Gaeta Posted August 6, 2021 Posted August 6, 2021 I think it's more than enough restaurant dates and you need to initiate a home date. Is she young? Is it possible she never had sex? I'm thinking she's delaying being alone with you.
Author max3732 Posted August 6, 2021 Author Posted August 6, 2021 8 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Absolutely you can say that, but go ahead and tell her your real thinking. I get nervous in this situation. But I really enjoy kissing you and I wanna kiss you longer." I have to tell you though: if you guys keep dating, this kissing issue will take care of itself. You guys will solve and resolve it. One night you'll both just start talking and it'll feel safe to discuss kissing preferences and fantasies. Seriously you don't have to worry about this. Hope you're right. I feel like talking about this, but wanted to make sure I'm not breaking any unwritten rules of dating. Kind of like most women don't want the guy to ask if it's ok to kiss before a first kiss I wanted to make sure that asking wouldn't ruin the moment or anything like that. Since we kissed more than a peck I really want to keep kissing her. 8 hours ago, basil67 said: If you want to maintain a kiss, breathe through your nose When the couple is really hot for each other, an awkward angle won't stop them That's a good tip! I'm not sure if I'm even breathing at all I'm so emotional and excited. With that awkward angle I also kind of strained something in my arm so it was a bit painful. So maybe I'll kind of suggest moving somewhere more comfortable? 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I think it's more than enough restaurant dates and you need to initiate a home date. Is she young? Is it possible she never had sex? I'm thinking she's delaying being alone with you. She is mid 30's and has had slightly under a handful of long term boyfriends. I don't know if she had sex with them or not (I've never had sex). Maybe I'll suggest some home activities like cooking and see how she reacts.
Miss Spider Posted August 6, 2021 Posted August 6, 2021 I love multidating and honestly don’t believe it’s a time frame but more a mood/what you both feel Me : On a third date with a guy, he’s talking and realizing I’m not feeling him that much Also me: Copy and pasting “hey, handsome ! Sorry I’ve been super busy lately. We should link up soon “ to other 10 guys in my contacts while my date is talking lol 2
Author max3732 Posted August 6, 2021 Author Posted August 6, 2021 4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I love multidating and honestly don’t believe it’s a time frame but more a mood/what you both feel Me : On a third date with a guy, he’s talking and realizing I’m not feeling him that much Also me: Copy and pasting “hey, handsome ! Sorry I’ve been super busy lately. We should link up soon “ to other 10 guys in my contacts while my date is talking lol We're about to have our 6th date. I'm feeling pretty into her and lousy about myself for still have dating apps on my phone and messaging other women. I've got a conversation going with 2 of them and I stopped responding. I'm thinking of saying something like "sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I met someone else and want to focus on her, but if things don't work out I'd definitely be interested in continuing our conversation". I don't know how you can juggle 10 guys at once. Although maybe that's why I strike out so often!
SumGuy Posted August 6, 2021 Posted August 6, 2021 16 hours ago, basil67 said: ....When the couple is really hot for each other, an awkward angle won't stop them Yes but at a certain age you pay the price the next day
SumGuy Posted August 6, 2021 Posted August 6, 2021 1 hour ago, max3732 said: We're about to have our 6th date. I'm feeling pretty into her and lousy about myself for still have dating apps on my phone and messaging other women. I've got a conversation going with 2 of them and I stopped responding. I'm thinking of saying something like "sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I met someone else and want to focus on her, but if things don't work out I'd definitely be interested in continuing our conversation".... Fixed it some: "sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I met someone else and want to focus on her, but if things don't work out I'd definitely be interested in continuing our conversation" I believe it is good to apologize for going silent, good to explain "met someone and we really seemed to connect, and want to give that a chance". Leave it to her to ask you to look her up if it doesn't work out. You suggesting it makes her seem like more an object than a person. 2
basil67 Posted August 6, 2021 Posted August 6, 2021 I agree with @SumGuy. Telling someone that they are your second choice is not a nice thing to do. 2
SumGuy Posted August 6, 2021 Posted August 6, 2021 Agree, the reason is more about timing and being a person who gets serious only about 1 person at at time. Of course in dating we never know when we will find that person, and it clicks that this may be it, hence the need for these kind of messages to end conversations. Such messages are very common in my experience. That is the honorable thing in the circles where we are all looking for that someone, and once you find someone who may be it the honorable thing to do is focus on them and let the others who could have been it...except for fate having you met them second...know. 1
poppyfields Posted August 6, 2021 Posted August 6, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Me : On a third date with a guy, he’s talking and realizing I’m not feeling him that much Also me: Copy and pasting “hey, handsome ! Sorry I’ve been super busy lately. We should link up soon “ to other 10 guys in my contacts while my date is talking Lol, was chatting with a guy a few months back and he asked me if I wanted to “link up,” I am so out of the loop, I was like is that the same thing as “hook up”? Cookies you and I are hundreds of miles away from each other but I am thinking we travel in the same circle. Edited August 6, 2021 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted August 6, 2021 Posted August 6, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, basil67 said: I agree with @SumGuy. Telling someone that they are your second choice is not a nice thing to do. Agree, but even with @SumGuy's cross-out, by saying "I met someone and want to focus on her," max is still conveying she is second choice. As my late mom used to say "sloppy seconds." lol IMO, just leave it out. Simply apologize for being quiet, that things are hectic right now and you've been super busy (like cookies does) and hope she's doing well. Leave it open ended like that. You can always circle back later if things don't work out. Never close doors and never mention another woman. Never ever. If you tell her you've "met someone," can almost guarantee you will not be hearing from her again. Edited August 6, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 7, 2021 Posted August 7, 2021 14 hours ago, max3732 said: messaging other women. I've got a conversation going with 2 of them and I stopped responding. You don't owe anyone you're just chatting with on a dating app an extensive explanation. Especially one which relegates them to the back burner "just in case". Stop communicating and either focus on this one or don't be exclusive and continue talking to and meeting others.
Author max3732 Posted August 7, 2021 Author Posted August 7, 2021 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You don't owe anyone you're just chatting with on a dating app an extensive explanation. Especially one which relegates them to the back burner "just in case". Stop communicating and either focus on this one or don't be exclusive and continue talking to and meeting others. I just feel bad leaving people in the lurch like that. I sent one a message and she sent something back and then unmatched me, but the app wouldn't let me see what she said. I'm going to focus on the one I've gone on multiple dates with. I really like her and since she told me she's dating me exclusive I feel like it's only fair. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 (edited) On 8/6/2021 at 7:37 PM, poppyfields said: Lol, was chatting with a guy a few months back and he asked me if I wanted to “link up,” I am so out of the loop, I was like is that the same thing as “hook up”? Cookies you and I are hundreds of miles away from each other but I am thinking we travel in the same circle. Haha I’ve always meant it mean connect /hang out /meet up again and that’s how’ve I’ve heard it used Edited August 9, 2021 by Cookiesandough
SumGuy Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 (edited) On 8/6/2021 at 7:46 PM, poppyfields said: Agree, but even with @SumGuy's cross-out, by saying "I met someone and want to focus on her," max is still conveying she is second choice. As my late mom used to say "sloppy seconds." lol... If you tell her you've "met someone," can almost guarantee you will not be hearing from her again. Oh agree, just working with what he had. I say it a bit different, the key is to convey the other person is not a second choice but just met someone else first...I know it is a nuance and it only works the other person believes it is normal in OLD to message one or more people while meeting another. There is in my view an unspoken etiquette for a large group where you can meet (1st date) and perhaps 2 or 3 more while it is still fine you are messaging others, but after that point one should make a choice and focus. In Max's case he has just reached that point. The idea being, we are all looking for someone and know it takes a few tries before you meet someone you click with, and until then it is OK to keep looking and messaging. Also it takes at least 2 or 3 dates to determine if the feeling of clicking is more than just passing. So it is very reasonable that you might be messaging someone, and date another and in that interval the one you actually met you want to try with. It is not a judgment on the person you are messaging, after all you really don't know them and have never met them. Just the nature of OLD and timing. I've sent the "met someone" message and received it. In at least a dozen cases (at least 50% of the time) she has said to look her up if it doesn't work out. The three times I did, we ended up going out. There was other times I just did not follow-up, probably because her profile was down. I've had women also look me up after things didn't work out for when they "met someone" as well. The devil is in the details of course, and of course people are on the look out for users and those who just want a rolodex of booty calls. There are people like that, and ways to ferret that out, ..but if they can't then a lot of people just react negatively and/or don't like their illusion broken that you talk to more than one person at a time. In any event, no perfect way to shut down conversations. I prefer the forthright and honest route. Even if you say nothing she may still assume all sorts of negative things, after all it is a form of rejection and some people take that very badly no matter how package it. Edited August 9, 2021 by SumGuy 1
Miss Spider Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, SumGuy said: I've sent the "met someone" message and received it. In at least a dozen cases (at least 50% of the time) she has said to look her up if it doesn't work out. The three times I did, we ended up going out. That’s interesting, sumguy. Can’t argue with experience. However, I am with poppy, personally. While I’ve never received this message, I have given it out both in honesty and just as an excuse and yes it is common to hear “reach out to me if it doesn’t work out“. But I take it with a grain of salt. I guess I am different because I feel like if there was really a connection between us, we would see it through not end up dating someone else . That’s just how I think I’d feel though because if I’m feeling someone else too it tells me I’m not really feeling the other person enough x Edited August 9, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 On 8/6/2021 at 7:46 PM, poppyfields said: If you tell her you've "met someone," can almost guarantee you will not be hearing from her again. Yes this is a good explanation because it's one of those "it's me, not you" things and better than "don't feel a spark" which she could interpret as "you're unattractive".
poppyfields Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 24 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: That’s interesting, sumguy. Can’t argue with experience. However, I am with poppy, personally. While I’ve never received this message, I have given it out both in honesty and just as an excuse and yes it is common to hear “reach out to me if it doesn’t work out“. But I take it with a grain of salt. I guess I am different because I feel like if there was really a connection between us, we would see it through not end up dating someone else . That’s just how I think I’d feel though because if I’m feeling someone else too it tells me I’m not really feeling the other person enough x Exactly cookies, and neither have I received a message like that, but I KNOW how I would feel if I did. Why? Because I have sent that message to men and 99% of the time, it's BS, I just didn't feel a connection with him and it's easier to say "I've met someone" even when I haven't. Not proud of it, and these days I am more truthful, but it was easier at the time. 1
Author max3732 Posted August 9, 2021 Author Posted August 9, 2021 56 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Exactly cookies, and neither have I received a message like that, but I KNOW how I would feel if I did. Why? Because I have sent that message to men and 99% of the time, it's BS, I just didn't feel a connection with him and it's easier to say "I've met someone" even when I haven't. Not proud of it, and these days I am more truthful, but it was easier at the time. I get that people often use it as an excuse, but is there an alternative to something like what I sent? I really wish I could have seen what the other person said that unmatched me. The other one just hasn't responded. My feeling is that with OLD you know the other people are messaging multiple people. Especially since I hadn't met or talked to these women on the phone yet and the one that blocked me had only exchanged 2 or 3 messages. Hopefully everything will work out with the person I've decided to date exclusively and I'll never had to do OLD again, but if it doesn't I'm curious how to handle this. I believe I got a message years ago with OLD saying that she had met someone else but would let me know if it didn't work out and that's very understandable to me.
Miss Spider Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, max3732 said: I get that people often use it as an excuse, but is there an alternative to something like what I sent? I really wish I could have seen what the other person said that unmatched me. The other one just hasn't responded. My feeling is that with OLD you know the other people are messaging multiple people. Especially since I hadn't met or talked to these women on the phone yet and the one that blocked me had only exchanged 2 or 3 messages. Hopefully everything will work out with the person I've decided to date exclusively and I'll never had to do OLD again, but if it doesn't I'm curious how to handle this. I believe I got a message years ago with OLD saying that she had met someone else but would let me know if it didn't work out and that's very understandable to me. Honestly I read these “we are not a match” messages people write on here to say and cringe. I find these “break up” messages after a few dates so contrived and cringey, so I would never want to receive one in any form. You don’t owe anyone an explanation after a few dates, not continuing to ask them on more or just not talking to them anymore should be enough of an explanation.. idk if a guy sent me that would I get over it, sure, but I think I’d look at it funny Edited August 9, 2021 by Cookiesandough
poppyfields Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 1 minute ago, max3732 said: I believe I got a message years ago with OLD saying that she had met someone else but would let me know if it didn't work out and that's very understandable to me. You could say it, and it worked out for @SumGuy, I just don't believe in burning bridges. Speaking personally, if a man ever dumped me saying he "met someone else," while sure I understand people multi-date, have a rotation and all that, I just wouldn't feel good about dating him again if it didn't work out with the first woman. I liken dating to two people riding a wave, they either ride it all the way into shore together (i.e. a relationship) or the wave crashes. Once that wave crashes, that's IT. At least for me. For me, a man telling me he met someone else -- crash. Done. Not saying all women are like me and you could chance it, but why should you when there are other things to say like what I suggested earlier - life has become very hectic lately, but I have your number and if/when things calm down, will give you a call. That's leaving it open-ended and not burning bridges. It's only dating, no one is obligated to give a detailed explanation as to why they need to put things on hold. The fact you told them is good enough. As my late my mom used to say "the less said, the better."
Miss Spider Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, poppyfields said: life has become very hectic lately, but if/when things calm down, will give you a call. I actually REALLY, REALLY like this, poppy. Gonna steal this to use Edited August 9, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Miss Spider Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I actually REALLY, REALLY like this, poppy. Gonna steal this to use OK I literally just use this on a guy a minute ago and he’s texted to say he wants to talk on the phone for a few minutes. I know I don’t want to Jack this thread but just updating on an unintended consequence and now I don’t know what to do
poppyfields Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: OK I literally just use this on a guy a minute ago and he’s texted to say he wants to talk on the phone for a few minutes. I know I don’t want to Jack this thread but just updating on an unintended consequence and now I don’t know what to do Oh lord, I know what you mean, some guys simply CANNOT take no for an answer! In that case cookies, just block him. You gave him the score, there is nothing further to discuss as far as I'm concerned. And he'd be off my "maybe later" list after that too!! Arghh! 1
chillii Posted August 9, 2021 Posted August 9, 2021 Then focus on her and see how it goes op, all this multi bs is just exactly that bs. lf you've met someone worthwhile and your feeling into right now wth you shouldn't even want too you should want to be with her. ps if you wanna kiss longer just build up to kissing longer at nice times, no need to ask or say anything , she'll pull away a little at times if it's too much. Good luck.
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