Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, falxmanolo said: I don’t even know her. It baffles my fiancé how his best friend is rather nonchalant about all this too Your fiancé seems like a good friend who's not going to judge his best friends choice in women. The mistake is the fiancé trying too hard to integrate you into his life by meeting his best friend and that friend's GF. Back to your original question. Either invite both of them or not. They can always decline. Inviting the best friend but not his GF you never met, is hurtful, crass and escalates things. Edited July 10, 2021 by Wiseman2
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 10 hours ago, falxmanolo said: -my fiancé finds it strange that the best friend is nonchalant to his gf’s behaviour. Best friend continues to hang out with fiancé minus the gf. Fiancé is also mega conflict averse which doesn’t particularly help. I suppose this way, fiancé can preserve friendship with best friend and cut off friendship with best friend’s gf. Given this dynamic, I think the buddy won't care if his GF is not invited. Just let your FI handle the invites (minus her). If she has to show up ignore her. Treat her like she's the random date of somebody you will never have to deal with again. You smile, say hello, accept whatever congratulations she hopefully offers & then walk around her giving her no more thought than you would a piece of furniture, careful that you don't walk into her or trip over her but nothing conscious. On the off chance that she pulls something, you smile sweetly & say "well he is marrying me." Then you wander off. You give her & her nonsense no more credence than you do any other conspiracy whack job pedaling lies.
stillafool Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 11 hours ago, falxmanolo said: I’m sure there are plenty of people who dislike me, but to be hated and talked about the way she has, has affected me deeply. Who told you she was saying these things about you?
Elsa888 Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) Quote So I say back up and slow down. Why are you rushing? Dysfunctional relationships can be hard to cut off. I think you need more time before you think of engagement. What's the rush here? This is excellent advice from Lots - please, and I say this kindly, take heed OP x Edited July 10, 2021 by Elsa888
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 On 7/9/2021 at 8:20 AM, falxmanolo said: He acknowledged it & cleared the air that she was nothing more than his best friend’s girlfriend. So, he didn't tell you this the first time you dated? I don't get what exactly was happening between them then. I still also don't get how the best friend apparently doesn't care. It makes me wonder how much he actually knows. 1
Alfano Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 I suggest not only inviting her but using the party as an opportunity to chat with her and get to know her better. You may both be surprised to find out that the other person is much more like able than either of you realized. If not, we’ll what’s the worst that can happen? They leave early, your suspicions that she’s a wackjob are validated and you’ve got another good story to tell the grandkids someday.
kendahke Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 4 minutes ago, Alfano said: I suggest not only inviting her but using the party as an opportunity to chat with her and get to know her better. OP=dont' do that. What she will do is get exceedingly drunk and make a complete spectacle of herself, taking any attention that should be on your and your boyfriend. She'll cry and use her tears to manipulate everyone in earshot. keep unhinged people out of your circle--you don't owe her anything.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, kendahke said: What she will do is get exceedingly drunk and make a complete spectacle of herself, taking any attention that should be on your and your boyfriend. She'll cry and use her tears to manipulate everyone in earshot. Yes, I think there is a significant risk of the above. I would not take a gamble and just hope that this strange woman will suddenly be cordial and mature. Your engagement party is not worth the risk. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 At some point it may be best to actually meet. Then you can get a better handle on who she really is & what level of distance you made need in here but your engagement party is not the place to do this. 1
Alfano Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 Most people are much better behaved in real life than they are when hiding behind the anonymity of their keyboards. If she’s really unstable and gets drunk and makes a scene she leaves and everyone can laugh about her crazy jealous behavior afterwards. Or you’ll discover she’s a calm, reasonable person and her actions are based on things your Fiancée has neglected to share with you and you can delve deeper into the reasons a person you’ve never met feels so strongly about you. Seems like win/win. 1
kendahke Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Alfano said: or you’ll discover she’s a calm, reasonable person Past is prologue... and her behavior thus far has fallen out in experience at everyone's feet here. Your comment is based on the erroneous conclusion that she's really a cool person or that OP is obligated to tolerate her BS and that is so far from the truth it can't even be seen. Cool people don't stalk their boyfriend's boy, blowing up his phone while he's on a date with someone new. Cool people don't talk trash about their supposed "friend"'s new girlfriend behind her back. She has yet to present herself as a "calm, reasonable person" when given ample opportunity to open a can of "act right", so I highly doubt that she is capable OR INTERESTED in being a "calm, reasonable person" who is happy about OP and her boyfriend's involvement, let alone engagement. Still nope--OP don't follow that advice unless you want to fertilize more psychotic drama out of this unhinged female. Edited July 10, 2021 by kendahke
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