Horses634 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) I have been seeing this Italian guy for around a month and a half now and I met up with him 5 times. We usually meet up in the evening time and go out and then I end up staying with him for the night. Last time after we slept together he mentioned how he liked relationships because you don’t have to use condoms and then he told me how he was in a 3 and a half year relationship and then asked me about my past relationships. I was a bit surprised because we have never really talked about this sort of thing and it has made me realise that I have no idea where this is going and what his intentions are with me. I did not think about it earlier as I felt it was too early too even think about labelling things but now I can’t stop thinking about it. I am pretty useless when it comes to dating so I don’t really know how to move forward. I would grateful if I could have some advice on what you guys think his intentions are with me and if you think he might be interested in having more than just a fling with me or not. We don’t text everyday and only see each other about once a week because he is really busy with work during the week so personally I don’t know if he can be that interested in me, because surely he would want to see more often and text me more ? Next time I see him I’m going to ask him what he is looking for as he has now been single for 2 years and to hopefully find out whether or not he actually wants something with me. Anyway, any advice on what he might be thinking or what I should at this do at this stage would be greatly appreciated x Edited July 4, 2021 by Horses634
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 9 minutes ago, Horses634 said: Last time after we slept together he mentioned how he liked relationships because you don’t have to use condoms. After 6 weeks dating this statement seems to imply he's casual, but you two are exclusive? 1
basil67 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 The key here is that the reason he gave was he wouldn't need condoms, and that he followed that with a discussion where he could gauge what your STI risk factor would be. Note that he did not say anything like "I love spending time with you" or "I think what we have is worth exploring further". It seems pretty clear to me that it's all about sex. Personally, I wouldn't agree to this unless he started demonstrating that he wanted a actual relationship where we would enjoy spending loads of time together. 2
norealusername Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Definitely just bring up the subject and see what he says. Sounds like sex is a priority but who knows what kind of relationship he's talking about. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) It sounds to me like he wants a relationship because he brought up that whole thing. The incentive he brought up for wanting one is a bit questionable but honest I guess . Seriously using condoms is like showering with a raincoat Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough 3
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: Note that he did not say anything like "I love spending time with you" Agree it's more like "I love not wearing condoms". 8
norealusername Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree it's more like "I love not wearing condoms". lol... most men would agree 1
basil67 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 2 hours ago, norealusername said: lol... most men would agree Indeed. But that doesn't justify asking for a relationship when the only thing they are after is bareback sex. 1
FudgeSwirl Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 Before you talk to him, think about what you want first out of your relationship with him that way when you finally talk to him you both can decide together if you should proceed based on your wants and needs. 3
ShyViolet Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 4 hours ago, Horses634 said: Last time after we slept together he mentioned how he liked relationships because you don’t have to use condoms This is kind of a weird thing for him to say ,and it makes me think that maybe his whole goal here is to make you think he wants more of a relationship just so he can "stop using condoms." Which by the way would NOT be a good idea right now. 2
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 13 hours ago, Horses634 said: We don’t text everyday and only see each other about once a week You're his friend with benefits. He's not interested in a relationship. I agree with the guys here, he's only interested in having sex with no protection. If you are interested in doing this then go get tested together for everything on the sti list and add to that hsv1 & 2. They don't automatically test for it. You also have to trust this man will only have sex with you because getting tested then he's having sex around is pointless and dangerous. 4
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 His word choice leaves a lot to be desired as does his so called motive for liking relationships. That said he may be open to a relationship but wouldn't you prefer to be with a guy who has chosen to be with you because he likes you rather than one who settled for a relationship with you because he doesn't like condoms? 1
babybrowns Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 15 hours ago, basil67 said: Note that he did not say anything like "I love spending time with you" or "I think what we have is worth exploring further". It seems pretty clear to me that it's all about sex. Personally, I wouldn't agree to this unless he started demonstrating that he wanted a actual relationship where we would enjoy spending loads of time together. ^^This He is a playboy who knows that all girls want relationships. And used that to sell you that oh-so-risky ‘no-protection-sex’ card. 1
Author Horses634 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 16 minutes ago, babybrowns said: ^^This He is a playboy who knows that all girls want relationships. And used that to sell you that oh-so-risky ‘no-protection-sex’ card. Okay I think personally everyone is jumping to conclusions here. I understand your point but he did not ask me directly if I would ever be up for sex with no condoms and he is also did not ask me if I’m on any form of birth control. I did not feel any sort of pressure from him not to use a condom. Also, it is true that most girls want relationships but it does not mean that I want it with him. In fact I’m still trying to get over my guy best who I have feelings for. I like this guy and there is potential for me to fall for him but definitely not in the near future. I also think it is early to start talking about relationships with him because we are still getting to know each other and that is why I was surprised when he started talking about them. I do want to ask him if he does see me as just a fwb but I definitely feel that is way too early to start labelling things.
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Horses634 said: Okay I think personally everyone is jumping to conclusions here. I understand your point but he did not ask me directly if I would ever be up for sex with no condoms and he is also did not ask me if I’m on any form of birth control. I did not feel any sort of pressure from him not to use a condom. Also, it is true that most girls want relationships but it does not mean that I want it with him. In fact I’m still trying to get over my guy best who I have feelings for. I like this guy and there is potential for me to fall for him but definitely not in the near future. I also think it is early to start talking about relationships with him because we are still getting to know each other and that is why I was surprised when he started talking about them. I do want to ask him if he does see me as just a fwb but I definitely feel that is way too early to start labelling things. No one is jumping to conclusions...You ask for our opinion and we are basing it on the the information you provided in your original post. Now if you had added what you have posted here, that would have changed the direction of this discussion. It seems to me your defensiveness is you starting to have some attachment to him, and hope that someone is going to tell you he's thinking of you as someone he can be serious with. But everyone is saying other wise, now you are snapping at us. Clarity and full information....that's all we ask for. Edited July 5, 2021 by smackie9 2
Author Horses634 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 16 minutes ago, smackie9 said: No one is jumping to conclusions...You ask for our opinion and we are basing it on the the information you provided in your original post. Now if you had added what you have posted here, that would have changed the direction of this discussion. It seems to me your defensiveness is you starting to have some attachment to him, and hope that someone is going to tell you he's thinking of you as someone he can be serious with. But everyone is saying other wise, now you are snapping at us. Clarity and full information....that's all we ask for. I am not snapping at anyone and I never said I don’t agree with you. I’m just saying just because you want sex doesn’t mean you are a playboy. And no I don’t need strangers online to tell me he wants something serious with me, I just wanted some advice. Sounds like you are the one getting defensive here...I just don’t like how everyone assume the guy is the play boy and that the girl wants a relationship. Why can’t it be the other way around ?
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 1 minute ago, Horses634 said: I am not snapping at anyone and I never said I don’t agree with you. I’m just saying just because you want sex doesn’t mean you are a playboy. And no I don’t need strangers online to tell me he wants something serious with me, I just wanted some advice. Sounds like you are the one getting defensive here...I just don’t like how everyone assume the guy is the play boy and that the girl wants a relationship. Why can’t it be the other way around ? yes it can be the other way around for sure, we are pretty open here about that. BUT the majority of women who post on here want something serious unless stated otherwise.
Author Horses634 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 15 minutes ago, smackie9 said: yes it can be the other way around for sure, we are pretty open here about that. BUT the majority of women who post on here want something serious unless stated otherwise. Okay that’s fair enough.
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 1 hour ago, Horses634 said: I also think it is early to start talking about relationships with him because we are still getting to know each other Why not get screened for STDs then decide if you want exclusive sex? You can agree to have sex with only each other, if it's what you want, no? That's not a "label". 1
Amanda92 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 Firstly, ask yourself what your intentions are instead of letting him decide. Then ask him what he wants and stop seeing him if you don't want the same. 3 1
Andy_K Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 I think it's unlikely that If all he wanted was casual, he'd bring up the subject of relationships at all. He'd steer away from it like a survivor of the Titanic getting an iceberg warning. Most likely he's fishing for a reaction. Putting an idea in your head to see what comes back out. He mentioned no condoms as a way to bring it up in the context of casual sex so he could still raise the topic and at the same time avoid giving any indication as to whether he wants one or not. So he's expecting you to do that. Whether he genuinely wants a relationship, or just an extended period of exclusive sex I couldn't say. But definitely one of those two. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Andy_K said: I think it's unlikely that If all he wanted was casual, he'd bring up the subject of relationships at all. He'd steer away from it like a survivor of the Titanic getting an iceberg warning. Most likely he's fishing for a reaction. Putting an idea in your head to see what comes back out. He mentioned no condoms as a way to bring it up in the context of casual sex so he could still raise the topic and at the same time avoid giving any indication as to whether he wants one or not. So he's expecting you to do that. Whether he genuinely wants a relationship, or just an extended period of exclusive sex I couldn't say. But definitely one of those two. Yep, my thoughts as well. That’s how a few of my bf’s brought up exclusivity. Not this particular reason, but an indirect but practical reason, just to fish but not give it away like “Yeah, that’s why it’s cool being in a relationship — you have someone to watch your luggage when you have to pee at the airport” Edited July 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough
glows Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 I don't know why you care what he wants since you're not interested in anything serious. The comment about condoms was a bit captain obvious so don't read into it too much. Enjoy your time with each other and stay safe. 1
Donnas Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 If you want something serious....leave sex out of it . Know first atleast what You want and what his intentions are with you. Because if he finds you to easy or you sleep with him without knowing,it will confuse you. Right now it seems like its just for pleasure and sex you guys are meeting.If a guy is inlove he would make time to text you during the day. Like he got atleast breaks so he can contact you if he wanted to. You cab ask him what he wants and tell him what you want now.but next time make sure you do this at firstdate. Let him know what you are looking for. And askwhat he is looking for,so you dont need to waste time if he is looking for something deferent. 1
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