So just want to confirm one more time, matching with someone and then talking on the phone for over an hour about

[glows]

5 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

Thought a date was about being relaxed and comfortable. not meeting someone with my work clothes on,    Unless u are saying not right after work but meeting that same evening which would allow me to come home and change

I don’t think it matters unless you are in uniform or feel self-conscious. 

[Miss Spider]

5 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I was told coffee dates dont normally lead to intimacy or sexual attraction since the sun is still out of  lol

I had a coffee date today at noon and I wanted the guy to rail me on counter. He was hot af 

[glows]

6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I had a coffee date today at noon and I wanted the guy to rail me on counter. He was hot af 

Hot damn. 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

Thought a date was about being relaxed and comfortable. not meeting someone with my work clothes on,    Unless u are saying not right after work but meeting that same evening which would allow me to come home and change

No, a date is about meeting someone to see if you get on well.   While I'm sure that someone who works a dirty job would like to go home and get clean, there's no reason that two office workers who both work in the city wouldn't meet in the city straight from work.  

[basil67]

5 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I was told coffee dates dont normally lead to intimacy or sexual attraction since the sun is still out of  lol

It's important to use commonsense when deciding which advice to listen to.  This piece of advice is just nuts.

[Lotsgoingon]

OP, it's the chemistry that basically creates the "good" date--not the official routine of dinner, movie and all of that.

Now, there might be a correlation that in the past, lots of people kissed for the first time after the weekend dinner-movie thing. But in the old days, they would have already met IRL and already sorta screened each other for basic interest. But in the online world, you got to meet to do a basic screening, to see if you like the person and they like you. Unfortunately, somehow it caught on that evening-weekend-dinner-movie was romantic. No, that was just coincidental. 

If you feel most confident coming home and showering and changing that's cool. You could also (If you drive) take a change of clothes with you to work and change to meet someone in the evening. 

And others are right: breakfast, coffee, that's all fine for meeting. Think about friends you've met and liked or women you've liked. It didn't matter where you were with this person. Inside, outside, around a pool, at a party--you liked the person and your liking came through in all kinds of settings. The thing is for a meeting-date, each person will usually psyche themselves up a bit, right. So you bring a bit of extra energy to the encounter. So if there's a spark, the energy is there.

[IntBrowser]

9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I had a coffee date today at noon and I wanted the guy to rail me on counter. He was hot af 

well if he that hot be prepared to compete

[basil67]

12 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

its been times I matched on a saturday and definitely didnt want to suggest meeting that same weekend which I thought would give off the vibe I have no options.      So I would talk on saturday and then when I talk again after the weekend i will bring up meeting

If you have a quiet life, there's no point faking being busy - because as soon as they get to know you, they'll catch you out on the lie.  

If you get talking on a Saturday and it feels right, there's no reason you can't ask them out for Sunday afternoon or evening.  If they have plans but are interested, they will counter offer another day/time. 

As for me, I like a quiet life.   If I was dating and someone was so busy that they couldn't meet me for a week, I probably wouldn't bother.  

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

well if he that hot be prepared to compete

There's no need to compete.  Either they are enamoured with you or they aren't.   We find out soon enough. 

Edited July 18, 2021 by basil67

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

well if he that hot be prepared to compete

If you have not noticed, Cookiesndough is also hot af... she is well able to compete with anyone...

That was a bitter comment from you, try to avoid those, no-one likes a bitter, jaded man.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

well if he that hot be prepared to compete

What an unecessary jab. 

Look, OP, you have been given plenty of advice on how to improve your dating life. Up to you if you want to continue to sabotage your every effort. 

[jspice]

4 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

well if he that hot be prepared to compete

She’s not the one struggling to get a date here. 

[Wiseman2]

Do you really want to meet in person? What is your goal with the first meet? Why choose expensive dinners? 

[elaine567]

18 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

its been times I matched on a saturday and definitely didnt want to suggest meeting that same weekend which I thought would give off the vibe I have no options.      So I would talk on saturday and then when I talk again after the weekend i will bring up meeting

Sounds like a strategy that will result in no options.
Ever heard the phrase "Strike while the iron is hot." 
Putting potential dates on hold, means they will go off with the first suitable guy who will offer her a concrete date.

[introverted1]

20 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

its been times I matched on a saturday and definitely didnt want to suggest meeting that same weekend which I thought would give off the vibe I have no options.      So I would talk on saturday and then when I talk again after the weekend i will bring up meeting

So talk on Saturday and go for a drink on Tuesday. 

You are creating so many obstacles to success.

Match > text > talk > meet.  This can/should all happen within a few days, a week at most.

[Lotsgoingon]

OP, just keep in mind: all the "rules" you have learned are only very broad, broad general outlines of some people's idea of successful dating. 

Yes, being overly available can be a problem. But that's only if you're desperate and willing to cancel the rest of your life in favor of a vague romantic interest. But you can call someone up and say, "Hey, I know this is last minute, but I enjoyed our short texting. Any chance you're available to do X tonight? Again, I know this is last minute."

See if you can follow this OP: you show confidence by being willing to go with the moment to ask someone out on short notice! You don't apologize if she says no. 

And this way you would get a sense of the other person's interest. If they're interested and they're busy, they will decline but then they will tell you when they ARE available. And that's a good sign. If they say no, and don't say when they can hang out, you've lost nothing because the person isn't interested.

I'm a guy OK, and if a woman calls me up for a last-minute date, and I like her enough and feel some curiosity and my energy is fine, I'll go with the spontaneity of the thing. And her being "desperate" would be the last thought on my mind. My immediate thought would be, this woman is fun, this woman isn't blocked by rules, she's spontaneous, so let me get behind out there and see what she's like! 

[SumGuy]

On 7/16/2021 at 9:51 PM, IntBrowser said:

tv shows, food, traveling, music is not the way to give off a romantic vibe?     I have a habit of doing that when I get a woman's number because I always believed a woman needed to feel comfortable to meet me face to face.    So that was my way of breaking the ice and seeing how the conversation flowed.     But now I realized too much chatter

Nothing wrong with those topics, as said different things for different women but those are generally good...my go to in many ways.  I'll be honest though, when see your posts of text conversations they do not flow, they appear to be more question and answer and you miss "hearing" her.  In reality it can be almost any topic if one can "hear" her.  So too much Q &A not enough conversation from what I have seen.  

Edited July 18, 2021 by SumGuy

[Lotsgoingon]

17 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

In reality it can be almost any topic if one can "hear" her.  So too much Q &A not enough conversation from what I have seen.  

This!!!!! You want a conversation, not a Q & A. 

[IntBrowser]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

If you have a quiet life, there's no point faking being busy - because as soon as they get to know you, they'll catch you out on the lie.  

If you get talking on a Saturday and it feels right, there's no reason you can't ask them out for Sunday afternoon or evening.  If they have plans but are interested, they will counter offer another day/time. 

As for me, I like a quiet life.   If I was dating and someone was so busy that they couldn't meet me for a week, I probably wouldn't bother.  

women seem to be so hung up on the word THIRSTY that I felt trying to meet someone so fast would make me look desperate

[IntBrowser]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you really want to meet in person? What is your goal with the first meet? Why choose expensive dinners? 

I recommended brunch at this one spot and was so damm surprised that the bill was $70.      I was like........"That's kind of pricey for brunch

[IntBrowser]

3 hours ago, introverted1 said:

So talk on Saturday and go for a drink on Tuesday. 

You are creating so many obstacles to success.

Match > text > talk > meet.  This can/should all happen within a few days, a week at most.

well 1 match so far this weekend but we havent talked on the phone yet but I will bring up meeting once we do

[jspice]

2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I recommended brunch at this one spot and was so damm surprised that the bill was $70.      I was like........"That's kind of pricey for brunch

Are you going to complain about everything? 
Almost every restaurant has a menu online you can check out. 
 

How much money did you lose to gambling this month? 

[ ] 

Edited July 18, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[IntBrowser]

36 minutes ago, jspice said:

Are you going to complain about everything? 
Almost every restaurant has a menu online you can check out. 
 

How much money did you lose to gambling this month? 
 

I wouldn’t date you. 

I already explained the gambling has a separate account

[jspice]

23 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

I already explained the gambling has a separate account

You’re still spending money on a ridiculous pursuit. Regular gambling is not something that’s conducive to a proper relationship. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

women seem to be so hung up on the word THIRSTY 

Ok, invite them out for a drink instead of a meal.