Shorter/Smaller men are often insecure, Why do you think this is the case?

July 7, 2021

Good day folks,

I was thinking about something today as I was wondering around online forums that discuss dating. On many of these websites ( Such as LoveShack ), there are many consistent posts about men who are insecure about their height/size. I even made one myself a few months ago.

Now I understand that shorter height is an unattractive feature in a man, however I believe there are many unattractive physical features a man can posses, such as balding, being overweight, or perhaps just being plain ugly. To me though, it seems that height is the most common insecurity amongst them all (For men). With ought fail, if I go to any forums regarding dating, there will be a new post or two of some guy being insecure about their height.

Does anyone agree with me about this? Am I just more sensitive to the content as I resonate with the insecurity?

If I am right about this ( Height being the most common insecurity in men ), why do you think this is the case? Is it that short height is really the most unattractive feature a man can have? Or is it that short height can more often lead to insecurity?

I am interested to hear your thoughts.

July 7, 2021

14 minutes ago, ThatDude76 said:

Good day folks,

I was thinking about something today as I was wondering around online forums that discuss dating. On many of these websites ( Such as LoveShack ), there are many consistent posts about men who are insecure about their height/size. I even made one myself a few months ago.

Now I understand that shorter height is an unattractive feature in a man, however I believe there are many unattractive physical features a man can posses, such as balding, being overweight, or perhaps just being plain ugly. To me though, it seems that height is the most common insecurity amongst them all (For men). With ought fail, if I go to any forums regarding dating, there will be a new post or two of some guy being insecure about their height.

Does anyone agree with me about this? Am I just more sensitive to the content as I resonate with the insecurity?

If I am right about this ( Height being the most common insecurity in men ), why do you think this is the case? Is it that short height is really the most unattractive feature a man can have? Or is it that short height can more often lead to insecurity?

I am interested to hear your thoughts.

It sounds like it most resonates with you because it is your most prevalent insecurity. You’d be surprised what other things tall men hang on to for insecurities. Even things they have fixed. An insecure person will find something wrong with themselves every time no matter what their height.

July 7, 2021

29 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

It sounds like it most resonates with you because it is your most prevalent insecurity. You’d be surprised what other things tall men hang on to for insecurities. Even things they have fixed. An insecure person will find something wrong with themselves every time no matter what their height.

That is likely the case. I understand its probable that height posts stand out more to me, so I notice them more and more likely to ignore others. I also agree that many men (tall or short) can hang on to other insecurities.

But still, to me it seems that height takes the cake. For example, on this forum, height discussions are not allowed in the main relationship forum. Another website I visit called CityData, also does not allow height discussions in the main relationships forum. I do not know of any relationship forum which does not allow discussion of weight, hair or lack of, ugliness etc. I can only think this is because of the sheer amount of posts regarding it.

July 7, 2021

I suspect being short gets a lot of “play” on these forums is because of the perceived unfairness of it. It’s genetics and there’s nothing one can do about it.

That being said, being short does not cause insecurity. Insecurity is caused by faulty thinking patterns usually revolving self-worth.

July 7, 2021

It seems insecure as well as secure people come in all shapes and sizes, so there's really no answer to this

July 7, 2021

17 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I suspect being short gets a lot of “play” on these forums is because of the perceived unfairness of it. It’s genetics and there’s nothing one can do about it.

That being said, being short does not cause insecurity. Insecurity is caused by faulty thinking patterns usually revolving self-worth.

True, but many other insecurities also are "unfair and unfixable", balding, facial genetics, body proportions etc etc. Yet only this one is not allowed to be discussed in this forum, and the other forum I mentioned earlier. Perhaps its more likely to cause animosity?

July 7, 2021

Because bigger subconsciously shows up as stronger and because in any given genetically related clan or society, human males are typically overall larger than human females (sexual dimorphism - in other parts of the animal kingdom there may be less dimorphism, or more, and/or the female may be the larger one - but the aforementioned goes for humans).

So it's a sexual signal. That's what sexual dimorphism does. It's similar to a woman's features tending to be smaller and softer than a man's, a woman having breasts that show significantly (there's actually no biological reason a female needs anything for breastfeeding an infant except the internal glands)...etc. Similarly, there actually is no biological reason that males being larger than females would be necessary for survival. Competition perhaps, to an extent (but that's not a given, smaller people can be strong and larger people can be weaker). If so then there would be an actual height cutoff, and there isn't. Pygmy men are taller than pygmy women. Scandinavian men are taller than Scandinavian women. And small hominids survived just fine throughout prehistory even when they were much smaller than humans are today. (For example, Australopithecines, which granted weren't technically human yet, were I think 3'6"-ish or so and their lifespan wasn't shorter than Homo Sapiens sapiens when he appeared I think 50K years ago...I forget...well, you get the idea.) So it's more a subconscious and biological (and evolutionary) thing.

With that said, obviously, small men get women. They may feel they get FEWER women and that may or may not be true for the specific man but there are certainly also many very tall men who can't seem to find girlfriends either.

But because biologically and culturally, we tend to think of men as "big and strong," some shorter men may have a chip on the shoulder about it.

Ironically, it's often, though not always, that chip on the shoulder that drives the women away.

And we can't put aside the fact that we are a very "thinky" species, and we have considered mental ingenuity and other non-directly physical factors as part of our survival for tens of thousands of years now at least...so the biggest burliest guy hasn't been the only, and guaranteed, "lady winner" for a long time now. People say "admiring men (or men and women) for their smarts is relatively new, you can't beat out biology" but seriously...that's NOT new. The Neanderthal in Europe who was found to have had arthritis and a missing limb lived for more than a decade that way. Physically, he was at the bottom of the chain but somebody kept him alive. It is obvious even our genetic cousins were already considering more than the standard big, tall burliness as valuable. All through history it has been the same. Yes, the big guys seemed pretty attractive. But they have NEVER in our directly known history of thousands of years been the only guys who could find wives and/or lovers...unlike in some parts of the animal kingdom where the lower ranked males might literally never be "allowed" to have sex and would die virgins, with only the top male having sex.

Sorry, that seems off the track...this sort of stuff fascinates me, though.

FWIW, people say I'm weird because I love shorter guys. I have absolutely no idea why, but it's kind of a "thing" with me. My husband thinks it's hilarious. He's 5'9" and I constantly thought he was too tall for me, for the longest time. The love of my life before him was 5'5". And my first husband was also 5'5". I didn't marry them for their height specifically, I'm not THAT shallow, but when you think about it, part of attraction is often, or usually, physical.

And yes, there are some women who "refuse" to go out with men under a certain height, even if the woman herself is very short. Not unlike how there are some men in their 40s who "refuse" to go out with women over the age of 32 or whatever. Or who "refuse" to go out with women who aren't facially pretty because "that's just biology" and etc. etc. etc. Yes, physical likes and dislikes are a thing. More or less significantly depending upon the person.

Edited July 7, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

July 7, 2021

My brother is pretty short and he was a womanizer. He didn't have any problem having women chase after him. So height got nothing to do with it.

July 7, 2021

44 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Because bigger subconsciously shows up as stronger and because in any given genetically related clan or society, human males are typically overall larger than human females (sexual dimorphism - in other parts of the animal kingdom there may be less dimorphism, or more, and/or the female may be the larger one - but the aforementioned goes for humans).

So it's a sexual signal. That's what sexual dimorphism does. It's similar to a woman's features tending to be smaller and softer than a man's, a woman having breasts that show significantly (there's actually no biological reason a female needs anything for breastfeeding an infant except the internal glands)...etc. Similarly, there actually is no biological reason that males being larger than females would be necessary for survival. Competition perhaps, to an extent (but that's not a given, smaller people can be strong and larger people can be weaker). If so then there would be an actual height cutoff, and there isn't. Pygmy men are taller than pygmy women. Scandinavian men are taller than Scandinavian women. And small hominids survived just fine throughout prehistory even when they were much smaller than humans are today. (For example, Australopithecines, which granted weren't technically human yet, were I think 3'6"-ish or so and their lifespan wasn't shorter than Homo Sapiens sapiens when he appeared I think 50K years ago...I forget...well, you get the idea.) So it's more a subconscious and biological (and evolutionary) thing.

With that said, obviously, small men get women. They may feel they get FEWER women and that may or may not be true for the specific man but there are certainly also many very tall men who can't seem to find girlfriends either.

But because biologically and culturally, we tend to think of men as "big and strong," some shorter men may have a chip on the shoulder about it.

Ironically, it's often, though not always, that chip on the shoulder that drives the women away.

And we can't put aside the fact that we are a very "thinky" species, and we have considered mental ingenuity and other non-directly physical factors as part of our survival for tens of thousands of years now at least...so the biggest burliest guy hasn't been the only, and guaranteed, "lady winner" for a long time now. People say "admiring men (or men and women) for their smarts is relatively new, you can't beat out biology" but seriously...that's NOT new. The Neanderthal in Europe who was found to have had arthritis and a missing limb lived for more than a decade that way. Physically, he was at the bottom of the chain but somebody kept him alive. It is obvious even our genetic cousins were already considering more than the standard big, tall burliness as valuable. All through history it has been the same. Yes, the big guys seemed pretty attractive. But they have NEVER in our directly known history of thousands of years been the only guys who could find wives and/or lovers...unlike in some parts of the animal kingdom where the lower ranked males might literally never be "allowed" to have sex and would die virgins, with only the top male having sex.

Sorry, that seems off the track...this sort of stuff fascinates me, though.

FWIW, people say I'm weird because I love shorter guys. I have absolutely no idea why, but it's kind of a "thing" with me. My husband thinks it's hilarious. He's 5'9" and I constantly thought he was too tall for me, for the longest time. The love of my life before him was 5'5". And my first husband was also 5'5". I didn't marry them for their height specifically, I'm not THAT shallow, but when you think about it, part of attraction is often, or usually, physical.

And yes, there are some women who "refuse" to go out with men under a certain height, even if the woman herself is very short. Not unlike how there are some men in their 40s who "refuse" to go out with women over the age of 32 or whatever. Or who "refuse" to go out with women who aren't facially pretty because "that's just biology" and etc. etc. etc. Yes, physical likes and dislikes are a thing. More or less significantly depending upon the person.

I totally understand all that you're saying here, dimorphism and all that. I do understand why guys get insecure about it, but it just seems more dominant then being insecure about other dimorphic qualities. For example, having facial hair would be dimorphic, and yes I've heard guys be insecure about their lack of facial hair, but it doesn't hold a candle to what I've heard/seen about height. Also, if you go by this, a tall woman could be insecure about her size, as being smaller would be a female dimorphic quality. I've certainly heard about this before, but guys seem to be much more often distraught about it in my experience. However I could be wrong in this regard.

July 7, 2021

3 hours ago, ThatDude76 said:

That is likely the case. I understand its probable that height posts stand out more to me, so I notice them more and more likely to ignore others. I also agree that many men (tall or short) can hang on to other insecurities.

But still, to me it seems that height takes the cake. For example, on this forum, height discussions are not allowed in the main relationship forum. Another website I visit called CityData, also does not allow height discussions in the main relationships forum. I do not know of any relationship forum which does not allow discussion of weight, hair or lack of, ugliness etc. I can only think this is because of the sheer amount of posts regarding it.

My guess is it’s because this specific complaint seems to draw the red pill/incel and also PUA followers in droves to start explaining how women are just animals responding helplessly to their biology, ergo here is how to manipulate that “to pull 9s by making them feel insecure” and so on. After which an s-storm inevitably ensues.

July 7, 2021

1 minute ago, ThatDude76 said:

I totally understand all that you're saying here, dimorphism and all that. I do understand why guys get insecure about it, but it just seems more dominant then being insecure about other dimorphic qualities. For example, having facial hair would be dimorphic, and yes I've heard guys be insecure about their lack of facial hair, but it doesn't hold a candle to what I've heard/seen about height. Also, if you go by this, a tall woman could be insecure about her size, as being smaller would be a female dimorphic quality. I've certainly heard about this before, but guys seem to be much more often distraught about it in my experience. However I could be wrong in this regard.

Well, of course women who are very tall can be insecure about that. It’s definitely a thing.

July 7, 2021

12 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Well, of course women who are very tall can be insecure about that. It’s definitely a thing.

Yes for sure! And I totally understand that. Its just if I'm visiting an online dating forum, and I see someone complaining about how their height is being perceived to be hurting their chances at dates, 9/10 times its from a man. This could again be my bias leading me to that conclusion, and not be reality.

July 7, 2021

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems insecure as well as secure people come in all shapes and sizes, so there's really no answer to this

Absolutely, I've met short guys be secure and big/tall ones be insecure. Its not absolute by any means.

Edited July 7, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed video

July 7, 2021

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

My brother is pretty short and he was a womanizer. He didn't have any problem having women chase after him. So height got nothing to do with it.

This is the thing. If a man is good looking it doesn't matter how tall he is he's going to do well with women. Just like a very tall woman if she's good looking she's not going to have any problems. I've seen some dreamy short guys.

July 7, 2021

20 minutes ago, ThatDude76 said:

Yes for sure! And I totally understand that. Its just if I'm visiting an online dating forum, and I see someone complaining about how their height is being perceived to be hurting their chances at dates, 9/10 times its from a man. This could again be my bias leading me to that conclusion, and not be reality.

Just the other day we had a thread about tall/ athletic women and how we are perceived (I am one of them). One of the things that was brought up was that it's not the height in as much as it is the weight. Tall models apparently have no problem dating, which is probably true. Same goes for men. You see a 5'5" man with a gym body, the height requirement is not such a big issue anymore

July 7, 2021

Everyone has insecurities...... but I can't answer this one personally as I'm 6'3.

But my guess would be because it is very exposed and obvious. It's not like a confidence issue or a penis issue that is hidden in the mind or pants free of sight. It's probably a burden to have to walk around with an exposed perceived insecurity like that

Edited July 7, 2021 by cleverusername

July 7, 2021

4 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

Just the other day we had a thread about tall/ athletic women and how we are perceived (I am one of them). One of the things that was brought up was that it's not the height in as much as it is the weight. Tall models apparently have no problem dating, which is probably true. Same goes for men. You see a 5'5" man with a gym body, the height requirement is not such a big issue anymore

I see, so perhaps its more about body mass in general and not so much height? Perhaps that is why I am insecure about it, as I'm not only 169cm but also 130lbs. I have some muscle ( obviously I could have more if I worked out more) but I think a lot of it has to do with bone structure etc.

July 7, 2021

3 minutes ago, ThatDude76 said:

I see, so perhaps its more about body mass in general and not so much height? Perhaps that is why I am insecure about it, as I'm not only 169cm but also 130lbs. I have some muscle ( obviously I could have more if I worked out more) but I think a lot of it has to do with bone structure etc.

I think body mass and composition is a factor and a tall guy will inevitably have more mass and a shorter woman will have less mass. Your BMI is normal at your height generally, but you could increase your muscle mass with resistance training. You may be pleasantly surprised at what a set of dumbells can do for you.

July 7, 2021

Something has to be numero uno and that is, quite often, height.

When you read polls about what women say are males most attractive feature, more often than not, height ranks as the most important one.

Perhaps your question could be re-framed to ask why height is so important/attractive to women.

It's obvious that insecurity follows where someone is lacking in a most prominent area that will define their level of success.

July 7, 2021

5 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

I think body mass and composition is a factor and a tall guy will inevitably have more mass and a shorter woman will have less mass. Your BMI is normal at your height generally, but you could increase your muscle mass with resistance training. You may be pleasantly surprised at what a set of dumbells can do for you.

True! I've tried gaining weight in the past, and I can usually grow muscle, but often comes with some added fat, and I hate that, personally. I also felt it didn't necessary help that much with the ladies. When I was overweight, and then lost it, I felt a much bigger increase in attention, then when I was more frequently doing resistance training. vs being more sedentary.

July 7, 2021

10 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Something has to be numero uno and that is, quite often, height.

When you read polls about what women say are males most attractive feature, more often than not, height ranks as the most important one.

Perhaps your question could be re-framed to ask why height is so important/attractive to women.

It's obvious that insecurity follows where someone is lacking in a most prominent area that will define their level of success.

Do you really think it is numero uno though? Like someone posted earlier, I feel looks (facial appearance, body shape etc) are generally more important. As I rarely see an unfortunate looking tall man, with a good looking woman.

July 7, 2021

34 minutes ago, ThatDude76 said:

I see, so perhaps its more about body mass in general and not so much height? Perhaps that is why I am insecure about it, as I'm not only 169cm but also 130lbs. I have some muscle ( obviously I could have more if I worked out more) but I think a lot of it has to do with bone structure etc.

Yes a burly masculine bloke, with a big chest to cuddle into can compensate for what he lacks in height.
Women in general like to feel their man can protect them.
Women in general also don't want to be heavier than their man and don't want to feel that he is so slight that they could likely easily pick him up if they tried.
Weight, general presence. charisma and the embodiment of power and strength can compensate for height.

Here you are far too skinny, your BMI is about 20. You could definitely gain some weight. Add on some muscle definition and tone and you would be far more attractive to women.

Edited July 7, 2021 by elaine567

July 7, 2021

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Yes a burly masculine bloke, with a big chest to cuddle into can compensate for what he lacks in height.
Women like to feel their man can protect them.
Women also don't want to be heavier than their man and don't want to feel that he is so slight that they could likely easily pick him up if they tried.
Weight, general presence. charisma and the embodiment of power and strength can compensate for height.

Here you are far too skinny, your BMI is about 20. You could definitely gain some weight. Add on some muscle definition and tone and you would be far more attractive to women.

I do not believe I am far too skinny. BMI of 20 is normal weight no? According to this chart http://www.whathealth.com/bmi/chart-meterspounds.html, I am between 20-21, which is normal weight. How that effects my chances with woman is a different story though, I cant speak about that.

July 7, 2021

43 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Everyone has insecurities...... but I can't answer this one personally as I'm 6'3.

But my guess would be because it is very exposed and obvious. It's not like a confidence issue or a penis issue that is hidden in the mind or pants free of sight. It's probably a burden to have to walk around with an exposed perceived insecurity like that

That is a good point, its obvious and measurable. That could be a big factor to it.

July 7, 2021

44 minutes ago, ThatDude76 said:

I do not believe I am far too skinny. BMI of 20 is normal weight no? According to this chart http://www.whathealth.com/bmi/chart-meterspounds.html, I am between 20-21, which is normal weight. How that effects my chances with woman is a different story though, I cant speak about that.

I meant you are far too skinny to attract women.
Yes a BMI of 20 is a healthy weight but you could be up to 157lbs and still be healthy as per your BMI.

Edited July 7, 2021 by elaine567
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