do they actually leave?

[Myabee]

17 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

Sigh.

No, you do not know what is going on. Neglected and ignored emotionally? Really? He is on a computer doing web shows and playing "sex" games with a former high school chick which no doubt includes mutual masturbation via face time... and HE is the one neglected and ignored emotionally?  Forgive me while I go change my shirt after spitting coffee all over myself. 

Yup well clearly there is issues! 

[Myabee]

3 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

But you don't know why she isnt' home. Maybe she is working her rear off to provide a life for him that allows him to stay at home spending hours a day on facetime with this mistress that is on the other side of the country? 

She was attending to her hobby that requires lots of time. 

[Myabee]

14 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I don’t feel badly for him. 

He is responsible for setting the boundaries in his relationship/life - if he is not satisfied with his relationship he always has the right to make a different decision. People do it every day - you did it! Blame shifting - throwing a pity party for the guy because his wife works and she neglects his emotional and sexual needs may feel good for both you and him to do as it explains his decision to stay in his marriage rather than leave and be in a relationship with you… It is just not a good or healthy way for either of you to make decisions about your lives. There are a multitude of ways that he can cope that are healthier than doing what he’s doing with this affair - he can go to the gym, go out with friends, develop a hobby… He can ask her to go for marriage counselling and invest his energy into healing his marriage rather than spending his hours online with you. And if his marriage is so far gone that none of these things will “meet his needs” - he should divorce. He is not a passive participant in his marriage - his mental health, happiness, and well being is not his wife’s responsibility - it is his!

I AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BaileyB]

11 minutes ago, Myabee said:

She was attending to her hobby that requires lots of time. 

That’s her choice. If it negatively affects her marriage - that is their problem and his/their problem to solve.

Where are your boundaries here? 

[lana-banana]

I would be hesitant to draw any conclusions based on his words alone. Anyone can say anything, especially in an affair situation. Think about all the different things you've told him (and us!) just since you started this thread. Where are the actions that prove he's serious?

[Myabee]

12 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

That’s her choice. If it negatively affects her marriage - that is their problem and his/their problem to solve.

Where are your boundaries here? 

Right! I have no say in their marriage. Staight facts... if he is unhappy then he needs to fix it or leave for himself! 

[Myabee]

11 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

I would be hesitant to draw any conclusions based on his words alone. Anyone can say anything, especially in an affair situation. Think about all the different things you've told him (and us!) just since you started this thread. Where are the actions that prove he's serious?

None just words like you all are saying. I guess He just all of a sudden said you have opened my eyes wide and it's you I want a future with. Ok sure right. Then divorce if thats true. Same on my end. 

[stillafool]

11 hours ago, Myabee said:

It's not east to decide at all.

Then why not stay alone?   If you don't know off the top of your head which is the right decision then don't make one.  Stay alone until you decide but it won't get better to get back with your husband knowing you're in love with another man.  Aren't you okay the way you are now?

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Then why not stay alone?   If you don't know off the top of your head which is the right decision then don't make one.  Stay alone until you decide but it won't get better to get back with your husband knowing you're in love with another man.  Aren't you okay the way you are now?

The way I am now is messy. A mess I created myself with this MM. You all might be very right this is fantasy based. My husband and I are having lunch this weekend to discuss my youngest child. I look forward to that. Part of me still loves him

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Part of me still loves him

Yeah I will always have love for my ex husband too but now I'm married to someone else and want the best for him.  Unless really abused I think most people have love for their exes but it doesn't mean they want to get back together.   I think you are afraid to be without a man so you will settle.

[solostand]

2 hours ago, Starswillshine said:

But you don't know why she isnt' home. Maybe she is working her rear off to provide a life for him that allows him to stay at home spending hours a day on facetime with this mistress that is on the other side of the country? 

Possibly her mother or another close relative or friend is sick or dying at the hospital and she's with them, while he's doing sexual routines with you on Facetime. It happens. My ex MM was calling me when his daughter was having a baby. I  was the first to know. They have no boundaries and sometimes they find it fun to mess with BS's head.

[Starswillshine]

4 minutes ago, solostand said:

Possibly her mother or another close relative or friend is sick or dying at the hospital and she's with them, while he's doing sexual routines with you on Facetime. It happens. My ex MM was calling me when his daughter was having a baby. I  was the first to know. They have no boundaries and sometimes they find it fun to mess with BS's head.

Yep, who the heck knows. There is another BS here whose husband played the neglected card, too. But the true story is they had a special needs child....  

So it may be true that this MM is not getting attention showered on him by his wife, but who knows the real cause. And I doubt truthfully she is neglecting him,

My ex-husband had a hobby that kept him gone a lot, too.... People would have had my head if I used that as a justification to have an affair... and rightfully so. It's no excuse. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Myabee said:

It was over some sexual game he wanted to play. I was having trouble with my phone camera and said this is not working. He seemed to get mad. I was so turned off by that. 

Your life will improve dramatically when you block and delete this creep from all your social media and messaging apps.

If you are legally separated, why can't you date local normal decent men?

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Yeah I will always have love for my ex husband too but now I'm married to someone else and want the best for him.  Unless really abused I think most people have love for their exes but it doesn't mean they want to get back together.   I think you are afraid to be without a man so you will settle.

possible 

[Myabee]

42 minutes ago, solostand said:

Possibly her mother or another close relative or friend is sick or dying at the hospital and she's with them, while he's doing sexual routines with you on Facetime. It happens. My ex MM was calling me when his daughter was having a baby. I  was the first to know. They have no boundaries and sometimes they find it fun to mess with BS's head.

No she was with her horse. She spends much of her time there after work

[RebeccaR]

30 minutes ago, Myabee said:

No she was with her horse. She spends much of her time there after work

I mean, you might be correct. But he could tell you anything and you have no way of verifying, especially given the geographical distance. I’m sure you’re not asking your mutuals (if you have any) for details on her daily whereabouts. I’m sure she has a horse, but a few pictures or posts don’t reveal her whole schedule.

And he has a hobby too! Sexting with at least one woman! I can’t understand why she’s considered the neglectful one.

[Myabee]

17 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

I mean, you might be correct. But he could tell you anything and you have no way of verifying, especially given the geographical distance. I’m sure you’re not asking your mutuals (if you have any) for details on her daily whereabouts. I’m sure she has a horse, but a few pictures or posts don’t reveal her whole schedule.

And he has a hobby too! Sexting with at least one woman! I can’t understand why she’s considered the neglectful one.

I know thats not a lie that's where she is. And no she is only neglectful in telling him she wants nothing too do with sex. It's his job if he cant deal with that to either fix it of leave  and not cheat with me or anyone else.  I imagine some breakdown in the marriage for them has occured.

[RebeccaR]

13 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I know thats not a lie that's where she is. And no she is only neglectful in telling him she wants nothing too do with sex. It's his job if he cant deal with that to either fix it of leave  and not cheat with me or anyone else.  I imagine some breakdown in the marriage for them has occured.

You are way too interested in the details of their marriage. I understand you’re trying to gauge the likelihood of him actually leaving, but realistically if he hasn’t made a move to leave in 14 months, he’s probably not going to.

[Myabee]

4 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

You are way too interested in the details of their marriage. I understand you’re trying to gauge the likelihood of him actually leaving, but realistically if he hasn’t made a move to leave in 14 months, he’s probably not going to.

He offers up details of their marriage I'm not interested. We had a 2 year time line in place so he could find work and establish himself in my area. The pandemic is not helping. Anyway... not sure I really want him anymore anyway.

[stillafool]

20 minutes ago, Myabee said:

 I imagine some breakdown in the marriage for them has occured.

You don't know this.  They might be having sex like bunnies and he's still cheating.  "My wife won't have sex with me", is the #1 lie in the MM's cheating book.

[Myabee]

1 minute ago, S2B said:

How would you know? Did you go see her there while he was texting you?

you have no idea what is real.

you ONLY know what he tells you. 

Whatever you say

[glows]

What people say and do are often not in sync. Stay on track with your responsibilities as a parent, be kind to yourself and distance yourself from people who don't forward your growth or increase or even preserve your sense of well being. It doesn't help to keep associating with takers. If you're still interested in reconciling with your husband, devote yourself to that. If not, devote yourself to severing ties cleanly and the well being of your son.

The MM isn't part of this equation unfortunately. He's only a distraction and a crutch to help you through the loneliness of separation. Whether he leaves his wife or not, would you ever trust anything that comes out of his mouth or his mind? He's not partner material at all. 

You need time and freedom to behave and grow again like a single woman if you're divorcing your ex. Wishing you well as always.

[Myabee]

23 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You don't know this.  They might be having sex like bunnies and he's still cheating.  "My wife won't have sex with me", is the #1 lie in the MM's cheating book.

Really? Because he is truly adamant they have no sex.... zero intercourse for over 10 years. 

[Myabee]

9 minutes ago, glows said:

What people say and do are often not in sync. Stay on track with your responsibilities as a parent, be kind to yourself and distance yourself from people who don't forward your growth or increase or even preserve your sense of well being. It doesn't help to keep associating with takers. If you're still interested in reconciling with your husband, devote yourself to that. If not, devote yourself to severing ties cleanly and the well being of your son.

The MM isn't part of this equation unfortunately. He's only a distraction and a crutch to help you through the loneliness of separation. Whether he leaves his wife or not, would you ever trust anything that comes out of his mouth or his mind? He's not partner material at all. 

You need time and freedom to behave and grow again like a single woman if you're divorcing your ex. Wishing you well as always.

I love you glows

[RebeccaR]

7 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Really? Because he is truly adamant they have no sex.... zero intercourse for over 10 years. 

Maybe true, probably not. If it’s true, what has he been doing fine sex the past 10 years? Has he been celibate until he started sexting with you? I would find that hard to believe. 
 

I guess it’s possible he and his wife don’t have a ton of sex, but zero is hard to believe. Why has he stayed this long?