Marcos Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 (edited) Hello guys, how are you? 2 months ago I did write about a girl who was ghosting me after 2 months of dating. In the end of may I texted her just to tell her the silence was a clear message, she told me that she was going to call me too (don't believe it) to tell me that she had a great time with me but was not able to be open with me (like she was not able to talk with me about her problems and feelings, sorry my English is not that good). I've unfollowed her on social media, because I did not want to text her again. After 2 months, I ve dated 2 girls, they were really good but I did not feel any connection. Yesterday night I had a date with a girl, but when I was walking home I thought I wanted to text to the girl who ghosted me. I would like to tell her that I had a good time with her too and see if there is any space to meet again. I still think about the girl after 2 months, and I don't like it. On the other hand, I think that my mind is a little tricky, and if I text her is just because I feel lonely and I was rejected, and if she will not text me back or if she will tell me that she is not interested in me it will be a severe blow to me. she has never texted me, I saw her profile active again on dating apps, and you know sometimes your mind just tell you sh*t like "maybe she is embarrassed, maybe she does not want to reach you because you removed from social media", is it a mistake to text her for your experiences? You think I can feel more free if I try to see if she still thinks about me? Many Thanks Edited July 13, 2021 by Marcos
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 I suppose you might feel more free if you reach out and she rejects you again. Understand the most likely outcomes are her ignoring you (which is the most likely) or her sending you a polite no thanks. I highly doubt she's going to be happy to hear from you. It's not a mistake in the sense that perhaps you need to have this door slammed in your face again to finally realize this is hopeless. No learning experiences are mistakes. But texting her is a waste of time. 2
Author Marcos Posted July 13, 2021 Author Posted July 13, 2021 11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I suppose you might feel more free if you reach out and she rejects you again. Understand the most likely outcomes are her ignoring you (which is the most likely) or her sending you a polite no thanks. I highly doubt she's going to be happy to hear from you. It's not a mistake in the sense that perhaps you need to have this door slammed in your face again to finally realize this is hopeless. No learning experiences are mistakes. But texting her is a waste of time. thank you.. I think that maybe an error in terms of self esteem, cause i realize it is very hard to move on for me, even if she ghosted me and even if 2 months have been passed since I saw her the last time. I don't know, think it is a waste of time but a part of me still has hope. A stupid part of me I guess. 1
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 we desire most what we can't have.....just let it go. Her silence is her way of saying I'm not interested. 2
glows Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 53 minutes ago, Marcos said: thank you.. I think that maybe an error in terms of self esteem, cause i realize it is very hard to move on for me, even if she ghosted me and even if 2 months have been passed since I saw her the last time. I don't know, think it is a waste of time but a part of me still has hope. A stupid part of me I guess. It's probably an impulse or need to know which is normal if someone just disappeared or if you feel there's unfinished business. Like previously mentioned, silence IS an answer. Feeling the need to talk to her or missing someone is part of being human so don't worry about fighting that. Just ride the waves. What you do with those impulses and whether you succumb to them or keep grinding yourself down into a pulp or hitting your head against a brick wall is up to you. You have a choice despite having those feelings and you can also open yourself up to brighter and better opportunities, spend your time elsewhere. You're down because your dates didn't work out recently. I hope you feel better soon.
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Marcos said: thank you.. I think that maybe an error in terms of self esteem, cause i realize it is very hard to move on for me, even if she ghosted me and even if 2 months have been passed since I saw her the last time. I don't know, think it is a waste of time but a part of me still has hope. A stupid part of me I guess. You are not stupid because you are right this has roots in your self esteem. Rather than chase her do something to boost your own self confidence. Read some self help books; learn to mediate & be mindful or pray; exercise; develop some positive self affirmations. You will benefit so much more doing that then chasing her. 1
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 Go out and shoots some hoops with friends at the park.
IntBrowser Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 4 hours ago, Olivia24 said: From my own experience i dont want texts from a guy im no longer interested in. I wouldnt text anymore. Also, try to stay off social media, lol I will never understand why people who meet on a dating site share social media addresses
Legatus Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 13 hours ago, d0nnivain said: It's not a mistake in the sense that perhaps you need to have this door slammed in your face again to finally realize this is hopeless. No learning experiences are mistakes. But texting her is a waste of time. This is one way to bring you closer to the realisation that there's nothing between the two of you. Trying to reach out to make you feel that at least you made a move and if she's silent, that's all right. The problem is that you will probably have expectations that she would respond. You will wish and hope. That would occupy your mind and time that you could spend in a much better way. Temptation here is great. I can understand that. Especially if you dated some people in between but maybe weren't ready or you were comparing them to try to find a similar girl. From experience I would say that the reaching out is a wasted time. You think it will help you but it probably won't, you will just restart your healing process and start from the beginning.. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 Don't text her again, Marcos. The fact that you have not heard from her in 2 months is your indication that she is not interested. 3
AnnieB Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 It’s an ego thing. Your ego is salty because she rejected you. Take it for what it is. If you reach out to her she may say she never rejected you, etc. Which will just confuse you more. She did reject you. Take it from a woman, who was recently rejected by actions, but not by words. Confusing actions will lower your self esteem even more. Leave it all in the past and work on yourself. Google an article called 42 Ways of Improving Yourself and start doing the exercises one by one.
Miss Spider Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 (edited) I’d say let it go. She ghosted you because she was not interested. People you’re dating who are interested in you don’t completely forget about your existence and never talk to you again because you unfollowed them on social media. That doesn’t happen Edited July 15, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Author Marcos Posted July 18, 2021 Author Posted July 18, 2021 On 7/13/2021 at 7:06 PM, smackie9 said: Her silence is her way of saying I'm not interested. On 7/14/2021 at 8:30 AM, Legatus said: You think it will help you but it probably won't, you will just restart your healing process and start from the beginning.. On 7/14/2021 at 8:34 AM, ExpatInItaly said: The fact that you have not heard from her in 2 months is your indication that she is not interested. On 7/14/2021 at 8:42 AM, AnnieB said: Confusing actions will lower your self esteem even more On 7/15/2021 at 7:51 PM, Cookiesandough said: People you’re dating who are interested in you don’t completely forget about your existence and never talk to you again because you unfollowed them on social media. Thank you guys, was very helpful to read all these comments. I think that my mind is saying "you delete her from social media so now she could be embarrassed to text you". But you know, this is just not real, as you guys say her silence is already an answer. I think I just need some time for me, without dating and social media, and to not feel guilty about this story. I think that if I follow this impulse to text her I will need to restart healing from the beginning and I will lower my self esteem even more. But I learnt a lesson: I should not date emotionally detached girls anymore 2
Miss Spider Posted July 18, 2021 Posted July 18, 2021 5 hours ago, Marcos said: Thank you guys, was very helpful to read all these comments. I think that my mind is saying "you delete her from social media so now she could be embarrassed to text you". But you know, this is just not real, as you guys say her silence is already an answer. I think I just need some time for me, without dating and social media, and to not feel guilty about this story. I think that if I follow this impulse to text her I will need to restart healing from the beginning and I will lower my self esteem even more. But I learnt a lesson: I should not date emotionally detached girls anymore Sounds good. It’s good to take time for you. You will be happy with your progress and be a better version of you when the right person comes along 1
Blue Sea Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 The reason why she ghosted you was she had no interest in you. The 2 months of dating was to understand you better. Probably after that, she felt you were not her right one so she stopped contacting you. I used to ghost a few men after 1 or 2 dates because I felt that they were not the right ones for me. Reason being, I was afraid of hurting them by being too direct. I cannot be telling them "Sorry, let's stop contacting as I felt that we don't have sparks going on". I thought this statement might hurt them or probably they can shoot me back due to ego like "Did I say I am interested in you?" Hence, I thought ghosting them can minimise the hurt and also can give them a clearer message. However, after a bad encounter, I realised that I have used the wrong method. Men actually prefer a direct answer. I guess I don't understand men well previously. Your situation is very clear. Just move on & search for the right one with mutual interest. Never beg for love.
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