do they actually leave?

[RebeccaR]

10 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Literally am a freaking washing machine. I have been doing well as distancing and so much then I have a sippy, sippy of happy juicy and that new adele song then ring a ling a dingy

I’m sorry, but you sound like a middle schooler. You must be enjoying this merry go round at least a little because I can’t believe you keep getting back on.

[elaine567]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

Well now I've done it! Had a few to many spirits and facetimed MM when wife was home. Idk what I was thinking!!!!!

Did the naughtiness of it, just add to the frisson? I assume she wasn't aware.

[Myabee]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Did the naughtiness of it, just add to the frisson? I assume she wasn't aware.

I think it was my drunk state of mind all sappy and thinking of him. We also have 3 hour time change I'm gussing I was thinking she was not home from work yet.Idk but I won't be doing that again.   

[elaine567]

So what did he say? Was he pleased to hear from you?

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

Literally am a freaking washing machine. I have been doing well as distancing and so much then I have a sippy, sippy of happy juicy and that new adele song then ring a ling a dingy

You have some serious work to do to figure out why our can’t leave this man in your rear view mirror. Conveniently labeling it as an “addiction” as you did in another discussion and absolving yourself of any responsibility is doing yourself a huge disservice. 

Edited October 30, 2021 by BaileyB

[LynneVicious]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

You have some serious work to do to figure out why our can’t leave this man in your rear view mirror. Conveniently labeling it as an “addiction” as you did in another discussion and absolving yourself of any responsibility is doing yourself a huge disservice. 

Well said 

[Noproblem]

I only read first post. So I am gonna say this:

 

yeah  he won't leave her and if he does, he'll go with another person not you.

[Myabee]

4 hours ago, elaine567 said:

So what did he say? Was he pleased to hear from you?

He was not mad and we have been in touch.

[Myabee]

54 minutes ago, Noproblem said:

I only read first post. So I am gonna say this:

 

yeah  he won't leave her and if he does, he'll go with another person not you.

And what makes you so sure he would go with another woman? 

[Myabee]

3 hours ago, BaileyB said:

You have some serious work to do to figure out why our can’t leave this man in your rear view mirror. Conveniently labeling it as an “addiction” as you did in another discussion and absolving yourself of any responsibility is doing yourself a huge disservice. 

Why? Because i love him. 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

Why? Because i love him. 

Do you really want to have same discussion again? No offence, but you are at times “willfully ignorant.” This is one of those times, so I personally am not going to tell you again why/how this is a very unhealthy situation for you. Take care. 

Edited October 31, 2021 by BaileyB

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

Do you really want to have same discussion again? No offence, but you are at times “willfully ignorant.” This is one of those times, so I personally am not going to tell you again why/how this is a very unhealthy situation for you. Take care. 

I'm not saying it's healthy at all. It's been difficult to fall out of love. Have been trying. 

[BaileyB]

3 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I'm not saying it's healthy at all. It's been difficult to fall out of love. Have been trying. 

It’s a choice, like everything else in life. 

You may not chose who you love, but you certainly have the ability to make decisions that support your health and well-being.

Keep trying… best wishes. 

[Noproblem]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

I'm not saying it's healthy at all. It's been difficult to fall out of love. Have been trying. 

it's so so so easy

especially with long distance.

You just block the person name everywhere &  delete any thing that might make him come back.. 

cry, listen to sad music, watch a sad movie, talk to friends and relatives about how sad you are..

takes from 1 week to 2 months and then boom, he is no longer in your mind, you moved on..

Occasionally, he might pop up on your mind, but like any distant memory, he is just a sweet memory that shouldn't lasted long as it tortured you, so you watch tv or go out, work out, or focus on your work, read some interesting book and forget about him.

 

Later on, you start dating unmarried men who lives nearby and focus on your happiness, and your family's happiness too..

 

 

Edited October 31, 2021 by Noproblem

[Myabee]

6 hours ago, Noproblem said:

it's so so so easy

especially with long distance.

You just block the person name everywhere &  delete any thing that might make him come back.. 

cry, listen to sad music, watch a sad movie, talk to friends and relatives about how sad you are..

takes from 1 week to 2 months and then boom, he is no longer in your mind, you moved on..

Occasionally, he might pop up on your mind, but like any distant memory, he is just a sweet memory that shouldn't lasted long as it tortured you, so you watch tv or go out, work out, or focus on your work, read some interesting book and forget about him.

 

Later on, you start dating unmarried men who lives nearby and focus on your happiness, and your family's happiness too..

 

 

I understand you see it this way for it's your personal opinion however, it's not that simple when one has formed a deep bond and connection with a person they never excepted too. I love him and sometimes it's virtually impossible to tell your brain don't love someone anymore. It's also not so easy to just go find friends at my age. Nine times out of 10 friendships end up very superficial and I don't do superficial. It's a real connection and depth that appeal to me and that does not fall out of the sky that often. Can I get over him? First I have to 100% want to not 90%. If these things were so easy then there would not be men and women like me posting on boards like this. You also said it won't be me as he will find someone close by. That him and I discussed on several occasions and he replied no '"other you exists". I do believe him on that. Do I believe he might actually leave, I give it about a 50% chance at this point. 

[Myabee]

8 hours ago, BaileyB said:

It’s a choice, like everything else in life. 

You may not chose who you love, but you certainly have the ability to make decisions that support your health and well-being.

Keep trying… best wishes. 

Yes of course I have that choice and thank you for believing in me to keep trying BaileyB. xx

[glows]

The irony though is that in telling yourself or repeating to yourself that you love him or have a real connection with him you are depriving yourself of actually having those things with a single or available partner. I think he's still a place of comfort for you because of other stressors going on. That's just a hunch on my part so until you truly deal with or resolve whatever is going on inside you (not this affair), the affair and the thought that this is "real" will continue to be a safe place or protection for you. 

[Myabee]

10 minutes ago, glows said:

The irony though is that in telling yourself or repeating to yourself that you love him or have a real connection with him you are depriving yourself of actually having those things with a single or available partner. I think he's still a place of comfort for you because of other stressors going on. That's just a hunch on my part so until you truly deal with or resolve whatever is going on inside you (not this affair), the affair and the thought that this is "real" will continue to be a safe place or protection for you. 

I do have some things going on inside me you pegged me on that. Yes I am making a large effort to make peace with those things. This really has nothing to do with how I feel for him. When a strong bond connects and you can really talk with someone and be yourself it's a remarkable feeling. I am not tossing all of my coins into any future with him. It is what it is for now I will look at it that way.

[Noproblem]

5 hours ago, Myabee said:

I understand you see it this way for it's your personal opinion however, it's not that simple when one has formed a deep bond and connection with a person they never excepted too. I love him and sometimes it's virtually impossible to tell your brain don't love someone anymore. It's also not so easy to just go find friends at my age. Nine times out of 10 friendships end up very superficial and I don't do superficial. It's a real connection and depth that appeal to me and that does not fall out of the sky that often. Can I get over him? First I have to 100% want to not 90%. If these things were so easy then there would not be men and women like me posting on boards like this. You also said it won't be me as he will find someone close by. That him and I discussed on several occasions and he replied no '"other you exists". I do believe him on that. Do I believe he might actually leave, I give it about a 50% chance at this point. 

I understand not having real friends at your age. even at my age, it is very hard to form real friendships. My point was to be sad and rant out to others and I assumed you have closed people, if I remember correctly, you even have grown up kids which can also be your friends who you can tell them how sad you feel after the break up..

Not many people break up because they don't love someone. Often times we do love them and we do care 100% about them, but we just can't be together because "We" together is not working. 

In your case "You and Him" is not working because first he is married, second he lives in another place, third, he is not trying to commit.

So, the honorable thing to do to your heart who is suffering from the pain of loving someone unreachable, to your brain who is suffering from your illogical decisions, and for your health who is suffering from sadness and stress, is to let go of this love. It will be hard the first month or two, but you'll survive, you'll always survive as you are survivor.

Look back at your life, see how many times you survived injustice, bad people, bad situations, you even survived giving birth and raising kids..

You think he is the "only" person for you and without him there would be no happiness or love, but that is not true.  Other him exists and you can find them once you let go of this painful hopeless love and choose you, your health, and work on yourself!

 

 

Edited October 31, 2021 by Noproblem

[glows]

5 hours ago, Myabee said:

I do have some things going on inside me you pegged me on that. Yes I am making a large effort to make peace with those things. This really has nothing to do with how I feel for him. When a strong bond connects and you can really talk with someone and be yourself it's a remarkable feeling. I am not tossing all of my coins into any future with him. It is what it is for now I will look at it that way.

I suppose "strong bond" is also quite relative. I find personally that I have strong bonds with people who are genuine in their intentions (straight shooters), upfront, considerate or kind and honest in their daily lives. It's why I also fail to understand why this friendship with this MM lends itself to any strong bonds. It wouldn't grow into that state for me. The circumstances and his married life plus his behaviour towards others negate any opportunity or ability for me to develop a strong bond with someone like this. I hope you're able to find some peace regardless of what happens. You seem torn. 

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Noproblem said:

Not many people break up because they don't love someone. Often times we do love them and we do care 100% about them, but we just can't be together because "We" together is not working. 

In your case "You and Him" is not working because first he is married, second he lives in another place, third, he is not trying to commit.

So, the honorable thing to do to your heart who is suffering from the pain of loving someone unreachable, to your brain who is suffering from your illogical decisions, and for your health who is suffering from sadness and stress, is to let go of this love.

Very well said. 

[Mystery76]

21 hours ago, Myabee said:

Why? Because i love him. 

Believe me, as someone who’s just got out of the same situation, your ‘relationship’ isn’t special. I felt the exact same way, it was like a fairytale. We were made for each other, the perfect fit. Went 4 years & didn’t go a single day without speaking. Such a strong bond that could never be broken.

Then she showed her true colours & the mask fell off. You may love him but he’s completely unworthy of it & once he shows who he really is, you’ll regret giving that much of yourself to him. But they’re your mistakes to make, you’ll be the one who pays for them though. He’ll just find the next one.

[Myabee]

9 hours ago, Noproblem said:

I understand not having real friends at your age. even at my age, it is very hard to form real friendships. My point was to be sad and rant out to others and I assumed you have closed people, if I remember correctly, you even have grown up kids which can also be your friends who you can tell them how sad you feel after the break up..

Not many people break up because they don't love someone. Often times we do love them and we do care 100% about them, but we just can't be together because "We" together is not working. 

In your case "You and Him" is not working because first he is married, second he lives in another place, third, he is not trying to commit.

So, the honorable thing to do to your heart who is suffering from the pain of loving someone unreachable, to your brain who is suffering from your illogical decisions, and for your health who is suffering from sadness and stress, is to let go of this love. It will be hard the first month or two, but you'll survive, you'll always survive as you are survivor.

Look back at your life, see how many times you survived injustice, bad people, bad situations, you even survived giving birth and raising kids..

You think he is the "only" person for you and without him there would be no happiness or love, but that is not true.  Other him exists and you can find them once you let go of this painful hopeless love and choose you, your health, and work on yourself!

 

 

I like this post it hit home. It's not a parents job to rant issues to there kids. They have their own life. It's not that I have no friend's I think I just am more of a like my own time person so I don't need this circus of people around me for happiness. What transpired between him and I was by mistake and it grew. I don't feel 100% stressed over it as I am not banking on him leaving. And it's very true one can get past this kind of love and connection in time. I will get there eventually. 

Edited November 1, 2021 by Myabee

[Myabee]

6 hours ago, glows said:

I suppose "strong bond" is also quite relative. I find personally that I have strong bonds with people who are genuine in their intentions (straight shooters), upfront, considerate or kind and honest in their daily lives. It's why I also fail to understand why this friendship with this MM lends itself to any strong bonds. It wouldn't grow into that state for me. The circumstances and his married life plus his behaviour towards others negate any opportunity or ability for me to develop a strong bond with someone like this. I hope you're able to find some peace regardless of what happens. You seem torn. 

It's hard for me to really see his true intentions. 

[Crazelnut]

Sad to come back to this thread after a while and see the same old same old. Woman, toughen up and stop with the "star crossed soulmates" nonsense. We all thought it, and we were all wrong, you included. 

Don't say "eventually." Put on your big girl pants and just walk away. Do the hard, but right thing -- for yourself.