do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

3 hours ago, Crazelnut said:

Sad to come back to this thread after a while and see the same old same old. Woman, toughen up and stop with the "star crossed soulmates" nonsense. We all thought it, and we were all wrong, you included. 

Don't say "eventually." Put on your big girl pants and just walk away. Do the hard, but right thing -- for yourself. 

Hmmm it's only been a few months since I posted here. Pardon me but things take time to move on from. I have much more acceptance of the situation now then I did 3 months ago. Regardless if I love him or not. 

[LynneVicious]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

Hmmm it's only been a few months since I posted here. Pardon me but things take time to move on from. I have much more acceptance of the situation now then I did 3 months ago. Regardless if I love him or not. 

With respect, the only way to sever that ‘string bond’ is to break it. You break it by eliminating him from your life. Eventually, you will heal. 

You really have an ideal situation to do it. You won’t see him at work, the store, the gym... you just need to block and delete him everywhere. 

You absolutely will not get over it by playing mental gymnastics and taking your time with this. I get that it’s scary. 

The finality of it is scary. Knowing if you do that, it will be the end. But it’ll end anyway. As mentioned - married, long distance etc. there is no future here. You just have to dig deep - really deep, and gather your strength and cut the cord. 

[BaileyB]

As someone said sprightly in another discussion, had you just stayed no contact with this man then you would have been well on your way to healing from this by now… This on again/off again stuff is not serving you if your goal is to become stronger and move on. 

[Myabee]

38 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

As someone said sprightly in another discussion, had you just stayed no contact with this man then you would have been well on your way to healing from this by now… This on again/off again stuff is not serving you if your goal is to become stronger and move on. 

I’m fully aware. 

[Myabee]

On 11/2/2021 at 8:02 PM, Myabee said:

I’m fully aware. 

Still batteling through this but feel stronger as have more clarity. No they don’t leave and deep down I most likely knew the answer to my question all the while. 

[Agentra]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

Still batteling through this but feel stronger as have more clarity. No they don’t leave and deep down I most likely knew the answer to my question all the while. 

You can't expect to reach a place where you feel "okay" or "strong enough" to cut him out of your life. It won't happen. You simply have to do it to stop wasting your own life and move on.

[Myabee]

3 hours ago, S2B said:

What does this even mean? Does it mean  YOU might actually do something to change this?

If you are thinking this means I intend to become some super human OW and flip the statistics that this MM will leave that would be wrong. I have called his bluff here. He stays because she is his financial ticket. She wears the pants and controls his life. I do not doubt he still has love for her to some degree however, based upon the things he says they are merely roomates. It was me he claims that came along and showed him so much more was missing for him with her then he ever realized. For him to be with me it means blowing up his comfy monetary life and moving 3000 miles back to the area he left 25 years ago away from family. He has family issues and it was easier for him to take the escapism route and leave. He refuses to mend fences so living anywhere near them I’m sure would make him uncomfortable. Bottom line ... I’m not worth it to him. So staying out of contact is the only way to get outta this. No future here...  

Edited November 10, 2021 by Myabee

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

It was me he claims that came along and showed him so much more was missing for him with her then he ever realized.

LOL, OMG do you know how many OW have said this exact same thing here on this board?  Why don't these guys get a new script!

[Myabee]

14 minutes ago, stillafool said:

LOL, OMG do you know how many OW have said this exact same thing here on this board?  Why don't these guys get a new script!

Lol! Yeah I'm catching onto this. All I know is waste of time. Plus who really knows what's true and what's not. Truth I do know he's a sexual pig.

[stillafool]

17 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Truth I do know he's a sexual pig.

Most cheating MM are, that is why they cheat.

[Maylady]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

If you are thinking this means I intend to become some super human OW and flip the statistics that this MM will leave that would be wrong. I have called his bluff here. He stays because she is his financial ticket. She wears the pants and controls his life. I do not doubt he still has love for her to some degree however, based upon the things he says they are merely roomates. It was me he claims that came along and showed him so much more was missing for him with her then he ever realized. For him to be with me it means blowing up his comfy monetary life and moving 3000 miles back to the area he left 25 years ago away from family. He has family issues and it was easier for him to take the escapism route and leave. He refuses to mend fences so living anywhere near them I’m sure would make him uncomfortable. Bottom line ... I’m not worth it to him. So staying out of contact is the only way to get outta this. No future here...  

Doesn't sound like she has much control over him let alone total control.  Her husband is cheating on her. If she is as controlling as he states, this guy wouldn't be able to be stepping out on her.

[Myabee]

16 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Most cheating MM are, that is why they cheat.

Yup.......

[Myabee]

6 minutes ago, Maylady said:

Doesn't sound like she has much control over him let alone total control.  Her husband is cheating on her. If she is as controlling as he states, this guy wouldn't be able to be stepping out on her.

She controls all the finances. All is in her name.Talked about xmas exchange months back... he said oh she would notice an expenditure like that. He makes much less money she has him by the balls per say. Knows he can't go anywhere due to finances. Idk if he has another in person OW... as he was always texting from work and when she was at work. 

[RebeccaR]

11 minutes ago, Myabee said:

She controls all the finances. All is in her name.Talked about xmas exchange months back... he said oh she would notice an expenditure like that. He makes much less money she has him by the balls per say. Knows he can't go anywhere due to finances. Idk if he has another in person OW... as he was always texting from work and when she was at work. 

It’s not about the money, it’s about his (legitimate) fear of discovery. It’s not controlling to not want your spouse to have an affair.

[stillafool]

45 minutes ago, Maylady said:

Doesn't sound like she has much control over him let alone total control.  Her husband is cheating on her. If she is as controlling as he states, this guy wouldn't be able to be stepping out on her.

I agree.  If she were hired to control him she would be fired by now because her husband does exactly what he wants to do.

[Maylady]

31 minutes ago, Myabee said:

She controls all the finances. All is in her name.Talked about xmas exchange months back... he said oh she would notice an expenditure like that. He makes much less money she has him by the balls per say. Knows he can't go anywhere due to finances. Idk if he has another in person OW... as he was always texting from work and when she was at work. 

If she controls all the finances. .has she not noticed his phone bill?? I smell a rat.  I think hes making this up.  She'd know by now if she was the control freak he claims her to be

[RebeccaR]

10 minutes ago, Maylady said:

If she controls all the finances. .has she not noticed his phone bill?? I smell a rat.  I think hes making this up.  She'd know by now if she was the control freak he claims her to be

Phone bill? What’s that? Messenger, iMessage, WhatsApp none of those show up on your bill

[RebeccaR]

Just now, RebeccaR said:

Phone bill? What’s that? Messenger, iMessage, WhatsApp none of those show up on your bill

Brw I’m not buying the controlling argument either. She’s not going through his phone itself, clearly 

[Maylady]

13 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

Brw I’m not buying the controlling argument either. She’s not going through his phone itself, clearly 

Yep.  From what ive read on here, married men make their wives sound like monsters so that for one, to justify their behaviour and two to keep the other woman on a string.

[Myabee]

45 minutes ago, Maylady said:

If she controls all the finances. .has she not noticed his phone bill?? I smell a rat.  I think hes making this up.  She'd know by now if she was the control freak he claims her to be

Possibly he has his own cell bill but thats a valid point... and typically I call him anyway. 

[elaine567]

If she is so controlling and horrible why hasn't he left her?
Women leave controlling men all the time, sometimes even with only the clothes they are wearing and at great risk to  their lives.
He doesn't have kids, she is unlikely to be seriously violent, so he could walk out tomorrow...
IF he really wanted to...

 

[Myabee]

19 minutes ago, Maylady said:

Yep.  From what ive read on here, married men make their wives sound like monsters so that for one, to justify their behaviour and two to keep the other woman on a string.

Actually he has not painted her as a monster at all. Just that they don't really have  much communication and she has had no desire for any sexual intimacy for at least 12 years now.  

[elaine567]

3 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Actually he has not painted her as a monster at all. Just that they don't really have  much communication and she has had no desire for any sexual intimacy for at least 12 years now.  

You described him as a sexual pig, maybe pigs are just not her thing...

[Myabee]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

If she is so controlling and horrible why hasn't he left her?
Women leave controlling men all the time, sometimes even with only the clothes they are wearing and at great risk to  their lives.
He doesn't have kids, she is unlikely to be seriously violent, so he could walk out tomorrow...
IF he really wanted to...

 

Financial security! That is why he stays. He does not want to start over in his career and the one he has now prob does not afford him the lifestyle he has with both incomes combined.

[Myabee]

Just now, elaine567 said:

You described him as a sexual pig, maybe pigs are just not her thing...

Well she does not like any form of sex.