do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

Well, just know that he will step back in and make many many empty promises again with absolutely no action/change on his part. It’s predictable!

also he will love bomb you when you are most vulnerable (they usually wait a while until they know you’re desperate for attention).

and also - expect him to have a medical emergency when none of those work - it’s designed to get your attention. 

don’t fall for any of them. They are ways for him to use you further for more ego feeds.

until any OW see first hand the final divorce papers filed with the court - they are still married and right where they choose to be.

I still don’t see why you don’t take your power back and block him for good. Anything he says will be designed to manipulate you. This is one thing you have a choice in doing.

One thing I will give him is the fact that he has stated on several occasions he does not want to make any promises he can't keep. Yet when I read that I read it as " I'm not leaving". I'm pretty sure at this point not really anything he could contact me to say would hold any merit. Now that I have lost trust finally, when I typically reach this point with people im not interested in anything they have to say. 

[hajk]

 

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

Now that I have lost trust finally, when I typically reach this point with people im not interested in anything they have to say. 

@Myabee I hope you remember this, stay strong, keep your resolve, and don't reach out to him again please.  Take care and good luck!

[Wiseman2]

There's a huge amount of cognitive dissonance (Goole it) in affairs.

That's because your mind is trying to reconcile the awfulness of it and normalize in order to cope.

It's similar to Stockholm syndrome where the slightest kindness from the tormentors elicited empathy and bonding with them.

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, S2B said:

And when you’ve typed this ^^^^
it is hard to understand why you wouldn’t just block him. That would be a gal that takes charge of her future.

that would also be a clear message to him that you are actually done… especially when he never gets a response from you.

he’s going to love bomb you - and you will respond if you don’t block him.

As far as I'm concerned, His arsenal of love bombs has been depleted. He knows the bottom line here! Get a divorce then perhaps we have something to talk about about. Until then it's all talk and no action which is just typical MM script. I'm done with the talk and even the biggest I love you and want you is meaningless until I see actual divorce papers. Have read enough here and continue to read and see he is just a typical cheater. Game over.  

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

He knows the bottom line here! Get a divorce then perhaps we have something to talk about about.

And this is why you refuse to block him. You are still waiting for him to make a different decision and come back to you….

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

And this is why you refuse to block him. You are still waiting for him to make a different decision and come back to you….

No. Because that will never happen! 

[Daliah]

21 hours ago, Myabee said:

As far as I'm concerned, His arsenal of love bombs has been depleted. He knows the bottom line here! Get a divorce then perhaps we have something to talk about about. Until then it's all talk and no action which is just typical MM script. I'm done with the talk and even the biggest I love you and want you is meaningless until I see actual divorce papers. Have read enough here and continue to read and see he is just a typical cheater. Game over.  

You’re waiting for God Myabee….and in all honesty, I wouldn’t touch him with somebody else’s knowing who he really is, let alone entertain any possibility of any kind of relationship with him. Imagine…he comes to you, with divorce papers in hand, you live your dream and marry him yourself (in the full knowledge that this vile excuse of a man is a KNOWN AND PROVEN LIAR AND CHEAT)… and not long down the line, your little alarm bells (because they DO ring, despite your supposed joy at ‘winning’  the booby prize) get louder…that’s when you find the all telling message on his phone (which his present wife WILL find sooner or later, because she won’t be able to ignore the loudness of her own alarm bells).. and here you are..in the very place you took over from his former wife when you were his concubine. 

That old adage ‘when a man marries his mistress he leaves a gap for a replacement’ is truer than we care to accept. You might have convinced yourself that you and he ‘are different’..that couldn’t be so far from reality as to compare it to flying to Mexico with the door open..it just isn’t possible.

is that how you see your wonderful future?  With a man you will never be able to trust no matter how much you force yourself to believe that YOU  are the one to change him..

Shut him down. It’s the right and the only thing to do.  Tell him if he doesn’t leave you alone you’ll inform his wife.

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, Myabee said:

. Until then .....

There may never be a "then". He has no incentive to divorce. If he did, he would have be divorced when you started seeing each other.

People who have affairs don't want to get divorced. That's the entire point of having affairs.

[BlindsidedTwice]

I’m going to throw in a vote for blocking this guy. Your thread is 51 pages long. Aren’t you exhausted? You deserve some peace from this.

[Myabee]

On 11/14/2021 at 3:52 AM, Wiseman2 said:

There may never be a "then". He has no incentive to divorce. If he did, he would have be divorced when you started seeing each other.

People who have affairs don't want to get divorced. That's the entire point of having affairs.

Yes I agree on the affairs. In this case due to the pandemic and 3000 mile distance I will at best just give that much as to why he has not left... however... hes not for me anyway. 

[ItsSteph]

On 7/8/2021 at 5:59 PM, Myabee said:

I already did get hurt when back in Nov he said I can't text you anything that (lets call her ) Jane can't see. I have to give my marriage a chance. He had to put me in a box on a shelf meaning the feelings. We tried to stay friends fighting feelings all the while back and forth.

This, right here, is where you say, "Okay, I understand and appreciate that.  I'm going to step back so you can do that.  Call me if you file for divorce."

[czanclus]

On 11/13/2021 at 10:45 AM, Myabee said:

No. Because that will never happen! 

My money's on this bet as well. Not only will that never happen, it is also practically a given that he won't reach out for more long-distance banter because he already senses that there will be (rightful, but still unpleasant) lashing out or coldness. Blocking is optional. Just internally letting go and moving on, that's where the battle should be focused. Hope it's in good progress by now.

If it helps to assume that he's already marked other women to have casual physical or non-physical flings with, assume the chances are high.

Edited November 16, 2021 by czanclus

[Myabee]

On 11/15/2021 at 3:46 PM, ItsSteph said:

This, right here, is where you say, "Okay, I understand and appreciate that.  I'm going to step back so you can do that.  Call me if you file for divorce."

Yes and believe me I had tried that several times at the start of trying to move forward and away from all this... epic fail!!

[Myabee]

On 11/15/2021 at 7:49 PM, czanclus said:

My money's on this bet as well. Not only will that never happen, it is also practically a given that he won't reach out for more long-distance banter because he already senses that there will be (rightful, but still unpleasant) lashing out or coldness. Blocking is optional. Just internally letting go and moving on, that's where the battle should be focused. Hope it's in good progress by now.

If it helps to assume that he's already marked other women to have casual physical or non-physical flings with, assume the chances are high.

Internally letting go is where the real work and progress happens. I honestly do think for this MM this has been a ons time big opps. From all i gather, He does not strike as the type that has much courage to just randomly go after other women. He is way to shy and doubts himself often.  

[Myabee]

Oh good grief the wife found out about Me .

[Maylady]

5 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Oh good grief the wife found out about Me .

How did that happen...and whats happening now?

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

He does not strike as the type that has much courage to just randomly go after other women. He is way to shy and doubts himself often.  

This is actually a trick players use to trap the unwary.
He becomes the shy guy, the insecure guy, the guy who is useless with women... she lowers her guard as he is so obviously harmless and no threat...

[Myabee]

10 minutes ago, Maylady said:

How did that happen...and whats happening now?

Oh jesus im shaking... Apparently she grabbed his phone... and he has stuff on it not deleted and she is red hot pissed!!! Idk he said she does not know who i am 

[Maylady]

5 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Oh jesus im shaking... Apparently she grabbed his phone... and he has stuff on it not deleted and she is red hot pissed!!! Idk he said she does not know who i am 

Take it from me.  She will find out...either through her own searches, or he will spill to save his marriage

[Myabee]

9 minutes ago, Maylady said:

Take it from me.  She will find out...either through her own searches, or he will spill to save his marriage

He promised he would not give her my last name and I am private on social media no last name out there. He said she could care less about me she is boiling at him.  Still this is not sitting well with me at all.  

Edited November 19, 2021 by Myabee

[Maylady]

4 minutes ago, Myabee said:

He promised he would not giver her my last name and I am private on social media no last name out there. He said she could care less about me she is boiling at him.  

I got the same promise...she has droven past my house and verbally attacked me in public.  Believe me, from what ive read and in my own case, these wives become grade A private investigators.

[Myabee]

1 minute ago, Maylady said:

I got the same promise...she has droven past my house and verbally attacked me in public.  Believe me, from what ive read and in my own case, these wives become grade A private investigators.

Well I live 3000 miles away... so I do not think that will be an issue. Idk what to do. He told me to call him later when he is at work. He is not connected to me on social media anywhere.... nor any apps. Nothing recent she would have seen

Edited November 19, 2021 by Myabee

[BlindsidedTwice]

Wow this is really sad. You had multiple chances (and reasons) to get away from this man and you didn’t. She might be “boiling” but really she is heartbroken and hurting. I hope you do not call him. I hope you block him and leave them alone. 

Edited November 19, 2021 by BlindsidedTwice

[Myabee]

7 minutes ago, BlindsidedTwice said:

Wow this is really sad. You had multiple chances (and reasons) to get away from this couple and you didn’t. She might be “boiling” but really she is heartbroken and hurting.  I hope you do not call him. I hope you block him and leave them both alone. 

Wait! You are blaming me???? It takes two here. 

[BlindsidedTwice]

Just now, Myabee said:

Wait! You are blaming me???? It takes two here. 

Yes and you are one of those two.