TamSy11 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Recently I went out with this guy I met off a local Facebook kayaking group (he asked me out). He was a great guy and the first encounter was nice, I felt like we had a connection. We went kayaking down a local river and had a great time. He was super stoked on seeing me again and even told me he thought I was funny, etc. We texted regularly and then met up again, this time we ate at a restaurant and watched a local soccer game. Really nice time and we made out/kissed back at my place, he established himself as a serious guy without any ulterior intentions. I totally respected that. He made plans to meet up, go kayaking again, he was going to take me to a restaurant I liked. When the night ends after we made out, I think I made a dirty joke that I totally didn’t anticipate and it just slipped out. Nonetheless he laughed awkwardly and kissed me goodnight, and said “See you at the river again!” I texted him that night asking if he got home safe, no response which was kind of weird. He texted me 2-3 times the next day which is a bit less than normal but still not unusual. Finally communication just seems to fizzle out. He messaged me on Facebook this morning breaking it off and wishing me well. So I’m just wracking my brain, like the first date went well, but something obviously happened on the second that changed his mind. I know I can be a bit sarcastic sometimes and a lot of people dont get my humour (mostly a cover up for low self esteem), but if he really liked me, it wouldn’t have been a deciding factor, right? Just so strange that one minute he was making plans and the next he wanted nothing to do with me. Now I really regret some things I said that I thought were harmless but maybe he took offense to? Maybe if I hadn’t said that one thing we’d still be talking and making plans to meet and it would all be fine and dandy? Ugh. I am filled with regret because I feel like a blew a chance with a really great guy. i wish I could ask him what specifically made him want to end things. I hope it was something out of my control like he’s still hung up about an ex or met someone else. I hate to think that my actions ruined this chance. I know there’s no point in dwelling…but jeez I feel like a fool!
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Just means you weren't compatible. You have to be able to be yourself right? 3
Author TamSy11 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Posted July 4, 2021 52 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Just means you weren't compatible. You have to be able to be yourself right? True. Perhaps I just had way too high expectations.
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 I said something bone headed on a job interview once. I knew it was bad the minute I said it but couldn't recover. No use dwelling. Take the lesson & be more careful in your words on future dates with others.
Happy Lemming Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 2 hours ago, TamSy11 said: I think I made a dirty joke that I totally didn’t anticipate and it just slipped out. If one joke sent him packing then he is entirely too sensitive and not worth your efforts. I really don't think it was the joke. It might have been "the straw that broke the camel's back", but my guess is... there were other things that didn't work for him. In life, I try to be the best person I can be, if that isn't good enough for the person I am dating... so be it. I'll move on and find someone that likes me... for me. 3
Hopeful30 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Think of it this way: you dodged a bullet. Eventually your sense of humour will come forth, and it's nice that he filtered himself out early on when he realized maybe you guys arent compatible. Now you're free to date men who not only appreciate your sense of humour, but probably have some dirty jokes up their sleeve, too! 1
Hopeful30 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: If one joke sent him packing then he is entirely too sensitive and not worth your efforts. I really don't think it was the joke. It might have been "the straw that broke the camel's back", but my guess is... there were other things that didn't work for him. In life, I try to be the best person I can be, if that isn't good enough for the person I am dating... so be it. I'll move on and find someone that likes me... for me. Yes, this ^^
Alpacalia Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 9 hours ago, TamSy11 said: I think I made a dirty joke that I totally didn’t anticipate and it just slipped out. What was the joke? If you don't mind sharing. 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Unfortunately one-and-done meets are more common than not. Even after a nice time/good connection. Therefore most likely has nothing to do with you. Keep in mind you are both still talking to and meeting others. Then there are flakes, then there are those that are on dating apps the nanosecond they breakup. That's why trying to figure this out is like a dog chasing it's tail. In summary, the probability that is had anything to do with turning him off or something went wrong, etc. is very slim.
Ami1uwant Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 What could be going on here..... 1. you aren’t the only one he is dating...you are in 2nd pkace 2. you might have said something or showed something in your home that might have offended him. Something you did turned him off. He could be hyper sensitive or you said something. That was offensive. 3. maybe he wanted sex and you didn’t do it.
salparadise Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 Yes, I was wondering if he thought he was going to get laid when you invited him in. How did the making out go? Was he pushing your limits? My guess is that he's a guy with options. When a woman starts getting invested this quick, there's about a 93.6 percent chance he's a natural, the type of guy that all women go for. And therefore you don't have to do anything wrong to be not selected. 1
Blind-Sided Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 23 hours ago, TamSy11 said: 1) I texted him that night asking if he got home safe, no response which was kind of weird. 2) So I’m just wracking my brain, like the first date went well, but something obviously happened on the second that changed his mind. what specifically made him want to end things. 1) Why is that weird? If he was home, and getting ready for bed... the phone is probably off. 2) You don't know why he doesn't want to see you. Since he's single... he could have already been dating other people, and one of those girls, he liked more. (or had more time invested) No reason to beat yourself up about it. BUT... if you have a sarcastic sense of humor... you may want to dial it back. Some people see that as being condescending, especially if it hits home to an issue they have. 2
Author TamSy11 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 13 hours ago, salparadise said: Yes, I was wondering if he thought he was going to get laid when you invited him in. How did the making out go? Was he pushing your limits? My guess is that he's a guy with options. When a woman starts getting invested this quick, there's about a 93.6 percent chance he's a natural, the type of guy that all women go for. And therefore you don't have to do anything wrong to be not selected. He actually told me he doesn’t have sex unless he’s in a committed relationship. I wonder if I somehow gave the vibes that I wanted to sleep with him (not the case, because I too prefer being in a relationship before intimacy). He also doesn’t seem like the player type but who knows. Edited July 5, 2021 by TamSy11
Miss Spider Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) He might not have liked your dirty joke as it offended his delicate sensibilities Edited July 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 It doesn’t matter. There’s no way you can know, so you’re just wasting time trying to figure it out. It would be better to spend that time working on your self-esteem issues.
salparadise Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 6 minutes ago, TamSy11 said: He actually told me he doesn’t have sex unless he’s in a committed relationship. And you believe that—a virtuous man? I’ve heard they exist, however rare, but I’ve never seen one in real life. Somethings not quite right here. He nay be afraid of falling in and being swallowed whole. You may have dodged one.
Interstellar Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) #i’dliketohearthejokeaswell... rude of him not to reply that he got home safe. even if it’s fake he could at least show some manners. this guy ain’t a natural 3 percenter i’ll tell you that. Edited July 5, 2021 by Interstellar 1
glows Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 He sounds too skittish. Pass. Maybe his ex used him for sex or he got played. If he took offense to something you said while you were joking, consider it a good thing. There's no need for regret on this one. I think you dodged a bullet. 2
poppyfields Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) @TamSy11wrote: >> I know I can be a bit sarcastic sometimes and a lot of people dont get my humour (mostly a cover up for low self esteem)<< ____ It's impossible to know, all you can do is learn from it and cherish the moment(s) you did spend together. As an anecdote, I used to be the snarkiest smartass west of the Mississippi. Now, today I cannot even imagine I was like that, especially with the men I liked, loved and had relationships with. It was all fun and banter, intimacy and vulnerability scared the **** out of me. Perhaps part of it, like you, was low self esteem also. Emotional intimacy/vulnerability still scare me , but I embrace that fear (or I try to) versus running from it or disguising it with "jokes" and sarcasm. As such, my relationships have been much more HONEST and healthy, even if they are short lived. I embrace all my experiences and regret NOTHING. My advice is look within to determine why the need to disguise your deeper emotions and vulnerabilities with jokes, sarcasm and snark. THAT is the takeaway from this. The lesson learned going forward. I dont agree this man is "emotional fragile" or "too sensitive," he may be seeking a deeper connection and after spending time, he did not believe you were capable of that. I'm speculating of course but something to consider. Edited July 5, 2021 by poppyfields
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