do they actually leave?

August 20, 2021

3 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

Oh geez.....

I remember LilKatKat/Phoenix Rising was similarly snarky about the BS, until she later met her and they hit it off - had a lot in common with actually liked her.

August 20, 2021

4 minutes ago, RebeccaR said:

I remember LilKatKat/Phoenix Rising was similarly snarky about the BS, until she later met her and they hit it off - had a lot in common with actually liked her.

Yep! This post reminded me of her, too. When she called her "Rosie O'Donnell." LOL.

August 20, 2021

20 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Again, why the need to put her down? Does that make you feel better about the whole situation? Or, is this just really the person that you are?

He was saying all of those things for months.

August 20, 2021

It is a defense mechanism to blame the BS for affairs. Because if it can be blamed on the victim, it means that other people can have some control over someone cheating on them. It is flawed thinking because people cheat because of who they are- insecurity issues, self esteem, personality flaws, character flaws, integrity issues, etc.

I was in the same marriage as my husband. I was often lonely as he traveled for work all the time. I was bored out of my mind. I was actually not greatly happy in my marriage. Somehow I never cheated. I found ways to spice it up, to make it exciting when he was home, to keep the connection going when he was gone.

I'm not into comparing BS with APs... but if we are going to go there, in every single category except for being a deranged person without moral compass (which he actually liked in his OW), I hands down kick the OWs butt. She is a train wreck of a girl, with mental issues, alcohol issues, 30+ lives with her parents, etc. She is unattractive and unintelligent. But.... she was willing to meet a guy and few hours later be in his hotel room even knowing he was married. So... that's the difference.

Like I said... it isn't about better.

August 20, 2021

17 minutes ago, glows said:

The anger is keeping you trapped, Myabee. Keep moving away from that.

Its only been a few days glow give me a chance. I'm human.

August 20, 2021

15 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

Yep! This post reminded me of her, too. When she called her "Rosie O'Donnell." LOL.

LOL - reminded me also Not that the comparison was incorrect, just inappropriate and unnecessary. BS was not unattractive, but had gained a lot of weight - for medical reasons as it turns out. But she was nowhere near the neglectful shrew he made her out to be. In fact, she bent herself into a pretzel trying to make him happy we were very much alike. Under different circumstances, we might have been good friends.

August 20, 2021

2 minutes ago, PhoenixRising8 said:

LOL - reminded me also Not that the comparison was incorrect, just inappropriate and unnecessary. BS was not unattractive, but had gained a lot of weight - for medical reasons as it turns out. But she was nowhere near the neglectful shrew he made her out to be. In fact, she bent herself into a pretzel trying to make him happy we were very much alike. Under different circumstances, we might have been good friends.

It is crazy how these guys can pit woman against woman without each never even knowing the other. But when it happens, they realize the other one just isn't so bad. I'm so glad you finally was able to get yourself out of that tangle mess of confusion and stress.

August 20, 2021

19 minutes ago, Myabee said:

He was saying all of those things for months.

Well if he said it, it must be true…

Why would you have reason to doubt his word - well, except for the fact that he is lying to his wife and forming secret relationships with other women. Aside from that -

Edited August 20, 2021 by BaileyB

August 20, 2021

50 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Well if he said it, it must be true…

Why would you have reason to doubt his word - well, except for the fact that he is lying to his wife and forming secret relationships with other women. Aside from that -

Yes and please allow me to work through my anger over that! Thanks.

August 20, 2021

3 hours ago, Myabee said:

Yes and please allow me to work through my anger over that! Thanks.

Hey , I know you’re angry Try to stay calm though. Try to understand his side of it too. If it’s true he’s married to someone who no longer makes him happy, he might need some time to work out his feelings and that would include needing to meet you in person more etc . It’s easy to be mad at his indecision but try to empathize that it would be a big decision for him. Try to stay calm and be patient with him. You don’t want to be an angry force in his life. You want to be the calming refuge and sanctuary from from his unhappy marriage ( if that is the case). When you want to send an angry text I suggest you write in the thread you made . but like Mark said there is much ground to cover and you guys need to meet up, Don’t put all your eggs in his basket but trust in your connection … if your connection is strong it can make it through and also keep in mind that if you read the forum, some people do end up leaving for their AP or they are with to a guy they once were the mistress []. The people here will also try to drop some poison into your ear because they probably had bad experiences themselves or they just find it morally repugnant wjich I get and I’m not saying you should count on it. I’m just saying that it happens . Especially if he doesn’t have kids with her , that’s a lot less ties so far more likely.

Edited August 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
discussing other members

August 20, 2021

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hey , I know you’re angry Try to stay calm though. Try to understand his side of it too. If it’s true he’s married to someone who no longer makes him happy, he might need some time to work out his feelings and that would include needing to meet you in person more etc . It’s easy to be mad at his indecision but try to empathize that it would be a big decision for him. Try to stay calm and be patient with him. You don’t want to be an angry force in his life. You want to be the calming refuge and sanctuary from from his unhappy marriage ( if that is the case). When you want to send an angry text I suggest you write in the thread you made . but like Mark said there is much ground to cover and you guys need to meet up, Don’t put all your eggs in his basket but trust in your connection … if your connection is strong it can make it through and also keep in mind that if you read the forum, some people do end up leaving for their AP or they are with to a guy they once were the mistress []. The people here will also try to drop some poison into your ear because they probably had bad experiences themselves or they just find it morally repugnant wjich I get and I’m not saying you should count on it. I’m just saying that it happens . Especially if he doesn’t have kids with her , that’s a lot less ties so far more likely.

Cookie... Thank you for your perspective.

Edited August 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quoted post

August 20, 2021

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

but like Mark said there is much ground to cover and you guys need to meet up,

While I appreciate the reference C&D I'm actually against them meeting up. Don't think it's healthy for OP or likely to lead anywhere but back to where she is right now. Perhaps you were saying this as well, but wanted to clarify my read on this. Apologies if I misunderstood, nor to I mean to contradict you if you happen to have a different view. Hastas.

August 20, 2021

8 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

While I appreciate the reference C&D I'm actually against them meeting up. Don't think it's healthy for OP or likely to lead anywhere but back to where she is right now. Perhaps you were saying this as well, but wanted to clarify my read on this. Apologies if I misunderstood, nor to I mean to contradict you if you happen to have a different view. Hastas.

Sorry. To be clear, I didn’t mean that you suggested they should meet up. I was referencing where you said there is much ground to cover and I would agree with that but I was suggesting they need to meet up if they want to bridge that gap, not you sorry for the misunderstanding

Edited August 20, 2021 by Cookiesandough

August 20, 2021

Sorry plz disregard that. I thought you all had never met in person before.

August 20, 2021

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

Cookie... Thank you for your perspective.

This is the perspective you want to hear. I wanted to hear it too. Unlike your MM, mine lived 45 minutes away and managed to see me 4-6 times a week, including weekend overnight stays. He told his BS he was leaving and so I was patient. I heard him tell her he wanted to separate, I saw his texts to her saying he no longer was in love with her. I believed he just needed to get over the guilt and figure out the best exit strategy. And so began 6 months of I'm leaving when this that or the other. 5 months after we called it quits the grand apology for how he treated me and being 'friends' for 3 months. It took losing me to realize it was me he had to spend the rest of his life with. Then he left!! Yay! And we got back together, for 6 weeks. Except it didn't feel the same. And then I found out about the other other woman. Enough was enough. I told both the BS and the OOW EVERYTHING. Yes there was an element of revenge, not gonna lie. But more than that, I wanted to spare another OW and the BS more lies and gaslighting. The OOW knew about me but had no idea we were back together. She could not figure out why he dumped her when he left. He led her to believe he had decided he had to give his marriage another try after all the years together. The BS was thinking there was only one OW because the other one had messaged her on FB. Only I seemed to know the full story and I told it. He never tried to message me again I don't think but I blocked him everywhere so I really don't know and don't care. I took the 5 months between liaisons to work on myself and figure out where I was emotionally so by the time I gave him another chance I was no longer the wounded, neglected, emotionally messed up woman he bamboozled first time around. I've been single now for 18 months and I'm good with that. I don't need a man to complete me because I'm complete. I don't need false promises and empty compliments because I believe in myself and my own self worth.

Every thread I read, I see myself and him. All these 'special' connections truly are the same. I was you until I was able to come to terms with myself and what was wrong with me. I needed myself worth and self respect after years of emotional abuse. When I found that, it was easy to walk away. So to every OW, I urge you to find your self worth and self respect. No man is worth it. EVER!

Edited August 20, 2021 by PhoenixRising8

August 20, 2021

5 minutes ago, PhoenixRising8 said:

No man is worth it. EVER!

No, no man is special…

There are literally men on every street corner. You agonize over the end of this relationship but you could quite literally sign up for Tinder and go on a date next weekend - and be telling is that you have a “good connection” with that man a week later. The difference being, that man doesn’t require you to sacrifice yourself for the relationship. You don’t have to give up your self worth or waste your time…

You have one life to live. A limited amount of time - use it well. Chose wisely.

August 20, 2021

9 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

No, no man is special…

There are literally men on every street corner. You agonize over the end of this relationship but you could quite literally sign up for Tinder and go on a date next weekend - and be telling is that you have a “good connection” with that man a week later. The difference being, that man doesn’t require you to sacrifice yourself for the relationship. You don’t have to give up your self worth or waste your time…

You have one life to live. A limited amount of time - use it well. Chose wisely.

I have know MM since age 16. We have a shared background. I know the connection was always there. I always remembered him as a nice guy. He dated a good friend of mine. so we have history. I never would have guessed a simple hello would have turned into this. This MM was not someone out of the blue. i’m just filling you in that's all.

Edited August 21, 2021 by Myabee

August 21, 2021

15 minutes ago, PhoenixRising8 said:

This is the perspective you want to hear. I wanted to hear it too. Unlike your MM, mine lived 45 minutes away and managed to see me 4-6 times a week, including weekend overnight stays. He told his BS he was leaving and so I was patient. I heard him tell her he wanted to separate, I saw his texts to her saying he no longer was in love with her. I believed he just needed to get over the guilt and figure out the best exit strategy. And so began 6 months of I'm leaving when this that or the other. 5 months after we called it quits the grand apology for how he treated me and being 'friends' for 3 months. It took losing me to realize it was me he had to spend the rest of his life with. Then he left!! Yay! And we got back together, for 6 weeks. Except it didn't feel the same. And then I found out about the other other woman. Enough was enough. I told both the BS and the OOW EVERYTHING. Yes there was an element of revenge, not gonna lie. But more than that, I wanted to spare another OW and the BS more lies and gaslighting. The OOW knew about me but had no idea we were back together. She could not figure out why he dumped her when he left. He led her to believe he had decided he had to give his marriage another try after all the years together. The BS was thinking there was only one OW because the other one had messaged her on FB. Only I seemed to know the full story and I told it. He never tried to message me again I don't think but I blocked him everywhere so I really don't know and don't care. I took the 5 months between liaisons to work on myself and figure out where I was emotionally so by the time I gave him another chance I was no longer the wounded, neglected, emotionally messed up woman he bamboozled first time around. I've been single now for 18 months and I'm good with that. I don't need a man to complete me because I'm complete. I don't need false promises and empty compliments because I believe in myself and my own self worth.

Every thread I read, I see myself and him. All these 'special' connections truly are the same. I was you until I was able to come to terms with myself and what was wrong with me. I needed myself worth and self respect after years of emotional abuse. When I found that, it was easy to walk away. So to every OW, I urge you to find your self worth and self respect. No man is worth it. EVER!

I walked away! Hell I was ready to see him since he bought a plane ticket. I did not. I have spent years in therapy recovering from the ending of marriage even when still living together. I love me I have much to offer the right man one day when he comes along.

August 21, 2021

38 minutes ago, PhoenixRising8 said:

This is the perspective you want to hear. I wanted to hear it too. Unlike your MM, mine lived 45 minutes away and managed to see me 4-6 times a week, including weekend overnight stays. He told his BS he was leaving and so I was patient. I heard him tell her he wanted to separate, I saw his texts to her saying he no longer was in love with her. I believed he just needed to get over the guilt and figure out the best exit strategy. And so began 6 months of I'm leaving when this that or the other. 5 months after we called it quits the grand apology for how he treated me and being 'friends' for 3 months. It took losing me to realize it was me he had to spend the rest of his life with. Then he left!! Yay! And we got back together, for 6 weeks. Except it didn't feel the same. And then I found out about the other other woman. Enough was enough. I told both the BS and the OOW EVERYTHING. Yes there was an element of revenge, not gonna lie. But more than that, I wanted to spare another OW and the BS more lies and gaslighting. The OOW knew about me but had no idea we were back together. She could not figure out why he dumped her when he left. He led her to believe he had decided he had to give his marriage another try after all the years together. The BS was thinking there was only one OW because the other one had messaged her on FB. Only I seemed to know the full story and I told it. He never tried to message me again I don't think but I blocked him everywhere so I really don't know and don't care. I took the 5 months between liaisons to work on myself and figure out where I was emotionally so by the time I gave him another chance I was no longer the wounded, neglected, emotionally messed up woman he bamboozled first time around. I've been single now for 18 months and I'm good with that. I don't need a man to complete me because I'm complete. I don't need false promises and empty compliments because I believe in myself and my own self worth.

Every thread I read, I see myself and him. All these 'special' connections truly are the same. I was you until I was able to come to terms with myself and what was wrong with me. I needed myself worth and self respect after years of emotional abuse. When I found that, it was easy to walk away. So to every OW, I urge you to find your self worth and self respect. No man is worth it. EVER!

Sorry about what happened to you. But I have to wonder with your MM would you have ever listened to another person telling you not to do that or would you have to let it play out to see. I believe Mya will have to do the same. Oftentimes, we have to make mistakes for ourselves. Assuming it is a mistake. No one knows this won’t end in Mya’s favor. But people here are always discouraging the AP no matter what, always saying blanket it’s a bad idea, that it won’t work unless xyz, and the “numbers”( which numbers are these) prove it, that there can’t be happy relationships from it. I have read enough stories to the contrary. I’ve seen even when it starts to go in the direction that the WS comes around to the AP side posters will say that it’s a trick and they are just being manipulative and make the AP feel more insecure. don’t get me wrong, I completely get why… but I have to wonder how much is motivated by disapproval of the affair vs genuinely wanting the best case scenario for all parties, chips fall where they may( like some guy is talking to another woman say and night, but people will be trying to make his marriage work?)I am assuming mya knows, as repeatedly said, that there is a chance this will not work out and it will end in hurt. But I think she will try and my opinion is that until she decides to set that ultimatum, her best bet is to let go of the anger .

Jmo and last word from me on that since mya knows . Just a dissenting opinion to consider, but I respect everyone else’s

Edited August 21, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Sorry for the misunderstanding 😊

August 21, 2021

1 hour ago, Myabee said:

I have know MM since age 16. We have a shared background. I know the connection was always there. I always remembered him as a nice guy.

Many other OW have posted similar stories. The fact you knew him 30 years ago and then lost touch = you didn’t really know him. He wasn’t the same guy you knew slightly and remembered. You didn’t know him all that well before and you certainly didn’t know what happened and what might have changed him in the course of 30 years.

August 21, 2021

So for the last hour I have been receiving duck face pics ofMM at some concert. I just have to laugh at this point. Duck faces should be reserved for another age group. Haha. No worries... no reply. Keeping him unblocked on text until I am sure he is not coming to the east coast as he said. He kinda freaks me out at this point.

August 21, 2021

Duck face? Is he 17?

Maybe this is why his wife "ignores" him.

August 21, 2021

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Duck face? Is he 17?

Maybe this is why his wife "ignores" him.

Lol. I know right? No far from 17. The great news is I just laughed and did not reply. I almost think it makes one stronger to not block on text and just let messages come through and give them zero attention. Eventually MM will get the hint that I have nothing left to say to him since he does not seem to get it.

Edited August 21, 2021 by Myabee

August 21, 2021

15 hours ago, PhoenixRising8 said:

LOL - reminded me also Not that the comparison was incorrect, just inappropriate and unnecessary. BS was not unattractive, but had gained a lot of weight - for medical reasons as it turns out. But she was nowhere near the neglectful shrew he made her out to be. In fact, she bent herself into a pretzel trying to make him happy we were very much alike. Under different circumstances, we might have been good friends.

Just my opinion, but this is likely a pretty common scenario. MM often end up doing the same about their OW to their BS if and when they are caught. I never really understood that. Isn't it kind of an insult to the wife/husband to do so, as it amounts to "I put you through all this pain to be with someone i don't find that attractive and don't really like all that much". . Gee, how lovely.

August 21, 2021

op, not sure if they celebrate Labour Day where you're at, but if they do, is there any way you could get away for the long weekend with some good girlfriends? It might give you a break from all of this as well as some clarity. If possible, leave your phone/laptop/other devices at home so you can't be in contact with him even if he tries. Just have fun and recharge.

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