Blonde Dolphin Posted July 9, 2021 Posted July 9, 2021 (edited) Good day everyone, I am a 27 woman and I was dating this 31 man for 20 days. We met at work (not coworkers) and hit it off immediately. What kept me thinking though, is that he was 3 monthe fresh out of an 8 year old engagement. He claimed to have moved on completely but her things were still in his house and photos of them on FB. But I though, I don't care at this point, since he is a stranger after all. From the 1rst date he told me we are gf/bf, kissed me, and he started talking about the future, marriage, kids, proposals and the works. Over our first week together he brought me home to meet all of his family and friends and we were together on dated every single day for 8+ hours. Not to mention he was super romantic and was texting me lengthy texts and calling me all the time. On the 5th day he said he loves me and on the 6th date he broke up in tears saying he is terrified of ever hurting my feelings because I'm such a good person. The following day, he was pushing me for sex. I declined saying I wasn't ready and that I need time. He said he respects that but he continued on pushing for it whilst making out. I declined again and he drove me home. Since that happened he became colder and more distant by the day. He asked me to take things slower and I was fine with that since I wasn't the one to actually rush anything at all. His texts were getting smaller and smaller, his response time was getting bigger and the dates dropped to 2 times a week. I have tried 2-3 times to try and work things out and find out what the problem is and all he said was that I was pressuring him by thinking that sex is a big deal for me. Honestly for me, it is. It makes me bond with the person and I know how to guard my heart. He said he know needs to think if there's a possibility to break up with me after having sex so that he would tell me before hand and not break my heart. I told him, no one can see the future. Anyways, feeling the cold, slow fade, and since he cancelled to see me 3 days in a row, I called the thing off. He took all the blame for how things turned out and that he meant everything he said (the promises, the feelings). I told him to take time for himself to process the emotional trauma of his previous break up and should he in the future feel ready and if I am still single, we could try again maybe and he was thrilled by the idea. He made a disclaimer of how he didn't and doesn't want to be away from me but understands that I can't stay like this any longer. My questions are: - Was I right in my decision? - Is he coming back again? - Was I the rebound girl? - Was sex what he was all about after all? - How do I processed next? No contact? Thank you very much for any help you might give me. Edited July 9, 2021 by Blonde Dolphin
Wiseman2 Posted July 9, 2021 Posted July 9, 2021 6 hours ago, Blonde Dolphin said: he was 3 monthe fresh out of an 8 year old engagement. He claimed to have moved on completely but her things were still in his house and photos of them on FB. Sorry this happened. People who are on/off, have recent exes, and are not free and clear to date are best avoided. The time tp run was when you noticed her things still in his home. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 On 7/9/2021 at 7:27 AM, Blonde Dolphin said: Was I the rebound girl? Yes, without any doubt. On 7/9/2021 at 7:27 AM, Blonde Dolphin said: From the 1rst date he told me we are gf/bf, kissed me, and he started talking about the future, marriage, kids, proposals and the works. This is completely nuts, OP. Healthy and mature adults don't do things like this. Major warning sign of being on the rebound, emotional instability and many other things that will make a relationship nearly impossible. It's not romantic when someone you don't know starts behaving like this. It's a red flag. He's trying desperately to fill the void his ex left behind, and it suggests he hasn't even begun to process their break-up. He misses her and he's not thinking clearly. He's not ready to date at all, and he probably won't be for a long time. You would be wise to put him in your rearview mirror. Stay away from men who lovebomb you right away. It almost always ends in chaos. 1
Calmandfocused Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 Agree with ex pat. There is no way he is ready for a relationship 3 months after an 8 year relationship. He’s fast because he can’t bear being alone. But being on his own is exactly where he needs to be. The reality hit when it hit him that he cannot replace his ex with you. You are not his ex. I think the grief of that realisation hit him in the bo****ks. However i also wanted to point out to you that no man (or woman) is not going to expect sex after grafting so hard. How long do you insist on waiting? Lots of people would be frustrated by that, myself included, and I’m a woman. You have a right to wait for sex as long as you wish - that’s your right. However you should probably be honest about this from the get go so expectations are managed on both sides.
Maldives Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 On 7/9/2021 at 3:27 PM, Blonde Dolphin said: Good day everyone, I am a 27 woman and I was dating this 31 man for 20 days. We met at work (not coworkers) and hit it off immediately. What kept me thinking though, is that he was 3 monthe fresh out of an 8 year old engagement. He claimed to have moved on completely but her things were still in his house and photos of them on FB. But I though, I don't care at this point, since he is a stranger after all. From the 1rst date he told me we are gf/bf, kissed me, and he started talking about the future, marriage, kids, proposals and the works. Over our first week together he brought me home to meet all of his family and friends and we were together on dated every single day for 8+ hours. Not to mention he was super romantic and was texting me lengthy texts and calling me all the time. On the 5th day he said he loves me and on the 6th date he broke up in tears saying he is terrified of ever hurting my feelings because I'm such a good person. The following day, he was pushing me for sex. I declined saying I wasn't ready and that I need time. He said he respects that but he continued on pushing for it whilst making out. I declined again and he drove me home. Since that happened he became colder and more distant by the day. He asked me to take things slower and I was fine with that since I wasn't the one to actually rush anything at all. His texts were getting smaller and smaller, his response time was getting bigger and the dates dropped to 2 times a week. I have tried 2-3 times to try and work things out and find out what the problem is and all he said was that I was pressuring him by thinking that sex is a big deal for me. Honestly for me, it is. It makes me bond with the person and I know how to guard my heart. He said he know needs to think if there's a possibility to break up with me after having sex so that he would tell me before hand and not break my heart. I told him, no one can see the future. Anyways, feeling the cold, slow fade, and since he cancelled to see me 3 days in a row, I called the thing off. He took all the blame for how things turned out and that he meant everything he said (the promises, the feelings). I told him to take time for himself to process the emotional trauma of his previous break up and should he in the future feel ready and if I am still single, we could try again maybe and he was thrilled by the idea. He made a disclaimer of how he didn't and doesn't want to be away from me but understands that I can't stay like this any longer. My questions are: - Was I right in my decision? - Is he coming back again? - Was I the rebound girl? - Was sex what he was all about after all? - How do I processed next? No contact? Thank you very much for any help you might give me. He felt rejected after you didn't want sex hence backed off
introverted1 Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 On 7/9/2021 at 1:27 AM, Blonde Dolphin said: My questions are: - Was I right in my decision? - Is he coming back again? - Was I the rebound girl? - Was sex what he was all about after all? - How do I processed next? No contact? Yes. Maybe. Doesn't matter, still won't be healthy. Yes. Maybe. Doesn't matter. NC & move on.
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2021 Posted July 10, 2021 omg.....you should have ran after "he was 3 months fresh out of an 8 year old engagement. He claimed to have moved on completely but her things were still in his house and photos of them on FB". What part of that made you think ....lets wait and see how this goes? he just wanted to smash. Remember what mom said when you were a teenager..."Guys will do and say anything to get sex..." this applies here.
Recommended Posts