I think I found my person and we haven't met yet.

[HazelBliss]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Can you meet halfway?  Better than waiting until you move there, no?

Im not moving until October, but I am going mid august for interviews and will meet him then. Thats right around the corner. This wouldn't be my first let down. It either works out or not at this point. You guys gave me a reality check. LOL

Edited July 14, 2021 by HazelBliss

[glows]

9 minutes ago, HazelBliss said:

Im not moving until October, but I am going mid august for interviews and will meet him then. Thats right around the corner. This wouldn't be my first let down. It either works out or not at this point. You guys gave me a reality check. LOL

That's right. And it's not going to make or break you either. The important part is that you get situated in your new town and adjust to life there as best you can. If he ends up nothing, that's completely fine but you'll be doing swimmingly and able to meet any man you please.

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, HazelBliss said:

Im not moving until October, but I am going mid august for interviews and will meet him then.

Excellent. You can see if the in person chemistry equals to the online situation. Good luck on both endeavors.

[chillii]

7 hours ago, glows said:

That is a good point. 

Yeah saw that myself butttt, time will tell on that one. Things can be so easily misconstrued when your not in person especially all so new. Hoping for the best for op though , it might be nothing. Like l was saying she's well aware though, all she can do is meet first of all now and see how it goes.

Edited July 14, 2021 by chillii

[divegrl]

On 7/13/2021 at 6:10 PM, HazelBliss said:

 

Hi!

When we finally met up at a restaurant, I found out he did not look like this pictures. They must have been old/photoshopped/filtered.  All we had done up until that point was message. In person, I could see his body language, tone, mannerisms, how he carried himself and treated others. 
 

He told me that he rarely met women online, but from when he first started talking I knew that wasn’t true. What seemed sweet in messages,  now seemed sleezy. His whole energy was off. He was unable to maintain eye contact. He quickly moved in to make physical contact… to which I backed off. After a couple of minutes, my intuition took over and alarm bells were going. I stayed at the restaurant maybe 10/15 minutes, and then made an excuse to leave. 
 

I looked back through messages and it seemed as if they were 2 completely different men. 
 

***Yet this was the first guy I ever dated online and did everything wrong and was naive. I think most women would have sussed him out long before the dinner.***
 

This was just my experience. I do know many people who have found love online… so I hope this is the case! Stay present and grounded. Be safe.  Wishing you the best. 

[HazelBliss]

22 hours ago, divegrl said:

Hi!

When we finally met up at a restaurant, I found out he did not look like this pictures. They must have been old/photoshopped/filtered.  All we had done up until that point was message. In person, I could see his body language, tone, mannerisms, how he carried himself and treated others. 
 

He told me that he rarely met women online, but from when he first started talking I knew that wasn’t true. What seemed sweet in messages,  now seemed sleezy. His whole energy was off. He was unable to maintain eye contact. He quickly moved in to make physical contact… to which I backed off. After a couple of minutes, my intuition took over and alarm bells were going. I stayed at the restaurant maybe 10/15 minutes, and then made an excuse to leave. 
 

I looked back through messages and it seemed as if they were 2 completely different men. 
 

***Yet this was the first guy I ever dated online and did everything wrong and was naive. I think most women would have sussed him out long before the dinner.***
 

This was just my experience. I do know many people who have found love online… so I hope this is the case! Stay present and grounded. Be safe.  Wishing you the best. 

Yikes.. your experience does happen a lot and he sounds like a weirdo WOW!. The last guy I met online didn't look like the same in person so I was trying to go off personality at that point... which was garbage. I can't say I have had much luck meeting high quality men organically.. Sigh. Welp. Thanks for your response

[Miss Spider]

You asked.., so yea .. I’ve felt really into a person like this before meeting ( he was out of state, moving to where I was) and then when we met… 0 attractionz it sucked. 

[LauraXX]

On 7/15/2021 at 3:24 AM, divegrl said:

Hi!

When we finally met up at a restaurant, I found out he did not look like this pictures. They must have been old/photoshopped/filtered.  All we had done up until that point was message. In person, I could see his body language, tone, mannerisms, how he carried himself and treated others. 
 

He told me that he rarely met women online, but from when he first started talking I knew that wasn’t true. What seemed sweet in messages,  now seemed sleezy. His whole energy was off. He was unable to maintain eye contact. He quickly moved in to make physical contact… to which I backed off. After a couple of minutes, my intuition took over and alarm bells were going. I stayed at the restaurant maybe 10/15 minutes, and then made an excuse to leave. 
 

I looked back through messages and it seemed as if they were 2 completely different men. 
 

***Yet this was the first guy I ever dated online and did everything wrong and was naive. I think most women would have sussed him out long before the dinner.***
 

This was just my experience. I do know many people who have found love online… so I hope this is the case! Stay present and grounded. Be safe.  Wishing you the best. 

I had a similar experience. We messaged for a while and I felt a deep connection to that guy. Then we finally met and… well. It wasn‘t that he didn‘t look like his pictures. He did! It was just something about his body language, his voice, his laugh…that just gave me „the ick“. There was zero chemistry. For me at least. He apparently enjoyed the date and  things turned a bit unpleasant when I told him that I didn‘t feel it and wasn’t up for a 2nd date. 

On the other hand… I met my last boyfriend on Tinder and he lived a few hours away. So we messaged for weeks before our first meeting. The relationship didn’t work out in the end, but he was a great person and I‘m still glad that we dated for a while. 

[SumGuy]

On 7/13/2021 at 5:35 PM, HazelBliss said:

....Did anyone else have a similar experience of feeling a strong connection prior to meeting? Was it the same in person?

Yes, so much yes.   Then again, excellent written communication skills seem to go hand in hand with those I connect with.

Hard to me to quantify if the same in person, certainly more likely than not physical chemistry and enough to give a chance and some time.  Then again, there are a few where in person it was zilch, or worse, and it wasn't on the looks front, so kind of select what I remember most strongly. 

[HazelBliss]

So this evening we FaceTimed and at the end of our conversation he said, "I truly believe you are my person.".... "my person"... and I also think I found "my person".. weird we're saying the same thing and we weren't even talking about that.. It was a random ass statement.. I am still going to have my guard up. but it just feels right..... I'm sorryyyyyy. I am still going to take all the great advice that was given on here though and remain positive. WHEWW

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, HazelBliss said:

he said, "I truly believe you are my person.".... "my person"... and I also think I found "my person".. weird we're saying the same thing and we weren't even talking about that.. It was a random ass statement.. 

This is just typical lingo these days, Hazel. 

A lot of people have stopped saying "the one" and subsituted it with "my person" for some reason. It's fairly common vernacular, especially for people who spend a lot of time online and social media. 

Edited July 18, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[HazelBliss]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is just typical lingo these days, Hazel. 

A lot of people have stopped saying "the one" and subsituted it with "my person" for some reason. It's fairly common vernacular, especially for people who spend a lot of time online and social media. 

Every guy that I have dated has never told me that I am the one or their person except for one or two..  probably because they didn't feel that way.  My point is.. I made this post feeling like "I found my person".. and he literally feels the same way..... that was the whole point.. and Im happy.

[d0nnivain]

I'm glad his statement made you happy.  

To me him saying that is a HUGE red flag.  I'm in my mid 50s.  My own husband never said something so inappropriate because it was too early with zero foundation.  In my life I only had one guy say something so premature.  I point blank told him he didn't even know me so it was asinine for him to say something like that at this point.  My instinct was right on.  He turned out to be clingy, immature & all around unstable.  

Be really careful.  You say you are following our advice to be more cautious but I see you pressing the accelerator.  You are getting carried away.  All the emotion & anticipation swirling around is clouding your judgment.  

Think about any relationship more like how you approach your nursing job.  Even if you, the medical staff, think you know what the patient's diagnosis is, you don't voice it until you get the test results back.  

Slow down.  Wait for confirmation  

[ExpatInItaly]

I understand what you're saying, OP. 

We're all just trying to remind you to keep both feet on the ground here. You don't know him yet, so the feelings that you both have are based on little tangible information. Meet, see how it goes, and put all notions of having found "your person" to the side while you explore each other. You two are starting to put the cart before the horse, which is risky because you have zero real-life experience of each other yet. 

Enjoy the process, but be realistic. This guy is still a stranger, for all intents and purposes. 

Edited July 18, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[BaileyB]

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

A lot of people have stopped saying "the one" and subsituted it with "my person" for some reason.

It was a thing on Greys Anatomy. That’s where I understand it to have started. 

OP, you’ve had a lot of good advice here. I will add my voice to the chorus as another who has met someone online who I thought to be wonderful only to meet him in person and find him to be anything but. Keep your expectations in check. Excited to meet is ok - any other expectations more than that are too much. Best wishes. 

[BaileyB]

On 7/14/2021 at 8:52 AM, Gaeta said:

.an issue with being right or more logical : He's stubborn, closed off to other's opinion, you're seeing it already so you can magnify this X 10 in real life. He's suppose to be on his behavior right now he's courting you and he's already stubborn. 

This is very true. There are certain things that I have found to be very important in a partner; the ability to have perspective and not sweat the small stuff, the ability to be flexible and adaptable, the ability to compromise, and the ability to admit defeat/apologize when you need to. All very important things in a happy and healthy relationship. 

[HazelBliss]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I understand what you're saying, OP. 

We're all just trying to remind you to keep both feet on the ground here. You don't know him yet, so the feelings that you both have are based on little tangible information. Meet, see how it goes, and put all notions of having found "your person" to the side while you explore each other. You two are starting to put the cart before the horse, which is risky because you have zero real-life experience of each other yet. 

Enjoy the process, but be realistic. This guy is still a stranger, for all intents and purposes. 

I’m not going to be dumb either. i’m just not trying to be negative. I’m 35. Ive met too many guys organically and online and it always started off bad and I still went with it only for it to end when I blatantly saw red flags from the beginning. Trust me.. So because its starting off great i’m appreciating it. 

Some people are just quick to see the negative like this woman from my job told me that he could be sending me pictures of other peoples dishes (he cooks well)..she didnt know they were live videos but she was quick to assume they were pictures when they were videos of him in it. lol Or say things like “why is he single?” hell i’m single so what does that mean... like people are quick to see the negative without knowing all the facts its kinda funny. 

From my experiences this is very different. If we meet and it doesnt work out. it is what it is. i dont want to self sabatage as he hasnt given me any reason yet. I basically came on here and said i think i found my person so is that a red flag for him as well? 

[BaileyB]

I don’t know that people are necessarily being negative here, as much as they are just trying to caution you. The truth is, you don’t have “the facts” yet either. You know how he has presented himself online, and that may or may not be an accurate reflection of the person. You won’t know until you meet in person. Gosh - even for the first year you date - you don’t really know the man. That’s why we date and don’t just marry after the first date!  It takes time and experience (in person) to really know someone. As long as you are aware of that, that’s all anyone wants for you. You can be both hopeful and cautious. 

Edited July 18, 2021 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

21 minutes ago, HazelBliss said:

I basically came on here and said i think i found my person so is that a red flag for him as well? 

Possibly, yes. 

I would be cautious with anyone saying they've found the one without ever having met them. If I knew my best friend were saying this about a guy she'd never met, for example, I would be concerned. I would urge her to get to the know the guy first, and not go into the first date believing this was It. I would be conerned that she is letting her excitement get the best of her and encourage her to keep healthy perspective. 

Without spending time together, you don't know any of the important things that would generally lead someone to conclude they'd found their mate. You don't know anything about their real character,  whether there's physical chemistry, how they conduct themselves on a date, how they prefer to have a relationship over time (very close, lots of space, frequent dates, sporadic communication, short calls throughout the day, etc), how they respond to your needs, how they resolve conflict with you and with others, what their short and long-term goals truly are, how they manage stress, what sort of social life they lead...and the list goes on. 

That is the stuff real relaitonships are made of, and none of it can be accruately assessed without meeting the person. Could he be it? Sure, he might indeed be. Enjoy your date and see what happens. Just be realistic about building this up before you have actually met. 

Edited July 18, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[HazelBliss]

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Possibly, yes. 

I would be cautious with anyone saying they've found the one without ever having met them. If I knew my best friend were saying this about a guy she'd never met, for example, I would be concerned. I would urge her to get to the know the guy first, and not go into the first date believing this was It. I would be conerned that she is letting her excitement get the best of her and encourage her to keep healthy perspective. 

Without spending time together, you don't know any of the important things that would generally lead someone to conclude they'd found their mate. You don't know anything about their real character,  whether there's physical chemistry, how they conduct themselves on a date, how they prefer to have a relationship over time (very close, lots of space, frequent dates, sporadic communication, short calls throughout the day, etc), how they respond to your needs, how they resolve conflict with you and with others, what their short and long-term goals truly are, how they manage stress, what sort of social life they lead...and the list goes on. 

That is the stuff real relaitonships are made of, and none of it can be accruately assessed without meeting the person. Could he be it? Sure, he might indeed be. Enjoy your date and see what happens. Just be realistic about building this up before you have actually met. 

Understood

[BaileyB]

15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I would be cautious with anyone saying they've found the one without ever having met them.

I would probably not date a man who said he had found “the one” in me, before meeting in person. That, to me, speaks of a man with unrealistic expectations/intentions and it would really creep me out - to be very honest. 

[cleverusername]

Found myself in a similar situation with a woman. We've known each other for a year but because of COVID and some other things haven't been able to go on a proper date even though we both want too.

Don't focus on building a relationship, focus on filtering and building a friendship. The "my person" texts are weird IMO. I've known someone for a year and neither of us have said that. You should be using this time to build a common flirty friendship as a foundation, and checking to see if your values align. If you don't mesh and vibe in person, you still gained a friend. If you go head first into this love "my person" deal, the only way is down.

[HazelBliss]

37 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I would probably not date a man who said he had found “the one” in me, before meeting in person. That, to me, speaks of a man with unrealistic expectations/intentions and it would really creep me out - to be very honest. 

I said the same thing about him way before he said it so I guess i’m a creep as well yikes

[Els]

H and I started out long distance and we met a few months after we started talking. That was over a decade ago - so, clearly, it worked out for us.  

I don't know what the odds of it working out are, though, to be honest. I would guess fairly low, although to be fair the same can be said of most fledgling relationships, really. Just go into it with an open mind, but with caution and accepting that it might not turn out well in person. It IS possible that you won't feel the chemistry in person and that the time spent talking will have been a wash - that is a potential outcome that you'll need to be prepared for.

[Miss Spider]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Possibly, yes. 

I would be cautious with anyone saying they've found the one without ever having met them. If I knew my best friend were saying this about a guy she'd never met, for example, I would be concerned. I would urge her to get to the know the guy first, and not go into the first date believing this was It. I would be conerned that she is letting her excitement get the best of her and encourage her to keep healthy perspective. 

Without spending time together, you don't know any of the important things that would generally lead someone to conclude they'd found their mate. You don't know anything about their real character,  whether there's physical chemistry, how they conduct themselves on a date, how they prefer to have a relationship over time (very close, lots of space, frequent dates, sporadic communication, short calls throughout the day, etc), how they respond to your needs, how they resolve conflict with you and with others, what their short and long-term goals truly are, how they manage stress, what sort of social life they lead...and the list goes on. 

That is the stuff real relaitonships are made of, and none of it can be accruately assessed without meeting the person. Could he be it? Sure, he might indeed be. Enjoy your date and see what happens. Just be realistic about building this up before you have actually met. 

I agree. At the very least, you seem way too idealistic. You’re operating on mostly fantasy. It’s nice to be excited about someone, but you really don’t even know if you are going even to be attracted to this person when you meet. Gassing someone up that much this early is a sounds like a recipe for fail on one front or another 

Edited July 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough