LastChance4me Posted July 19, 2021 Share Posted July 19, 2021 Facts: Me - masters student, physics, with some years of prior military service; late 20s. Sweet solider She - performing arts student, focusing on ballet; 21 How we first met Act 1 Live in the same dorm at the university (well known). Met in late 2019 at start of college year, but little to no interaction. Then, got to know her a little bit by spring 2020, before Covid happened. We spoke a little bit, exchanged names, studies, where we are from etc. Some attraction from both sides, she behaves nicely but she's focusing on another performing arts student. Her eyes watch me, but she's not letting our conversation go beyond a point. During covid wave 1: we both leave to join our respective families (she's NoCal, am from Boston suburbs). A few months later ... Act 2 Fall 2020 - we both return to the dorm. This time, she ends up, by random chance, on the same floor as me - so we share the common floor kitchen . This is awkward for me - it is not kosher to "hit" on a neighbour. We start off this time in a natural way, with some pleasantries and mild talk on the floor. I am cautious and on my guard and don't give my feelings away (that I like her somewhat from last year). Covid rules give me good cover to enforce a gap while remaining disengaged and respectful. She's expecting more and is visibly disappointed that I am not engaging beyond a point. She stops talking to me. We still watch each other every day, from the corner of our eyes. Then, as Covid gets worse, goes back home. She's about to graduate as well. I am not sure if I will ever see her again. A few months later ... Act 3 Fall 2021 - she shows up in the dorm again. The worst of Covid is behind us. Things are getting better and rules are being relaxed. She greets me warmly and is keen to talk. We exchange a few greetings and just as we start developing a conversation again, she ends up being befriended by a group that I don't get along with at all. It's a group of about 8 people, and they are the life of the dorm, partying away to glory even in Covid times, the reason why I refuse to get along with them. They invite her into their circle of fun. She doesn't get drawn in that much, but she stops speaking to me. We watch each other from the corner of our eyes. It turns out that one of the guys in the group of 8 likes her, and has gotten the girls in his group to help him by inviting her in. She starts to hang out with him and they go out on a few "covid safe" dates. He's clearly interested in her. She's considering him, while she and I continue to watch each other from the corner of our eyes. End of term .... Act 4 All things come to an end, and so does the academic year. With about a month to go, all we have managed are a few initial conversations and a million stolen glances since. The fact that she won't be my neighbour for long is liberating. I revive our conversations - despite the fact that she's sort of hanging out with this guy. He can be seen trying hard to steal a kiss and getting into her room, but she won't let him, as yet. We chat a bit every now and then - about future plans, life, studies, families etc when the guy's not around. I keep the conversations short. We still steal glances at each other. She doesn't like it one bit when she sees me sitting with any other girl, or cooking or studying. She shoots me an angry look each time that happens. End game I try to talk to her at some length, but it's tough. The other guy and his group of friends (her new friends) are around all the time, and the guy's trying to formalise a relationship with her. One of the girls in her new group is excitedly talking to him about him taking her for a romantic holiday in August. She leaves. She's moving a different part of the city, closer to the place where she will start working. I am the last person she sees and chats with before leaving. It's quite pleasant, and we get some one-one time despite the other guy's overarching presence. I send her a text the day after, and she responds well and is happy in her new place. We text a bit, there is something there, and then she suddenly says bye and blocks me. End of story, I suppose. I don't text her from another number, I don't call her, and I don't try to find where she lives since I don't plan to show up at her door. The other guy left a week after her. He's not yet sensed that there is a dynamic between her and I. As he's leaving, he tells me he's starting a new job in the suburbs but he's chilling in town for the summer. And he's planning to date her. Aftermath She is still on some common chat groups with me and I can see her posts from time to time, and she can see my posts. I am trying to move on by getting busy in other things - am organising a book club. It's something I like to do (and something that she would have loved too). A few weeks into this 'group chat is all we have' situation, she suddenly exits all of our common chat groups. I conclude that I have no overlap, no communication channel left with her now. I think this is the end. Redemption ? To my surprise, despite exiting every single one of our common chat groups, I find that she has now unblocked me. So, I again have a way to communicate with her. She's unblocked the direct communication channel. I read up online advice on this "blocking - unblocking" thing. Apparently there is this no-contact rule, where, you don't contact the girl ever and let her come to you. Am not sure if that will work. Perhaps this is just her way to justifying to herself that she did eventually give me a chance, and that I didn't take it up? I didn't write it all here, but there's so much that we share - common interests and sensibilities. I would love to re-open our dialogue and chat and hopefully go on from there. What next? Is this my last chance? Is this her way of keeping hope alive? Will she actually chat and kindle a relationship, or is this just her trying to escape the guilt of turning me down? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 19, 2021 Share Posted July 19, 2021 Is this a crush or were you dating? If you feel like you are becoming obsessed to the point where you can't move on, delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps, including this group chat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LastChance4me Posted July 19, 2021 Author Share Posted July 19, 2021 We would have dated, had I not felt awkward about dating a neighbor. And I would like to date her if it is possible. I like her. She's a good soul. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 19, 2021 Share Posted July 19, 2021 17 minutes ago, LastChance4me said: text a bit, there is something there, and then she suddenly says bye and blocks me. I don't text her from another number, I don't call her, and I don't try to find where she lives since I don't plan to show up at her door. Ok, you need to let go. The bolded part would be stalking and you know that. When someone blocks you, it's time to move on. Your "relationship" is fictional. More like an obsession. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LastChance4me Posted July 19, 2021 Author Share Posted July 19, 2021 But she's unblocked me now ... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 19, 2021 Share Posted July 19, 2021 1 hour ago, LastChance4me said: But she's unblocked me now ... That's not an indication of anything. You're dangerously obsessed and need to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2021 Share Posted July 19, 2021 I have to say OP, I don't see any tangible indication that she is interested in you that way. She probably knows you like her, and while she was getting close to the other guy blocked you so as not to disrupt whatever was going on between them. But based on your description, I don't quite see the "dynamic" you say you two have. It sounds like she was friendly with you and distanced herself when she realized you have a crush on her. I would not contact her. She will be in touch if she interested in exploring something. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts