Feel like my profession is not good enough to attract high quality women

[poppyfields]

58 minutes ago, lovers12 said:

I am more talking about the instant attraction that just comes from saying you a doctor. That you can just tell a women that you are a doctor and that is all it takes. 

Not true, not for all women

I dated a doctor, ER, and I didn't feel that way.

I ended up dumping him because he was so cerebral as most doctors tend to be... and I was bored to death, although the sex was decent.

We're still friends to this day, just friends.

I think for a so-called "high quality" woman, it would take more than his profession to pull her.

It's a blend of many qualities, that together make him a good fit and vice versa.

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 hours ago, lovers12 said:

I am more talking about the instant attraction that just comes from saying you a doctor. That you can just tell a women that you are a doctor and that is all it takes. 

Okay, but this still doesn’t explain how the woman would be a quality woman. Who exactly are you looking to attract?

[lovers12]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Not true, not for all women

I dated a doctor, ER, and I didn't feel that way.

I ended up dumping him because he was so cerebral as most doctors tend to be... and I was bored to death, although the sex was decent.

We're still friends to this day, just friends.

I think for a so-called "high quality" woman, it would take more than his profession to pull her.

It's a blend of many qualities, that together make him a good fit and vice versa.

the fact that you dated a doctor says alot. 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, lovers12 said:

I am more talking about the instant attraction that just comes from saying you a doctor. That you can just tell a women that you are a doctor and that is all it takes. 

All it takes to achieve what?  Your mate can't sustain a relationship despite being a doctor.

[BaileyB]

On 7/9/2021 at 6:35 PM, Trail Blazer said:

Never.  My post was intended to be taken in jest, just like the film. 

I was agreeing with you.  

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, lovers12 said:

Its all about status. 

In the hospital, yes. Hospitals are built on a hierarchy and physician is at the top of the pyramid. 

And yes, there are some women who will hear the word “doctor” and that will attract them. 

I went on a date once with a physician and we didn’t have a second date because he was an arrogant and entitled individual. 

My friend is married to a physician - when he isn’t working at the hospital, he is in his office working at home. She takes care of their children, she does everything around the home, she watches rom-coms alone on the weekend - she is lonely and unhappy. But, they live in a beautiful home and she married a doctor!

Edited July 11, 2021 by BaileyB

[Alpacalia]

I declined a 2nd date a few years ago with an MD, I agree with the cerebral part, a bit too stoic for me.

Follow your passion first, and the rest will follow.

[Lotsgoingon]

2 hours ago, lovers12 said:

the fact that you dated a doctor says alot. 

The fact that she dumped him says more!

 

Edited July 11, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[lovers12]

35 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

The fact that she dumped him says more!

 

You have to be given the option to date first before you can be dumped lol. Just further solidifies my point. 

Edited July 11, 2021 by lovers12

[CaliforniaGirl]

Well, aside from the traumatic experience I thought this was kind of amusing in light of this thread: I wound up in the hospital this weekend with a systemic blood infection and all three of my nurses were male. (And damned good at the job.)

[Lotsgoingon]

OP, if you're having trouble getting dates, then you might have to work on learning how to connect to people.

Let's start with basics. Do  you have some close friends, close male friends? Some of the same social skills involved in dating are involved in friendships. Do you have any women friends? Do you have real conversations with these friends--as in regular calls where you catch up and go deep in your lives about what's going on, your own challenges, your own goals, your own progress and struggles towards the goals?

You need to start with friendship most likely. Because you are missing skills if you think being a 100K nurse is holding you back. 

Have you dated before? How much? Have you ever had a long-term gf? How long?

I'm sensing you have gaps in your social life and you're ignoring those gaps--and not working on developing the skills involved--and instead copping out by blaming women for allegedly dropping dead with love at the sight of a doctor. 

What are you hobbies? Are you pursuing them? Getting better at them? Getting involved in clubs and activity groups or meetups where you're meeting people with the same hobbies and interests and learning from these people. You can gain a lot of social skill in just a hobby group. Conversation always spills over to the rest of life. You can practice overcoming insecurity and shyness and connecting with people, listening to people, figuring out the type of people who are your group. 

Can you converse with women you see? Like can you say hello to someone at a bar and just get a relaxed conversation going? And I mean seriously a relaxed conversation without flirting. Ironically the better you get a conversation the more it lends itself to flirting. 

I say relax and build your life. You build a great life and that life, that energy, is what attracts people. And the confidence you'll have from building a great life will attract people. You build a great life outside of dating--dude, you will score far more dates who are far more interesting, fascinating, worthy than your doctor friend. 

 

 

[Trail Blazer]

8 hours ago, BaileyB said:

My friend is married to a physician - when he isn’t working at the hospital, he is in his office working at home. She takes care of their children, she does everything around the home, she watches rom-coms alone on the weekend - she is lonely and unhappy. But, they live in a beautiful home and she married a doctor!

This sounds like my stepbrother's father-in-law.  He's the head of anaesthesiology at a hospital in D.C. 

He's wealthy enough to have raised eight children, paid college tuition fees up front for six of them who attended college, and still have enough left over to live in a very large luxurious home and drive a new Mercedes SUV every three years. 

He is never home, but she wants for nothing financially.

[Trail Blazer]

6 hours ago, lovers12 said:

You have to be given the option to date first before you can be dumped lol. Just further solidifies my point. 

Dude, most guys get dates whether they're a doctor or not.  You'll get dates whether you're a doctor or not if you focus on the things that women are actually attracted to.  

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Dude, most guys get dates whether they're a doctor or not.  You'll get dates whether you're a doctor or not if you focus on the things that women are actually attracted to.  

Amen brother! 

OP, I didn't initially feel chemistry or connect with my ex 'because' he was a doctor.

I met him at a singles event, we caught each other's eye, I smiled and he approached.

I did not even discover what he did for a living until well after my initial attraction.

I would still have felt that same chemistry/connection if he had been a nurse.  A nurse is nothing to be ashamed of, are you kidding me?

If we're talking salary, nurse practitioners make upwards of 150K per year, and they often get mistsken for doctors as they do nearly the same job, except perform surgeries.

They can prescribe meds, give injections, etc

It takes just a bit more education to go from RN to nurse practitioner so why not look into that versus whining that you can't get dates because you're a nurse?

You should feel proud, it's a respectable career, I'm not quite getting the issue tbh.

Any woman who dates a man just 'because' he is a doctor or any so-called 'high status' career is not a woman you or any man should want to date anyway.

It's shallow, superficial.  True chemistry/connection is borne from a mutual energy between two people, it has very little if anything to do with job, status, etc

Not when it's genuine.

Reading this thread, I can sense exactly why you're unable to connect with women and it is NOT because you are a nurse.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 11, 2021 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

13 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Amen brother! 

OP, I didn't initially feel chemistry or connect with him 'because' he was a doctor.

I met him at a singles event, we caught each other's eye, I smiled and he approached.

I did not even discover what he did for a living until well after my initial attraction.

I would still have felt that same chemistry/connection if he had been a nurse.

A nurse is nothing to be ashamed of, are you kidding me?

Nurse practitioners make upwards of 150K per year, and they often get mistsken for doctors as they do nearly the same job, except perform surgeries.

They can prescribe meds, give injections, etc

It takes just a bit more education to go from RN to nurse practitioner so why not look into that versus whining that you can't get dates because you're a nurse?

You should feel proud, I'm not quite getting the issue tbh.

Any woman who dates a man just because he is a doctor or any so-called high status career is not a woman you or any man should want to date anyway.

It's shallow, superficial.  True chemistry/connection is borne from a mutual energy between two people, it has very little if anything to do with job, status, etc

Not when it's genuine.

Reading this thread, I can sense exactly why you're unable to connect with women and it is NOT because you are a nurse.

Exactly the bolded.  Unless you're a bum, any guy who has a half decent career earning reasonable money will not have any trouble attracting and retaining a high quality woman if he has the other, more important things figured out.

It's absolutely true that some women's ears will prick up when they hear "doctor" or "lawyer" but why the hell would you want a woman whose ears prick up at dollars and status before either party has had time to ascertain if there's that something something (I stole the something something term from you! ).

To be honest, it's a little frustrating reading OP devaluing himself and his profession when it's a noble profession that he should be proud of. Any decent woman who loves OP for who OP is and not what he does, should also be proud to say that her SO is a nurse, too.

Edited July 11, 2021 by Trail Blazer

[Fletch Lives]

So, you think if you were a doctor you might get wife easier, or a better wife? Not true.

People who are rich or who have a high status job have to watch out for goldiggers - who do sometimes marry for money or status and then later discover it's not enough, throw in the towel, and then take half the money in the divorce, money that they did not earn.

I have a lady friend who looks like Angelina Jolie - you know what she says? She says, "I don't need diamonds, I just need Cheetos, chocolate, and love!" This is the kind of woman we call marriage material!

 

[lovers12]

49 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Dude, most guys get dates whether they're a doctor or not.  You'll get dates whether you're a doctor or not if you focus on the things that women are actually attracted to.  

You are missing the point of the entire post. Im talking about the ease of getting dates just by saying you are a doctor. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, lovers12 said:

Im talking about the ease of getting dates just by saying you are a doctor. 

Ok, so you envy your friend. But what can you do to improve your dating situation?

[CaliforniaGirl]

17 minutes ago, lovers12 said:

You are missing the point of the entire post. Im talking about the ease of getting dates just by saying you are a doctor. 

So if this is the bottom line for you, become a doctor.

[Weezy1973]

16 minutes ago, lovers12 said:

You are missing the point of the entire post. Im talking about the ease of getting dates just by saying you are a doctor. 

Again, it’s not being a doctor. It’s the confidence that comes with it. Being confident will get you dates and being confident means you shrug off rejection. 

[Trail Blazer]

26 minutes ago, lovers12 said:

You are missing the point of the entire post. Im talking about the ease of getting dates just by saying you are a doctor. 

Yeah, I get it.  So what?  Some women are receptive to guys being doctors or lawyers.  If that's the only reason they're interested then they're not someone you want to be with.  That's the only point that counts.

[poppyfields]

19 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Yeah, I get it.  So what?  Some women are receptive to guys being doctors or lawyers.  If that's the only reason they're interested then they're not someone you want to be with.  That's the only point that counts.

However, on OP's behalf, maybe he doesnt care.  

Maybe he just wants to get laid and who cares if the women are shallow, superficial, status conscious.

If that's the case OP, then don't know what to tell ya, except lie and say you're a doctor. Hell, tell them you're the man in the moon if it will get you laid.

But not comfortable with that advice even though I realize it's not uncommon.

 

 

Edited July 11, 2021 by poppyfields

[balletomane]

8 hours ago, lovers12 said:

You have to be given the option to date first before you can be dumped lol. Just further solidifies my point. 

You're assuming that she dated him solely because he was a doctor, which is a pretty big assumption to make.

You're coming across as quite petty and envious here. I suspect that your acquaintance does have more about him than his qualifications (if only more time - some medicine finalists don't even try to date because they're too focused on just passing the exams) but you can't see it because you're so caught up in jealousy and your own pet theories as to what women want.

[glows]

It wouldn’t make a difference to me whether he’s a doctor or not. What he chooses to do is his prerogative. There are also terrible doctors and good doctors.

As long as he’s motivated and positive about his career that’s all that matters. 

[Lotsgoingon]

You should be finding multiple women at work that have interest in you. Not that you want to date at work (I'm fine with that but I get the risks).

But even without dating them, you should be getting all kinds of introductions to friend, to social events, to places to go.  You should be having incredible conversations around work stations, on lunch breaks, in the parking lot before work, in the parking lot after work. You should be getting invites for social events from these nurses you work around. You're actually way ahead of your doctor friend in terms of social advantages, access to professional people, access to smart people, access to competent people. 

When you go to conferences or trainings, you're surrounded by women. What are you doing to initiate even friendships?

Figure out what happened in your background that blocks you from connecting with people.  I hate to say this, but right now you're still sitting on the side and sucking your thumb like a little kid when frankly you're in an amazing environment for socially connecting. 

Women don't "give you the option" to date. You create the connection. YOU and the woman co-create the connection. 

I noticed you haven't answered my questions about, do you have friends? I'm thinking you don't connect in romance or friendship. Am I right? Why don't you answer that? 

Figure out what's blocking you from connecting even on a friendship basis, and you'll be most of the way towards learning how to connect on a romantic level. 

 

 

Edited July 11, 2021 by Lotsgoingon