Shorter/Smaller men are often insecure, Why do you think this is the case?

[ThatDude76]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

So what is your own opinion, as a shorter male? You'll know better than anyone. We women, or tall men, can answer what we think but what do YOU as someone who is living it, think?

I don't really know, I wasn't really ever insecure about it until I was older and when reading forums online ( such as Loveshack ). I was ( and in many ways still am ), insecure, but it was more about my facial features and looks outside of my height. It was only after browsing these forums and the like did I see many posts about height, and begun to think I was maybe insecure about the wrong things :P. 

I was insecure about parts of myself growing up, but never my height.

My best guess is that not only does it hurt your chances with women, it also plays a large role in how others see you outside of dating. Not only can women pick on you, but often men. Also unlike being ugly or bald (for example), a short height can feel like it takes away from your manliness. The same can be said for a beard or muscles, but I think height is a much more obvious signal ( a signal of masculinity)  from the rest. Just a guess.

That being said personally, I've never really been made fun of for my height much, other than one woman who was a friend of my girlfriend at the time. 

[ThatDude76]

11 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Sorry, I was seeing a lot of "good point, *but* " answers. So. You ARE the group you're talking about. You'll know better than what any of us can guess. What do *you* think the reasons might be?

No need to apologize, I agree I was giving out a lot of buts. I wasn't intending to sound argumentative. 

Edited July 8, 2021 by ThatDude76

[CaliforniaGirl]

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

He's 1.7m.   That's the height of my husband - who certainly didn't need to be famous to get girlfriends 

Also TC has dropped off most women's radars since dumping the people who managed his media.  No amount of fame is going to help someone who's nutty.

He's a little taller than two of my exes.

However...he IS crazy. 

[ThatDude76]

15 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

He's a little taller than two of my exes.

However...he IS crazy. 

I like this forum

[basil67]

30 minutes ago, Woggle said:

I don't think it is nearly as widespread offline but online there is a lot of heightism but then a lot social media is pretty much the adult version of high school bullying.

Guys are feeling insecure because they take notice of idiots on the interwebs?   I'd say they need to take more care to avoid the bad/rude places.   We can't play victim when we keep putting our fingers in the fire.

Edited July 8, 2021 by basil67

[Trail Blazer]

2 hours ago, ThatDude76 said:

Do you really think it is numero uno though? Like someone posted earlier, I feel looks (facial appearance, body shape etc) are generally more important. As I rarely see an unfortunate looking tall man, with a good looking woman. 

That's not for me to say.  What I can say is that I've done some reading and found that polls on those females centric websites like Bustle and the like, have posted up polls which show that height consistently ranks as one of the most attractive physical features of a man.

What you need to do is not view it as black and white.  A guy who is tall, but is severely lacking in every other area isn't going to be seen as attractive as a guy who's short but has all the other attributes down pat.  

You know, I like breasts.  Decent sized ones.  That's my preference.  It doesn't mean I'll find any woman with large breasts more attractive than any woman with smaller breasts, though.

Just like women who find tall guys attractive.  If he's 6'8" but looks like a beanpole, has a hunchback and an unattractive face, his height counts for little if all his other attributes are physically unattractive.

Height is attractive.  But not every man with height is attractive.  Just like guys without height are also attractive, despite their lack of height.  Tom Cruise for example.  One needs a dash of the right ingredients in all areas to be considered overall attractive.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

 But not every man with height is attractive.  

RuPaul is 6'4". So case in point.

Edited July 8, 2021 by Wiseman2

[SumGuy]

On 7/7/2021 at 10:33 AM, ThatDude76 said:

.... With ought fail, if I go to any forums regarding dating, there will be a new post or two of some guy being insecure about their height. 

That is some pretty poor and self selecting evidence.  Every time I see such posts here there is usually some "short" guy that comes in with plenty of personal expereince about how his height doesn't hinder him.   On line dating forums are generally where people go to complain, and seek help.  IF all is going well you are not going to see posts from those folks.

Quote

Does anyone agree with me about this? Am I just more sensitive to the content as I resonate with the insecurity? 

I'm average height believe, 5'11", so can not personally attest but all the guys know shorter than me, even like 5'6", seem to be having no problems at all.   So my guess is you have a self-fulfilling negative prophecy going on here and a lot of selection bias.

Quote

If I am right about this ( Height being the most common insecurity in men ), why do you think this is the case? Is it that short height is really the most unattractive feature a man can have? Or is it that short height can more often lead to insecurity? 

I believe the last, if you let it.    But on the first bet there have been studies.   I suspect the answer depends on age, as one gets older hair loss and ED probably give it a run for it's money.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

17 hours ago, ThatDude76 said:

I don't really know, I wasn't really ever insecure about it until I was older and when reading forums online ( such as Loveshack ). I was ( and in many ways still am ), insecure, but it was more about my facial features and looks outside of my height. It was only after browsing these forums and the like did I see many posts about height, and begun to think I was maybe insecure about the wrong things :P. 

I was insecure about parts of myself growing up, but never my height.

My best guess is that not only does it hurt your chances with women, it also plays a large role in how others see you outside of dating. Not only can women pick on you, but often men. Also unlike being ugly or bald (for example), a short height can feel like it takes away from your manliness. The same can be said for a beard or muscles, but I think height is a much more obvious signal ( a signal of masculinity)  from the rest. Just a guess.

That being said personally, I've never really been made fun of for my height much, other than one woman who was a friend of my girlfriend at the time. 

Okay, so...you're letting the internet and how people act online to color your view of relationships. You were doing fine - then you saw a lot of guys saying they are insecure due to not being tall. And now you're wondering whether you should be too? No, you were doing just fine! 

People act differently online than they do in the "analog" world (we all know this)...and people can say literally anything. You don't know what people's experiences ACTUALLY were. Many times, people do try to be honest. But let's be realistic: if we have insecurities, those WILL color how we recall experiences. So I might say "I dated this one guy and it was pretty obvious he didn't want to be with a woman close to his own age, so he dumped me" even though perhaps he dumped me for some other reason. But my own insecurities about getting older nudged me to decide that was the definite reason. See what I'm saying?

It's also human nature to complain more than express gratitude or "everything's kosher right now". So for all the many reports you're reading of insecure shorter men, you're missing the many, many, many others who are doing just fine.

I say, if it isn't broken, don't fix it.

[Woggle]

If it makes shorter guys feel any better Tom Holland is dating Zendaya Williams who is taller than him. Offline I see plenty of shorter men who do just fine with woman. People on social media who harp on this crap are not as numerous as they make themselves out to be.

[Elsa888]

I am 5'2" and have dated several men who were my height (and smaller). None were insecure.

There were reasons why the relationships didn't work out that were nothing to do with their height.

One relationship that failed was with a guy who was 5' tall and had a dick like a porn star - 'you can have too much of a good thing' as they say....

 

[basil67]

On paper, I find height in a man attractive. But of those guys who I truly loved and had relationships/marriage with, they were all roughly 5'7 - same as me.   There is so much more to an individual than aesthetics.

[ThatDude76]

On 7/7/2021 at 5:38 PM, elaine567 said:

I meant you are far too skinny to attract women. 
Yes a BMI of 20 is a healthy weight but you could be up to 157lbs and still be healthy as per your BMI.

Fair enough, how much do I have to weigh to be attractive to women, in your opinion? 

[ThatDude76]

23 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Okay, so...you're letting the internet and how people act online to color your view of relationships. You were doing fine - then you saw a lot of guys saying they are insecure due to not being tall. And now you're wondering whether you should be too? No, you were doing just fine! 

People act differently online than they do in the "analog" world (we all know this)...and people can say literally anything. You don't know what people's experiences ACTUALLY were. Many times, people do try to be honest. But let's be realistic: if we have insecurities, those WILL color how we recall experiences. So I might say "I dated this one guy and it was pretty obvious he didn't want to be with a woman close to his own age, so he dumped me" even though perhaps he dumped me for some other reason. But my own insecurities about getting older nudged me to decide that was the definite reason. See what I'm saying?

It's also human nature to complain more than express gratitude or "everything's kosher right now". So for all the many reports you're reading of insecure shorter men, you're missing the many, many, many others who are doing just fine.

I say, if it isn't broken, don't fix it.

Thank you, I think this makes a lot of sense. I feel like I should be getting out more, and do more doing, instead of reading stuff online. Dwelling too much on the negative. Its not like reading this stuff is going to help me anyways.

[HotRevolver93]

I’m average height for a male I was never really insecure about this. I never blamed it for my lack of success with women because I knew guys who were shorter than me who got the girls I wanted 

[norealusername]

I never felt bad about my height 5'8" until I started online dating when I was older. Then you realize it's a priority on paper. In real life, not as much.

I lifted weights for 2 years to bulk up my muscles but I didn't notice it improved anything getting dates so I lost interest in it.

[Daisydooks]

On 7/7/2021 at 2:49 PM, CaliforniaGirl said:

 

FWIW, people say I'm weird because I love shorter guys. I have absolutely no idea why, but it's kind of a "thing" with me. My husband thinks it's hilarious. He's 5'9" and I constantly thought he was too tall for me, for the longest time. The love of my life before him was 5'5". And my first husband was also 5'5". I didn't marry them for their height specifically, I'm not THAT shallow, but when you think about it, part of attraction is often, or usually, physical.

One of my VERY picky requirements when I found my partner years ago online was that he was 5'9"-5'11". Like, he had to meet that requirement to fall within my search parameters hahaha.

Im 5'4" myself and I have found that tall men just dont feel comfortable for me. Been there and tried it. Just didnt feel comfy. I dont mind looking at tall men, but wouldn't make a husband out of one. Much like I enjoy looking at shorter sexy men, too! There are far less appealing traits besides someone's height for me and when I was doing OLD, I got to a stage where I was being silly picky and literally chose my H down to his height, hair colour, age and even astrological sign! Hahahaha 

As weird as it sounds to some, Im sure, everything from hugging, to kissing, to cuddling, to sex are all better with a man just a bit taller than me, but not by much. He is 5'9" and absolutely perfect for literally everything!  Just tall enough I can wear heels if I choose to and not so tall everything else is awkward. When I cuddle into him, I fit perfectly. When we have sex, no one is standing on their tippy toes or stretched out in some awkward fashion I wouldn't call him short because to me he isnt, but he has never once been accused of being tall. Haha

[Weezy1973]

6 minutes ago, Daisydooks said:

I wouldn't call him short because to me he isnt, but he has never once been accused of being tall. Haha

I wouldn’t call him short because he’s not. He’s not even a standard deviation shorter than average. 

[Daisydooks]

11 hours ago, ThatDude76 said:

Fair enough, how much do I have to weigh to be attractive to women, in your opinion? 

Look around. Outside. Lol. Go outside. Look at couples.  There is no real "standard of normal." Women and men come in all shapes and sizes and they date one another and marry one another happily.  

A majority of the time, it isnt a mans height or even weight that is unattractive, but his thoughts/beliefs about ______ being an issue that is. 

Just look around though.  For real. There truly is no right answer, correct weight or perfect height. What is perfect to me is not perfect to everyone else

[Hopeful30]

Tall is attractive, it's as simple as that.