Scrapeground Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 This is my first time posting so please bear with me. I have read this forum up and down for the past week. My question has to do with the “need space”. I have read all of the others and can relate to those but I still feel there is a bit of distinction to my situation. So here goes with the story. Sorry if it’s long. I am 28 yo and she is 36. I worked for this company for 4 years. I met this women, along with many others, and we became just friends. I had written her off the books (in reference to trying to get to know her better) because she was married when we met. We would occasionally get together from time to time, along with others, for a happy hour. Last year I left my job and decided to return to school and finish my degree in nuclear physics. After this, we did not talk to much. Out of the blue, she calls and we get together. This was around Christmas this past year. She invited me to spend Christmas and New Years with her and her family. She was still married at this time. I and her husband became friends. After that we would meet about 2 or three times a month. Then in march, I shattered my leg in an accident. I moved in my father’s home because I was unable to take care of myself. On the weekends, I would come home. She began coming over every weekend to check up on me. Then she would insist that I go stay with her and her family for the weekends. I agreed. I couldn’t turn it down since I still needed help. Then in may, she told me that she had a talk with her husband and they are getting divorced because she loves him but she is not in love with him. They are still very good friends and talk a lot. Things after this are where most of my confusions begin. Again, keep in mind that I never had ANY intentions of having a relationship with her. About a month or so after they separated, her husband was playing with a band at a local bar. She was planning on going and also invited me. I decided to go and things went along as they always did before. Nothing different. She decided to go home early as she had too much to drink and I was getting sleepy due to the meds. Again, I was spending the night at her house. When I laid down on the couch to go to sleep, she sat in the chair next to me and asked if it was OK to kiss me. WOW this through me for a loop. I did. The next day I asked her if she remembered it and she said she did. We began to talk a lot after that. She poured her heart out to me about her entire life. A lot of things her ex husband never knew. I did the same also. Things began to get very serious b/w each other. We did have our occasional argument here and there but always over ridiculous things. We always never went to sleep mad at each other. During all of this, she couldn’t stand not seeing me at least once or twice a day. She has said many tines that she could not see tomorrow without me in it. She would call me all the time. If I was not at school and she was not at work, we were together. I enjoyed it very much as I have not had companionship in many, many years. We had many plans for the future together. We also many things in common and get along great. Now comes the confusion. About two weeks ago she had to have a partial hysterectomy due to complications. We had made plans for me to live with her for a week and help her with the house and her children. I did so with no complaints. The following week, her ex husband decides to take the week off and come over during the week and help out. She had told me that she didn’t want that but he pretty much wasn’t taking no for an answer. I had a few concerns with this but let them go. She told me that it was his week now and to use the time to concentrate on my studies. Things changed very much from there. She told me she needs time to herself. She has been doing a lot for others and now wants to do things for herself. I decided to comply. I have asked her several times if there is anything wrong between us. She replies no. We hardly talk now and she would prefer if I do not stop by. As she says, she wants this time to herself. I still tell her I love her and she still responds back to me. I do not know how to take this, or much else how to deal with it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. She did start to get a bit aggravated when I kept asking her about us. At this point, I have thought of not contacting her for a few days to see how things go. Does anybody know a way I can have a conversation about our relationship without making it confronting? Any ideas on how I can get her talk to me? PLEASE HELP!!!
Ruff Ryder Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Whats up man? Well by the sounds of things the relashonship got to serious to fast but saying that there is def some thing there so its not the end yet man. What you need to do is be a man not just for her but for you to. This sounds wierd i know but give me a second to explain. You need to give her enought rope so she can see that YOU dont need HER (I know that you do but you need to show her that you dont) The reason for that is that she will then try to WIN you back. If you want to talk to her begin by saying some thing like .... I understand that your confussed or unhappy or whatever you feeling at the time..... Then dont push the matter if you leave the ball in her court she will hit it back. But you need to show that you can survive with out her. Also dont pay her ANY attention at all i know that you will want to but dont
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