meltwithme Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 I’ll try to stick to the point but if I stray I’m sure you’ll understand: We are both in college, at different schools 30 min apart, about 7 month relationship but we did love each other. I broke it off the first time, second time around I turned into the dreaded “wuss” giving into anything and smothering her. I also started getting jealous and becoming the clingy boyfriend and it got boring to her. I never intended for that to happen but I was head-over-heals. She started to distance herself and I stupidly pursued. She said she would give me a shot to show my changes but never did, then she ended it. So when it was finally “over” I even gave the goodbye letter with flowers (Yeah, yeah I know) I did make sure to sit on it a while so my emotions weren’t overwhelming. I don’t regret that, it was a little sappy, said we could talk one day if she wanted to start over but I kept my dignity and told her I would stay out of her way and was moving on. She started seeing some rebound guy and I don’t know/care if that’s still happening. Well it’s been 2 mon. of NC and I thought I was over it. I’ve taken a lot of advice on this site by getting rid of stuff, going out often etc… I’m even seeing a new girl now, not my girlfriend but we both agreed to that at the start. I’m happy now but the thing is, the time apart has also made me realize how much my ex meant. I know no contact is the common approach but I want her back in my life, even if it isn't romantically. Basically to let her know I got my self-confidence back, learned from my mistakes and am better now in my relationships, maybe even to appeal to her jealousy? She said she would call when we broke up but I told her I couldn’t be a friend, but now I’m thinking I want to try. Would it be sensible to contact her asking to talk as a friend to see what happens? It might make it feel like day one of our breakup all over but I want to let her hear my voice again, joke around with her and see if there’s any spark left.
Baz Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Mate, you are not ready yet. Contact her and you will fall back. You need to get stronger and wait until she contacts you, then re-assess your reasons and feelings. Enjoy your new girlfriends company and really try to get to know her, her feelings and wants. This will be a good exercise for you in trying to understand the complexities of relating in a healthy way, something we are all going through right now.
Author meltwithme Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 Well I talked some more with the girl I recently met and it's going well now but neither of us see a long term relationship. I wanted to send the ex a txt or leave a voice mail (don’t have her email) saying I'm sorry for smothering her, telling her the girl I'm dating is great and that it was probably for the best that we broke up (it was). I've started waking up with my ex on my mind again. I hate that so much, it just starts the whole day ****ty so I'm not ready yet I can't be the friend so I'm stick to NC for now. I don’t want to initiate the contact and look attached but some of the things that happened lead me to believe she won’t ever call again. Damn it I wish I could just curb my feelings for her. I’m convinced I want her back now and I can only see that happening by talking to her, perhaps I’m blind right now. Thanks Baz, I need all the advice I can get.
Baz Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Mate, what you feel will happen and what will happen are opposite ends of the spectrum. Just stay away, focus on the new girl and enjoy the moment for what it is worth. Peoples feelings are dynamic, meaning that just cos you feel something, it doesn't mean it is true. Changes in people happen all the time. Relax, take a deep breath and chill. Trust me, you have all the time in the world. Life is a spiral, things come around again but at the same time they have moved on. Sometimes this is a good thing. In your case all you can do is wait and see. By the way, i'm pissed as a fart but I speak with experience!
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