Boyfriend becoming petty and jealous since we started living together

July 10, 2021

I suspect that @Ami1uwant‘s definition of having platonic friendship with the opposite sex doesn’t involve strong physical attraction and previous naked touchy feelies

July 10, 2021

14 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The more you write, the worse your behaviour is sounding.

The problem is not that Tony has more free time. The problem is that you’re inviting a guy, who you flirt with, to hang around alone in your boyfriend’s hot tub. The problem is your lack of boundaries. Your ‘reality’ that this is nothing but a long and close friendship conveniently ignores the fact that the two of you flirt and have a history of fooling around. And hot tubbing alone while your partner is working to support you both.

I can’t see where your boyfriend is being controlling. All I can see is a guy who’s trying to put reasonable boundaries in with a girlfriend who’s taking advantage of him.

Out of curiosity, were you allowed to behave like this at your parents house?

No, lol. My parents are very strict.

Again, yes Tony and I do flirt and have a brief history long ago but like I said, I am really cutting back on the amount of one on one time I spend with him, and also toning down on the flirting, expecially with Tony being in a relationship as well.

And also again, yes only my bf is working right now but that is because I'm still in school and we both agreed that it would be better right now for me not to work and to just focus on the studies. He is even the traditional type anyways who would prefer that the woman stay at home and take care of the kids while the guy brings home the bacon. I'm not sure he even wants me to work after we're married, at least not after our first child.

Also, I don't really invite Tony, he just always shows up, lol. All my friends who live close by do this. I know...

July 10, 2021

OP, several things jump out at me here. First is the age gap. As others have said, you are 20 years old and it sounds like you want the typical college experience of studying and socialising with friends, while your boyfriend is at a very different stage in life. It's natural for him to feel excluded, and to be honest it is selfish to be living at his expense while he is shut out from this area of your life. Not unreasonably, he probably doesn't see you sitting in the hot tub with other guys as "focusing on your studies" (and to be frank, it doesn't matter if they "just show up" - you should be capable of telling them that they've overstayed their welcome). However...the bigger issue that I see (and that I'm surprised no one has mentioned), is that either you moved in with this guy right after you began dating or you became a couple when you were in your teens. Both of these are red flags. Living with someone when you've barely had time to get to know them is reckless, while a grown man dating a teenager is sketchy to say the least. It's also strange that shared views on premarital sex were apparently your sole reason to start dating. It doesn't say much for your compatibility.

It sounds as though neither of you are consistent in your values and this is breeding confusion and resentment. You describe yourself as traditional Christians, but you've been cuddling naked? That is not in keeping with a traditional Christian sexual ethic at all. I know many people in my church community who were celibate before marriage, but that meant no nudity, no bed sharing, no living together before the wedding. That might sound unreasonable, but it's actually a lot more reasonable than what you're trying to do - the boundaries are clearer and each partner knows what to expect. It sounds as though you both want to pick and choose the aspects of a live-in relationship that you like and ignore the parts you don't, which isn't healthy for either of you.

July 10, 2021

18 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I really don't understand why you can't move back with your parents. Do you not want to now that you have had a taste of freedom & the good life or are you no longer welcome?

The whole he can't masturbate in front of you is problematic. Ejaculation is part of sex. What's the issue? It sounds like you are being intentionally selfish here. Not good.

Does you BF know that you previously cuddled naked with Tony? No wonder he wants this guy gone out of your life. Once he finds out, don't be surprised if your BF kicks you out too. His obsession with your virginity & his willingness to abide by this insane living together with no sex thing, will blow up once he learns that he's not the 1st guy to get his hands on your body.

You strike me as a tease. You love showing off your body & getting men all worked up but then you flounce away touting religion & the virtues of virginity.

Tony is not your friend, honey, & you are very naïve to think he is. He's a guy waiting to swoop in as soon as you give him the green light, probably when you are vulnerable after another guy breaks your heart. While you show off your body to him in your bikini during these booze filled hot tub encounters that your BF is paying for, Tony is biding his time waiting to make his move.

I agree with whomever suggested you get a job. If you have all this free time to shop, hang out with your friends & spend time with Tony, you can squeeze in 20 hours per week even if it's working at McDonalds -- or is that beneath you because you consider yourself a bikini model? Perhaps your church could find something more suitable for you to earn money PT. Even if you were volunteering somewhere, that could help your resume. Perhaps get an internship. Bottom line: start contributing to the household economy.

As for your spending, that really is out of control. It can be helped. Just stop. Next time you are tempted to buy something, think about how long you would have to work to afford that, then put it back. If you are really tempted, pray. You said you are woman of faith who met this guy at Bible study. When you want to shop, instead read Matthew 4:1-11 about Satan tempting Jesus. If you can't resist buying a pair of shoes, what does that tell you about the strength of your faith?

Do not publicly answer me but I'd be very interested to know  just how much money we're talking about here. I have a bad feeling that while your 28 year old BF may make a comfortable living, & it may be more money than you have ever known, is it really idle rich money where he can afford your college tuition, to put a roof over your head & groceries on the table plus enable you to spend thousands on frivolous stuff like shoes? It sounds more like you are a young woman with her 1st credit card who goes nuts thinking she can, not understanding that it has to be paid back & interest rates confine you to debt. Assuming the sandals you mentioned were $300+ , leaving them out, spending $600-$700 is not more reasonable. How many shoes do you need? Last summer I bought a pair of $12 flip flops. That is the last time I bought shoes in probably the last 2 years. Before that I bought a pair of shoes at a thrift store for I think $10, new they probably retailed for $129. You have to learn the value of things.

Perhaps you & this guy should have a real talk about finances & budgets. You need to have an understanding of how much things cost because you don't seem to have a clue.

Well, as far as the money is concerned, I kind of don't think it's any of your business. But yes, my bf has the money to afford what he pays for He did also inherit a lot of money a few years ago when his grandfather died. And I don't know I guess I like nice things? But like I've already said yes, I am going to work on this.

As far as Tony is concerned, I can see why you might think like that if you don't know him. That's only natural. We all know how guys are. But honestly Tony is not like that. Like I said, we already had that conversation long ago and both agreed that a romantic relationship was not what we wanted. He is not interested and I am not interested. And he could try something on me if he wanted because he has numerous 'opportunities' but not once in the last 2 years since we reverted to friendship has he ever seriously crossed the line with me. So I know I have nothing to worry about in this regard.

July 10, 2021

11 minutes ago, balletomane said:

It sounds as though neither of you are consistent in your values and this is breeding confusion and resentment. You describe yourself as traditional Christians, but you've been cuddling naked? That is not in keeping with a traditional Christian sexual ethic at all. I know many people in my church community who were celibate before marriage, but that meant no nudity, no bed sharing, no living together before the wedding. That might sound unreasonable, but it's actually a lot more reasonable than what you're trying to do - the boundaries are clearer and each partner knows what to expect. It sounds as though you both want to pick and choose the aspects of a live-in relationship that you like and ignore the parts you don't, which isn't healthy for either of you.

Well it started like that but you know how it goes. My bf and I are deeply in love and have a blazing passion for each other, but we are also both deeply committed to not having sex outside of marriage, so sometimes you keep 'allowing' more and more things. First more kissing, then more touching, then more kissing, the next thing you know you are cuddling naked every night and some pretty heavy petting and touching is going on.

Do you think it would be best for my bf and I to not only live separate, but also not go beyond some mild kissing or hugging? I can understand that this might be the... safest ? .. way to go but you have to admit this is hard. Both my bf and I are very intimate people and like to cuddle and touch. This is how I express my physical desire for my bf without violating church teaching. I don't think either of us is going to be happy not be able to show physical affection for one another.

Don't you think that being too strict about it can sort of 'backfire' and lead to other problems, other friction, that might not be healthy for a loving relationship?

July 10, 2021

Why can’t you at least give the poor guy a handjob and put him out if his misery?

July 10, 2021

12 minutes ago, Alfano said:

Why can’t you at least give the poor guy a handjob and put him out if his misery?

I try but it does not work. He says I don't do it in a way that makes him come. But I can get him really really hard and he says it feels good when I play with him.

I also give him footjobs (we both have a foot fetish, lol) but again, he says I cannot make him come. I wriggle my toes for all I'm worth and he likes it but he cannot orgasm. He will have to masturbate later by himself.

I would much rather be able to get him off with my hand or feet but for now this is the best we can do at this stage of our relationship. After marriage, this will not be a problem.

July 10, 2021

With respect to the money aspects, I know it is not my business. That is why I prefaced my remarks by asking you not to disclose the amounts.

The fact that he's burning though his inheritance is problematic. He should be investing 80-90% of it to assure he has a comfortable retirement.

Stop with the spending already.

9 minutes ago, Janie7 said:

I would much rather be able to get him off with my hand or feet but for now this is the best we can do at this stage of our relationship. After marriage, this will not be a problem.

Yes it is. If you can't make him come manually there is no guarantee you will be able to come him come vaginally especially since as virgins neither of you have a clue has to how to do this. Yes, sex is natural but it also involved some skill.

July 10, 2021

Don’t be so sure it won’t be a problem. Handjobs aren’t rocket science and if he can’t communicate what he needs then the two of you are in for a nasty surprise.

July 10, 2021

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

s you BF know that you previously cuddled naked with Tony? No wonder he wants this guy gone out of your life. Once he finds out, don't be surprised if your BF kicks you out too. His obsession with your virginity & his willingness to abide by this insane living together with no sex thing, will blow up once he learns that he's not the 1st guy to get his hands on your body.

Well, the naked cuddling with Tony only happened because we were young and drunk and didn't really know what we were doing. I was really drunk sometimes. Once we realized we only wanted to be friends, we both promised each other never to tell anyone, ever, what happened because it was nothing and we did not want it to effect either of our future relationships. So I do not feel comfortable discussing this with anyone, not even my bf, even tho I love him.

I also do not think he could handle it, so what would be the point? It might destroy an otherwise mostly perfect relationship. He does not need to know about a few incidents way back in high school when I was drunk out of my mind. or high. I know he has had some relationship in the past and I also don't know a lot of details other than he had sex once or twice in high school before he met Christ, but since then he has not went beyond kissing/hugging. We do not need to share every single gory detail of our pasts, especially if they are too sensitive or too dark, and I don't think either of us cares about knowing everything.

Like, I do not think I will ever ask him about his first sexual experience, how it went, did he come, etc. I do not feel that is any of my business, and I know my bf feels the same way.

July 10, 2021

Flirting with any guy other than your committed exclusive relationship partner is an inappropriate crossing of boundaries and given that in your case it’s with an ex that you were sexual with along with your deception regarding the history with Tony is completely over the top disrespectful and can even be considered cheating. Especially given that the flirting is with your ex in a hot tub.

Whats far worse is not even your complete inability to see this. It’s that you aren’t the least but accountable and you make it all about your boyfriend’s issues.

It’s hard to believe a person can be this clueless and insensitive.

Edited July 10, 2021 by Alfano

July 10, 2021

4 hours ago, Janie7 said:

My parents love my bf and are totally supporting of us. But I'm not sure I could move back in with them if I needed to.

As far as my bf is concerned, he did tell me that he would only marry a virgin. And he can be very controlling sometimes. And like I've said here all along, I do think a lot of this is him 'talking with his mind between his legs' as you put it. I feel that his sexual frustration is causing him to be more controlling and to be unnecessarily suspicious of me and Tony.

I will be talking with him soon about all of this so we will see...

Why can't you move back in with them if you needed to? If it came down to it where would you go? Would you have to move in with Tony or one of your other friends? Do you have other family? I'm not understanding your relationship with your parents if they're so supportive of your relationship with your boyfriend. What kind of parent doesn't make it clear their home isn't open to their 20 year old daughter who hasn't even finished college?

Your boyfriend is not some hapless poor creature. The thought that you're some succubus ready to suck the life blood out of him doesn't make sense to me. You're 20 years old with all the foolish dreams of a young person believing what the men around her are saying to her. He went to the same church, likely knew you and knew your family and is playing an active role paying for your lifestyle. That was naive for him to think that money buys affection or that having you in his home would be a more likely place where you'd have sex with him. Why didn't he propose to you before you moving in if he really felt so strongly about you? The idea of moving in before marriage for your background and values/beliefs makes no sense at all. At the moment all he has is a live in gf who doesn't sexually satisfy him yet he was the one who opened the door to you and invited you to stay. And he's still saying that he wants you to stay.

You can talk with him but he will just tell you to keep staying with him and yet expect you to change your ways and end your friendship with Tony or he will monitor your friendship. Tony and you have more than just a platonic relationship and that's something you have to open your eyes to. Flirting or cuddling or closeness with a male friend is not simply platonic. I believe you if you think that he's more like a brother. Tony is a safe place mentally for you but that will only last for as long as it's appropriate or for as long as that friendship doesn't come crashing down and you realize that he's not as brotherly as you think. I think you need to take the blinders off this one. Tony is not just a friend.

Regarding sex before marriage if that's what you really feel strongly about, your boyfriend changed. He's not a man who doesn't want sex before marriage. Quite the opposite. Actually your boyfriend is so far off from what you expected, I'm surprised you still feel attracted to him. I'm sure it's an ego stroke that you get him hard. I wouldn't believe that things would get better after marriage. You will still fail to get him off with foot jobs because he can't with you for some reason and you both haven't had sex yet so you're hinging your happiness on a future-reality that hasn't happened yet. That's dangerous. Don't do that.

Move out and repair the relationship with your parents if you need to or start working and supporting yourself. You'll find it so much more satisfying than using someone else's hardearned money and the superficial relationships and friendships will also fade out of your life. Men who say they only want to have sex before marriage yet aren't what they prove to be wouldn't even equate or factor into your life. You'll be making something far more out of yourself and learning the value of money also while focusing on your goals.

July 10, 2021

Your past sexual history with Tony is an affront to your current BF That is why having Tony around for drinks in the hot tub is bad. Do you not see that?

You are right that you shouldn't disclose every detail but since you know your history with Tony & you know that if your BF knew about Tony he'd be more upset, why do you keep defending Tony in all this? That is a big part of where you keep going wrong in here.

Now your story is also changing. You are a technical virgin but your BF is not. The idea that he's OK living with & spending his money on a hot bikini model who he cuddles naked, who can't get him off, who won't let him masturbate in front of her but then he goes to sleep in a different room . . .oh boy. There is a ton of sexual dysfunction on his part under here but you don't see it. Marriage isn't going to fix what's wrong with your sex life.

July 10, 2021

Hmmm.

I feel like there's a lot of "judging" a 20 year old in this thread for not acting like a responsible, married adult. To be fair, she's apparently signed up for a future marriage, but nonetheless. It's not particularly realistic IMO to ask someone of this age to curtail their social life overmuch and fall into line with "boundaries". Particularly a pretty and sociable young woman.

It sounds like Janie is a "top tier" female, being attractive enough to model. She is a prize, it sounds like, and BF is volunteering for this AND doing whatever it takes to keep her around. Yes, there is no way most folks would accept blowing $1K of their money on shoes, but I think BF here may well believe this is the kind price he must pay to win this prize.

Meanwhile, the overall situation with the lack of sex and "college years" boundaries (which by the way is perfectly normal at college age) is psychologically unhealthy for him, so he has become jealous and controlling.

Janie, I don't think this relationship is healthy for either of you. It's putting psychological stress on him and getting you to normalize what are the beginnings of abusive behaviors (being overly controlling) AND being treated essentially as a trophy wife.

I think you are both in for major disappointments when this falls apart in perhaps a few years. Or worse, you force yourselves to stick it out and stay in what becomes an unhappy marriage. I doubt his jealousy will ease up - he will always be wondering (since you can't prove you didn't do anything). And always feel like you could probably easily go screw around if you chose to (with your looks, etc). This will continue to eat away at him, I strongly suspect.

I think it would be wiser to take a step back, get some perspective on what's going on, and end it. I think trying to "force" this to work and e.g. marrying would be a mistake. There are major cracks in the foundation here.

It's your life and your decisions, and perhaps I'm wrong, but that's my suggestion to you FWIW. Not being sure where you'd live right now isn't a reason to go forward in a substantially flawed relationship for the long term.

Edited July 10, 2021 by mark clemson

July 10, 2021

2 hours ago, Janie7 said:

No, lol. My parents are very strict.

Again, yes Tony and I do flirt and have a brief history long ago but like I said, I am really cutting back on the amount of one on one time I spend with him, and also toning down on the flirting, expecially with Tony being in a relationship as well.

And also again, yes only my bf is working right now but that is because I'm still in school and we both agreed that it would be better right now for me not to work and to just focus on the studies. He is even the traditional type anyways who would prefer that the woman stay at home and take care of the kids while the guy brings home the bacon. I'm not sure he even wants me to work after we're married, at least not after our first child.

Also, I don't really invite Tony, he just always shows up, lol. All my friends who live close by do this. I know...

This may look honorable, but it's not. You think it's feeling a bit controlling now, you wait til you have your first kid....you will feel like a bird trapped in a cage. He's going to expect you to focus 100% of your life on child and home. Just saying you better make YOUR expectations very clear to HIM, how YOU want to live your life, to have the freedom to change direction, to have a career if you choose, etc before you walk down that isle.

Edited July 10, 2021 by smackie9

July 10, 2021

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Your past sexual history with Tony is an affront to your current BF That is why having Tony around for drinks in the hot tub is bad. Do you not see that?

You are right that you shouldn't disclose every detail but since you know your history with Tony & you know that if your BF knew about Tony he'd be more upset, why do you keep defending Tony in all this? That is a big part of where you keep going wrong in here.

Now your story is also changing. You are a technical virgin but your BF is not. The idea that he's OK living with & spending his money on a hot bikini model who he cuddles naked, who can't get him off, who won't let him masturbate in front of her but then he goes to sleep in a different room . . .oh boy. There is a ton of sexual dysfunction on his part under here but you don't see it. Marriage isn't going to fix what's wrong with your sex life.

Well, for the record I do not care if my bf masturbates while we cuddle, but he knows I don't like watching and so he always leaves and does it in the bathroom or on the couch. But that is his choice. I would never tell him where he can or can not relieve himself, that would be so disrespectful to him. His choice to sleep in a different bed is because he masturbates so much, I guess. I can't think of any other reason.

And I was only 'defending' Tony because people here were saying he is NOT your friend and acting as if he's some kind of danger, like he's an orbiter or a stalker or something, and I know that is not the case. He is just a good friend who has been there for me when I needed someone back in high school. I had social anxiety but he helped me to overcome it, and he was new and I helped him to fit in. He is like a brother to me honestly, and I don't like people falsely accusing him.

So everyone please stop. If you think I need to break up with my bf, or totally cut myself off from my bff forever, fine, I am here for advice, but please be respectful and do not accuse my friend of being some kind of 'danger' when I know that is the furthest from the truth. He is a good person, he is just not my type romantically.

July 10, 2021

Doesn't matter if he's not your romantic "type", he's still a threat to your relaiotnship with your fiance, unless you make some changes to your interaction with him. Like I said, when you marry, your husband becomes your BFF, the one you hang out with and confide in, etc....your husband should trump this friend in whatever you get out of this friendship.

July 10, 2021

If you weren’t flirting with Tony then perhaps your connection with him could be defensible.

But you are and it isn’t and it’s not all about Tony. Neither one of you can be trusted to maintain proper boundaries. You’ve already broken them and couldn’t care less.

You’re also not responsive to receiving advice you continue to say the same things while getting more defensive with every post.

This situation has more red flags waving than Daytona Speedway after a multi car pileup.

July 10, 2021

37 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Doesn't matter if he's not your romantic "type", he's still a threat to your relaiotnship with your fiance, unless you make some changes to your interaction with him. Like I said, when you marry, your husband becomes your BFF, the one you hang out with and confide in, etc....your husband should trump this friend in whatever you get out of this friendship.

Yes, smackie I understand. My bf and I do have an amazing connection and he really is my bff, but the problem is that he works a lot of hours and Tony is... well... here. So sometimes I end up actually spending more quality one on one time with Tony that I do with my own bf. It's not intentional, that's just how it works out.

But like I said I am aware of how it might look to my bf if I'm spending so much time with another guy, friend or not. That is why I'm really cutting back on the time I let him hang out here. Lately, we've only been hanging out alone like one or two days a week total, other than maybe getting some coffee down the street. Otherwise it is only with all of my friends too.

July 10, 2021

Oh it’s not intentional hangouts alone with Tony and only two days per week plus coffee dates.

That clears it all up thank you.

SMH

Edited July 10, 2021 by Alfano

July 10, 2021

I don't think either you or your boyfriend are ready for a marriage-type relationship, OP.

Like many 20-year-olds (msyelf included at that age), you're making a lot of mistakes and fumbles and hopefully will learn along the way. But this relationship likely will not last. There's too much dysfunction and immaturity.

July 10, 2021

13 minutes ago, Janie7 said:

My bf and I do have an amazing connection and he really is my bff, but the problem is that he works a lot of hours and Tony is... well... here. So sometimes I end up actually spending more quality one on one time with Tony that I do with my own bf. It's not intentional, that's just how it works out.

Then make it stop working out that way. If you must hang out with Tony one on one, do it in public with more clothes on & less alcohol. Also do it more infrequently. Out of respect for your BF who you love so much, add other people into the mix when you see Tony. Appearances do matter so make your encounters with Tony look a lot less like dates.

July 10, 2021

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I really don't understand why you can't move back with your parents. Do you not want to now that you have had a taste of freedom & the good life or are you no longer welcome?

The whole he can't masturbate in front of you is problematic. Ejaculation is part of sex. What's the issue? It sounds like you are being intentionally selfish here. Not good.

Does you BF know that you previously cuddled naked with Tony? No wonder he wants this guy gone out of your life. Once he finds out, don't be surprised if your BF kicks you out too. His obsession with your virginity & his willingness to abide by this insane living together with no sex thing, will blow up once he learns that he's not the 1st guy to get his hands on your body.

You strike me as a tease. You love showing off your body & getting men all worked up but then you flounce away touting religion & the virtues of virginity.

Tony is not your friend, honey, & you are very naïve to think he is. He's a guy waiting to swoop in as soon as you give him the green light, probably when you are vulnerable after another guy breaks your heart. While you show off your body to him in your bikini during these booze filled hot tub encounters that your BF is paying for, Tony is biding his time waiting to make his move.

I agree with whomever suggested you get a job. If you have all this free time to shop, hang out with your friends & spend time with Tony, you can squeeze in 20 hours per week even if it's working at McDonalds -- or is that beneath you because you consider yourself a bikini model? Perhaps your church could find something more suitable for you to earn money PT. Even if you were volunteering somewhere, that could help your resume. Perhaps get an internship. Bottom line: start contributing to the household economy.

As for your spending, that really is out of control. It can be helped. Just stop. Next time you are tempted to buy something, think about how long you would have to work to afford that, then put it back. If you are really tempted, pray. You said you are woman of faith who met this guy at Bible study. When you want to shop, instead read Matthew 4:1-11 about Satan tempting Jesus. If you can't resist buying a pair of shoes, what does that tell you about the strength of your faith?

Do not publicly answer me but I'd be very interested to know  just how much money we're talking about here. I have a bad feeling that while your 28 year old BF may make a comfortable living, & it may be more money than you have ever known, is it really idle rich money where he can afford your college tuition, to put a roof over your head & groceries on the table plus enable you to spend thousands on frivolous stuff like shoes? It sounds more like you are a young woman with her 1st credit card who goes nuts thinking she can, not understanding that it has to be paid back & interest rates confine you to debt. Assuming the sandals you mentioned were $300+ , leaving them out, spending $600-$700 is not more reasonable. How many shoes do you need? Last summer I bought a pair of $12 flip flops. That is the last time I bought shoes in probably the last 2 years. Before that I bought a pair of shoes at a thrift store for I think $10, new they probably retailed for $129. You have to learn the value of things.

Perhaps you & this guy should have a real talk about finances & budgets. You need to have an understanding of how much things cost because you don't seem to have a clue.

I disagree on To y given how and when they met. If they met at college I would agree. When younger and you get along and might try bf-gf but realizes it just does not work. They were in relationship training wheels as tennis.

July 10, 2021

25 minutes ago, Janie7 said:

Yes, smackie I understand. My bf and I do have an amazing connection and he really is my bff, but the problem is that he works a lot of hours and Tony is... well... here. So sometimes I end up actually spending more quality one on one time with Tony that I do with my own bf. It's not intentional, that's just how it works out.

But like I said I am aware of how it might look to my bf if I'm spending so much time with another guy, friend or not. That is why I'm really cutting back on the time I let him hang out here. Lately, we've only been hanging out alone like one or two days a week total, other than maybe getting some coffee down the street. Otherwise it is only with all of my friends too.

is Tony using you for social networking where you collect friends thst he has trouble with making.

I understand men and women can be friends but I also can see the concern on us there something more here. Was the flights you had with him when you dated for childish reasons where you didn’t know any better? Has Tony tried to talk and be friends with him?

July 10, 2021

3 hours ago, Janie7 said:

Well it started like that but you know how it goes. My bf and I are deeply in love and have a blazing passion for each other, but we are also both deeply committed to not having sex outside of marriage, so sometimes you keep 'allowing' more and more things. First more kissing, then more touching, then more kissing, the next thing you know you are cuddling naked every night and some pretty heavy petting and touching is going on.

Do you think it would be best for my bf and I to not only live separate, but also not go beyond some mild kissing or hugging? I can understand that this might be the... safest ? .. way to go but you have to admit this is hard. Both my bf and I are very intimate people and like to cuddle and touch. This is how I express my physical desire for my bf without violating church teaching. I don't think either of us is going to be happy not be able to show physical affection for one another.

Don't you think that being too strict about it can sort of 'backfire' and lead to other problems, other friction, that might not be healthy for a loving relationship?

explain to me why you and him are deeply in love?

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Boyfriend becoming petty and jealous since we started living together

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