ZinaJ Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 Been on 2 dates with this guy, thought it went well and made plans for a third, but he never responded after I tried to confirm those plans. I know this happens but I’m just annoyed because I thought he would have enough courage to tell me he’s not interesed rather than do the immature thing of ghosting. Like…you’re an adult! Take 5 seconds out of your life and just say “hey I don’t want to hang out with you anymore.” I will appreciate that more than whatever this is. Especially sad because I didn’t think he’d be this type of person. I guess people can be deceiving. One thing’s for sure, my ego is definitely bruised and I’m kinda put off by dating. How do I not take this personally and move on? 1
Fletch Lives Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 Sorry about that. It's just normal dating. Until they fall in love with you, which can take a couple months, you have no hook to hold them so they can flake at any time. You'll get over it soon because you were not invested for very long. Talking to new guys can help, even if that's not your first impulse. 4
Wiseman2 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 31 minutes ago, ZinaJ said: he never responded after I tried to confirm those plans. Were the plans tentative or did he stand you up? Ok no one wants to send the "I'm not into you" text after a couple of dates. Your anger seems disproportionate. A third date is not owed. Is this the same man?: 1
Author ZinaJ Posted July 2, 2021 Author Posted July 2, 2021 21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Were the plans tentative or did he stand you up? Ok no one wants to send the "I'm not into you" text after a couple of dates. Your anger seems disproportionate. A third date is not owed. Is this the same man?: After our second date, he made plans to see me again in a few days and seemed like he really wanted to keep seeing me. I messaged him asking if he still wants to see me on the day we agreed and he ignored me. I have friends wanting to hang out on that day too so it would be nice to get a heads up, ya know? I’m not angry, just a bit hurt and disappointed. In my opinion, once you meet someone in person and especially after you make plans to see them again, you need to give them an explanation if things change. Otherwise it’s just cowardly and plays with the other person’s emotions. I would have been prompt with letting them know if I wasn’t interested. I hate the idea of stringing someone along. Oh well. Says more about the state of modern dating than anything. Also feeling a bit bruised and put off by dating. If even the nice guys ghost, then what hope is there haha.
Wiseman2 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 7 minutes ago, ZinaJ said: . I would have been prompt with letting them know if I wasn’t interested. Well he did let you know promptly by not pursuing it or stringing you along. It's unclear why you got this overinvested. Next time don't text this much or develop a false sense of things through that. It's no big deal, a couple of dates, not the downfall of humanity. 2
Donnas Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 I wonder if there is always a mini sign that this wont be it. But not everyone maybe see it??! Eitherway he was not worth your time . Be glad he left. And not everyone act this way so, who knows you meet someone soon. 2
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 Better to have him not respond rather him, keep putting it off til you give up. People have their reasons, like don't like rejecting someone, hurt them, don't like the results of rejecting someone, don't like confrontation, etc. Some people's past experiences make them behave the way they do. But Wiseman is right....him not pursuing another date is answer enough.
stillafool Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, ZinaJ said: I messaged him asking if he still wants to see me on the day we agreed and he ignored me. I have friends wanting to hang out on that day too so it would be nice to get a heads up, ya know? After just 2 dates and he didn't get back to you that was your cue to hang out and have fun with your friends. A lot of them don't like to actually tell a woman "nice meeting you but I'm no longer interested" because they don't want to hurt your feelings or answer your questions as to why so they just ghost. Edited July 2, 2021 by stillafool 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 While this certainly doesn't feel good, it's not ghosting. Ghosting is when you have established a relationship with someone, you think things are going well and then they just disappear out of nowhere. 2
Alvi Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 I don't know why people cannot be more honest with each other. I really don't. I truly honestly believe that people need to be more honest with each other, be it two dates or a year of dating. Just disappearing is not right in my personal code of ethics. For example, I ended things with somebody yesterday after only two dates. I could've easily ghosted and blocked him. But I texted him that I don't think that we are a good match. You don't need to be rude or hurtful when telling someone that you are not interested, of course. But a simple thanks but no thanks will not leave that other person hoping and hanging.
Alvi Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 9 hours ago, ZinaJ said: After our second date, he made plans to see me again in a few days and seemed like he really wanted to keep seeing me. I messaged him asking if he still wants to see me on the day we agreed and he ignored me. To me, this speaks volumes of his character. Or rather lack of thereof. Leaving someone hanging is not OK.
stillafool Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 54 minutes ago, Alvi said: You don't need to be rude or hurtful when telling someone that you are not interested, of course. I don't think they mean to be rude or hurtful they are just too cowardly for any type of confrontation. They are afraid they will have to answer questions. 2
Weezy1973 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 11 hours ago, ZinaJ said: How do I not take this personally and move on? You don’t take it personally because it’s not personal. Who knows why he ghosted you? It doesn’t matter. Move on and keep dating other people…
Weezy1973 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 15 minutes ago, stillafool said: I don't think they mean to be rude or hurtful they are just too cowardly for any type of confrontation. They are afraid they will have to answer questions. I don’t know if it’s cowardly per se. People have different impressions on dates. Two dates does not any commitment make. He might not think anything needs to be said, or met someone else and is focused on them now. Different people have different values. Some people would never ghost even after one date. Or even after just messaging through OLD. And some people don’t think it’s a big deal.
Miss Spider Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 He doesn’t think anything needs to be said after he sets a date with someone and they ask if it’s still on? Uhhh okay
stillafool Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 7 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: I don’t know if it’s cowardly per se. It wouldn't bother me after just 2 dates and I'd get the message but as you can see if the other party was really feeling you (like OP was) saying "I don't think we're a good fit, etc., they may say "may I ask why?" That is where the other party may think "why didn't I just ghost" because they don't want to explain. If people would just reply "okay, good luck and take care" people might not just disappear on them. 1 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 14 hours ago, ZinaJ said: Been on 2 dates with this guy, thought it went well and made plans for a third, but he never responded after I tried to confirm those plans. I know this happens but I’m just annoyed because I thought he would have enough courage to tell me he’s not interesed rather than do the immature thing of ghosting. Like…you’re an adult! Take 5 seconds out of your life and just say “hey I don’t want to hang out with you anymore.” I will appreciate that more than whatever this is. Especially sad because I didn’t think he’d be this type of person. I guess people can be deceiving. One thing’s for sure, my ego is definitely bruised and I’m kinda put off by dating. How do I not take this personally and move on? There have been called different Ed names duch as proofing, gjodting, etc. whyus it done.... 1. you are not a first choice. They are dating others snd right now are more interested in them. You might be a fall back or backup pkan if these don’t work out. If they were honest with you and their reason you won’t date them again. If they do t say anything they still have a chance. 2. they lost interest in you, they don’t want to hurt your feelings do they don’t tell you. 2
chillii Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) People shouldn't be so try hard and put so much pressure on themselves and the other getting too far ahead of themselves when they first meet, there's no rush. They should just give it a few days and let things sink in plenty of time to talk and arrange something else or whatever later, if they still wanna go further. Sounds like he just got ahead of himself but on reflection later , welllll. Or someone he thought suited him better was also around or who knows. From a guys point of view l can though too get the just disappearing thing on one hand. Back in the day l wound up with women literally arguing with me, when l did try to do the right thing. Edited July 2, 2021 by chillii 2
Miss Spider Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, chillii said: From a guys point of view l can though too get the just disappearing thing on one hand. Back in the day l wound up with women literally arguing with me, when l did try to do the right thing. People like that make it hard on everyone. Ghost bc it’s easier than facing drama, debate, awkwardness after a few dates . & even if the persons nice about it you still feel bad. Not replying feels like a softer let down because something could have happened or came up… there’s less finality with it typically. It feels gentler to just give a hint because many people can take it. Especially at the beginning, ghosting is not meant to be mean at all or disrespectful. It’s actually well intended I think . But if you’re an empathic person it just really sucks to reject someone Edited July 2, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2
stillafool Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 36 minutes ago, chillii said: Back in the day l wound up with women literally arguing with me, when l did try to do the right thing. Yeah me too with guys back then. I hate to have to lie to soften blows and it's so awkward. 2
IntBrowser Posted July 3, 2021 Posted July 3, 2021 21 hours ago, ZinaJ said: Been on 2 dates with this guy, thought it went well and made plans for a third, but he never responded after I tried to confirm those plans. I know this happens but I’m just annoyed because I thought he would have enough courage to tell me he’s not interesed rather than do the immature thing of ghosting. Like…you’re an adult! Take 5 seconds out of your life and just say “hey I don’t want to hang out with you anymore.” I will appreciate that more than whatever this is. Especially sad because I didn’t think he’d be this type of person. I guess people can be deceiving. One thing’s for sure, my ego is definitely bruised and I’m kinda put off by dating. How do I not take this personally and move on? You dont have a choice but to move on lol I mean what other option do you have? I just got ghosted on and I got to move on. All part of dating 1
bene Posted July 3, 2021 Posted July 3, 2021 Ghosting is not something they are actively “doing”, they just go on with their lives without thinking of the person they dated a few times. Of course it’s not polite if there have already been several dates but that’s how some people are. There needs to be absolutely nothing wrong with you to be ghosted. 2
HotRevolver93 Posted July 3, 2021 Posted July 3, 2021 I think sometimes people just find someone better and instead of just telling the other person they just cut off contact and expect you to pick up the hint 1
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