mortensorchid Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 I really don't know what to make of this. Last night, I texted a friend of mine who I'd known for many years. At the risk of sounding redundant, our story goes back several years ... I met him because we were both part of a fan group for a band overseas. We'd host fan meetings in cities once a year, I agreed to host it here in the summer of 2005 and he wanted to pick my brain to do things about the fan meeting that he hosted in his city in 2007. That turned into me and him having a weekly chat every Sunday night. Over time, things began to happen. It all went a little crazy ... He got a gf who began to make trouble. She didn't like our friendship and demanded we were not to speak with each other. I was one of the first she systematically alienated from him. He ended up going to jail for a DUI, she cheated on him while he was in jail, etc. They broke up and got back together many times, eventually she moved in with him and her three kids from her previous marriage(s). He was supporting all of them and she cleaned him out. Around Christmas of 2019 he reached out and called me after we hadn't spoken in years and I called him back. He said they were still together and he couldn't do this anymore. I said I was sorry. Then ... She lashed out at me via text message. About a year later, around Christmas 2020, he reached out again and said she had moved out of the house and taken her kids and she was at last gone. I said I was glad to hear that. And she remained away so now it's really over, which is good. He texted me a few days ago, we hadn't talked since March / April so I returned it last night. He called and we updated each other as to what we were doing jobwise and personal. He said he was frustrated as he had been doing OLD and it's not what it once was, I said that was certainly true. Then he told me something I didn't see coming, he told me he just came to a realization. I asked what that was, he said he realized I was the woman for him. He said since we are far apart (he's in GA) he wouldn't pursue it but now knows this. He asked me if I would ever move to be with him or anyone, I said I didn't know. I said I was thinking of moving eventually as there is not a lot of opportunity in my area to do things in education (I am a teacher), but I want to be in a good place financially as well as careerwise before I would consider moving for business. He asked if I would ever for love. I said I have had horrible luck. Ever since that rejection I had about 6 and a half / 7 years ago something inside of me changed and not for the better (that's a whole other story). I don't know what to make of this.
Hopeful30 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Oh I dont know...he realized you're the woman for him when he's in a desperate situation with 3 kids who aren't even his? I feel like he's looking for a wifey replacement. I would be weary. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 29 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: I really don't know what to make of this. Last night, I texted a friend of mine who I'd known for many years. At the risk of sounding redundant, our story goes back several years ... I met him because we were both part of a fan group for a band overseas. We'd host fan meetings in cities once a year, I agreed to host it here in the summer of 2005 and he wanted to pick my brain to do things about the fan meeting that he hosted in his city in 2007. That turned into me and him having a weekly chat every Sunday night. Over time, things began to happen. It all went a little crazy ... He got a gf who began to make trouble. She didn't like our friendship and demanded we were not to speak with each other. I was one of the first she systematically alienated from him. He ended up going to jail for a DUI, she cheated on him while he was in jail, etc. They broke up and got back together many times, eventually she moved in with him and her three kids from her previous marriage(s). He was supporting all of them and she cleaned him out. Around Christmas of 2019 he reached out and called me after we hadn't spoken in years and I called him back. He said they were still together and he couldn't do this anymore. I said I was sorry. Then ... She lashed out at me via text message. About a year later, around Christmas 2020, he reached out again and said she had moved out of the house and taken her kids and she was at last gone. I said I was glad to hear that. And she remained away so now it's really over, which is good. He texted me a few days ago, we hadn't talked since March / April so I returned it last night. He called and we updated each other as to what we were doing jobwise and personal. He said he was frustrated as he had been doing OLD and it's not what it once was, I said that was certainly true. Then he told me something I didn't see coming, he told me he just came to a realization. I asked what that was, he said he realized I was the woman for him. He said since we are far apart (he's in GA) he wouldn't pursue it but now knows this. He asked me if I would ever move to be with him or anyone, I said I didn't know. I said I was thinking of moving eventually as there is not a lot of opportunity in my area to do things in education (I am a teacher), but I want to be in a good place financially as well as careerwise before I would consider moving for business. He asked if I would ever for love. I said I have had horrible luck. Ever since that rejection I had about 6 and a half / 7 years ago something inside of me changed and not for the better (that's a whole other story). I don't know what to make of this. All this it was the woman's fault...and now suddenly, BOOM, you're the woman for him...hurry up and just say yes. I mean...mortens...
FMW Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Keep talking to him if you're interested, meet up if possible. But certainly do not make any moves or other important decisions related to him until you see how things go over many months. It's very possible he's just looking to fill a gap right now. When I was deciding whether to divorce I started thinking of men from my past that I might have missed out on, even reached out to one. It was just circumstantial and had nothing to do with reality. If it's meant to be it will work out in time. Most likely it's just an emotional reaction right now on his part that isn't grounded in actual substance. 1
Sun Seeker Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 It really depends how you feel about him, are you interested romantically? If yes then tell him you would be happy to go on a date if he came to visit. The least effort he can do is jump on a plane to come and see you.
Alvi Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 6 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He got a gf who began to make trouble. She didn't like our friendship and demanded we were not to speak with each other. I was one of the first she systematically alienated from him. He ended up going to jail for a DUI, she cheated on him while he was in jail, etc. They broke up and got back together many times, eventually she moved in with him and her three kids from her previous marriage(s). He was supporting all of them and she cleaned him out. Around Christmas of 2019 he reached out and called me after we hadn't spoken in years and I called him back. He said they were still together and he couldn't do this anymore. I said I was sorry. Then ... She lashed out at me via text message. About a year later, around Christmas 2020, he reached out again and said she had moved out of the house and taken her kids and she was at last gone. I said I was glad to hear that. And she remained away so now it's really over, which is good. Sounds quite like a Prince Charming. What could possibly go wrong if you decide to leave everything behind and move far away to start a new life with him? Seriously, you should run like your hair is on fire. He is a total utter mess. Yes, yes, sure it is all his former gf's fault, NOT.
Pumpernickel Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 4 hours ago, Punterxx said: If yes then tell him you would be happy to go on a date if he came to visit. The least effort he can do is jump on a plane to come and see you. Agreed. Can’t hurt. And then go from there….. unless he’s really just a friend to you, which it sounds like in your OP
ShyViolet Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 There's nothing you really need to "make of this".... here is a guy who clearly has had a hard time managing his life, he chose to stay with a crazy, toxic woman for years. And now that that's finally over, and he has had no luck in OLD, he's turning to you as his plan B (or C or D). He's asking you if you'd ever move to his area to be with him.... when the two of you have never even dated or anything. That is a little ridiculous, I'm sorry. This guy has poor decision-making skills; steer clear. 2
basil67 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 Regarding his ex, there are two sides to every story. Yes, she may have stood in the way of your friendship, but given his latest disclosure, she was likely getting vibes. And I'm not going to judge anyone who sleeps with someone else while their partner is in jail. And the fact that he says she's nuts, doesn't mean she is nuts. After all, he's the one who's done a stint in jail. Likewise, I wouldn't take his comment about her "cleaning him out" too literally without having a look at what their assets were at the time.
chillii Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) Jesus , the ex was a piece of work holy hell , and lucky him he got 3kids thrown into the bargain too , NOT. Anyway , sounds like you got some thinking to do . Why not just see him a bit for awhile spend some time together first no need to be worrying about any decisions that might not even eventuate anyway . If he's a way away go spend a wk with him or him at yours, few of those and answers will follow , or maybe they won't even be needed. Edited July 5, 2021 by chillii
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 14 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He ended up going to jail for a DUI. Be grateful he's not your BF or a close friend. Avoid people who have this much trouble and drama in their lives.
Blind-Sided Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 18 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I don't know what to make of this. Nothing. OK... not to be blunt... you have been talking to him for a while... but he only reaches out when there is a problem. You don't really know each other, and he's just looing for someone, and is tired of OLD. Why would you even consider this. There is no "love"... there is rebound, and loneliness. THAT IS ALL. Why would this even be a consideration?
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) He reaches out when things get bad with his on again off again relationship, goes to jail for a DUI and now he love bombs you out of the blue. The Ex wasn't the issue tho he loved to blame her for his woe as me's,....it obviously was him being the train wreck . This guy is dangling a carrot in front of you, don't grab for it ever. Edited July 5, 2021 by smackie9 1
Author mortensorchid Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 I think he is looking for a replacement for her. I don't want to get involved in this whole trashy soap opera. I admit, I had no idea what he/she was capable of until it started unfolding before me. We didn't speak for years because of it. Life is complicated. But I think it would be best if I don't agree to trying out anything with him, things are in the past and should stay there. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: I think he is looking for a replacement for her. I don't want to get involved in this whole trashy soap opera. I admit, I had no idea what he/she was capable of until it started unfolding before me. We didn't speak for years because of it. Life is complicated. But I think it would be best if I don't agree to trying out anything with him, things are in the past and should stay there. I'm so sorry. I think you're doing the right thing. I had quite a few exes come back later to say, "I messed up. Can we try again?" (Or some version of that.) At first I thought: Wow. Am I more of a catch than I thought? LOL! But later I realized that if it had been meant to be, and if they had really wanted to work on things (I had been willing each time), we probably wouldn't have broken up in the first place. People break up for a reason, or reasons. It was a hard pill to swallow that they had probably played the field a little, had been dumped or had broken up, and were circling back out of loneliness. But it's a thing. You're worth so much more than this. 1
glows Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 He's too down right now and isn't thinking straight. Give this a miss. If he talks about moving away for love, treat it as a withdrawal period after a break up. Heartbreak can blur a person's vision. This can only mean rebound sex or a rebound relationship so don't fall into that trap believing he's into you. He's vulnerable at the moment. You've also been a third party to some aggravation and angst with his previous partner, an escape when he used to text you in the past. He could repeat the same behaviours and seek someone else out (another woman) to escape to if you both have any disagreements. Does he really seem that attractive now?
Miss Spider Posted July 7, 2021 Posted July 7, 2021 Since MO almost always abandons her threads I guess we won’t know… but I will say that it seems like I’ve had more enthusiasm over going to dmv than she does for this guy
chillii Posted July 7, 2021 Posted July 7, 2021 (edited) On 7/6/2021 at 2:06 AM, mortensorchid said: I think he is looking for a replacement for her. I don't want to get involved in this whole trashy soap opera. I admit, I had no idea what he/she was capable of until it started unfolding before me. We didn't speak for years because of it. Life is complicated. But I think it would be best if I don't agree to trying out anything with him, things are in the past and should stay there. Tbh l agree . And the whole known someone all this time things and suddenly boom, actually l know a couple like this been married yrs now. More likely though yeah, lifes a mess he's a mess and your available . He may even believe it himself right now if you were keen yeah you could just spend some time, time tells all. But your thinking now it's best not so with that then yeah you'd probably be right. Edited July 7, 2021 by chillii
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