Feeling like a fool.

[Poppy223]

So I am texting this guy I'm casually having sex with to hook up at night cause I was horny (he used to do the same). He always replies telling me maybe I can pass by and will text you. He never does. When he's horny, he remembers to text and update me what's the plan. I give the element of the doubt because both times I wrote to him last minute and he both times seemed to have something scheduled already and tries to work something out. He could simply not reply if he wanted to avoid or ghost me. He wrote to me "keep in touch" but I didn't want to seem pushy. If he could come I guess he'd write me himself, on my way or can't tonight. Idk what he expects of me, I told him that I only look for casual but I get the sense he is expecting me to invest more. I feel we have a different understanding of casual. For example, he said he'll be on a training in the night so if he didn't write me after 11pm I assume he was tired and went to bed. What did he mean by "keep in touch" cause he knows I'm not the type to text and do small chat. I advised him to write me if he'll make it, he said alright and left it there. I've been spinning my head around if he expected me to initiate contact, ask about his training or stuff about his day because I'm not this type, I'm more direct and keep it short. He started avoiding me when I told him I had a crush on another guy with whom I shared a short fling. He believes I only sleep with him cause I don't have other options and since the guy I was seeing left, I come to him for "disappointing sex"--- I told him that he shouldn't worry about other guys cause they don't have sex with me like him. Ofc, he never followed up last night but said "keep in touch". I feel like a fool each time. He did the same thing before and once he saw me on the street holding hands with another guy, he texted me to check if I'm free to hook up again (after he forgot to follow through when I invited him). He told me to feel free to write to him when I get horny so I've been doing that but he doesn't step up. Don't get why he replies though asking me if he could come over if he knows he isn't going to follow through.

Edited July 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
langage

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, Poppy223 said:

 . He told me to feel free to write to him when I get horny so I've been doing that but he doesn't step up. 

He's not that into you and not respectful of even a hookup situation like this..

It seems something more reliable, respectful and regular could work better for you.

Get rid of him. He's like running to Mac Donald's for some junk food sex and they're closed.

Find a FWB situation. At least there's more respect and agreement involved.

 

[Poppy223]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He's not that into you and not respectful of even a hookup situation like this..

It seems something more reliable, respectful and regular could work better for you.

Get rid of him. He's like running to Mac Donald's for some junk food sex and they're closed.

Find a FWB situation. At least there's more respect and agreement involved.

 

True that. Couldn't agree more.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is all strictly about sex for him. 

I would not bother hooking up with him anymore. It seems like maybe youre feelings are starting to get involved, so it's best not to continue this. 

[Fletch Lives]

Those half-baked relationships are not worth it, in my opinion. If they are not in love with you, you have no hook so you can't count on them.

[Poppy223]

46 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is all strictly about sex for him. 

I would not bother hooking up with him anymore. It seems like maybe youre feelings are starting to get involved, so it's best not to continue this. 

I've got no feelings just an ego bruised. I recently felt in love with someone else but it was short lived and we separated so I went back to hook ups or at least trying and the only contact that used to be available some times was this guy in the thread. I tried it, he doesn't feel it so I'll accept it without further ado.

[Poppy223]

41 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

Those half-baked relationships are not worth it, in my opinion. If they are not in love with you, you have no hook so you can't count on them.

Tell me about it. I know the difference when I sleep with guys who are super into me. And there is huge one but what to do, "woman has to eat".

[basil67]

Assuming "woman has to eat" is a euphamism for sex....    yeah, nah.   Sex is a want, not a need.  Use your hand or something battery operated.   You'll live without sex.

[BaileyB]

This is a one sided relationship, and that’s why you feel like a fool. 

He’s not really a “friends with benefits” if he doesn’t come when you call. I would stop calling. 

[Miss Spider]

8 hours ago, Poppy223 said:

Don't get why he replies though asking me if he could come over if he knows he isn't going to follow through.

Dump the chump. A casual sex buddy that doesn’t pull through for casual sex is about as useful as a crocheted condom

[smackie9]

Girl have you even asked him? Like.."Hey you keep saying that, but you never follow through when I request to meet up...why?" Make note: sex arrangements need rules, expectations and boundaries. Discuss them with him. If he doesn't follow through, that's when you cut the cord and kick him into the abyss. And dear stop telling him anything about your other activities. He's just a guy you have sex with once in awhile. If you keep playing those head games, he's gonna keep doing it to you too, because that's just what he's doing.

Edited July 2, 2021 by smackie9

[stillafool]

17 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

And dear stop telling him anything about your other activities.

Absolutely Poppy never tell a guy who isn't your actual bf about your other dates, hook ups, etc., other than health reasons what is the purpose?

[Poppy223]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Absolutely Poppy never tell a guy who isn't your actual bf about your other dates, hook ups, etc., other than health reasons what is the purpose?

He asked me what happened with "my guy."

[Poppy223]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Girl have you even asked him? Like.."Hey you keep saying that, but you never follow through when I request to meet up...why?" Make note: sex arrangements need rules, expectations and boundaries. Discuss them with him. If he doesn't follow through, that's when you cut the cord and kick him into the abyss. And dear stop telling him anything about your other activities. He's just a guy you have sex with once in awhile. If you keep playing those head games, he's gonna keep doing it to you too, because that's just what he's doing.

What kind of head games? I am not playing any games. He asked me if I'm seeing other guys and I confirmed. And about that guy, he asked me about him cause he saw us on the street.

[stillafool]

11 minutes ago, Poppy223 said:

He asked me what happened with "my guy."

Who was "my guy" and how did he know about him?

 

11 hours ago, Poppy223 said:

He started avoiding me when I told him I had a crush on another guy with whom I shared a short fling.

Is it this guy?  Also when he said "keep in touch" it meant if we can't hook up right now keep in touch to hook up again soon.

[Poppy223]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Who was "my guy" and how did he know about him?

 

Is it this guy?  Also when he said "keep in touch" it meant if we can't hook up right now keep in touch to hook up again soon.

Me to keep in touch? I didn't realise. I thought he meant he'll be in touch

[Poppy223]

Just now, Poppy223 said:

Me to keep in touch? I didn't realise. I thought he meant he'll be in touch

Yes, he saw me on the street holding hands with him. He left now, lives in another country so our fling was ending.

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Poppy223 said:

Me to keep in touch? I didn't realise. I thought he meant he'll be in touch

No, that is what I think he was saying.  How can he tell himself to keep in touch?  he would say "I'll keep in touch".

[Poppy223]

31 minutes ago, stillafool said:

No, that is what I think he was saying.  How can he tell himself to keep in touch?  he would say "I'll keep in touch".

So he meant for me? I honestly didn't think of it like that. What would be my next steps now? Given that I said to him hit me up and he said alright but we didn't speak after that. This happened yesterday.

[stillafool]

12 minutes ago, Poppy223 said:

So he meant for me? I honestly didn't think of it like that. What would be my next steps now? Given that I said to him hit me up and he said alright but we didn't speak after that. This happened yesterday.

Get in touch with him the next time you want to hook up with him.  For sure that is what he meant.

[Poppy223]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Get in touch with him the next time you want to hook up with him.  For sure that is what he meant.

Oh alright. I should leave few days then. How about texting me saying I slept last night cause I was tired and that's why I didn't text?

[stillafool]

11 minutes ago, Poppy223 said:

How about texting me saying I slept last night cause I was tired and that's why I didn't text?

Aren't people allowed to be tired and sleepy once in a while Poppy?  How can he put in his best work if he's tired 

Edited July 2, 2021 by stillafool

[Poppy223]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Aren't people allowed to be tired and sleepy once in a while Poppy?  How can he put in his best work if he's tired 

He just wrote me saying he's sorry he didn't follow up cause he was tired and felt asleep. I was also and slept, so all good. I didn't immediately suggest another meeting cause it's kind of pushy. Let's see if he'll step up, I'll reciprocate.

[stillafool]

27 minutes ago, Poppy223 said:

Let's see if he'll step up, I'll reciprocate.

I'm sure he will soon.  Afterall, you're Poppy!

[spiderowl]

I don't think this guy is expecting more of you, OP.  He is just using you for casual sex.  If that's all you want, then maybe it's ok, but in actual fact he is only interested in casual sex when he wants it not when you want it.  He seems totally flaky.  He is showing you, by only being available when he wants sex, that he does not care about you or your needs.

If you really want a FWB and not a proper relationship, then you need to find someone who has sex when you want it too, not just when he does.  It sounds to me like this guy is seeing other women which is why he is not available to you.  I hope you are taking precautions because, if not, you could catch sexually transmitted diseases if you are 'sharing' this guy.

I think he does not respect you.  This is because you are offering him sex at his convenience and not expecting a relationship from him.  You need to up your expectations of guys and, if you want a relationship, to only spend time with guys you feel are serious about that.  You are wasting your time on this one, he is about as casual as it is possible to be.