Sadgirl805 Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 (edited) I just had major jaw surgery where they removed bone from my hip. My face is swollen so big I look like an alien. My mouth is wired shut and I can only drink liquid foods. My boyfriend and I live together but I’ve been staying at my parents house who only live 5 minutes away ybecause my apartment has very steep stairs. My mom is always home too so she can take care of me. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years and this is my second jaw surgery. The first surgery he stayed with me the whole time but he also didn’t have a job then. Now my boyfriend had 4 days off work and he spend some of it visiting me but most of it hanging out with his friend. My birthday comes around and the day before he says to me “I got you something really special for your birthday”. On the day of my birthday I couldn’t wait to see him. I waited for him to text and he asked if I want a birthday shake and I said yes. I was very excited to see him. My friend texts me and tells me she saw my bf at the mall. Well he comes over but he’s with his friend. He says happy birthday and hands me an ac adapter for our Xbox (that is currently with me at my parents house. I wave by played games on it yet but he believed it wasn’t working due to the ac adapter). And he hands me a Disney enamel pin that he got from a resale shop in the mall. The pin we’ve seen there before and they had a few and we’re selling for a couple bucks but I just never bought it. He also brought me my birthday shake. I feel selfish because it made me sad honestly. It didn’t feel thoughtful to me and I woul have really liked to just see him. I am embarrassed of the way I look and didn’t want others to see me and all I really wanted to do was relax with him. I’m in a lot of pain and don’t feel like entertaining. They hung out for about two hours and then my bf said he’s gotta go put away laundry and clean the house before he goes to bed early. He said when he’s done he’ll call me and we can talk on the phone. So I haven’t mentioned that i can see his location and he can see mine( this was his idea). My parents came home about an hour later and my mom asked me where he was. I told her his reason for leaving and she was disappointed. So was I but I was trying not to let it bother me right now because I don’t wanna be sad while I’m healing. Another hour goes by and I get my period and it has also been pretty hot out so I decided I was going to get some stuff from my apartment(also my mom and I decided maybe I should drop by there and see if he was telling the truth) I know my mom and I sound like trouble but i don’t care. I deserve to know. My mom drove me by there another hour later. I walked in and my boyfriend is drinking beer watching tv with his friend. Empty booze bottles everywhere, hampers full of the clean laundry that he hadn’t put away and it didn’t look like he cleaned the house at all like he said he would. He started saying hi to me and was like “oh yea tim and I just wanted to have a beer real fast cos I gotta get up for work early so we’re just having a quick beer before he leaves” his friend is also saying these things too. I stayed nice and I just said I was grabbing some tampons and extra shorts and tank tops and said goodbye. It was disappointing. So I just tried to distract myself at home. Spent the day watching my favorite shows and hanging out with my mom and dad. Later I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I wrote him and asked if he was gonna call me later. There’s a knock at the door. He starts calling but my coworker is at the door and she delivers me a card (signed by all my coworkers)and bouquet of flowers and she hangs out for an hour or so talking to me and my family. When she leaves I call back my bf(who FaceTimed me earlier) so I FaceTime him back and…he’s at a bar. I tried not to act upset or give him a hard time but I got off the phone quick. When I looked at his location he was there for hours all the way up until 10:00. We ended up arguing over text a few times cos I decided (stupidly) to tell him how upset it made me. He still believes he did nothing wrong and he called me this morning at work and I was still bummed out cos I’d been crying all night. He asks “are you still being in a bad mood?” And I said “I don’t really feel like taking right now” so he hangs up. What do I do? Is this forgivable? Am I a brat if I feel like I deserve better than this? It’s not fair that my face is swollen and I can’t go anywhere. I look like The alien from Mac and me and it’s embarrassing. I eat food through a syringe and I’m in pain. I’m sad I spent my birthday without him Edited June 30, 2021 by Sadgirl805 Mistype
glows Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 This could go either way but what matters is that your expectations weren't met and he lied or omitted that he was spending time with his friend the evening of your birthday instead of spending it with you. Someone else could argue that you're not feeling well and recovering so he should be free to enjoy the evening with his friend if you're resting but that's not what I'd want out of a partner. At least more of an effort is needed and being honest instead of saying one thing and doing another. It doesn't matter what your mother thinks or anyone else thinks. See whether this makes sense to you. What is disturbing is that you seem to think it's stupid telling him that you were upset. You're censoring yourself and walking on eggshells. Why is that? Do you think this is as good as it gets when it comes to men? Be more vocal if it's not working for you and if he doesn't like it he can leave. 1
Wiseman2 Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 3 hours ago, Sadgirl805 said: my mom and I decided maybe I should drop by there and see if he was telling the truth. I’m sad I spent my birthday without him Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is he? Move out. He's an inconsiderate jerk. Your mother knows this. Hope you feel better.
Author Sadgirl805 Posted June 30, 2021 Author Posted June 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is he? Move out. He's an inconsiderate jerk. Your mother knows this. Hope you feel better. We’ve been together almost 7 years. He is 36 and I am 33. 1
FMW Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 No, I don't think you're selfish. My advice would be to focus on your healing and if he's not a positive part of that, put him on the back burner for a week or so ( not sure how long your recovery will require). You can't change him not meeting your expectations, but for the moment you can try and minimize its effect on you. That doesn't mean you can't tell him what you want/need from him right now, or express when he does something that upsets you. Just realize he may not get it. Once you are feeling better and more normal take a good look at his behavior, overall, not just in this circumstance. You'll be in a clearer frame of mind to decide whether or not you are ok with things as they are. After 7 years I would expect more consideration and transparency from him. 1
stillafool Posted June 30, 2021 Posted June 30, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Sadgirl805 said: he called me this morning at work and I was still bummed out cos I’d been crying all night. So you're back to work now? Hope you feel better. Edited June 30, 2021 by stillafool
Author Sadgirl805 Posted July 1, 2021 Author Posted July 1, 2021 2 hours ago, stillafool said: So you're back to work now? Hope you feel better. No he called me from work. I’m at home
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