do they actually leave?

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Beentheretoooften said:

I just don’t think it’s her place. If this A had gone better and they were still together would she feel the urge to tell the W at that point???   If she tells it’s for all the wrong reasons 

I would not advise her to tell either, but she is not a liar or a snake if she does tell her surely?

 

[Miss Spider]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

Not to get him back that's for sure. Because if he can lie to me and cheat on her he could do the same to me. I do suppose you are correct though in saying that I mean't nothing and she would believe it. I guess I can't even believe I fell for all the excuses and lies. Sad to realize someone you knew long ago as nice is a flat out snake.  

Yeah, You kinda could have figured that when he started cheating on his wife with you xD 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

6 hours ago, Myabee said:

A few people suggested I do this. Perhaps this woman should know what her lying husband has been up to for a year! Plenty of video and text evidence to provide. No kids involved here so I don't feel like I'm busting apart a family! Should I do it???? 

How would you feel if she in turn posted a full page ad about you in the newspaper and online, with your photo and information, along with what you did to her by sleeping with her husband? What if she contacted your boss and coworkers, and told them what you did to her by sleeping with her husband? What if she contacted your family, friends and neighbors, and told them what you did to her by sleeping with her husband?

[czanclus]

Well... I could be playing video games or I could be offering strangers relationship advice on the internet. Readers before me have spoken along the lines of the same sentiment: he will not choose you. They'll have a fight, he'll call you a jealous psycho temptress, he'll scramble to make his relationship with wife better. Spare yourself the bother, get out in the Sun, smell some dandelions, pet a rabbit... leave all these wretched things into distant rearview positions.

But what I'd really like to know is - does anyone do affairs properly anymore, or is this a woefully lost art? Discrete, well-planned rendez-vous filled with lust/seduction/passion in high-end hotel rooms and romantic resorts? Secure and cherished wives who turn a blind eye so long as neighbors and comets of the social arc alike are none the wiser? (and that too only in the most sentient of scenarios) Indulged mistresses who obligingly concede their married lover to his familial duties? Chivalrous, stoic men who enter the lovemaking scene with (premeditated if so it must be) abandon and submit to the fantasy like it freakin' matters? What is this new age nonsense of the GenX/geriatric Millennials and Jones' cusp of Boomers?? Despondent husbands bemoaning their lackluster wives, their heads resting on laps of delusional mistresses assuming roles of infinite empaths, convinced beyond doubt that they are the salvation, the ultimate sanctuary for this unwittingly wronged and abandoned soldier? Lawfully wedded spouses shocked at betrayal of vows like the state of monogamy isn't a monumental effort among the male contingent especially the subset with options? For shame!

I call to order some values at once... s'il nous plait - perspective/accountable honesty/standards.

 

 

Edited August 12, 2021 by czanclus

[BaileyB]

4 minutes ago, czanclus said:

But what I'd really like to know is - does anyone do affairs properly anymore, or is this a woefully lost art? Discrete, well-planned rendez-vous filled with lust/seduction/passion in high-end hotel rooms and romantic resorts? Indulged mistresses who obligingly concede their married lover to his familial duties? Chivalrous, stoic men who enter the lovemaking scene with (premeditated if so it must be) abandon and submit to the fantasy like it freakin' matters? What is this new age nonsense of the GenX/geriatric Millennials and Jones' cusp of Boomers?? Despondent husbands bemoaning their lackluster wives, their heads resting on laps of delusional mistresses assuming roles of infinite empaths, convinced beyond doubt that they are the salvation, the ultimate sanctuary for this unwittingly wronged and abandoned soldier? For shame!

No - read the discussion I will link to this thread and you will see that is not the case. He showed up at the home of one of her friends (that she arranged) with a box of condoms which he put on the table (literally) and said something along the line of “Is this what you want?” 

We have apparently lowered out standards that much… 😂😂😂

 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That doesn't really matter, in the grand scheme of things. 

We might not want to get burned when pass our hand over a flame. But we know that is a likely consequence. If we choose to pass our hand over the flame anyway, well, we have to understand we are indeed partly responisble for our own poor choices that produced the burn. 

Anyway. Getting back to the question of exposing this to his wife - yes, she probably deserves to know that her husband is a total jackhole. But what exactly are you prepared to do? Inbox her with photos, screenshots, and then? What does this "exposure" look like to you, in practical terms? 

How would you purpose I did it if I was going to for sure? My thought was a phone call from a bogus number. Supporting evidence if she wanted it?  

[Myabee]

26 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

How would you feel if she in turn posted a full page ad about you in the newspaper and online, with your photo and information, along with what you did to her by sleeping with her husband? What if she contacted your boss and coworkers, and told them what you did to her by sleeping with her husband? What if she contacted your family, friends and neighbors, and told them what you did to her by sleeping with her husband?

Well thats all true. Not if She does not know who I am. I highly doubt MM would tell her. 

[BaileyB]

3 minutes ago, Myabee said:

How would you purpose I did it if I was going to for sure? My thought was a phone call from a bogus number. Supporting evidence if she wanted it?  

Have you considered the fact that she may not want to hear from you? I mean, as the jilted affair partner, your motives are pretty transparent and your credibility is nil. Call from a bogus phone number - cowardly. 

Not saying I wouldn’t want the information if I was his wife, but- he’s your warning - are you prepared to deal with the angry backlash if he throws you under the bus and she discovers your name and contact information. Read the stories on here - one woman had a restraining order against her, many women find that this information is shared with their employer, their family/friends, etc. 

In all seriousness, you had no problem keeping secrets from the woman when it benefited you. It’s always interesting how the OW have a sudden “crisis of conscience” when the affair partner ends the relationship. 

[BaileyB]

5 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Well thats all true. Not if She does not know who I am. I highly doubt MM would tell her. 

She could search his phone, or his computer… there are ways to discover your identity. Not the least of which will be the fact that he is angry at you - many men are quick to throw their affair partners under the bus when they are discovered,  run the OW is rather shocked to discover they have teamed up and are ready to defend their marriage.

You are contemplating an emotional and impulsive decision here - you are going to get burned in much the same way you did when you made an emotional and impulsive decision to ignore the warning signed/your better judgment and get involved with a MM. 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

You most certainly invited him into your life, it’s just unfortunate that it turned out this way. Had he been a fine, upstanding married man who followed through on his promises (to you)… you wouldn’t be hurt and angry now.

Well if he was not a snake then yes. This is a player and he played with me. I did not reach out to him for any of this. 

[Myabee]

15 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

She could search his phone, or his computer… there are ways to discover your identity. Not the least of which will be the fact that he is angry at you - many men are quick to throw their affair partners under the bus when they are discovered,  run the OW is rather shocked to discover they have teamed up and are ready to defend their marriage.

You are contemplating an emotional and impulsive decision here - you are going to get burned in much the same way you did when you made an emotional and impulsive decision to ignore the warning signed/your better judgment and get involved with a MM. 

I highly doubt she would ask to search his phone... just a feeling. And if she did, Prob knowing him it would have no evidence. Pretty sure I'm not the first. He seemed to seasonsed just another red flag. 

[Myabee]

23 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Have you considered the fact that she may not want to hear from you? I mean, as the jilted affair partner, your motives are pretty transparent and your credibility is nil. Call from a bogus phone number - cowardly. 

Not saying I wouldn’t want the information if I was his wife, but- he’s your warning - are you prepared to deal with the angry backlash if he throws you under the bus and she discovers your name and contact information. Read the stories on here - one woman had a restraining order against her, many women find that this information is shared with their employer, their family/friends, etc. 

In all seriousness, you had no problem keeping secrets from the woman when it benefited you. It’s always interesting how the OW have a sudden “crisis of conscience” when the affair partner ends the relationship. 

Well I am 3000 miles away and a restraining order would be very silly. I will read the stories any links to them?   

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, Beentheretoooften said:

I wouldn’t.      Just wash your hands of the sitch and move on with your life.  Let them figure it out. Just because he lied and was snake, doesn’t mean you have to be.  

True

[glows]

Are you just now sensing that his deceit is more far reaching than your affair with him? This may be the blinders really coming off for you. I hope you stay strong, keep posting here as you mentioned instead and keep focusing on your life going forward.

[elaine567]

35 minutes ago, Myabee said:

 I highly doubt MM would tell her. 

That is where you are wrong.
MM desperate to keep their wives will do just about anything, and telling her who you are to take the heat off of him will be a no brainer.
Do NOT assume he will have your back, he won't.

Seems to me a common response to telling the wife is that nothing essentially happens, nothing changes.
No dramatic break ups, no throwing out of house and home, no bitter divorces... life apparently goes on as before...
I am not saying life is necessarily rosy, but to the outside observer all is as before...
So if you are looking for revenge, to cause anger, drama and chaos in his life, telling his wife may be a bit of a damp squib...

She may refuse to believe you or you may end up being the focus of their team building.
A mutual; hatred of you may be just what they need to get back on track.

Of course telling the wife may result in violence or even murder, not common but it happens. Recent UK case of the murder of the mistress when she took his phone and sent a text to his wife "I am cheating on you". in the angry scuffle that followed, he killed her.
Marriages are very important to people, do not under estimate their value. Enough to kill for - yes, can be.
I am of the opinion that none of us wants to make enemies if we can help it, best not to rock any boats.
Walk away with dignity, do not get mired in any ongoing messes..

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

I am so shocked that I believed all of these lies. This is classic MM cheating behavior. I was used as a sexual tool and nothing more. And guess what? I would never have a real relationship with a cheater because it's dishonest. How sad. Oh and the medication that will bring you clarity as to if to stay or go in the future? 😂 Wow xx just wow... I want to throw up.  I feel bad for you. Get help for yourself.  

This, is not dignified. 

Better to just walk away…

Edited August 12, 2021 by BaileyB

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, czanclus said:

But what I'd really like to know is - does anyone do affairs properly anymore, or is this a woefully lost art?

Probably, but you're not likely to be hearing about it on a site like this one if everyone's more or less happy with the arrangement.

[Myabee]

45 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

That is where you are wrong.
MM desperate to keep their wives will do just about anything, and telling her who you are to take the heat off of him will be a no brainer.
Do NOT assume he will have your back, he won't.

Seems to me a common response to telling the wife is that nothing essentially happens, nothing changes.
No dramatic break ups, no throwing out of house and home, no bitter divorces... life apparently goes on as before...
I am not saying life is necessarily rosy, but to the outside observer all is as before...
So if you are looking for revenge, to cause anger, drama and chaos in his life, telling his wife may be a bit of a damp squib...

She may refuse to believe you or you may end up being the focus of their team building.
A mutual; hatred of you may be just what they need to get back on track.

Of course telling the wife may result in violence or even murder, not common but it happens. Recent UK case of the murder of the mistress when she took his phone and sent a text to his wife "I am cheating on you". in the angry scuffle that followed, he killed her.
Marriages are very important to people, do not under estimate their value. Enough to kill for - yes, can be.
I am of the opinion that none of us wants to make enemies if we can help it, best not to rock any boats.
Walk away with dignity, do not get mired in any ongoing messes..

Yeah you know he seems pretty unstable and perhaps he could do something harmful. I don't know her obviously. I do know shes bossy so she probably could be harmful too. All not good. 

[mark clemson]

IAW what many are saying above, here's a thread where a BW apparently not only takes him back but starts a "harassment campaign" against the xOW. Seems like the BW found some ways to disturb and harass the xOW remotely. Just for your review and reflection.

 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

IAW what many are saying above, here's a thread where a BW apparently not only takes him back but starts a "harassment campaign" against the xOW. Seems like the BW found some ways to disturb and harass the xOW remotely. Just for your review and reflection.

 

🤢🤢🤢

[HadMeOverABarrel]

@Myabee You're very hurt right now. Understandably so. Telling his wife won't fix that. 

Look, I clearly recall when I felt exactly like you are feeling now. Tbh, and hopefully I won't be judged too harshly for this, I even considered spray painting it on his (my xMM's) garage door when he was out-of-state at his relatives at Thanksgiving for maximum effect. That way he and wife would get an eye full of it upon returning home from their happy family vacation while I was lost in despair.  I also thought about humiliating him at his workplace and I had a super creative way to ensure everyone would know.

BUT HERE IS WHAT I ACTUALLY DID: NOTHING! I did not call him out to his wife or anyone else.

I cannot express in words how grateful I am to myself in hindsight that I did not act on the super hurt and rage I felt during those times. It paid off in spades in more ways than one.

Just DON'T do it. I know it is so hard. For me, there were moments it took all the strength I had not to act on it. Please trust that not outing him is in your best interests right now.  Please don't. It can't be undone. It will harm you more than anyone.  If you do it, you will lose the last drops of the personal power and dignity you currently retain. I'm sorry you're suffering. 

 

Edited August 13, 2021 by HadMeOverABarrel

[Myabee]

33 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

@Myabee You're very hurt right now. Understandably so. Telling his wife won't fix that. 

Look, I clearly recall when I felt exactly like you are feeling now. Tbh, and hopefully I won't be judged too harshly for this, I even considered spray painting it on his (my xMM's) garage door when he was out-of-state at his relatives at Thanksgiving for maximum effect. That way he and wife would get an eye full of it upon returning home from their happy family vacation while I was lost in despair.  I also thought about humiliating him at his workplace and I had a super creative way to ensure everyone would know.

BUT HERE IS WHAT I ACTUALLY DID: NOTHING! I did not call him out to his wife or anyone else.

I cannot express in words how grateful I am to myself in hindsight that I did not act on the super hurt and rage I felt during those times. It paid off in spades in more ways than one.

Just DON'T do it. I know it is so hard. For me, there were moments it took all the strength I had not to act on it. Please trust that not outing him is in your best interests right now.  Please don't. It can't be undone. It will harm you more than anyone.  If you do it, you will lose the last drops of the personal power and dignity you currently retain. I'm sorry you're suffering. 

 

Thanks for this🥰You're very strong. After reading a link Mark shared that scared the daylights out of me. I don't want or need any of that. Your right when you say retain what I have.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

14 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Thanks for this🥰You're very strong. After reading a link Mark shared that scared the daylights out of me. I don't want or need any of that. Your right when you say retain what I have.

You got this, girlfriend! You can do this. 💜

[Myabee]

18 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

You got this, girlfriend! You can do this. 💜

I hope so. I feel so dispensable . Like I have been thrown in the trash. He wants to be friends and no way am I giving that too him. I have played his therapist for over a year, his sex object and so called best friend. Sorry MM go cake walk with someone else. I'm not doing it anymore. I have no future with this person and why would I even want one? 🤢

Edited August 13, 2021 by Myabee

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Feeling dispensable is temporary. It's just a feeling albeit a very harsh one. Try to think of all your positive qualities and achievements, and all the times other people (not him) have appreciated your contributions.

Ask yourself what you can give yourself right now to make you feel better. A cup of tea? A good cry? Scream into your pillow? Glass of wine? A hot bath? Walk under the stars? Deep breathing exercises? 

What about watching something funny? Laughter is the best medicine. 

Edited August 13, 2021 by HadMeOverABarrel