ld1991 Posted July 12, 2021 Posted July 12, 2021 So I've been dating a girl for around a month now. She lives 10 minutes away from me, she's 25 lives with parents and I'm 30 live alone. Shes a good looking girl, polite and really into me. A year ago I came out of a relationship which I didn't take well so took my time and tried to date again once ready. My issue is shes not ehat I usually go for, she has tattoos which I'm not into and she's way more into me than I am to her. She also doesn't drink, I only drink socially if out with friends but I'd feel weird doing this with her or bringing her on a night out with my friends. After like 2 weeks she's talking way too intense like what she's gonna buy me for my birthday and Xmas.. and about the future. I've already told her that I wanna take things slow. She also.messages me every day, doesn't give me much space to do what I do like watch TV etc.. if she doesnt see me for more than 3 or 4 days she gets upset and misses me. She's also not much of a traveller, always been a home girl and wants to be a mom in a few years.. She is a nice girl but im Just confused what to do because she's really into me and this is what I've wanted with previous girls but I don't know.. I dont want to waste her time if it doesn't feel right. I have been told that I should be patient with her and bring her to do new things and that if I end this it will be a missed opportunity as this is what i wanted in previous relationships but why should I settle for anything less than what I want now?
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2021 Posted July 12, 2021 You have quite the laundry list of why you're incompatible. Listen to your instincts on this. 1
glows Posted July 12, 2021 Posted July 12, 2021 If you're questioning it this early at only one month, the answer is clear - you're not compatible. It doesn't sound like you're interested in her enough and are way too afraid to be alone. It's never a good mix, sadly. Settling is not the answer. Don't do it. Let her go so you can find someone more suitable to you. 1
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Posted July 12, 2021 40 minutes ago, ld1991 said: I should be patient For what? To wait on your feelings to arrive? If you don't see and feel this connection going anywhere it isn't. Let her go and don't waste her time.
Datergirl Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 Don't be with someone just because they are into you. I've done this before and it only leads to heartbreak on both sides.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 This one is a no-go. A girl being into you is not enough to sustain a relatonship, OP. You need to be into her too. It's clear that you aren't really into this one, and there are several incompatiblilities. It isn't going to work.
Sun Seeker Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 You need to end things. Today. Stop wasting any more of her time.
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 It's only been 30 days & you already find her suffocating & clingy. This will get worse not better. Ending it here seems like a good idea. 1
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 Those are petty excuses because you're not into her. If you liked her none of this would matter and you'd probably find them indeering. No, you don't keep dating someone cause they're into you if you don't share the same sentiment. She's not the last woman on earth to date. Let her go. 2
Tinyjaguar Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 Well, how badly do you want to be in a relationship? Staying with someone out of politeness will end in tears. Do you get on well? Are you happy doing things together? Is there a sexual attraction? Are your frustrations with her personal habits or her general nesting instinct to life? You need to think about what you want and discuss it with her. If she is asking too much of you and can't adjust to your timescales or if you can’t adjust to her expectations, you need to end it. Otherwise, when the inevitable discussion regarding babies comes, it will not end well.
Author ld1991 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Posted July 13, 2021 2 hours ago, Tinyjaguar said: Well, how badly do you want to be in a relationship? Staying with someone out of politeness will end in tears. Do you get on well? Are you happy doing things together? Is there a sexual attraction? Are your frustrations with her personal habits or her general nesting instinct to life? You need to think about what you want and discuss it with her. If she is asking too much of you and can't adjust to your timescales or if you can’t adjust to her expectations, you need to end it. Otherwise, when the inevitable discussion regarding babies comes, it will not end well. Well there's attraction there obviously... im just not used to someone being overly into me like she is... shes not what I usually go for.. as in she has tattoos which I don't like.. again sounds petty but just my preference. She doesn't travel much or do things and I like to.. pre covid of course. It is nice to have someone who's into me as I have been messed around a lot. But yeah if it doesn't feel right then there's no point.. will I regret it? I don't know.. but that's life I guess.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 10 minutes ago, ld1991 said: will I regret it? Regret what, though? A relationship in which you're not that into your girlfriend? It's not like you would be looking at the relationship of your lifetime here, given how many incompatibilities you cited. Instead, you might regret continuing and and consequently missing other opportunities who are a better match for you and inspire a lot of interest and enthusiasm from you.
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 It can be flattering to have someone pay that much attention to you especially if your recent experiences weren't so nice. But you can't use her to stroke your ego. If you are not that attracted to her -- if you can't imagine seeing the tattoos for the rest of your life or having the mother of your kids be covered in body art -- what's the point in sticking around?
glows Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 It’s fairly open and obvious when someone is negatively judging body art or has an aversion, even if quite slight or subtle. Averting the gaze, lack of passion or interest over time, subtle comments here and there about image and cover ups when you go to special events or when you introduce her to family and friends etc. This is very early but I wouldn’t be surprised if things don’t last even if you do continue to date her. She would pick up on the way you think or feel about her body and realize for herself how incompatible and unloved or unappreciated she really is. It’s just a matter of time. Right now you’re in a position of power and calling the shots, believing that she’s very much into you and it’s flattering. That would end shortly if your heart’s not in it. I wouldn’t underestimate someone like that and it’s disrespectful also to drag it out for long.
ShyViolet Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 If she's way more into you than you are into her, then stop wasting her time. It's not fair to her. You are essentially stringing her along. 1
Author ld1991 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Posted July 13, 2021 All I've wanted is someone who's into me, doesn't party every weekend and puts a lot of effort into me and she does.. she is attractive too. Past experiences for me it's been the opposite. She seems very family orientated as well.. like caring and goes out of her way to do things.. So I hope I don't regret this decision.
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 20 minutes ago, ld1991 said: All I've wanted is someone who's into me, doesn't party every weekend and puts a lot of effort into me and she does.. she is attractive too. Past experiences for me it's been the opposite. She seems very family orientated as well.. like caring and goes out of her way to do things.. So I hope I don't regret this decision. Do a more careful pros & cons. Tattoos are cosmetic. Values are harder to come by but attraction is attraction. If she doesn't float your boat, don't settle. 1
Donnas Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 Doesnt look like a match. And she looks obsessive pushy if you told her to slowdown but she keep going hard. End it and move on. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 47 minutes ago, ld1991 said: All I've wanted is someone who's into me, doesn't party every weekend and puts a lot of effort into me and she does.. But what about, you know, actually being interested in her? 1
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2021 Posted July 13, 2021 She's not the one dude....that's why you are here. There will be someone who it just right in every way. Keep looking. There's a big difference between attention, and infatuation. Sounds like fatal attraction is heading your way if you don't dump her sooner rather than later. 1
Author ld1991 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Posted July 15, 2021 Well it's over now as I told her we wernt right.. we were never official... I guess I am scared of being alone. Ive been single for a year now after a bad breakup and had no luck on the dating scene since. But yeah it was nice and weird at the same time having someone totally into me. There was just a few things in her that were flags to me. Again I hope I don't regret it and feel like I've passed the cha ce on a genuine nice girl who would do anything for me... because she is nice and caring. I have been trying to self improve this past year. I've worked out, paid like 3 grand to straighten my teeth which I finish in 8 weeks. Its been a difficult past 12 months especially as I live alone and all my friends are tied down. A lot of matches on dating apps just don't talk. But I will continue to take it day by day.
Recommended Posts