Asc1226 Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 Quote Talked to my current therapist over the phone. She is advising I do not disclose this “mild” indiscretion (her words). So add her to the list of people who don’t care about honesty, integrity or your husband. 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, MaybeI'mCrazy said: Talked to my current therapist over the phone. She is advising I do not disclose this “mild” indiscretion (her words). She believes it is coming from an unhealthy place of wanting to tell, and not for the purpose of benefiting my relationship. Agree. You want to spread your pain, relieve whatever inner distress you have, and it's just to hurt 3 other people to make yourself feel better. Edited July 14, 2021 by Wiseman2
glows Posted July 14, 2021 Posted July 14, 2021 This is really quite bizarre because on the one hand, I do see the sense in what the therapist is saying but you're ultimately hurt as a person and continuing to hurt people regardless of who knows. That you did what you did has already caused you hurt, distress, confusion. You not telling your husband doesn't necessarily mean that he won't ever find out or get hurt anyway, even more hurt than finding out immediately. The dysfunction is already there, the cracks in trust and betrayal of trust is already there. Saying or not saying anything isn't going to change that reality. It just distorts the truth even further. So whatever you wish to do, nothing is going to get rid of the fact that you did sext or have inappropriate messages with your friend's husband. All you're doing is wishing that it didn't happen and telling yourself that no one else needs to know but you're still actively engaging in these self-sabotaging events.
Bryanp Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 I do wish you luck with your decision. There is just a tendency for it to come out later down the line. Nevertheless, I wish you the best. 1
usa1ah Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 7 hours ago, MaybeI'mCrazy said: Talked to my current therapist over the phone. She is advising I do not disclose this “mild” indiscretion (her words). She believes it is coming from an unhealthy place of wanting to tell, and not for the purpose of benefiting my relationship. We are focusing on how to help me process without hurting myself. We are working to continue addressing my past with sexual abuse, in the hopes it will help heal my feelings of unworthiness, and will curb the destructive behaviors to find validation. She believes I can stop. And I want to believe that too. Your husband deserves better. Your therapist sucks. They believe honesty in a relationship isn’t needed. They say this is a minor infraction but your “best friend” is completely devastated by this. That doesn’t sound minor. Your husband has the right to know you cheated again. 1
HadMeOverABarrel Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 @MaybeI'mCrazy I'm glad you reached out to your therapist instead of cutting yourself. Smart move! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 On 7/13/2021 at 10:37 PM, MaybeI'mCrazy said: Nothing feels right. I’ve started cutting myself. It helps. You don't think your husband is going to notice and realize that something is seriously bothering you? And question you about what is bothering you so much? OP, this isn't helping. It's mkaing it worse because rather than dealing with your deception maturely and honestly, you're enaging in self-destructive behaviour. That is going to serve to make it all worse. Look, I would consider seeing a different therapist. Yours is enabling the deception created by all 3 of you. I can't see how this person can recommend in good faith that you keep a secret, when keeping that secret was the very thing that was driving you to self-harm. It sounds to me like, yes, you need to continue with individual therapy but perhaps also marriage therapy. There seem to be a lot of problems going on between you and your husband that are not being addressed properly.
Wiseman2 Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 Why are you seeing a therapist already? It seems the self mutilation, drinking, sexting, poor marriage and communication, etc. all come from the same bad place. Is this why you're already in therapy? Follow your therapist's advice. She knows you better than strangers and trite bible cliches. Agree that there's a right time to discuss this with your husband. But first explore your own mind. Ask for a referral to a qualified marriage therapist. Start there. That may be a safer place to delve into this debacle than just blurting it out impulsively.
GoldenR Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 My advise would be not to disclose and move straight to divorce. Being single is the only status a serial cheater should have.
Author MaybeI'mCrazy Posted July 15, 2021 Author Posted July 15, 2021 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Why are you seeing a therapist already? It seems the self mutilation, drinking, sexting, poor marriage and communication, etc. all come from the same bad place. Is this why you're already in therapy already? Yes it is. I’ve been seeing her for awhile. She’s not for deceiving my husband. She’s just more concerned with my mental state first. We have a marriage counseling we both love and trust. We haven’t been to her recently and I’m trying to get my husband to go back with me. I think that will be where I disclose it. Someone else asked how I keep this all secret from my husband. He has noticed my moods, and I’ve told him I’ve been triggered by what we all did. As far as the cutting it can be hidden if you want. You don’t cut too deep or in the same place twice. You use something clean and sharp so it will heal faster. You cut in areas less seen like inner thighs, etc. If I cut my wrists I wear bracelets and my watch all day. Or you make excuses like I was clumsy and did xyz.
Wiseman2 Posted July 15, 2021 Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, MaybeI'mCrazy said: Someone else asked how I keep this all secret from my husband. He has noticed my moods, and I’ve told him I’ve been triggered by what we all did. You're not "deceiving" anyone. You are reflecting until you can calm down and have a safe place to discuss what's going on . Listen to your therapist. Not moralizing. 1
usa1ah Posted July 17, 2021 Posted July 17, 2021 On 7/15/2021 at 10:58 AM, MaybeI'mCrazy said: Yes it is. I’ve been seeing her for awhile. She’s not for deceiving my husband. She’s just more concerned with my mental state first. We have a marriage counseling we both love and trust. We haven’t been to her recently and I’m trying to get my husband to go back with me. I think that will be where I disclose it. Someone else asked how I keep this all secret from my husband. He has noticed my moods, and I’ve told him I’ve been triggered by what we all did. As far as the cutting it can be hidden if you want. You don’t cut too deep or in the same place twice. You use something clean and sharp so it will heal faster. You cut in areas less seen like inner thighs, etc. If I cut my wrists I wear bracelets and my watch all day. Or you make excuses like I was clumsy and did xyz. So you lied again to his face. Nice.
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