Should I let her go?

[CaliforniaGirl]

30 minutes ago, Amanda92 said:

But she said she want to date others, right?

IMO it's natural to want to see signs of interest from the other person. If she literally never calls, that's very one-sided and it's normal (again, IMO) to be disturbed by it and to want something a little more equal.

[Miss Spider]

. Telling girl who you just seeing, told you she doesn’t want to commit how to act/expectations/be the one who plans the dates ? Lol if a guy told me that I would be like are you serious right now, you don’t think that I’m aware that I have not lifted one finger to hang out with you at any point in this and now you’re trying to tell me what to do xD

 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Maldives]

Test her out and wait for her to initiate. Balance it out. It does appear you are more interested. I went out a couple times with a girl that was exactly the same I stopped she finally reached out after almost 8 days but she wasn't as invested as I was so I just stopped 

[Miss Spider]

24 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

Test her out and wait for her to initiate. Balance it out. It does appear you are more interested. I went out a couple times with a girl that was exactly the same I stopped she finally reached out after almost 8 days but she wasn't as invested as I was so I just stopped 

That’s the thing about it…. I feel like you can probablysqueeze a little(sometimes a lot depending on how advanced you are ) more time being with someone with games, but it’s still not going to be/end well because it’s not genuine interest. That’s my  opinion 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[matty145]

I talked to her a little more and she said she wishes in the future I would just tell her how I feel so we can talk about things rather than just try to break things off. Getting the feeling maybe I’m becoming a placeholder for her now? 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, matty145 said:

 Getting the feeling maybe I’m becoming a placeholder for her now? 

Why is that?

[matty145]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why is that?

Idk, just a gut feeling. Maybe this person really is just a very different style than me

Edited July 6, 2021 by matty145

[AnnieB]

12 minutes ago, matty145 said:

I talked to her a little more and she said she wishes in the future I would just tell her how I feel so we can talk about things rather than just try to break things off. Getting the feeling maybe I’m becoming a placeholder for her now? 

Why can't you take her word for it? She is very clear and is communicating with you and yet you are insisting on finding some sort of alternate meaning in what she says or does. 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, matty145 said:

Maybe this person really is just a very different style than me

What "person"? "Gut feeling"? Sounds like insecurity and incompatibility. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

That’s the thing about it…. I feel like you can probablysqueeze a little(sometimes a lot depending on how advanced you are ) more time being with someone with games, but it’s still not going to be/end well because it’s not genuine interest. That’s my  opinion 

IMO that's why he needs to just come right out with it. What is he going to lose if he does? Something he would have lost anyway (or really, never had)? And what is he going to gain if he "just waits" for her to somehow decide to text (which is almost inevitable when someone's source of admiration pulls back, just to re-hook the person who will keep giving that admiration....but it can take a week...or month...or more...)? One small victory of her texting (maybe) after a few days, a week, a month...then later, rinse, repeat with the same agony and loneliness cycle?

People are so afraid to just come out with it because "relationship instructions" always say to be unavailable and then you'll be more attractive, etc. Except that so often turns out to be bull, frankly. Just like in this situation. She's attracted...or she's not. Women aren't Pavlov's dogs ready to respond to the correct series of bells. It's my opinion that the OP should just SAY it. "Look, the feeling I get is that you're not as invested as I am. I'm looking for something long-term and more or less equal. If you aren't looking for that, we need to part ways, no hard feelings."

She might still give a b.s. blah-blah oh, I'll try harder thing (nobody should have to "try" to be interested in another person, BTW)...fine...then it's the same thing over again and he just leaves. What has he really lost by not playing some stupid game? 

Edited July 6, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, matty145 said:

Idk, just a gut feeling. Maybe this person really is just a very different style than me

Okay, sorry! I didn't see your update before I posted above.

1. She may mean what she says about more communication. Or she may  just instinctively be panicking because you are a source for giving her attention and admiration and making her feel wanted, and she doesn't want that part to go away. You will probably know which it is pretty quickly. If she still isn't texting/calling, and/or if she's expecting you have these "communication talks" repeatedly about stuff that OBVIOUSLY she already knows (since you already told her), I'd just make like a tree and, yeah, you get it.

2. Gut feeling that you're a placeholder...I'm big on gut feelings, especially if they're not just a repeat thing through every relationship. (In that second case, it could be your own issues.) "When someone shows you who she is, believe her." IOW, people can *say* anything. But what do they *do*? And how do *you feel*? Happy, satisfied, appreciated? Or strung along?

[glows]

3 hours ago, matty145 said:

I talked to her a little more and she said she wishes in the future I would just tell her how I feel so we can talk about things rather than just try to break things off. Getting the feeling maybe I’m becoming a placeholder for her now? 

She's telling you what she prefers but it sounds like you're more interested having a conversation with yourself. If you want this to work keep asking her out and see where it goes. 

Ultimately you have to ask yourself whether you like her at all. If you don't even like her you 'll find every reason under the sun to book it. Be more honest with yourself - maybe she's just not the one for you and it has nothing to do with all this back and forth. That is ok too.

[salparadise]

5 hours ago, matty145 said:

I talked to her a little more and she said she wishes in the future I would just tell her how I feel so we can talk about things rather than just try to break things off. Getting the feeling maybe I’m becoming a placeholder for her now? 

It sounds like she's one of those with the old traditional paradigm firmly ingrained... you know, where man is supposed to do the chasing and be completely smitten from the outset, acts of chivalry, etc., and the woman feigns demure, holds her cards close, and eventually decides which of her many suitors will win her affections. It sounds archaic but there are a lot of them out there, and there are a lot of them on LS too. 

No one wants to invest themselves in a relationship where the energy flows in one direction only. Now that you've had a talk and she knows what you're thinking, I'd give her a chance (and perhaps some encouragement) to meet you half way. Then, if you don't feel her engaging and making some effort you will have to conclude that it's a fixed characteristic that will never change. I'm guessing that's exactly what you're going to find. People don't change because someone else wants them too, and the barely change when they want to themselves. I think you need to find someone who matches your style inherently.

 

[FudgeSwirl]

I'm glad she explained herself in terms of communication and being accustomed to letting the guy lead and the fact that she would like for you to be open about things you are having a problem with (ex: not initiating) is a good sign of communication on her part.  However, you still don't seem to be keen on her.  While sometimes we have to go with our gut, sometimes we also self-sabotage by basing things off little evidence to no evidence.  If you do want to go with your gut, it is best to break things off sooner than later.  If  you do want to keep seeing her, just be up front and tell her that you really would love her to initiate dates sometimes, too, because you are interested in what she likes to do/where she likes to go.  Also ask her since she is not a big texter if she prefers to talk on the phone instead.

[Miss Spider]

4 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

IMO that's why he needs to just come right out with it. What is he going to lose if he does? Something he would have lost anyway (or really, never had)? And what is he going to gain if he "just waits" for her to somehow decide to text (which is almost inevitable when someone's source of admiration pulls back, just to re-hook the person who will keep giving that admiration....but it can take a week...or month...or more...)? One small victory of her texting (maybe) after a few days, a week, a month...then later, rinse, repeat with the same agony and loneliness cycle?

People are so afraid to just come out with it because "relationship instructions" always say to be unavailable and then you'll be more attractive, etc. Except that so often turns out to be bull, frankly. Just like in this situation. She's attracted...or she's not. Women aren't Pavlov's dogs ready to respond to the correct series of bells. It's my opinion that the OP should just SAY it. "Look, the feeling I get is that you're not as invested as I am. I'm looking for something long-term and more or less equal. If you aren't looking for that, we need to part ways, no hard feelings."

She might still give a b.s. blah-blah oh, I'll try harder thing (nobody should have to "try" to be interested in another person, BTW)...fine...then it's the same thing over again and he just leaves. What has he really lost by not playing some stupid game? 

I agree completely. That’s what I’d do.  I feel like a lot of people here struggle with communicating their thoughts /needs with people they are dating /relationships out of fear or whatever else.

Edited July 6, 2021 by Cookiesandough