Weezy1973 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 I will say age might be an issue. The hardest age for women to find a relationship is in their mid 30s. They lose a lot of options, especially with men wanting kids, and men that are unsure whether or not they want kids. And the men that don’t want kids often aren’t interested in commitment of any kind until they’re older. Not that there aren’t still options left of course. Just not as many.
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 5 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: I've gained maybe 10lbs at most, and at 5'11 Sorry this is happening. It's doubtful this has to do with dieting, food, etc. It may have to do with the supermodel height being too intimidating. Research the height of supermodels. It's not a modifiable characteristic, so learn to own it and use it to your advantage.
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. It's doubtful this has to do with dieting, food, etc. It may have to do with the supermodel height being too intimidating. Research the height of supermodels. It's not a modifiable characteristic, so learn to own it and use it to your advantage. I had a gorgeous friend in undergrad who was 6’3” … she was cool too..: was always struggling with guys Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Posted July 4, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Thanks for responding and not biting my head off, reading my post again, it came off a bit harsh and preachy, sorry about that! Anyway, what's quoted above is what I was referring to. If I may ask, if you are so happy and comfortable with yourself, which should include happy being single, why are turning to food for comfort? It's a rhetorical question, no need to answer to us, it's a question you should ask yourself though. Whether it's food, alcohol, drugs, or whatever, anything taken in excess as a way to provide comfort and or to cope would suggest you come from a place of lack. Within yourself. Just my opinion from experience and the knowledge I've acquired over the past few years.... and something for you to think about and consider moving forward. Be happy @Hopeful30. Peace and love... xo No worries )) you're right though, I feel lack of self worth and trying to eat it away. I've single for many years and teeter between feeling good where I'm at and feeling pathetic for being good where I'm at and still single. I'm experiencing the latter at the moment. 1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said: Contrary to what many think, looks has very little to do with dating success. People across the physical attractiveness spectrum date and marry successfully. In fact the vast majority of people that want to be in a relationship are in one. Not true. I've always wanted to be in relationships and have been mostly single. I know people who love being single and ate mostly in relationships. Unfortunately our desires don't always align with our experiences. 1 hour ago, Woggle said: There is nothing wrong with you and plenty of great people are single while plenty of terrible people get into relationships. Instead of waiting for a man to approach you why not go for what you want instead. Decent men these days are trained to leave women alone in public so if you see a guy you like you will probably have to initiate yourself. I've approached before but its offputting. Men are supposed to chase, otherwise every man will say yes to every woman and where does that leave us? Easy and not knowing if a man will actually put the effort. 1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said: I will say age might be an issue. The hardest age for women to find a relationship is in their mid 30s. They lose a lot of options, especially with men wanting kids, and men that are unsure whether or not they want kids. And the men that don’t want kids often aren’t interested in commitment of any kind until they’re older. Not that there aren’t still options left of course. Just not as many. In my experiences this has always been the case. In my 20s the men already had kids and ex wives, and as I've gotten older I'm meeting more never married and childless men. Although now I'm learning why lol 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. It's doubtful this has to do with dieting, food, etc. It may have to do with the supermodel height being too intimidating. Research the height of supermodels. It's not a modifiable characteristic, so learn to own it and use it to your advantage. I've accepted my height, but the consequences of it don't change with that unfortunately.
Weezy1973 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 4 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: I've accepted my height, but the consequences of it don't change with that unfortunately. Unfortunately if you genuinely are only attracted to men taller than you this also limits your options. You’re taller than an average man in North America. Again, not saying there aren’t tall men out there, it just limits your options.
basil67 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 9 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: I've dated both taller and shorter, and felt better and safer with taller men. It's doesnt exactly feel ladylike when I'm stronger than my man and were walking down a dark alleyway. Hes supposed to be my protector, not my responsibility. This ties into biology. What am I going to do when I'm pregnant with his child and he cant even help me stand from the couch because hes too short to pull me up? Lol taller is better, but not a requirement. First up, height and strength are unrelated. How many times have you had to be rescued by a man when you're in a dark alleyway? This sounds a lot like you dismissing a man based on a scenario which probably won't ever happen. And even if it did happen, who's to say he'd be with you? What will you do if you're pregnant and he can't help you up from the couch? You do exactly the same thing as you would if he wasn't there - you'd get yourself out of the couch. Granted, there were occasions while heavily pregnant when I was laying on the couch when I'd get up by kind of rolling off the couch and onto my knees, but rest assured, pregnant women aren't useless. Again, you're dismissing a guy over something which will never be an issue.
chillii Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: No worries )) you're right though, I feel lack of self worth and trying to eat it away. I've single for many years and teeter between feeling good where I'm at and feeling pathetic for being good where I'm at and still single. I'm experiencing the latter at the moment. Not true. I've always wanted to be in relationships and have been mostly single. I know people who love being single and ate mostly in relationships. Unfortunately our desires don't always align with our experiences. I've approached before but its offputting. Men are supposed to chase, otherwise every man will say yes to every woman and where does that leave us? Easy and not knowing if a man will actually put the effort. In my experiences this has always been the case. In my 20s the men already had kids and ex wives, and as I've gotten older I'm meeting more never married and childless men. Although now I'm learning why lol I've accepted my height, but the consequences of it don't change with that unfortunately. l'm fairly tall but have known a lot of guys over the yrs much taller than me and most of them loved leggy women. l would go for tall guys though , might help in that regard , unless someone happens to just come along where it's all there and doesn't matter. And models ha, yeah they're all tall and guys have been panting over them forever. Forget biology and other bs we don;t need excuses and fancy explanations to like whatever we like most women prefer him a bit taller it's perfectly natural and as simple as attraction half the time, very very simple stuff. Edited July 5, 2021 by chillii 1
glows Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 15 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: Been single for years, men rarely approach, and frequently those that catch my attention are unavailable. Given recent world events, meeting people has become even more difficult. I've been in great shape most of my life, and don't have an addiction to food or sugar. I like being active and outdoors. Recently, though, I've become so sick and tired of always being single that I've turned to food for comfort. Yes, I can control myself. No, I don't enjoy junk food that much and prefer healthier foods....but what's the point of trying if it doesnt make a difference? I've gained maybe 10lbs at most, and at 5'11 it's hardly noticeable, but whenever I consider putting more effort into fitness I keep remembering that I was fit and sexy body for 10+ years and didn't yield anything different than where I'm at now...so I might as well let myself go? This just means sorting your priorities. If being fit is important to you, what you look like or what others think you look like don't matter at all. Do you like being sporty or being more active? If the answer is yes, then I second the previous comments about continuing to engage in what interests you and finding activities that nurture your mental as well as physical health. Don't worry about the weight as that fluctuates as you age. If you can still do all the things you want to do and push further in your fitness goals, do that. You'll probably find yourself immensely happier and feeling more challenged and motivated to keep up with your activities and being fit is just a positive byproduct.
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 Tall & athletic! I bet you're blond with that? I just had a look, do you know there is a dating app for tall people? It's called Tallfriends dot com. 2
Els Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 Fitness and health isn't just about looks though - in fact for some of us it has almost nothing to do with appearances. Being fit and healthy means that if you get Covid tomorrow, or you get hit by a truck and need emergency surgery, you'll have a much higher chance of recovery and being able to survive. It means that you (probably) won't get type 2 diabetes and heart disease at 40, or be in a wheelchair at 60. It means that you can do things and see places that unfit people won't be able to access. H and I both give nearly zero f***s about appearances, but we try to stay reasonably fit and healthy for these reasons. I agree that "having the supermodel body" is way different from actually being medically fit and healthy, and frankly I never understood why people devote so much of their precious lives to trying to attain that. If NOT striving for that is what you mean by "letting yourself go", well, you have my permission - nay, my encouragement - to do just that. 1
Blind-Sided Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 18 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: 10lbs isn’t really “letting yourself go”. That might suit you better. But as for letting yourself go, what about your health? There’s more to life than living for a man. Maybe your looks are not the prob. I agree. Unless you are looking for a guy who goes to the gym all the time... a "Softer" woman is more attractive to a lot of guy. 3
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 Go get a makeover consultation. hair makeup wardrobe.
AnnieB Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) I can relate to the tall and athletic conundrum. I’m 5’9” and athletic and to say that men are intimidated by that is an understatement. First time it happened I was on a double date with my best friend, we had just turned 19, (she is 5’11”) We were both swimmers and both on the team. Somehow we forgot to mention that to the men and they took us swimming. We didn’t even show off we were just swimming. Not even synchronized The guys were swimming, but they were obviously self taught (we grew up in a country that didn’t have swimming pools, my friend and I were extremely fortunate to have learned swimming at school, our school had a pool). On our ride back one of the guys was completely silent, and both of them stopped speaking to us within a week. Edited July 5, 2021 by AnnieB Spelling 2
mortensorchid Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 NO, DO NOT DO THIS! Those 10 lbs will creep up and up and up on you if you are not careful. In 2006 I lost 40 lbs - you would be shocked at the toll it can and does take on your physical and your mental health to be fat. When I dropped the weight, I noticed not just the difference in how I felt about myself but how others treated me as well - from strangers to close friends to my parents. It's a vicious cycle - you sit there are eat, only feel good about yourself when you are eating, then you feel bad about yourself before and after you eat. And then you think "who cares?" and repeat it. And it's not about just wanting to be sexy or the most attractive or whatever else, there is a mind/body connection and you have to have to maintain that for your own sanity and happiness. 1 1
czanclus Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 12 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: Unfortunately if you genuinely are only attracted to men taller than you this also limits your options. You’re taller than an average man in North America. Again, not saying there aren’t tall men out there, it just limits your options. OK, now... let's take a moment here to reflect on this ubiquitous notion that the reason statistics for taller female/shorter male heterosexual relationships are in the low single digits is because the woman is the one doing all the eliminating. Gentlemen of the under 5'-11" homosphere, please own your fear of being effeminized, and stand up. Yes, you, the 5'-10" shorty in the middle, I see you. Scared a 5'-11" "cow" will not only tower over you in her heels, but ~God~ only knows if your genitals can possibly measure up. Anyone willing to admit they resemble the description? Yeah, didn't quite think so. 11 hours ago, basil67 said: How many times have you had to be rescued by a man when you're in a dark alleyway? This sounds a lot like you dismissing a man based on a scenario which probably won't ever happen. And even if it did happen, who's to say he'd be with you? Let me also add... more pertinently, who's to say he won't have other tricks up his sleeve to execute the hypothetical defense. I mean Bruce Lee was a modest 5' 8". But that said - enough! You're over 30, you need to stop apologizing for what you like and what you dislike pronto. It's not *you* that needs to be molded to lower your standards, only your expectations. If the difference seems subtle, it is not. Secondly, it's the society that is in dire need of a makeover, in not just accepting people who choose to be single for lack of appropriate options, but also embrace them and stop with the annoying "you're such a great catch, how come you're single" comments. I do hear you when you say you would really prefer to be with someone instead of alone, and I'm rooting for you. I wish I could be more optimistic than "it's possible, but don't let the want occupy your mind more than on a fleeting occasion." 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 5 minutes ago, czanclus said: Secondly, it's the society that is in dire need of a makeover, in not just accepting people who choose to be single for lack of appropriate options, but also embrace them and stop with the annoying "you're such a great catch, how come you're single" comments. People who are happy being single generally aren’t posting on a forum dedicated to love and relationships. And I think those of us that have dated successfully and are in healthy relationships are pointing out that there are likely a lot of appropriate options. The things that actually matter in a healthy long term relationship are plentiful. And most adults are in relationships. And most of those are healthy - not perfect of course - but healthy. If the OP has been wanting to be in a relationship, but has remained single for the past 10 years, the problem is not society.
czanclus Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 11 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: If the OP has been wanting to be in a relationship, but has remained single for the past 10 years, the problem is not society. No, but if she is confronted with (unwelcome) comments that someone a "great catch" as she is "still single" - that is a problem with society. 13 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: People who are happy being single generally aren’t posting on a forum dedicated to love and relationships. And I think those of us that have dated successfully and are in healthy relationships are pointing out that there are likely a lot of appropriate options. The things that actually matter in a healthy long term relationship are plentiful. And most adults are in relationships. And most of those are healthy - not perfect of course - but healthy. Even if it's not the norm for happily single people to post on this forum, they exist. And even if it's not the norm for people to be happy/happier single, they also exist. Allow us to offer the option on this forum and other platforms, not just swiftly problem-solve around 'unrealistic standards.' Yawn. 1 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 1 hour ago, czanclus said: Even if it's not the norm for happily single people to post on this forum, they exist. And even if it's not the norm for people to be happy/happier single, they also exist. Allow us to offer the option on this forum and other platforms, not just swiftly problem-solve around 'unrealistic standards.' Yawn. Of course they exist. I was single for quite awhile and perfectly happy for the most part. Most people I know go through ups and downs whether they’re single or in a relationship. But that doesn’t negate that unrealistic standards are a thing. For some people their wish is that their partner checks all the boxes: best friend, amazing lover, financial provider, hobby partner, doer of chores (especially the ones you hate doing), etc. Essentially they think the only way to have a successful relationship is to find a “perfect” partner. And that’s unrealistic.
Els Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 2 hours ago, mortensorchid said: When I dropped the weight, I noticed not just the difference in how I felt about myself but how others treated me as well - from strangers to close friends to my parents. If your parents and close friends are literally treating you differently because of your weight, the problem is not (just) your weight. It's not healthy to be fat, it's also not healthy to feel like you must weigh a certain amount in order to be treated like a decent human being by the people you choose to allow in your life.
mortensorchid Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 55 minutes ago, Elswyth said: If your parents and close friends are literally treating you differently because of your weight, the problem is not (just) your weight. It's not healthy to be fat, it's also not healthy to feel like you must weigh a certain amount in order to be treated like a decent human being by the people you choose to allow in your The world is not going to change, YOU have to change. Facts.
Shining One Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 On 7/4/2021 at 2:45 PM, Hopeful30 said: Nothing oddly specific that comes to mind. Don't you have some very specific requirements in the trouser department? 1
Shining One Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 3 hours ago, czanclus said: OK, now... let's take a moment here to reflect on this ubiquitous notion that the reason statistics for taller female/shorter male heterosexual relationships are in the low single digits is because the woman is the one doing all the eliminating. Are taller women frequently approaching shorter men and being rejected (eliminated) by them?
Weezy1973 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 Well the main reason that taller woman / shorter man relationships are in the low single digits is because men on average are almost six inches taller than women. Men’s preferences are more to do with weight and body shape than height. Models are usually taller than average as far as I know and not too many men regardless of their own height would pass up an opportunity to date a model…. 2
stillafool Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 41 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Models are usually taller than average as far as I know and not too many men regardless of their own height would pass up an opportunity to date a model…. Yes and I notice most of the models who date musicians are taller than them but the musicians don't seem to care. Edited July 5, 2021 by stillafool
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 21 minutes ago, stillafool said: Yes and I notice most of the models who date musicians are taller than them but the musicians don't seem to care. Why do young models date aging rock stars? Because they are wealthy famous rock stars. Why do aging rock stars date young models? Because they can 2
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