do they actually leave?

[RebeccaR]

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

I almost think it makes one stronger to not block on text and just let messages come through and give them zero attention.

Definitely not true. Blocking and knowing there is absolutely no way he can communicate with you is the only way out. Even the least bit of communication will eventually draw you back in. Sorry, but everything has been learned by painful experience. 
 

Right now you are on a mini-high enjoying his suffering. But when you are bored or lonely you will not be able to resist a sending quick text or reply. 

[Myabee]

3 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

Definitely not true. Blocking and knowing there is absolutely no way he can communicate with you is the only way out. Even the least bit of communication will eventually draw you back in. Sorry, but everything has been learned by painful experience. 
 

Right now you are on a mini-high enjoying his suffering. But when you are bored or lonely you will not be able to resist a sending quick text or reply. 

I disagree here. I'm not on a high, I'm done. Why can't you people just give a little credit to an OW who is trying and motivated to move on. Seeing a stupid text from does not bother me. I see the kind of person he is. The more I see that the less of any feeling I have. Of course I'm wrong though

[Myabee]

45 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

op, not sure if they celebrate Labour Day where you're at, but if they do, is there any way you could get away for the long weekend with some good girlfriends? It might give you a break from all of this as well as some clarity. If possible, leave your phone/laptop/other devices at home so you can't be in contact with him even if he tries. Just have fun and recharge.

I have family plans that weekend so I will be plenty busy. MM is less on my mind now. Really his crazy actions of the plane ticket had me do a 360 in the right direction. I'm just losing all feelings.

[Myabee]

51 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

Just my opinion, but this is likely a pretty common scenario. MM often end up doing the same about their OW to their BS if and when they are caught. I never really understood that. Isn't it kind of an insult to the wife/husband to do so, as it amounts to "I put you through all this pain to be with someone i don't find that attractive and don't really like all that much". . Gee, how lovely.

How does any of this pertain to the thread i started? Sounds off topic too me. 

[RebeccaR]

9 minutes ago, Myabee said:

I disagree here. I'm not on a high, I'm done. Why can't you people just give a little credit to an OW who is trying and motivated to move on. Seeing a stupid text from does not bother me. I see the kind of person he is. The more I see that the less of any feeling I have. Of course I'm wrong though

If you are motivated to move on, great. Just realize that this will be a long process with a lot of ups and downs. A lot. I am not trying to bring you down at all, I just want to remind you when you inevitably miss things to stay strong.

[RebeccaR]

11 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Seeing a stupid text from does not bother me.

Because right now you have the upper hand having dumped him and knowing he misses you. When his texts go to zero - when you get zero communication for weeks on end and maybe your life slows down a bit and you have time on your hands - you will wonder why he doesn’t miss you anymore and you might not feel so done.

[RebeccaR]

Everything we say is from actual experience. We have lived exactly what you are living. Minor details may differ but there is something universal about the OW experience and one thing is clear, you don’t get over it in a few days. 

[Myabee]

3 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

If you are motivated to move on, great. Just realize that this will be a long process with a lot of ups and downs. A lot. I am not trying to bring you down at all, I just want to remind you when you inevitably miss things to stay strong.

You know what? After all of this back and forth, the lies and games he is very un appealing to me now. I am worth way more then that. Staying tough! 

[Myabee]

2 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

Because right now you have the upper hand having dumped him and knowing he misses you. When his texts go to zero - when you get zero communication for weeks on end and maybe your life slows down a bit and you have time on your hands - you will wonder why he doesn’t miss you anymore and you might not feel so done.

No! I want him over me! Srsly! He's a lunatic. He needs to either fix his marriage or move on from it without me. I do not even care. Thats just what I see. Or he will stay married and play games with another person like me. His life... his choices not mine. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, RebeccaR said:

Right now you are on a mini-high enjoying his suffering. But when you are bored or lonely you will not be able to resist a sending quick text or reply.

This often happens, yes. 

With any type of break-up, really.  The dumpee feels empowered when they know their dumper is chasing a little bit and trying to contact him, but as soon as those "chasing" texts trickle off....they're back to checking their phone all the time to see if the dumper still wants them and wondering why they're not sending them any more messages. A vicious and painful cycle. 

[pepperbird2]

4 hours ago, Myabee said:

How does any of this pertain to the thread i started? Sounds off topic too me. 

if you have an issue, let the mods know

[Myabee]

15 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

if you have an issue, let the mods know

I will

[hajk]

On 8/19/2021 at 4:53 PM, Myabee said:

Oh no! Major turn of events. I got text a copy of a plane ticket saying. I need to see you. Our situation is a mess. Clear your calendar for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. My flight arrives Saturday on the East Coast. What the flipping F?????? Help! I did not reply. 

@Myabee is he supposed to arrive this weekend ?

[Myabee]

15 minutes ago, hajk said:

@Myabee is he supposed to arrive this weekend ?

Apparently but I think he probably cancelled the trip seeing as though i refuse to see him.  

[Bittersweetie]

6 hours ago, Myabee said:

I disagree here. I'm not on a high, I'm done. Why can't you people just give a little credit to an OW who is trying and motivated to move on. Seeing a stupid text from does not bother me. I see the kind of person he is. The more I see that the less of any feeling I have. Of course I'm wrong though

Where we are coming from is reading many, many messages from OW/MW on this board when they say "I'm done that's it" then days, weeks, months later they are back in the cycle of an affair again. Plus I have lived this myself...I was done for a few months then reached out just to say hi (ugh) and things picked up even more intensely than before. I HATE that I reached out again...I would've saved myself so much more additional pain.

So if you are done done, that's great! But like other posters have pointed out it is a mental roller coaster for a while and recognize that you will hit a low where you want to reach out like I did, just to say hi (and to get a fix to help your lowness). Maybe have a plan in place for when you feel like that? Like tell yourself: when I want to reach out, I will watch XXX movie. Or I will take a hike. I found having a plan in place always helped me in dealing with stuff. Good luck.

[Starswillshine]

2 hours ago, Bittersweetie said:

I'm done that's it" then days, weeks, months later they are back in the cycle of an affair again

And to be fair, OP has been there. She was done.... then got lonely and sent him a text wondering if he changed his mind. So it isn't like the concern is unfounded. 

[Daisydooks]

On 8/20/2021 at 2:00 PM, Myabee said:

Now if only us that walk the path of the other woman could get the truth from the wife I'm just saying.  Now no worries I am not doing that.  

I am sure her truth would be eye opening.  Truly. 

[Ha-ha]

9 hours ago, Daisydooks said:

I am sure her truth would be eye opening.  Truly. 

Agree!  Yet, sadly,  her truth will still be disputed if it doesn’t fit the narrative of the OW. Lose-lose. 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Berlin

[Daliah]

On 8/21/2021 at 12:42 AM, PhoenixRising8 said:

This is the perspective you want to hear.  I wanted to hear it too.  Unlike your MM, mine lived 45 minutes away and managed to see me 4-6 times a week, including weekend overnight stays.  He told his BS he was leaving and so I was patient.  I heard him tell her he wanted to separate, I saw his texts to her saying he no longer was in love with her.  I believed he just needed to get over the guilt and figure out the best exit strategy.  And so began 6 months of I'm leaving when this that or the other.  5 months after we called it quits the grand apology for how he treated me and being 'friends' for 3 months.  It took losing me to realize it was me he had to spend the rest of his life with.  Then he left!! Yay!  And we got back together, for 6 weeks.  Except it didn't feel the same.  And then I found out about the other other woman.  Enough was enough.  I told both the BS and the OOW EVERYTHING.  Yes there was an element of revenge, not gonna lie.  But more than that, I wanted to spare another OW and the BS more lies and gaslighting.  The OOW knew about me but had no idea we were back together.  She could not figure out why he dumped her when he left.  He led her to believe he had decided he had to give his marriage another try after all the years together.  The BS was thinking there was only one OW because the other one had messaged her on FB.  Only I seemed to know the full story and I told it.  He never tried to message me again I don't think but I blocked him everywhere so I really don't know and don't care.  I took the 5 months between liaisons to work on myself and figure out where I was emotionally so by the time I gave him another chance I was no longer the wounded, neglected, emotionally messed up woman he bamboozled first time around.  I've been single now for 18 months and I'm good with that.  I don't need a man to complete me because I'm complete.  I don't need false promises and empty compliments because I believe in myself and my own self worth.

Every thread I read, I see myself and him.  All these 'special' connections truly are the same.  I was you until I was able to come to terms with myself and what was wrong with me.  I needed myself worth and self respect after years of emotional abuse.  When I found that, it was easy to walk away.  So to every OW, I urge you to find your self worth and self respect.  No man is worth it.  EVER!

That’s a great perspective Phoenix, and I’m glad you’re at one with yourself after what appears to have been a situation that must have sapped every  ounce of ‘YOU’ out of you. You’re so right, we do not need a man to live a meaningful and full life, but when we love ourselves FIRST we leave the door of possibilities open, and the difference then is we are eyes wide open and prepared, with our self respect, values and boundaries firmly in place. Bravo!

 

I too knocked the affair on the head when I went off to support a charity working in Africa for 3 months. I knew  what would happen, and after seeing what people (women particularly) had to endure day after day, I realised what I was doing to one of my own kind!  A woman I didn’t even know and I was shagging her husband! Vile…. What treachery. I came home and told her everything. He never contacted me again, but she did months later to tell me she’d left him to mire in his own filth. Apparently at least 2 other that she knew of. I apologised again and wished her a happier life (no children).

like you, I will never, ever allow my integrity and the fellowship of women to fall foul of such self gratification again.

 

Myaber, I hope st some point you might do the same and live a much happier and worthwhile life.

[Myabee]

12 hours ago, Daisydooks said:

I am sure her truth would be eye opening.  Truly. 

It would be very telling to say the least.

[Myabee]

2 hours ago, Berlin said:

Agree!  Yet, sadly,  her truth will still be disputed if it doesn’t fit the narrative of the OW. Lose-lose. 

Wait a minute? Why would an OW dispute the BS's truth? I'm sorry but I would find it much more trust worthy then the web of lies the MM spins. Not saying I would ever ask or contact and Idc really... just saying.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Wait a minute? Why would an OW dispute the BS's truth?

Because some OW are so deeply in denial that they don't want to accept that the wife is not the lazy, uninterested, unattractive, nagging non-entity they thought she was.

They might not be ready to accept that their MM has been playing them for a fool the whole time too, in other words. 

[Ha-ha]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because some OW are so deeply in denial that they don't want to accept that the wife is not the lazy, uninterested, unattractive, nagging non-entity they thought she was.

They might not be ready to accept that their MM has been playing them for a fool the whole time too, in other words. 

Thanks you @ExpatInItaly .  It took me some time to answer as I was busy thinking, "where do I EVEN begin?"    You said it so well. 

[Miss Spider]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because some OW are so deeply in denial that they don't want to accept that the wife is not the lazy, uninterested, unattractive, nagging non-entity they thought she was.

They might not be ready to accept that their MM has been playing them for a fool the whole time too, in other words. 

Yea, well said 

[Myabee]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because some OW are so deeply in denial that they don't want to accept that the wife is not the lazy, uninterested, unattractive, nagging non-entity they thought she was.

They might not be ready to accept that their MM has been playing them for a fool the whole time too, in other words. 

If thats the case the BS needs to come to terms with her spouse. Cleary something is amiss if her H is behaving this way. Might not be her? Might be all him? Idk... IMPO it takes two to tango.