do they actually leave?

[Starswillshine]

2 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I'm not convinced everything is a lie.

I'm sure things like, "the grass is green" are not lies. But you would never trust your money with a convicted thef, you shouldn't trust your heart with a known cheat. 

[Daisydooks]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

No actually he came on full speed ahead from where he was at.  

No he didnt. Lol. He said words. 

[DKT3]

5 minutes ago, Daisydooks said:

No he didnt. Lol. He said words. 

Words are easy, especially when someone is being pac-man...in this case Ms. Pac-man, Wonka Wonka Wonka. Eating up every word. 

 

Op you asked should you think everything he says is a lie...hell yes. 

[Daisydooks]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

It's so messed up now I asked him what if you were lying with no cloths on the bed and you know ready to go with Wife? His reply she would give me a dirty look and throw a sheet over me. Is that a player trick? 

Yes. Lol. Come on, Love. You're being purposefully obtuse now. Its painful to read your replies. 

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

I'm not convinced everything is a lie.

You're undoubtedly right about that. However, just because not everything is lie -

a) Doesn't mean some things, including some of the more important to you things aren't lies

b) Doesn't mean he isn't just trying to entice you primarily in order to continue the affair with no real intention of actually leaving

c) Doesn't mean he isn't conflicted and fooling himself at some level about his likelihood of actually divorcing; possibly he's actually quite unhappy about the marriage but when it comes to actually pulling the trigger, well that's a BIG step and very big deal for many if not most people

At the risk of repeating myself the bottom line here is that there's just way too much distance between him being married 3000 miles away and divorced and yours for you to take any of this too seriously.

Then there is your emotional oscillations which, TBQH are baffling as you seem to love him then not want anything to do with him, then be plotting against him with the tell his wife stuff, and then be wanting to have him again. While it's perhaps understandable in some ways, with the more rational parts of your brain "warring" against the more emotional/instinctive ones, you're not doing much except going in circles.

I guess one must wonder whether it's worth all this "drama" when you could just drop this, finish divorcing, and find a nice, chill single dad to date. Easy peasy and not nearly so crazy-making I would think.

Edited September 24, 2021 by mark clemson

[RebeccaR]

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

I'm not convinced everything is a lie.

No. Just the things that will keep you hooked. 

[Daisydooks]

I do LOVE the idea of facetiming at 11pm. I, too, think he will hit ignore your call and then tell you he was sleeping or end it for being brazen, forcing his hand and not letting him divorce in his own time and being too risky.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Myabee said:

I'm not convinced everything is a lie.

No, you cherry-pick what fits your narrative. 

Which is exactly why he is able to play you the way he does. You're at that desperate point where you will stick your own fingers in your ears and refuse to hear any reasonable arguments that refute the fantasy you're clinging to here. The arrogance in your posts about hs wife is merely a veil your deep insecurity and jealousy. 

 

[Myabee]

5 hours ago, mark clemson said:

You're undoubtedly right about that. However, just because not everything is lie -

a) Doesn't mean some things, including some of the more important to you things aren't lies

b) Doesn't mean he isn't just trying to entice you primarily in order to continue the affair with no real intention of actually leaving

c) Doesn't mean he isn't conflicted and fooling himself at some level about his likelihood of actually divorcing; possibly he's actually quite unhappy about the marriage but when it comes to actually pulling the trigger, well that's a BIG step and very big deal for many if not most people

At the risk of repeating myself the bottom line here is that there's just way too much distance between him being married 3000 miles away and divorced and yours for you to take any of this too seriously.

Then there is your emotional oscillations which, TBQH are baffling as you seem to love him then not want anything to do with him, then be plotting against him with the tell his wife stuff, and then be wanting to have him again. While it's perhaps understandable in some ways, with the more rational parts of your brain "warring" against the more emotional/instinctive ones, you're not doing much except going in circles.

I guess one must wonder whether it's worth all this "drama" when you could just drop this, finish divorcing, and find a nice, chill single dad to date. Easy peasy and not nearly so crazy-making I would think.

Umm it's not that easy peasy to find some single dad in my area to date at my age..Spend one minute browsing the dating sites and you'd feel like you're looking at something right out of the twlight zone it's terribly daunting and scary I realize I sound like a mental person as it's easy to come across that way when dealing with a situation I for one never expected I would fall right into. Between his back and forth and mine, we do appear to look like a couple of loomies straight out of the bin. He is conflicted why can't that be true?? I at the start was not so conflicted but now I truly am.   

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, you cherry-pick what fits your narrative. 

Which is exactly why he is able to play you the way he does. You're at that desperate point where you will stick your own fingers in your ears and refuse to hear any reasonable arguments that refute the fantasy you're clinging to here. The arrogance in your posts about hs wife is merely a veil your deep insecurity and jealousy. 

 

Arrogance about his wife???? I'm only surmising based on what I'm told. 

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, Daisydooks said:

I do LOVE the idea of facetiming at 11pm. I, too, think he will hit ignore your call and then tell you he was sleeping or end it for being brazen, forcing his hand and not letting him divorce in his own time and being too risky.

Lol! The only issue with that is that would mean me staying up until 2 pm my time when i can barely make it until 10 pm my time I guess I could ask for him to quiet his phone and video them in bed on a typical night? Do you think that would offer any legit proof? Or what would he do... stage it to appear just as he describes... she on one far side.. him the other. No cuddling or even a good night kiss just a good night?  

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, you cherry-pick what fits your narrative. 

Which is exactly why he is able to play you the way he does. You're at that desperate point where you will stick your own fingers in your ears and refuse to hear any reasonable arguments that refute the fantasy you're clinging to here. The arrogance in your posts about hs wife is merely a veil your deep insecurity and jealousy. 

 

Number one I have nothing to be jealous about. Number two, I have listened to many narratives that one would not want to hear and have debated them.   

[ExpatInItaly]

24 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Arrogance about his wife???? I'm only surmising based on what I'm told. 

Yes. 

I find your comments about her (and your imagined role in his life) quite arrogant and condescending. But that sort of attitude is usually a cover for fear, insecurity and jealousy - all three of which leap off the screen in your posts. 

[ExpatInItaly]

12 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Number one I have nothing to be jealous about

I disagree. 

You give the impression of being very jealous that he consistently chooses his wife, and not you. 

[elaine567]

Like so many OWs you see an opportunity to snag a  guy that seems to be superior quality to the single guys offered on OLD and the like.
BUT these "quality" MM  in their 50s are usually. not looking for a gf/wife/partner replacement, they are looking for "extra"
They have far too much to lose to risk it all for a woman who is happy to help him cheat.
That woman is not seen by him  as "relationship material" and that is the bottom line.

He thus provides the ";leave" carrot in order to keep the goodies coming his way, but as for actually leaving all he knows and holds dear, then no way.
Some people prefer misery to change and upheaval. They are risk averse. When the chips are down they choose the safe option.
10 years of supposed misery has not moved him an inch, I doubt anything will.
He is happy to continue the low risk fun communication behind his wife's back, but  as soon as she finds out and throws him out he will be like so many MM, be begging for her to take him back and be blaming the sneaky and amoral OW...
Marriages are not simple things, getting mixed up in other peoples marriages rarely works out the way it is "supposed" to.

(BTW I believe men who will put up with decades of  no sex, are not that interested in sex, despite the complaints. 
I get the kid aspect for staying, and that is valid, but this guy has no kids.
I think in a few years he will again end up in a sexless marriage as he doesn't have the oomph or desire to keep up a sexual relationship.)

[Myabee]

21 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Like so many OWs you see an opportunity to snag a  guy that seems to be superior quality to the single guys offered on OLD and the like.
BUT these "quality" MM  in their 50s are usually. not looking for a gf/wife/partner replacement, they are looking for "extra"
They have far too much to lose to risk it all for a woman who is happy to help him cheat.
That woman is not seen by him  as "relationship material" and that is the bottom line.

He thus provides the ";leave" carrot in order to keep the goodies coming his way, but as for actually leaving all he knows and holds dear, then no way.
Some people prefer misery to change and upheaval. They are risk averse. When the chips are down they choose the safe option.
10 years of supposed misery has not moved him an inch, I doubt anything will.
He is happy to continue the low risk fun communication behind his wife's back, but  as soon as she finds out and throws him out he will be like so many MM, be begging for her to take him back and be blaming the sneaky and amoral OW...
Marriages are not simple things, getting mixed up in other peoples marriages rarely works out the way it is "supposed" to.

(BTW I believe men who will put up with decades of  no sex, are not that interested in sex, despite the complaints. 
I get the kid aspect for staying, and that is valid, but this guy has no kids.
I think in a few years he will again end up in a sexless marriage as he doesn't have the oomph or desire to keep up a sexual relationship.)

That's pretty well said and could be true. I never looked at it that way. His role in the marriage over sex has crossed my mind though. Thank you. 

[Myabee]

Just now, Myabee said:

That's pretty well said and could be true. I never looked at it that way. His role in the marriage over sex has crossed my mind though. Thank you. 

Can someone tell me how I hide or block posters I do not wish to hear from? 

[RebeccaR]

48 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Can someone tell me how I hide or block posters I do not wish to hear from? 

I don’t know how to block, but the comments that make you uncomfortable are the ones you need to hear.

[Myabee]

17 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

I don’t know how to block, but the comments that make you uncomfortable are the ones you need to hear.

Someone telling me I am jealous of his wife in highly inaccurate and bs. I disagree with you.  

[ExpatInItaly]

21 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Someone telling me I am jealous of his wife in highly inaccurate and bs. I disagree with you.  

I didn’t violate forum rules, Myabee.

You can put me on “ignore” if you wish or continue up to message my inbox telling me not to post as you just have, but i can and will continue to post in this thread unless a moderator decides otherwise. 

I posted an opinion. That’s what a public forum is for, even if you disagree with the opinion posted. 

Edited September 24, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Starswillshine]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

Can someone tell me how I hide or block posters I do not wish to hear from? 

I believe there is a way, I just don't know how. 

It is common around here for people to advise, the post that bother you the most are the ones you should pay attention to most. Ask yourself why it is getting under your skin so much. I mean we are all strangers on an internet discussion forum. No one knows each other. People are posting their views and opinions based on the information you share and on all own experiences but also the experiences of watching these play out over and over again. 

Though it does not feel like it because people are not telling you what you want to hear, most of us are actually cheering for you. I hate to see a woman in pain; I hate to see someone so tangled up and confused. We want what is best for you, and though you cannot see it right now, this man is definitely not it. Nothing would make me happier to hear that you have moved past this guy and have met an amazing man... and hear that you are happy and learned to love yourself after this experience. That is what most of want here. 

[stillafool]

46 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Someone telling me I am jealous of his wife in highly inaccurate and bs. I disagree with you.  

I'm sorry Myabee but I get the same impression from reading your thread.  You spend too much time focusing on his wife and that is why people think it's jealousy.  You'll get all opinions on a public forum.  For privacy you should talk with a therapist.

[Myabee]

11 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

I believe there is a way, I just don't know how. 

It is common around here for people to advise, the post that bother you the most are the ones you should pay attention to most. Ask yourself why it is getting under your skin so much. I mean we are all strangers on an internet discussion forum. No one knows each other. People are posting their views and opinions based on the information you share and on all own experiences but also the experiences of watching these play out over and over again. 

Though it does not feel like it because people are not telling you what you want to hear, most of us are actually cheering for you. I hate to see a woman in pain; I hate to see someone so tangled up and confused. We want what is best for you, and though you cannot see it right now, this man is definitely not it. Nothing would make me happier to hear that you have moved past this guy and have met an amazing man... and hear that you are happy and learned to love yourself after this experience. That is what most of want here. 

No actually thats not always true. Someone telling me I am jealous of the wife is an opinion and its not fact. Not a fact at all.Just because another OW was does not mean I am.I think what I see here I'm not sure I care all to much for. Might not be a good place for me. 

[Myabee]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm sorry Myabee but I get the same impression from reading your thread.  You spend too much time focusing on his wife and that is why people think it's jealousy.  You'll get all opinions on a public forum.  For privacy you should talk with a therapist.

I have brought up the wife several times as MM speaks of her. How would I know anything about her? I don't know her. 

[Starswillshine]

Just now, Myabee said:

No actually thats not always true. Someone telling me I am jealous of the wife is an opinion and its not fact. Not a fact at all.Just because another OW was does not mean I am.I think what I see here I'm not sure I care all to much for. Might not be a good place for me. 

No where did I say anything like that. I said people post their views and their opinions. 

You are becoming more and more emotional here. Step back and breathe.