Seven7 Posted July 1, 2021 Posted July 1, 2021 My ex moved out while I was away on a girls trip. He cruelly and callously left me. I talked to him everyday while on my trip and he never mentioned he was leaving me. I tried calling him when I got home after realizing his stuff was gone out my apartment. He blocked me and we never spoke another word to one another. It’s been 2 month since he walked out my life and I never heard from him. We had our share of fights but nothing that couldn’t have been sorted out and It’s been hard trying to move forward. We talked about marriage and how we were on the same page before he just up and left me. He could have told me over the phone it was over. He could have said something anything. Just wondering if anyone has been through a similar situation and how are you handling it?
Wiseman2 Posted July 1, 2021 Posted July 1, 2021 10 hours ago, Seven7 said: My ex moved out while I was away on a girls trip. I talked to him everyday while on my trip and he never mentioned he was leaving me. I tried calling him when I got home after realizing his stuff was gone out my apartment. He blocked me and we never spoke another word to one another. It’s been 2 month since he walked out my life and I never heard from him. Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? How long have you lived together? Is the lease in both your names? How old is he? Do you know where he went to (friends/parents, etc.)? What were his issues?
Yosemite Posted July 1, 2021 Posted July 1, 2021 This same thing happened to my co-worker except he left when their lease ended. She came home from work and all his stuff was gone and she was blocked. She couldn't afford their apartment on her own so she had to scramble to find someplace to live. She eventually ended up in a place where there were like 10 housemates in a large house and they all shared a kitchen and had deadbolts on their bedroom doors...she had to carry her keys with her everytime she left her room to go to the kitchen/bathroom/living room. 1
glows Posted July 1, 2021 Posted July 1, 2021 11 hours ago, Seven7 said: My ex moved out while I was away on a girls trip. He cruelly and callously left me. I talked to him everyday while on my trip and he never mentioned he was leaving me. I tried calling him when I got home after realizing his stuff was gone out my apartment. He blocked me and we never spoke another word to one another. It’s been 2 month since he walked out my life and I never heard from him. We had our share of fights but nothing that couldn’t have been sorted out and It’s been hard trying to move forward. We talked about marriage and how we were on the same page before he just up and left me. He could have told me over the phone it was over. He could have said something anything. Just wondering if anyone has been through a similar situation and how are you handling it? What a shock. It sounds like he was avoiding a confrontation at all costs. Don't try contacting or approaching him. The message is clear - do not contact. Reach out to your support networks (friends and family you trust). Make sure he's removed from any joint accounts or agreements such as the lease, phone, cable, internet, etc. However things were or whatever those fights were about it was enough not to want to be in the relationship any longer and I'm afraid you'll have to work through that. The plus is that you no longer have to see him or argue with him again. You can move on in peace even though things feel like they're in pieces right now. Keeping you in my thoughts. 3
Wiseman2 Posted July 1, 2021 Posted July 1, 2021 16 minutes ago, glows said: Make sure he's removed from any joint accounts or agreements such as the lease, phone, cable, internet, etc. Good idea. Change all your password to all your accounts. Check your credit score. If he left you with joint unpaid bills, however you have the right to collect a debt. 1
Author Seven7 Posted July 1, 2021 Author Posted July 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? How long have you lived together? Is the lease in both your names? How old is he? Do you know where he went to (friends/parents, etc.)? What were his issues? We dated for 5 years and lived together 2 years. My aunt owned the house soo rent wasn’t much of an issue. He was 50 yrs old and if I had to guess he went back to his home state to live with his mom. He couldn’t work anymore due to a bad car accident but was receiving disability and my aunt did us a favor by letting us stay in her house and we mainly paid utilities that’s all. She cared for my boyfriend and wanted the best for both of us. I stood by his side the entire time he was in the hospital which obviously counted for nothing. We fought at times but nothing that couldn’t be solved. I believe in conflict resolution but he kept feeling bottled inside which didn’t help either of us. My guess is he was cheating with someone back home but I have no proof. I’m sad it over but I realize it was all for the best at this point. He was clearly not marriage material and a straight coward. 53 minutes ago, Yosemite said: This same thing happened to my co-worker except he left when their lease ended. She came home from work and all his stuff was gone and she was blocked. She couldn't afford their apartment on her own so she had to scramble to find someplace to live. She eventually ended up in a place where there were like 10 housemates in a large house and they all shared a kitchen and had deadbolts on their bedroom doors...she had to carry her keys with her everytime she left her room to go to the kitchen/bathroom/living room. How does a person sleep at night knowing you did someone this way. I hope your friend is doing ok now. It’s soo hard to pick up the pieces after someone treats you like you never mattered to them. I’m taking it day by day..this happened to me a month ago and if it wasn’t for the support of my friends and family I’m not sure if I could handle this on my own. Btw he’s been removed from all accounts as well. 1
basil67 Posted July 1, 2021 Posted July 1, 2021 What kind of things were the two of you fighting over? And something to consider - if it could have been solved, then it would have been solved much earlier. I suspect that the issues were bigger than you want to believe. 1
Yosemite Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 9 hours ago, Seven7 said: How does a person sleep at night knowing you did someone this way. I hope your friend is doing ok now. It’s soo hard to pick up the pieces after someone treats you like you never mattered to them. I’m taking it day by day..this happened to me a month ago and if it wasn’t for the support of my friends and family I’m not sure if I could handle this on my own. Btw he’s been removed from all accounts as well. I'm sure it is very hard for you right now, but you're doing the right thing taking it day by day and turning to your friends. It seems like at his age he should be mature enough to just say it's not working out before he leaves...but I guess not. You'll get through this, just stay strong.
Wiseman2 Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, Seven7 said: We dated for 5 years and lived . We fought at times but nothing that couldn’t be solved. I believe in conflict resolution but he kept feeling bottled inside. Sounds like he's been planning this for a while. Perhaps he feels more comfortable in his own milieu. Since he couldn't work so there was no reason to stay when he can collect his disability anywhere. Perhaps staying with family in his hometown is more comfortable and economical than staying with you. You claim you were fighting but don't say about what. You also claim you talked about marriage but that wasn't happening either. It sounds like he was tired of the relationship, tired of feeling dependant and tired of living in your world. It's doubtful he's cheating, it more likely he simply couldn't take it anymore and left in a nonconfrontational manner. You mentioned you believe in conflict resolution. That means he wanted out, but you want to talk about it. There's a lot missing from the story. It seems like he's had one foot out the door for a while. Edited July 2, 2021 by Wiseman2
glows Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 No, he certainly is not marriage material or even relationship material. He either has some issues to sort out with himself that he found too difficult to share with you (nothing to do with you) or he wasn't as interested in a future with you. Either way, I'd be thankful that you both never tied the knot. 1
Author Seven7 Posted July 2, 2021 Author Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) Yes glows. As sad as I am it ended, I’m grateful it’s over. Definitely a blessing in disguise. He would never compromise and was very manipulative. He didn’t like me hanging out with my best friend or sisters for no reason at all. He felt like the only person I should be spending with with is him. I’m sure he was pissed when I went way with my friends but not my issue. I wish it had ended sooner so I didn’t waste 5 years of my life with someone who has the maturity of a 3 year old. Edited July 2, 2021 by Seven7
stillafool Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 They usually make that type of move because they don't want a discussion or to feel guilt. They have already made up their mind what they want and don't want to be talked out of it and convinced to give it another try. I agree he was planning this for some time. 1
spiderowl Posted July 2, 2021 Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) Looking at some of the reasons you mentioned that could have upset him, it seems that spending time away from him without letting him know beforehand was one of them. I know you shouldn't have to ask permission but if you are living with someone, generally you give them a heads up that there is something you'd like to do/somewhere you'd like to go with friends before doing it. Obviously, one cannot do that with everything and you should be able to hang out with friends for a coffee or something without having to explain anything to your guy. If he felt your going out and about was a threat to him, he may have decided not to risk you dumping him in the future and just walked out. There is an element of punishment involved in doing this all behind your back while you were away (I am assuming here that you were not abusive and violent towards him as those are the only circumstances in which I would advise someone to leave without warning). I am sorry this has happened. If he wanted out and could not even let you know he was thinking that way, then you are better off without him. Edited July 2, 2021 by spiderowl
BaileyB Posted July 3, 2021 Posted July 3, 2021 I have a friend who was dating a guy - as the story goes, he packed up the stuff he had at her apartment and left her while she was in the shower.
glows Posted July 3, 2021 Posted July 3, 2021 11 hours ago, Seven7 said: Yes glows. As sad as I am it ended, I’m grateful it’s over. Definitely a blessing in disguise. He would never compromise and was very manipulative. He didn’t like me hanging out with my best friend or sisters for no reason at all. He felt like the only person I should be spending with with is him. I’m sure he was pissed when I went way with my friends but not my issue. I wish it had ended sooner so I didn’t waste 5 years of my life with someone who has the maturity of a 3 year old. It's probably important that you do look a little deeper at why he had that reaction to your family. Emotional abuse starts with isolation. He couldn't get the satisfaction of isolating you or distancing you from your friends or family so the only thing he had left was to leave. Be wary of anyone who tries to cause distance between you and your loved ones. If it's not working or you're not getting along, best to cut ties early on. You too have to examine whether the relationships you have with your friends and family have appropriate boundaries and aren't creeping into your personal/romantic relationships. Do you know why he wanted to spend all his time with you? Did he not hang out with his own friends and family from time to time? Was there lack of trust in the relationship? Did you both have differing viewpoints about other things even including how you saw your future together? All things to ponder in the coming weeks. Don't let this be a chip over your shoulder. Definitely a blessing in disguise. Give yourself more time to think.
Author Seven7 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Posted July 4, 2021 It was absolutely happy for him to have a good time and hangout with his family and friends He didn’t have many friends and only saw both friends and family when he would go back to his home state to visit. When I hang out with family or friends I could tell It bothered him. Now that I’m not with him anymore and reflecting on the relationship I’m starting to believe he had narcissistic traits. We talked about marriage every now and then during the relationship but the talks subsided some time over the past year. After abruptly leaving me with no explanation He could have called me once he made it to his home state. All couples fight. Mature couples have a conversation one doesn’t just walk away leaving you in the dark to figure out what went wrong.
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Posted July 4, 2021 8 hours ago, Seven7 said: He could have called me once he made it to his home state. All couples fight. Have you heard from him or contacted him? Are there any loose ends? What were the fights about? You most likely know what went wrong but figured it could be worked out.
Author Seven7 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Posted July 5, 2021 I tried reaching out to him a few days in a row but the phone just rang. The last time I tried he blocked me and I never tried again. I wanted to get married since we had been together for a while but he obviously had other plans. Yeah I thought it could be worked out. He often went home and would leave me for 2 months at a time. After pondering the relationship I could have missed signs he was cheating. None of it is making since and I kept trying to figure it out why and wondered if he had someone else and I just didn’t know about them. I’m glad I didn’t marry him and he ended it. I know God has bigger and better things in store for me. I know I did right by him. I stayed by his side and helped him through getting back on his feet after his car accident he couldn’t walk, bathe or feed himself and repays me like this. He’s a disgraceful mix of a sociopath and narcissist. Im grateful to no longer have this evil jerk in my life. I feel sorry for the women that comes in contact with him. I’m sure she’s thinking who could treat such a great guy soo bad. She will have no idea who she’s dealing with. He’s one of America’s worst nightmare.. I have my own closure. I have him blocked everywhere and have no interest in seeing or speaking to someone that has robbed me of 5 years of my life. God is good I’m blessed I still have my sanity and health after going through this mess of a relationship.
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2021 Posted July 5, 2021 5 hours ago, Seven7 said: . I wanted to get married but he obviously had other plans. . He often went home and would leave me for 2 months at a time. Someone who would rather not be with you for months at a time is not invested and certainly not husband material Unfortunately it seems you were overinvesting and overinvolved and don't want to admit he was never in with both feet. He's been planning to leave for quite a while and while cowardly, your trip was the perfect time to leave without drama and more confrontations (conflict resolution in your mind). Sorry this happened but at some level you knew it was coming because all the fighting about getting married. 1
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