Emma B Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 I'm in my 20s and I feel like I should be excited to date but I'm not....Last year this time around August I was in a relationship with a person I was madly in love with, I thought we were going to get married, build a future together, grow old. I loved his family and they loved me to. But unfortunately I had to break up with him because he became racist...(or he always was and I just ignore the red flags). I was heart broken.... all this during a pandemic and to top it all off 3 of my uncles died. SO to distract myself I went back to school and focused on my acting career. Now here I am almost a year later and I feel......so tired. tired of dating, tired of guys, tired of the bullshit. dating is just so unpleasant for me now, I used to enjoy it but now? meh. I feel like part of the problem is the dating apps; I feel like 90% of the people on there just want to get in my pants....and I'm not that kind of girl. I'm old fashion when it comes to that and only like to be intimate in relationships. But people don't seem to care, i tell them this and they still try to invite me over to their house anyways. I find that to be very insulting, like they think they can change my mind or something. I don't know yall, I just feel so...over it. I still want to find the right person but I don't know if i have it in me to keep doing this. I always thought that as long as you had a great personality and your attractive then dating would be a piece of cake....boy was I wrong.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 In your 20s, you are in the prime of your life and your dating market value is the highest it will ever be. Also, there are more single men to chose from than at any other point in your life. Strategically, if you want to find someone, push yourself to date now. 2
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 47 minutes ago, Emma B said: I went back to school and focused on my acting career. Now here I am almost a year later and I feel......so tired. I feel like part of the problem is the dating apps Excellent. Focus on making friends at school also join some groups, clubs, sports, volunteer, etc. What apps are you using?. Burnout is common so you'll need a good strategy to weed out timewasters and horndogs. Sounds like you are burned out, maybe depressed, in general, so take care of that before you date again. 2
Gaeta Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 People live their life as they see fit. There is no more "norms" to obey by. My daughter was 30 when she settled in a relationship. My brother and his wife met mid 30 had their 1st child they were both 40. Ya sure the pool is big in your 20s, also filled with immature boys not turned into responsible men yet. I find couple that are happy have often met at a more mature age. 3
Weezy1973 Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 50 minutes ago, Emma B said: I feel like part of the problem is the dating apps; I feel like 90% of the people on there just want to get in my pants.. Part of it is OLD, but another part is just your age. Most guys in their 20s aren’t looking to settle down anytime soon. But some will be. Get off “low investment” apps like Tinder and try something that’s more relationship oriented and costs some money like eHarmony. 1
Author Emma B Posted July 14, 2021 Author Posted July 14, 2021 Not sure how to respond to individual post yet, just joined this morning lol. But I was using hinge and okcupid because hinge is supposedly for the more serious relationships. I don't think you have the best options at in your 20's...all i see are immature men/boys....so i tend to date people older anyways. 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 25 minutes ago, Emma B said: Not sure how to respond to individual post yet, just joined this morning lol. But I was using hinge and okcupid because hinge is supposedly for the more serious relationships. I don't think you have the best options at in your 20's...all i see are immature men/boys....so i tend to date people older anyways. generaly in your 20s meeting and dating in general is easier to do because folks haven’t married off and peop,e social circles are friends. from this you can meet others through friends and acquaintances. once you are in your early 30s people start marrying off so the dating pool eith drop replaced by divorcees. Are you involved in any social groups or active in volunteer or charity groups? how are you in meeting people out in public?
Author Emma B Posted July 14, 2021 Author Posted July 14, 2021 Well I'm very friendly and outgoing. I'm back in school but it's a community college, I am planning on transferring to a 4 year college though. That's a good point but I know plenty of single 30 something year olds who were never married, my friends group shrunk because I got rid of all of the toxic people in my life. I think I might start volunteering or do some charity events. I was planning on doing that anyways lol. School, my career and poor time management keeps me busy. But I think if i rearrange my schedule then I can start going to more things. 1 1
Kai_Kai Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 9 hours ago, Emma B said: Not sure how to respond to individual post yet, just joined this morning lol. But I was using hinge and okcupid because hinge is supposedly for the more serious relationships. I don't think you have the best options at in your 20's...all i see are immature men/boys....so i tend to date people older anyways. I second this . Prior to my boyfriend, dating guys my age or even in their 30s felt like they were Peter Pan on a mission to stay young forever. No one wanted to grow up. Or those who did want to grow up wanted more kids. I cringe at the thought of having any more kids. But, that's just me. Maybe you'll find an anomaly who is around your age and mature. I haven't heard much success from my group of single friends dating online and most of us are 25 and under. 2
Author Emma B Posted July 15, 2021 Author Posted July 15, 2021 3 hours ago, Kai_Kai said: I second this . Prior to my boyfriend, dating guys my age or even in their 30s felt like they were Peter Pan on a mission to stay young forever. No one wanted to grow up. Or those who did want to grow up wanted more kids. I cringe at the thought of having any more kids. But, that's just me. Maybe you'll find an anomaly who is around your age and mature. I haven't heard much success from my group of single friends dating online and most of us are 25 and under. Yeah I can't date anyone younger then 25, and even that's pushing it for me. Even men who are in their 30's can act immature. I remember this guy who was damn near 40 had the audacity to invite me over his house smh. I swear I'm just going to give up soon.
Fletch Lives Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 What??? You are in college and dating online? Why? College is the best dating site in the world! Just find a young guy who is mature. 1
Kai_Kai Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 8 hours ago, Emma B said: Yeah I can't date anyone younger then 25, and even that's pushing it for me. Even men who are in their 30's can act immature. I remember this guy who was damn near 40 had the audacity to invite me over his house smh. I swear I'm just going to give up soon. I would NEVER date any one 25 and under. I think the saying goes men are 7 years behind themselves. So, that's basically dating someone with a mindset of a teenager. As far as men in their 30s acting like they're 18....I am not getting the delay in maturity. It seems to be a generational switch where we don't become adults until 40 or something lol. But don't get discourage, keep going out on dates. At least you get the free food 1
Author Emma B Posted July 17, 2021 Author Posted July 17, 2021 On 7/15/2021 at 9:01 AM, Fletch Lives said: What??? You are in college and dating online? Why? College is the best dating site in the world! Just find a young guy who is mature. Lol that's a good point but i go to a community college and remember the pandemic just happened so everything was online, now they have in person classes so we will see what happens I guess. Once I'm done I'm transferring to a 4 year school. But honestly alot of college guys don't seem to really want to date lol they just seem to want to hook up and as i stated i'm not really into that 1
Miss Spider Posted July 17, 2021 Posted July 17, 2021 Early 20s:… I kind of felt the same. Awkward, wasn’t into the guys who liked me much, didn’t know how to date. As I got into my mid 20s and even beyond I feel like im more in I’m in my prime … more comfortable with who I am/what I’m looking for, more confident, dress better etc haha. I’m loving it 3
Author Emma B Posted July 17, 2021 Author Posted July 17, 2021 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: Early 20s:… I kind of felt the same. Awkward, wasn’t into the guys who liked me much, didn’t know how to date. As I got into my mid 20s and even beyond I feel like im more in I’m in my prime … more comfortable with who I am/what I’m looking for, more confident, dress better etc haha. I’m loving it That's how i felt to but now? i don't know. i think I'm going to go on a break because I'm not feeling anyone 1 1
Miss Spider Posted July 17, 2021 Posted July 17, 2021 Sorry you’re in a rut. It happens. A break might help, but keep yourself open. Things often happen when you least expect!! 2
glows Posted July 17, 2021 Posted July 17, 2021 I would give the dating apps a miss if they're not doing it for you. Be bold and try something different. Join some interest groups, specific to your own interests and hobbies. Inspire yourself and get down to the basics. When you're inspired from within you'll be attracting those who are also like you and so on. 2
Author Emma B Posted July 17, 2021 Author Posted July 17, 2021 34 minutes ago, glows said: I would give the dating apps a miss if they're not doing it for you. Be bold and try something different. Join some interest groups, specific to your own interests and hobbies. Inspire yourself and get down to the basics. When you're inspired from within you'll be attracting those who are also like you and so on. Thanks Glow, that's some really great advice! 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 17, 2021 Posted July 17, 2021 8 hours ago, Emma B said: But honestly alot of college guys don't seem to really want to date . Agree. Of course you can be open to whatever real-life situations there are. However OLD may offer another layer of talking to and meeting men for coffee and it broadens your chances of meeting someone.
stillafool Posted July 17, 2021 Posted July 17, 2021 Awww, the early 18- 20s was the best time for dating for me because I wasn't looking for anything but fun and so were my friends. It was love em and leave em time. I think it helped us get it out of our system early and people didn't start getting serious until around 26 and marrying at 28 (at least the women I knew). I guess young people are more serious these days and I guess that's a good thing but you're only young once - and it goes fast.
Author Emma B Posted July 17, 2021 Author Posted July 17, 2021 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. Of course you can be open to whatever real-life situations there are. However OLD may offer another layer of talking to and meeting men for coffee and it broadens your chances of meeting someone. I guess so but I'm not a fan of coffee so I don't do "coffee dates" unless I'm meeting an old friend. And. I don't see that many great options on OLD just f***iboy's galore and other bs. So yeah I think I'll try my luck out in the real world.
Author Emma B Posted July 17, 2021 Author Posted July 17, 2021 6 hours ago, stillafool said: Awww, the early 18- 20s was the best time for dating for me because I wasn't looking for anything but fun and so were my friends. It was love em and leave em time. I think it helped us get it out of our system early and people didn't start getting serious until around 26 and marrying at 28 (at least the women I knew). I guess young people are more serious these days and I guess that's a good thing but you're only young once - and it goes fast. Good Point but I'm way pass the early 20's stage lol. Maybe it's my area but even people in there mid to late 20's are still playing around. Even guys in their 30's are still looking to "hook up". 30's is still young and is the new 20's sooooo. I think I'm just going to let the chips fall where they may.
Noproblem Posted July 17, 2021 Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) Focus on your studying girl and get successful. You don't have to date just because everyone is doing it, date when you feel like it. Achieve your dreams now and focus on your happiness! Edited July 17, 2021 by Noproblem 1
HotRevolver93 Posted July 17, 2021 Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) I’ve had zero success in my 20’s it’s bad because I thought things would better post high school but it’s basically the same aside from the fact that I have my own place and make decent money lol. I gave up recently, my friends are doing well so I’m happy for them. Not everyone is gonna live the happily every after story In regards to dating apps the only matches I get are bots and women trying to plug their social media Edited July 17, 2021 by HotRevolver93 1
Author Emma B Posted July 18, 2021 Author Posted July 18, 2021 1 hour ago, HotRevolver93 said: I’ve had zero success in my 20’s it’s bad because I thought things would better post high school but it’s basically the same aside from the fact that I have my own place and make decent money lol. I gave up recently, my friends are doing well so I’m happy for them. Not everyone is gonna live the happily every after story In regards to dating apps the only matches I get are bots and women trying to plug their social media Yeah I herd about that to, when it comes to the other side (being a guy). Do you have great pictures?, because that makes a difference. I have alot of matches but alot of them just want to get in my pants if that makes you feel any better. lol I think maybe I should only show my face, a friend of mine told me showing my body could give people the wrong idea lol. But i just want to show them that I'm fit because fitness is important to me. 1
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