He brought flowers to my workplace after two dates

[Alvi]

I've been on two dates with this guy. He brought me a teddy bear on our first date or rather first meet. I told him that he doesn't have to bring me any gifts since we don't know each other at all.  I have to say that I felt the connection on our dates, he is very funny, made me laugh many times. There are some red flags about him but this is probably too early to address them. Or maybe not.  It seems like he doesn't stay at any workplace for a long time.  According to him all his bosses treat him badly and he just quits his jobs. There are periods of time that he is unemployed. He also moves from province to province quite frequently. I honestly don't know if this is going anywhere, but at least the two dates that I had with him were fun.

Anyway, I never told him the exact place where I worked. Just told him what I did. He somehow figured out where I worked. I assume he googled me. This afternoon he showed up at my workplace bringing me flowers. Ummmmmm, OK, that was totally unexpected and weird. I felt so unsettled. I  was swapped in the paperwork and he just came to my office. He told our secretary that he was there to see me and she let him in without  letting me know (or asking if it's OK for him to come and see me). I was too shocked to see him and told him that while I appreciate the flowers, I am too busy. He left. It was really embarrassing. My collogues saw him and started to tease me about him. Asking me about him, when are we going to get married. Calling him a sweet guy.  Telling me how much he loves me. I know that they meant well, but I was too embarrassed. I  had to tell them that I only been on a couple of dates with this guy. I was ready to hide under my desk. 

He phoned me later on telling me that it didn't go the way he imagined. That I seemed cold and standoffish. That I didn't appreciate his grand gesture. Well, what did he expect? Did he expect me to melt into his arms and kiss him him in front of everybody applanating like in the movie or something?  I explained that what he did was totally unexpected and that I was too busy at work. 

I also felt like my privacy has been violated since he showed up at my work just like that without getting any heads up from me first. Like he's been stalking me. We only kissed once good bye on our second date, why would he think that coming to my work would be appropriate?

My thoughts are racing. One minute I want to end this but another I want to see him again. What to do? I don't know if I see us working out long term so this might be a good time to let him go.  I also feel like he is love bombing me but I am not too sure. He also told me that he bought a house on our first date but on the second date told me that he is only renting a basement in that house. Oh, and he also got into a row with some other people who live there too.

[jspice]

23 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I've been on two dates with this guy. He brought me a teddy bear on our first date or rather first meet. I told him that he doesn't have to bring me any gifts since we don't know each other at all.  I have to say that I felt the connection on our dates, he is very funny, made me laugh many times. There are some red flags about him but this is probably too early to address them. Or maybe not.  It seems like he doesn't stay at any workplace for a long time.  According to him all his bosses treat him badly and he just quits his jobs. There are periods of time that he is unemployed. He also moves from province to province quite frequently. I honestly don't know if this is going anywhere, but at least the two dates that I had with him were fun.

Anyway, I never told him the exact place where I worked. Just told him what I did. He somehow figured out where I worked. I assume he googled me. This afternoon he showed up at my workplace bringing me flowers. Ummmmmm, OK, that was totally unexpected and weird. I felt so unsettled. I  was swapped in the paperwork and he just came to my office. He told our secretary that he was there to see me and she let him in without  letting me know (or asking if it's OK for him to come and see me). I was too shocked to see him and told him that while I appreciate the flowers, I am too busy. He left. It was really embarrassing. My collogues saw him and started to tease me about him. Asking me about him, when are we going to get married. Calling him a sweet guy.  Telling me how much he loves me. I know that they meant well, but I was too embarrassed. I  had to tell them that I only been on a couple of dates with this guy. I was ready to hide under my desk. 

He phoned me later on telling me that it didn't go the way he imagined. That I seemed cold and standoffish. That I didn't appreciate his grand gesture. Well, what did he expect? Did he expect me to melt into his arms and kiss him him in front of everybody applanating like in the movie or something?  I explained that what he did was totally unexpected and that I was too busy at work. 

I also felt like my privacy has been violated since he showed up at my work just like that without getting any heads up from me first. Like he's been stalking me. We only kissed once good bye on our second date, why would he think that coming to my work would be appropriate?

My thoughts are racing. One minute I want to end this but another I want to see him again. What to do? I don't know if I see us working out long term so this might be a good time to let him go.  I also feel like he is love bombing me but I am not too sure. He also told me that he bought a house on our first date but on the second date told me that he is only renting a basement in that house. Oh, and he also got into a row with some other people who live there too.

No. 
 

I rarely go on about “red flags” but this guy is a giant red flag. 
Everything you wrote here is screaming for you to not pursue this. 

Edited July 1, 2021 by jspice

[Alvi]

2 minutes ago, jspice said:

No. 
 

I rarely go in about “red flags” but this guy is a giant red flag. 
Everything you wrote here is screaming for you to not pursue this. 

Thanks. I think you are right.

[CaliforniaGirl]

If you didn't tell him where you worked and he looked you up, that's inappropriate. And coming to your workplace without telling you was boundary-crossing. This plus the not holding a job thing...and it's all the boss's fault...and now your shocked reaction was all YOUR fault...I am feeling the red flags.

[Alvi]

Come to think of it, I never told him my last name either. I wonder if he knows where I live. I sure hope not. This is too unsettling. I hope he doesn't end up being a stalker.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Yes agree with Cali.  Come on two dates!  I would be offended by the invasion of privacy.  And work is off limits unless invited in my world.

The problems with keeping jobs is def a red flag.  Guys like that don’t take responsibility for their actions.  It is everyone else’s fault but theirs.  I would be careful.

 

[Miss Spider]

Red flag all day, every day  IMO . I had a guy who did similar and I ignored it, kept dating, and turned out being a nightmare to get rid of him. Stage 5er . Run 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Sun Seeker]

One thing is clear - you two are not a good match.

He wants someone who appreciates him thinking outside of the box and making the extra effort, in his eyes at least, and you want someone to respect your privacy and think more in the box and be courteous.

Definite NEXT.

[glows]

Best not to see him again. I'm surprised and relieved for you that he did read your emotions correctly however and that he did see that you were uncomfortable when he went to your workplace. It could be worse and he could have thought you received it well and do it again. 

 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Alvi said:

I've been on two dates with this guy. This afternoon he showed up at my workplace bringing me flowers.

How long were you talking before you had your dates? Yes, if you never mentioned where you work, this is creepy.

[lana-banana]

Absolutely, entirely, abundantly not OK. End it via phone call or text, block him immediately, and tell a friend about it just in case. I know it sounds over the top but you can't be too careful here. Someone who is going to your workplace after two dates is not someone whose judgment you can trust.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

13 hours ago, Alvi said:

I've been on two dates with this guy. He brought me a teddy bear on our first date or rather first meet. I told him that he doesn't have to bring me any gifts since we don't know each other at all.  I have to say that I felt the connection on our dates, he is very funny, made me laugh many times. There are some red flags about him but this is probably too early to address them. Or maybe not.  It seems like he doesn't stay at any workplace for a long time.  According to him all his bosses treat him badly and he just quits his jobs. There are periods of time that he is unemployed. He also moves from province to province quite frequently. I honestly don't know if this is going anywhere, but at least the two dates that I had with him were fun.

Anyway, I never told him the exact place where I worked. Just told him what I did. He somehow figured out where I worked. I assume he googled me. This afternoon he showed up at my workplace bringing me flowers. Ummmmmm, OK, that was totally unexpected and weird. I felt so unsettled. I  was swapped in the paperwork and he just came to my office. He told our secretary that he was there to see me and she let him in without  letting me know (or asking if it's OK for him to come and see me). I was too shocked to see him and told him that while I appreciate the flowers, I am too busy. He left. It was really embarrassing. My collogues saw him and started to tease me about him. Asking me about him, when are we going to get married. Calling him a sweet guy.  Telling me how much he loves me. I know that they meant well, but I was too embarrassed. I  had to tell them that I only been on a couple of dates with this guy. I was ready to hide under my desk. 

He phoned me later on telling me that it didn't go the way he imagined. That I seemed cold and standoffish. That I didn't appreciate his grand gesture. Well, what did he expect? Did he expect me to melt into his arms and kiss him him in front of everybody applanating like in the movie or something?  I explained that what he did was totally unexpected and that I was too busy at work. 

I also felt like my privacy has been violated since he showed up at my work just like that without getting any heads up from me first. Like he's been stalking me. We only kissed once good bye on our second date, why would he think that coming to my work would be appropriate?

My thoughts are racing. One minute I want to end this but another I want to see him again. What to do? I don't know if I see us working out long term so this might be a good time to let him go.  I also feel like he is love bombing me but I am not too sure. He also told me that he bought a house on our first date but on the second date told me that he is only renting a basement in that house. Oh, and he also got into a row with some other people who live there too.

This guy is trying to make a "quick sale" with you, hoping he will quickly woo you emotionally before you have a chance to look under the hood at any damage. (Clearly, he has some.) 

I can almost guarantee that once he "has" you, his mask will fall. What's under the mask?? Could be a tone deaf, die hard quirky romantic with a 1950s fantasy, who is utterly harmless as a person. Or, this could be the beginning of a total nightmare of stalking and controlling behavior. 

It is a HUGE red flag that he seems to always be the victim of other people. Yes, there are many crappy people in the world and he could have had bad luck that's not his fault. On the other hand, he could have a personality disorder and next he'll be telling others how you allegedly did him wrong.

IMO, this guy isn't worth the trouble of finding out his deal. I would tell him in no uncertain terms, but politely, that you aren't interested in any further contact. Stick to your guns if you go this route, and don't break no contact no matter how sad or convincing his story.

By the way, kissing someone on the second date implies to some people that you are definitely on board with them. 

[smackie9]

Zowie! red flag alert! That's over stepping boundaries for sure.

Edited July 1, 2021 by smackie9

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long were you talking before you had your dates? Yes, if you never mentioned where you work, this is creepy.

We talked for about 2 days before meeting in person. I guess 8 days in total.

[Alvi]

After a careful consideration, I've decided to end this. I sent him a message saying that I don't think that we are a good match. He responded saying that I should live now in the present.  And as long as we have a good time now that's all that matters. Who cares if we are not meant to be for a long term. We can enjoy yourselves now.
I am guessing that he was offering me a friends with benefits type of situation. I told him thanks but no thanks.

I did like him but our personalities and ethics are very different. Also, I want something long term and forever lasting and he just want's his Ms. Right Now and the heck with the consequences. 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Alvi

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Alvi said:

We talked for about 2 days before meeting in person. I guess 8 days in total.

Alvi, you said you're torn between nexting him or continuing to date him.

So clearly you are drawn to him on some level.

Not judging, I've been there too, but if I may ask, what's the appeal?  The pull?

I think in his enthusiasm, he thought you'd like it, be flattered by the attention, it may have worked positively for him in the past.

This would have unnerved me as well, but if you really like him, perhaps you can have a talk and let him know your boundaries surrounding privacy and over the top gestures like that.

I'm not sure it was a red flag, maybe a yellow flag, I think he meant well.

Anyway, up to you.

 

Edited July 1, 2021 by poppyfields

[glows]

3 minutes ago, Alvi said:

After a careful consideration, I've decided to end this. I sent him a message saying that I don't think that we are a good match. He responded saying that I should live now in the present.  And as long as we have a good time now that's all that matters. Who cares if we are not meant to be for a long term. We can enjoy yourselves now.
I am guessing that he was offering me a friends with benefits type of situation. I told him thanks but no thanks.

I did like him but our personalities and ethics are very different. Also, I want something long term and forever lasting and he just want's his Ms. Right Now and the heck with the consequences. 

Good! I'm so glad you cut him loose. 

[Alvi]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Not judging, I've been there too, but if I may ask, what's the appeal?  The pull?

I think what attracted me to him was his carefree attitude. He is charming, don't know how to explain this. It' like he could finish my sentences and knew exactly what I was thinking.  He was very attentive to my needs. But at the same time he was telling me some things about himself that made me question what he was all about.  Really don't think this is something that would work out in the long run but would probably ended up in a hot affair. If that what I was after. But I am only looking for a long term, nothing else.

[ShyViolet]

No no no.  This guy is crazy.  You need to block him.

[Miss Spider]

15 hours ago, Alvi said:

Come to think of it, I never told him my last name either. I wonder if he knows where I live. I sure hope not. This is too unsettling. I hope he doesn't end up being a stalker.

I didn’t give the guy mine either. He got it off of a pizza box that I left at his place when I brought some over. Your dude probably found you on Facebook to get your last name. Once homeboy maxed his stalking there, most likely he took it to whitepages, peoplesearch, or radaris to get your address.  Where he probably also found information about your extended family and credit. Once you write it out like that you realize how pathological it is. kind of puts a damper on the whole ‘oh how thoughtful, he brought me flowers’

Edited July 1, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[kendahke]

He sounds like what my daughter calls as 'hobo-sexual'.  He's looking for his next couch to surf on (or bed to ride in) until you get sick of his unemployed mess and kick him out.

[poppyfields]

15 hours ago, Punterxx said:

One thing is clear - you two are not a good match.

He wants someone who appreciates him thinking outside of the box and making the extra effort, in his eyes at least, and you want someone to respect your privacy and think more in the box and be courteous.

Definite NEXT.

So many assumptions. 

Anyway, I think it's most likely this^ rather than he's a psychopath.

I mean, he may be a psycho stalker, can't rule anything out, but can't tell from just this one incident.

Could just be over-enthusiasm and a mis-judgment too.

The important thing is they are incompatible, he's not the right fit for OP, next. 

 

 

[lana-banana]

2 hours ago, Alvi said:

After a careful consideration, I've decided to end this. I sent him a message saying that I don't think that we are a good match. He responded saying that I should live now in the present.  And as long as we have a good time now that's all that matters. Who cares if we are not meant to be for a long term. We can enjoy yourselves now.
I am guessing that he was offering me a friends with benefits type of situation. I told him thanks but no thanks.

I did like him but our personalities and ethics are very different. Also, I want something long term and forever lasting and he just want's his Ms. Right Now and the heck with the consequences. 

FWIW I can tell you right now he doesn't believe that at all. He got your message and immediately freaked out and just wanted to prove he wasn't a clingy stalker (which he is). 

[BaileyB]

16 hours ago, Alvi said:

I've been on two dates with this guy. He brought me a teddy bear on our first date or rather first meet. I told him that he doesn't have to bring me any gifts since we don't know each other at all.  I have to say that I felt the connection on our dates, he is very funny, made me laugh many times. There are some red flags about him but this is probably too early to address them. Or maybe not.  It seems like he doesn't stay at any workplace for a long time.  According to him all his bosses treat him badly and he just quits his jobs. There are periods of time that he is unemployed. He also moves from province to province quite frequently. I honestly don't know if this is going anywhere, but at least the two dates that I had with him were fun.

Anyway, I never told him the exact place where I worked. Just told him what I did. He somehow figured out where I worked. I assume he googled me. This afternoon he showed up at my workplace bringing me flowers. Ummmmmm, OK, that was totally unexpected and weird. I felt so unsettled. I  was swapped in the paperwork and he just came to my office. He told our secretary that he was there to see me and she let him in without  letting me know (or asking if it's OK for him to come and see me). I was too shocked to see him and told him that while I appreciate the flowers, I am too busy. He left. It was really embarrassing. My collogues saw him and started to tease me about him. Asking me about him, when are we going to get married. Calling him a sweet guy.  Telling me how much he loves me. I know that they meant well, but I was too embarrassed. I  had to tell them that I only been on a couple of dates with this guy. I was ready to hide under my desk. 

He phoned me later on telling me that it didn't go the way he imagined. That I seemed cold and standoffish. That I didn't appreciate his grand gesture. Well, what did he expect? Did he expect me to melt into his arms and kiss him him in front of everybody applanating like in the movie or something?  I explained that what he did was totally unexpected and that I was too busy at work. 

I also felt like my privacy has been violated since he showed up at my work just like that without getting any heads up from me first. Like he's been stalking me. We only kissed once good bye on our second date, why would he think that coming to my work would be appropriate?

My thoughts are racing. One minute I want to end this but another I want to see him again. What to do? I don't know if I see us working out long term so this might be a good time to let him go.  I also feel like he is love bombing me but I am not too sure. He also told me that he bought a house on our first date but on the second date told me that he is only renting a basement in that house. Oh, and he also got into a row with some other people who live there too.

There is no way that I would date this man. Too many red flags.

I see the potential for a stalker here… An angry stalker, who feels disgruntled because you haven’t reciprocated his feelings.

Listen to your gut. if it’s telling you that something is really off, it’s probably right. 

[Datergirl]

You definitely did the right thing. 

You've identified that he lied to you (apart from being a creepy stalker)...he said he bought a house, then said he rents the basement??