do they actually leave?

[vla1120]

1 minute ago, Myabee said:

Wait! You are blaming me???? It takes two here. 

I believe BlindsidedTwice is referring to the fact that you said you were done with him, he wasn't for you, and if you had blocked him, you wouldn't be aware that his wife knows about you. I am glad you live 3,000 miles away from him if she is this angry. There might be some small part of you that hopes this DDay will result in him leaving her and coming to be by your side, now that the cat is out of the bag. I think you should have blocked him before it turned into this level of drama. Betrayed spouses can be difficult to deal with if they want to make your life a living hell.

[czanclus]

Enough with the shaming of the OW for not vigilantly seeing to it that the man is always on his best behavior lest it hurt the oblivious spouse. Not like she's been flashing her nether regions in front of him any time recently, but instead has been struggling to let go of intense feelings, however misdirected they were.

I speak as a child of a repeatedly betrayed mother by her perennial validation seeking husband (incidentally also my father) who witnessed her weep in pain, but listen! The man is the biggest villain in this story, then a reasonably distant second the vain, disrespectful, delusional OWs, then the trailing third the obstinate wife who cannot bring herself to the state of strength to leave the cheating b*****d. I forever vowed never to be that spouse. That's just pathetic.

Anyway, now at least the light shines bright on the truth that the wife is FAR FROM indifferent to her husband's cheating. Staying tuned for further developments... Victorian and Shakespearean novels have nothing on this interactive enabled by the www.

Edited November 19, 2021 by czanclus

[Myabee]

7 minutes ago, czanclus said:

Enough with the shaming of the OW for not vigilantly seeing to it that the man is always on his best behavior lest it hurt the oblivious spouse. Not like she's been flashing her nether regions in front of him any time recently, but instead has been struggling to let go of intense feelings, however misdirected they were.

I speak as a child of a repeatedly betrayed mother by her perennial validation seeking husband (incidentally also my father) who witnessed her weep in pain, but listen! The man is the biggest villain in this story, then a reasonably distant second the vain, disrespectful, delusional OWs, then the trailing third the obstinate wife who cannot bring herself to the state of strength to leave the cheating b*****d. I forever vowed never to be that spouse. That's just pathetic.

Anyway, now at least the light shines bright on the truth that the wife is FAR FROM indifferent to her husband's cheating. Staying tuned for further developments... Victorian and Shakespearean novels have nothing on this interactive enabled by the www.

Thank you for understanding the side of the OW here I do appreciate that and I know my role has been very pathetic in all.of this to say least.The only positve I see her knowing the truth and no perhaps MM and her can work to repair what lead him to be vulnerable to an affair with me. Idk I’m so upset and rather shocked.  

[vla1120]

11 minutes ago, czanclus said:

Enough with the shaming of the OW for not vigilantly seeing to it that the man is always on his best behavior lest it hurt the oblivious spouse.

I get what you're saying, but I liken it to being the driver of the getaway car in a bank robbery. I mean...the driver didn't go into the bank. Maybe the driver didn't even know his/her partner was robbing the bank, but the driver of the getaway car is just as culpable as the bank robber in the court of law. Hence, the OW/OM needs to take responsibility for his/her part in the deception.

[Maylady]

11 minutes ago, czanclus said:

Enough with the shaming of the OW for not vigilantly seeing to it that the man is always on his best behavior lest it hurt the oblivious spouse. Not like she's been flashing her nether regions in front of him any time recently, but instead has been struggling to let go of intense feelings, however misdirected they were.

I speak as a child of a repeatedly betrayed mother by her perennial validation seeking husband (incidentally also my father) who witnessed her weep in pain, but listen! The man is the biggest villain in this story, then a reasonably distant second the vain, disrespectful, delusional OWs, then the trailing third the obstinate wife who cannot bring herself to the state of strength to leave the cheating b*****d. I forever vowed never to be that spouse. That's just pathetic.

Anyway, now at least the light shines bright on the truth that the wife is FAR FROM indifferent to her husband's cheating. Staying tuned for further developments... Victorian and Shakespearean novels have nothing on this interactive enabled by the www.

I see the ow and the married man as equally at fault.  Just like in my own situation , they are both married, cheating and lying.  When i realized i was just as culpable....i began to move foreward and find peace

[Myabee]

6 minutes ago, Maylady said:

I see the ow and the married man as equally at fault.  Just like in my own situation , they are both married, cheating and lying.  When i realized i was just as culpable....i began to move foreward and find peace

Yes I agree both at fault. We worked together here. On my end I am legally separated so no cheating and lying really as not with my H soon to be ex. I feel sick over this. How could he be so stupid to leave stuff on his phone??? 

[Maylady]

4 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Yes I agree both at fault. We worked together here. On my end I am legally separated so no cheating and lying really as not with my H soon to be ex. I feel sick over this. How could he be so stupid to leave stuff on his phone??? 

This seems to be typically how they slip up.  Mine texted his wife instead of me.  You cant make this styff up

[Myabee]

6 minutes ago, Maylady said:

This seems to be typically how they slip up.  Mine texted his wife instead of me.  You cant make this styff up

Oh gosh. I hope he did not do it on purpose as to be found out? Do you think that's possible? 

[Maylady]

Just now, Myabee said:

Oh gosh. I hope he did not do it on purpose as to be found out? Do you think that's possible? 

He dumped me like a hot rock right after....blocked me everywhere.  He was starting to pull away before d day. So if he did it on purpose it was to have a means to an end with me.  They are still together as far as i know

[czanclus]

17 minutes ago, Maylady said:

I see the ow and the married man as equally at fault.  Just like in my own situation , they are both married, cheating and lying.  When i realized i was just as culpable....i began to move foreward and find peace

Myabee is recently divorced to my understanding, and the divorce was a long time coming prior to this affair.

As for you being 'just as culpable' - I'm no one to arbitrate, but I'm gonna anyway.  The way I see it, it is fully your responsibility to spare yourself the drama, and you, and any and all former/current/future OW's got yourselves in the predicament that you have all yourselves to blame. I'll grant that the level to which the flattery and lovebombing by the MM can mess with one's head, especially when that one is looking for love themselves, cannot be overstated. So, it's a serious force to be reckoned with, and one needs preemptive guard to not get suckered in. Do not assume the agency comes as easily as 'snap out of it, he is married.'

On the note of 'looking for love' then, there is a 'perverse metric' in the MM-OW predicament that the OW gets herself into in the sense that the MM is already pre-approved by someone, whom now he - supposedly - finds inferior to the new flame, the OW, and that must mean that the feelings are 'true' because the man already has the marriage and is not just some lonely desperado looking for a partner on paper, but shoots for the Moon (that being, in her own vain perception, the OW).

[Maylady]

1 minute ago, czanclus said:

Myabee is recently divorced to my understanding, and the divorce was a long time coming prior to this affair.

As for you being 'just as culpable' - I'm no one to arbitrate, but I'm gonna anyway.  The way I see it, it is fully your responsibility to spare yourself the drama, and you, and any and all former/current/future OW's got yourselves in the predicament that you have all yourselves to blame. I'll grant that the level to which the flattery and lovebombing by the MM can mess with one's head, especially when that one is looking for love themselves, cannot be overstated. So, it's a serious force to be reckoned with, and one needs preemptive guard to not get suckered in. Do not assume the agency comes as easily as 'snap out of it, he is married.'

On the note of 'looking for love' then, there is a 'perverse metric' in the MM-OW predicament that the OW gets herself into in the sense that the MM is already pre-approved by someone, whom now he - supposedly - finds inferior to the new flame, the OW, and that must mean that the feelings are 'true' because the man already has the marriage and is not just some lonely desperado looking for a partner on paper, but shoots for the Moon (that being, in her own vain perception, the OW).

If im completely honest with myself.  I went after him....he seemed ambivalent and unsure during most of the affair.  So i guess when we always seem to put the man in the wrong.  That is wrong.  I guess i was the lovebomber in my case

[Myabee]

33 minutes ago, Maylady said:

He dumped me like a hot rock right after....blocked me everywhere.  He was starting to pull away before d day. So if he did it on purpose it was to have a means to an end with me.  They are still together as far as i know

See hes not doing that.He told me he told her he blocked me and dumped me when he has not

[Myabee]

33 minutes ago, czanclus said:

Myabee is recently divorced to my understanding, and the divorce was a long time coming prior to this affair.

As for you being 'just as culpable' - I'm no one to arbitrate, but I'm gonna anyway.  The way I see it, it is fully your responsibility to spare yourself the drama, and you, and any and all former/current/future OW's got yourselves in the predicament that you have all yourselves to blame. I'll grant that the level to which the flattery and lovebombing by the MM can mess with one's head, especially when that one is looking for love themselves, cannot be overstated. So, it's a serious force to be reckoned with, and one needs preemptive guard to not get suckered in. Do not assume the agency comes as easily as 'snap out of it, he is married.'

On the note of 'looking for love' then, there is a 'perverse metric' in the MM-OW predicament that the OW gets herself into in the sense that the MM is already pre-approved by someone, whom now he - supposedly - finds inferior to the new flame, the OW, and that must mean that the feelings are 'true' because the man already has the marriage and is not just some lonely desperado looking for a partner on paper, but shoots for the Moon (that being, in her own vain perception, the OW).

Yes all prior to MM separated not divorced yet.  

[Myabee]

2 minutes ago, S2B said:

So he is a blatant liar.

he lies to her = he lies to you. It’s that simple.

he’s not going to tell her he wants a divorce. He just lies to you about it to keep you around.

why are you letting this guy waste your time and energy?

Well now he is going to tell her the truth apparently as he is sick of being at her mercy.

[Myabee]

11 minutes ago, S2B said:

Ya right. Tell him to record that conversation in order to be believable!

Idk S2b..... what to believe anymore. 

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

He promised he would not give her my last name and I am private on social media no last name out there. He said she could care less about me she is boiling at him.  Still this is not sitting well with me at all.  

Sorry but this is the chance you take by involving yourself in an affair with someone else's husband.  Some wives cry, get in bed and bury their tearful face in a pillow.  Others get raging mad and do not stop until they get a face to face with OW.  This MM's wife seems like the latter.

I don't understand though.  If you are so sure of his love it would seem you'd be happy the affair is now exposed.  Now he has the chance to tell her he's in love with you and leave to be with you.  Why are you afraid?

[Myabee]

15 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Sorry but this is the chance you take by involving yourself in an affair with someone else's husband.  Some wives cry, get in bed and bury their tearful face in a pillow.  Others get raging mad and do not stop until they get a face to face with OW.  This MM's wife seems like the latter.

I don't understand though.  If you are so sure of his love it would seem you'd be happy the affair is now exposed.  Now he has the chance to tell her he's in love with you and leave to be with you.  Why are you afraid?

We spoke for an hour on the phone. He said that he feels this is a silver-lining to confront things that can either be fixed or not.  I am happy in a way this happened in a way for him because he has a chance to confront the issues that lead to this. But I also wonder now if she really did not find out and this was his way of ending it with me once and for all?? Something does not add up here! 

Edited November 19, 2021 by Myabee

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, czanclus said:

Myabee is recently divorced to my understanding, and the divorce was a long time coming prior to this affair.

Well now MM has the opportunity to get up off his keister and do the same.

[czanclus]

2 hours ago, Maylady said:

If im completely honest with myself.  I went after him....he seemed ambivalent and unsure during most of the affair.  So i guess when we always seem to put the man in the wrong.  That is wrong.  I guess i was the lovebomber in my case

OK, then all on you for getting yourself so entangled. It was a lesson. Must have been some really special chap.  Glad you moved on and grew from it.

[stillafool]

21 minutes ago, Myabee said:

We spoke for an hour on the phone. He said that he feels this is a silver-lining to confront things that can either be fixed or not.  I am happy in a way this happened in a way for him because he has a chance to confront the issues that lead to this. But I also wonder now if she really did not find out and this was his way of ending it with me once and for all?? Something does not add up here! 

But you were leaving him alone and he continued to contact you so that doesn't quite add up.

[Myabee]

10 minutes ago, stillafool said:

But you were leaving him alone and he continued to contact you so that doesn't quite add up.

We were both back and forth in and out of contact and nc. Both struggling will all of it. I'm now really wondering if he's lying  and she did  not find a thing that was his way of ending it with me. However,  i directly just asked him and he of course I am  not making that up.

Edited November 19, 2021 by Myabee

[vla1120]

10 minutes ago, Myabee said:

But I also wonder now if she really did not find out and this was his way of ending it with me once and for all?? Something does not add up here! 

Unfortunately, this is the risk of staying involved with a proven liar. You may never know the full truth about anything.

[Crazelnut]

So now is your big chance to block him, grieve and get on with your life. NOW will you please block him?!?!

[Myabee]

15 minutes ago, Crazelnut said:

So now is your big chance to block him, grieve and get on with your life. NOW will you please block him?!?!

I won't be contacting him anymore. I'm devastated it came to this by her finding out... just want to throw up.   

Edited November 19, 2021 by Myabee

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

I won't be contacting him anymore. I'm devastated it came to this by her finding out... just want to throw up.   

I will admit I am not doing well with any of this. I wish I could feel better.