. Edited July 20, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Weezy1973 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 24 minutes ago, Kai_Kai said: Hygiene before trustworthiness should be on a t-shirt. Worn by all the peeps with failed relationships (or are content with just casual) 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Here goes: 1. MUST be a free and independent thinker 2. Must NOT conform to societal norms 3. Must not have hair on his chest (for real I do NOT like hairy chests, a real turn off for me). 4. Must be in great physical shape or strive to be. 5. Must not take any crap from me whatsoever!! There's more but those are FIVE. Yikes. So liars, cheaters, criminals, etc. all past this test…
poppyfields Posted July 20, 2021 Posted July 20, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Yikes. So liars, cheaters, criminals, etc. all past this test… No course not silly. I listed FIVE, as asked. I said there were more. But in truth, I MIGHT forgive a liar or cheater IF he was truly remorseful and learned from it and vowed to NEVER do again. I might also date an ex-con, again assuming he was remorseful, paid his dues, learned from the experience and grew, evolved as a result of having experienced. Edited July 20, 2021 by poppyfields
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