do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

I needed to vent this. Do you know what really bothered me in all.of this? When MM said back in July the sexual play takes the pressure off his wife? Who says that? What is that? 

[RebeccaR]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

I needed to vent this. Do you know what really bothered me in all.of this? When MM said back in July the sexual play takes the pressure off his wife? Who says that? What is that? 

Someone who doesn’t respect you at all. What a romantic remark lol. I’m glad you put him in your rear view mirror.

[Myabee]

9 hours ago, S2B said:

Someone who isn’t concerned about hurting your feelings. Someone who wants you to know he is using you to keep his marriage happier. I’d be mad! 
he isn’t considering your feelings!

Yes that’s exactly what I gather myself. I find myself getting these little anger bursts for playing along for all of those months and believing him. It makes me so sick. What I don’t get is this. NOT happy with her then why not be a man and leave? Not for me... No no no way do I want this guy any longer. Not being in contact is a great thing. 

Edited October 12, 2021 by Myabee

[Pumpernickel]

Look at it this way: He thinks it's a good thing to take the pressure off of his wife. That means he cares about their relationship, and how she feels.

And he was being honest with you about it. Gotta give him that.

[elaine567]

30 minutes ago, Myabee said:

What I don’t get is this. NOT happy with her then why not be a man and leave?

Because he doesn't  have to and he doesn't want to.
I think he IS being a man.
Many men would be very happy to have a wife at home and another woman on the side.

The world of extra marital sex and affairs is not anything like singles dating. 
Many women confuse the two and get very hurt.
They assume the affair will lead to monogamy, true love, happy ever after,  just  the two of them..., but that is often never on the cards
 

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Because he doesn't  have to and he doesn't want to.
I think he IS being a man.
Many men would be very happy to have a wife at home and another woman on the side.

The world of extra marital sex and affairs is not anything like singles dating. 
Many women confuse the two and get very hurt.
They assume the affair will lead to monogamy, true love, happy ever after,  just  the two of them..., but that is often never on the cards
 

He did not really want to end the affair though. TOWARDS the end he came back around to confess I’m a cheater in this situation. This is how I see him. GREAT... Article 

 

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/amp/to-the-guys-who-want-to-have-their-cake-and-eat-it-too-2477854423

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, Myabee said:

He did not really want to end the affair though.

Of course not.  What's not to like about multiple women at your disposal.

[Myabee]

Really confused me here. I don't see this as a good thing because he can't confront her for the lack of sex. I think in a healthy marriage communication is key here and perhaps if he tried to sort it out the sex part he would be happier and not be a cheater. Because now he thinks it's ok to cake walk. That is not caring how she feels thats so dishonest. 

[Myabee]

Just now, stillafool said:

Of course not.  What's not to like about multiple women at your disposal.

Yes exactly. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

he can't confront her for the lack of sex.

What lack of sex, he's getting plenty, just not from her.  It sounds like she doesn't give a rat's patuty that he does.

[Myabee]

26 minutes ago, stillafool said:

What lack of sex, he's getting plenty, just not from her.  It sounds like she doesn't give a rat's patuty that he does.

I highly doubt she is aware of his shenanigans. He is not in a physical affair in his area that I know. He was getting his share of thrills from me and that is over as you know. Have I been replaced? Idk? Are there more IDK? I also don’t care. 

[stillafool]

30 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I highly doubt she is aware of his shenanigans. He is not in a physical affair in his area that I know. He was getting his share of thrills from me and that is over as you know. Have I been replaced? Idk? Are there more IDK? I also don’t care. 

The fact that he travels a lot and she seems to not care, most likely she's aware of who she's married to.  She's probably in her own affair and glad when he's gone.

[Myabee]

21 minutes ago, stillafool said:

The fact that he travels a lot and she seems to not care, most likely she's aware of who she's married to.  She's probably in her own affair and glad when he's gone.

He does not travel at all. 

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

I don't see this as a good thing because he can't confront her for the lack of sex.

 

14 minutes ago, Myabee said:

He does not travel at all. 

I meant travel (in he spends time with you so he's away from home then) he probably also has sex with women in his area that you know nothing about.  In any case he can't confront her about his lack of sex with her because she doesn't want him obviously.  Why?  Because she probably has someone else and has no desire for her cheating husband.  If she were trying to hold her marriage together she'd at least have mercy sex with him.  She doesn't care and he probably knows it.

[Myabee]

14 minutes ago, stillafool said:

 

I meant travel (in he spends time with you so he's away from home then) he probably also has sex with women in his area that you know nothing about.  In any case he can't confront her about his lack of sex with her because she doesn't want him obviously.  Why?  Because she probably has someone else and has no desire for her cheating husband.  If she were trying to hold her marriage together she'd at least have mercy sex with him.  She doesn't care and he probably knows it.

Then that is messed up bigtime. 

[stillafool]

7 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Then that is messed up bigtime. 

Not really,  what's good for the gander is good for the hen.  It seems fair to me.

[Myabee]

31 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Not really,  what's good for the gander is good for the hen.  It seems fair to me.

I highly doubt thats what's happening but whatever you say.  

[glows]

Myabee.. I hope you are continuing to ignore this guy. Sending you strength.

[Starswillshine]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

The fact that he travels a lot and she seems to not care, most likely she's aware of who she's married to.  She's probably in her own affair and glad when he's gone.

Not necessarily. She may actually care. Who knows if he is truly having sex with her or not. He is the one controlling the narrative here. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Starswillshine said:

Not necessarily. She may actually care. Who knows if he is truly having sex with her or not. He is the one controlling the narrative here. 

And she actually may not. I've known women who have a so called good life with everything most women would want; a big house with all the trimmings and kids who have caught their husbands cheating.  They won't leave but won't let him touch them with a 10 foot pole; and then have another younger man on the side.  The husband still wants to cheat but really wants sex with his wife and her turning him away is frustrating because afterall she is his wife.  He's actually in a chase for his wife's affection.  My oldest brother was one of those guys and when his first wife didn't want anything to do with him anymore and filed for divorce he came crying to me.  He told me "yeah I messed around but with everyone of those women I always wished it were her who was letting me do those things."  She is now happily married to another man with less money.

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Myabee.. I hope you are continuing to ignore this guy. Sending you strength.

Thank you. I am staying pretty strong. 

[Bonifidelifelover]

I can share this. My uncle just died Saturday & it is his wife who was once the “other woman” & mistress in the 1980s Who will now be burying him, but it has caused ALOT of issues over the years especially amongst his kids who are obviously grown adults now. Of course she started out as the mistress so nobody ever liked her. An other woman is never ever liked! 

[Myabee]

5 hours ago, Bonifidelifelover said:

I can share this. My uncle just died Saturday & it is his wife who was once the “other woman” & mistress in the 1980s Who will now be burying him, but it has caused ALOT of issues over the years especially amongst his kids who are obviously grown adults now. Of course she started out as the mistress so nobody ever liked her. An other woman is never ever liked! 

I'm real sorry to hear about your uncle. I hope you all find peace with that. I can't say I fully agree here. I know several blended families where yes things started as an affair weather it was the man or woman that was the affair partner go on to marry and blend families and find happiness. It does happen. Some couples evolve differently over the years and move onto other partners. I'm not suggesting an affair to start as the way, but it does happen more often then we think. I'm also not relating this to the mess I willingly allowed.. as that is being put behind me now.   

[Myabee]

I got weak and unblocked. of course a message eventually came through. I'm glad I did that though because it also showed me this MM has intimacy issues and I was very blinded to that for 16 months. Now I see it which is probably why he was about the sex stuff. I think sometimes breaking NC can be beneficial especially if your heart and head are out of the affair.  

Edited October 17, 2021 by Myabee

[Pumpernickel]

6 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I think sometimes breaking NC can be beneficial especially if your heart and head are out of the affair.  

Meh - indifference rules, IMO. No need to break NC for anything. The longer the head is out, the better. Leave it out. Don’t put it back in. For what? You already know everything you need to know. You’re not learning anything new. It’s just a massive time waster.