do they actually leave?

[Daisydooks]

2 hours ago, Starswillshine said:

Yes, it is the same with my ex husband and his OW. They were never together after our divorce. She blames me. He says he could not put me and the kid through having to deal with her. It's all silly, of course, but that is their rationale often times. But also he claims he hates her... but there is a lot of back story that is not like OP here. The OW went crazy so she is to blame for some of it. And also, as my Ex claims, she was never relationship material. Just fun material. 

I think my ex felt that way too

 She was almost 10 years younger than I was at the time, and was fun for the time being in affair mode, but when reality hit, he knew she was not at all what he wanted to settle down with. She was fun. I was what he wanted. He was sorry he got caught is all. 

[Daisydooks]

31 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Pretty sure I had some serious denial going on

You did. Now keep him blocked for good. Nothing good will come from unblocking or speaking another word. Youve said what you needed to. So be done. For good.

[glows]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

Yes and it showed me the type of man he is by not even texting back to that final message as I left ample time for a response before i blocked him on text. And this was a man who claimed I was his best friend and he loved me? Oh geeze get outta town. Pretty sure I had some serious denial going on. Pretty sure he thinks I will cave unblock and be in touch. What he does not know is I am DONE. Yes I am having a spat of anger which will pass. 

It's a lot of denial. Once the dust clears and you are rid of him completely, no contact forever, you'll see that you might have been one of many such "friends". What I find a bit blurry and slimy is that you can't really know how many women he's got like you stashed away as "friends". Once you know someone cheats or deceives, you can't be sure of anything else. The denial is not accepting that he's not someone to be trusted.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

Yes and it showed me the type of man he is by not even texting back to that final message as I left ample time for a response before i blocked him on text. 

Why would he contact you after a nasty message asking him not to contact you?

8 hours ago, Myabee said:

Sent a do not and I repeat do not ever contact me again. You have zero character and integrity and are a conflict avoidant selfish BLANK! 

 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

Yes and it showed me the type of man he is by not even texting back to that final message as I left ample time for a response before i blocked him on text. And this was a man who claimed I was his best friend and he loved me? Oh geeze get outta town. Pretty sure I had some serious denial going on. Pretty sure he thinks I will cave unblock and be in touch. What he does not know is I am DONE. Yes I am having a spat of anger which will pass. 

Oh Myabee, of the things he's done wrong, this is not one of them.  He respected your request!!  

[Myabee]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why would he contact you after a nasty message asking him not to contact you?

 

I was thinking because he knows its true.

[Myabee]

3 hours ago, glows said:

It's a lot of denial. Once the dust clears and you are rid of him completely, no contact forever, you'll see that you might have been one of many such "friends". What I find a bit blurry and slimy is that you can't really know how many women he's got like you stashed away as "friends". Once you know someone cheats or deceives, you can't be sure of anything else. The denial is not accepting that he's not someone to be trusted.

Who knows how many or if any more exist? 

[glows]

19 hours ago, Myabee said:

Who knows how many or if any more exist? 

You know you exist. There is one. He is smart not to move to be with you as he stays in contact and meets regularly for physical sex with other women in his area, connections he's already established. His wife is a known factor and least of all the disadvantages of this man. What is disturbing is what you don't know and what he's capable of if he can cheat on his wife with you. The giant question mark here and gap in knowledge (in ever knowing) would dissuade a lot of people from remaining in contact.

[Myabee]

17 hours ago, glows said:

You know you exist. There is one. He is smart not to move to be with you as he stays in contact and meets regularly for physical sex with other women in his area, connections he's already established. His wife is a known factor and least of all the disadvantages of this man. What is disturbing is what you don't know and what he's capable of if he can cheat on his wife with you. The giant question mark here and gap in knowledge (in ever knowing) would dissuade a lot of people from remaining in contact.

I can tell you this. No joke here but I any losing feelings quickly. It almost seems he is obsessed with me and it was feeling creepy. Glad to move forward. This guy is not for me and I have a great gut feeling on that now. 

Edited September 29, 2021 by Myabee

[glows]

14 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I can tell you this. No joke here but I any losing feelings quickly. It almost seems he is obsessed with me and it was feeling creepy. Glad to move forward. This guy is not for me and I have a great gut feeling on that now. 

Find joy in your life too. The offerings of another like this man pale in comparison. If you feel creeped out that’s your instincts telling you the situation seems off or unbalanced. I’m glad also that you’re moving forward.

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Find joy in your life too. The offerings of another like this man pale in comparison. If you feel creeped out that’s your instincts telling you the situation seems off or unbalanced. I’m glad also that you’re moving forward.

Yes. I am away for a few days anyway and I feel more free. I defiantly feel like he was creepy after that card game face-time sexual thing he wanted. That was such a turn off I really think that helped me out. Just glad that I feel more well minded now. 

Edited September 29, 2021 by Myabee

[Myabee]

On 9/29/2021 at 12:09 PM, Myabee said:

Yes. I am away for a few days anyway and I feel more free. I defiantly feel like he was creepy after that card game face-time sexual thing he wanted. That was such a turn off I really think that helped me out. Just glad that I feel more well minded now. 

Have been dealing with this MM NC moving on pretty well it's a week. A message was sent to me via a friend from him. I have not read it. 

[basil67]

Good for you in not reading the message.  Please tell this friend that to not forward you any further messages or correspondence from him.  

[Myabee]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Good for you in not reading the message.  Please tell this friend that to not forward you any further messages or correspondence from him.  

I did. I can't say I'm not curious however, I feel like the message is probably the same old same old. I also can say for sure that the friendship part I miss even though I know it can never be just that again. The whole situation crossed to many lines and boundaries. 

[RebeccaR]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

I did. I can't say I'm not curious however, I feel like the message is probably the same old same old. I also can say for sure that the friendship part I miss even though I know it can never be just that again. The whole situation crossed to many lines and boundaries. 

It’s really disturbing that he’s trying to contact you against your wishes. That’s incredibly disrespectful on its own. It’s natural to be curious but he is seriously overstepping . Hopefully he won’t show up in your home town looking for you! He’s not a good guy.

[glows]

7 hours ago, Myabee said:

I did. I can't say I'm not curious however, I feel like the message is probably the same old same old. I also can say for sure that the friendship part I miss even though I know it can never be just that again. The whole situation crossed to many lines and boundaries. 

Did you delete it? All it takes is a small swipe. I'm glad you're moving on.

[Daisydooks]

7 hours ago, Myabee said:

I did. I can't say I'm not curious however, I feel like the message is probably the same old same old. I also can say for sure that the friendship part I miss even though I know it can never be just that again. The whole situation crossed to many lines and boundaries. 

Just remind yourself this is NOT how best friends or even a decent friend behaves. He was no friend and he sure isnt one now. Also, "best friends," arent hidden from ones spouse. You were never a best friend. His wife doesnt even know you exist. You were a secret. You were an affair, albeit emotional affair mostly, but still touched on physical when you werent 3000m apart. 

When in doubt block the friend who sent a message to you for him. They arent your friend.  Delete it and block them. If you must respond, let them know not to communicate with you for him and to please leave you alone. Then block them. 

Edited October 5, 2021 by Daisydooks

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Did you delete it? All it takes is a small swipe. I'm glad you're moving on.

Not yet but I will still have not looked. 

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, Daisydooks said:

Just remind yourself this is NOT how best friends or even a decent friend behaves. He was no friend and he sure isnt one now. Also, "best friends," arent hidden from ones spouse. You were never a best friend. His wife doesnt even know you exist. You were a secret. You were an affair, albeit emotional affair mostly, but still touched on physical when you werent 3000m apart. 

When in doubt block the friend who sent a message to you for him. They arent your friend.  Delete it and block them. If you must respond, let them know not to communicate with you for him and to please leave you alone. Then block them. 

It’s been pretty physical via face time lot’s of long distance sex. and it was briefly in person. I Would call this way past an emotional affair. I would never block my best girlfriend. 

Edited October 5, 2021 by Myabee

[Daisydooks]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

It’s been pretty physical via face time lot’s of long distance sex. and it was briefly in person. I Would call this way past an emotional affair. I would never block my best girlfriend. 

I would too. I would never block a best GF either. This isnt that and youre allowed to do what is most healthy for you. Having that door open isn't healthy. 

[stillafool]

This guy is neither your best gf or your best friend.  Just an affair partner.

[Myabee]

On 10/6/2021 at 10:32 AM, stillafool said:

This guy is neither your best gf or your best friend.  Just an affair partner.

No.. I was referencing another persons comment about my best friend who is a girl not MM. Yes he was an affair partner one I fell in love with sadly.

[glows]

I hope you're feeling better. All this should fade away if given time and enough distance, no more contact.

[Daisydooks]

Youre doing great.  Remind yourself of this everytime you lose your way or doubt yourself.  You are worth so much more than being a married mans side piece/dirty secret. Everytime you have a positive thought, remind yourself of something negative. "He is a cheating liar who lies and cheats," is a good one. 

[Myabee]

On 10/7/2021 at 7:33 PM, Daisydooks said:

Youre doing great.  Remind yourself of this everytime you lose your way or doubt yourself.  You are worth so much more than being a married mans side piece/dirty secret. Everytime you have a positive thought, remind yourself of something negative. "He is a cheating liar who lies and cheats," is a good one. 

Thanks daisy. i’m hanging in there. I did delete the message. This has not been easy but I. Know it’s the only way out.