Guy calls ex right after sex

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, Vicky876 said:

Suddenly he says: I'd better call her. And hangs on the phone with her for about 20min. 

Right after sex saying this to you was so disrespectful.  What was he thinking about her during sex with you?  I would have asked for my uber fare home - from him and left.  I would have never contacted him again.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Andy_K said:

Immediately after sex he told you he'd been in an open relationship with his ex.... this is his way of clearly saying that sex isn't something he considers particularly reserved only for special people in his life, or something he has any boundaries for. In other words, don't get into relationship mode. 

Well, there was a good time to "say" this (without actually saying it): before she slept with him.

[Vicky876]

I’m so grateful for all your input . It gives me great support in this. I’m so damnright angry with him right now. 
 

I’ve deleted him from phone and socials last Tuesday already, but now I just feel fury. What a pathetic douche. What an insensitive, dependant dickhead. His red flag is so big I can build a party tent from it.

[Vicky876]

16 hours ago, Johnjohnson2017 said:

Did you ever talk to him about being exclusive ? Maybe he talked you just had a FWB situation. You assumed he was totally single and that he was looking for a LTR like you were. You were wrong. He made it clear after sex that he just wants a hookup with you and also be free to see any other women.

You had 8 months to ask him for exclusivity before having sex with him, assuming that's what you wanted.

You will not change him. He will always be looking for the next hookup. He will never be a faithful guy. You have to decide if you are ok with being a FWB.

No, but really, we weren’t quite in ‘that’ stage… or. Well, to be completely honest I was just affraid to ask. If I’d ask him for clarity, I was affraid it would ‘ve scared him away. Dammit, only now I’m writing this down I see how utterly stupid it is. Sacrificing myself for his sake. We didn’t discuss dreams and ideas about relationships at all. Maybe I subconsciously was denying it as well. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Vicky876 said:

I’ve deleted him from phone and socials last Tuesday already, but now I just feel fury. What a pathetic douche. 

Excellent. He is a real creep.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

21 hours ago, Vicky876 said:

Well. If this isn't a red flag then I don't know what is, nevertheless I'm so utterly knocked over by this that I don't know what to feel. In short:

This guy (32) and I (f/34) knew eachother for about 7 years through social media and texted intensively for the past 8 months and met three times for a walk (pandemic and we live a few hours apart). I really started to like him, we made eachother laugh all the time, texted daily, told all the events and things we had throughout the day. The texts became innocently more flirtatious lately and we decided to meet again, at his place this time. We had a splendid afternoon, fun and laughter. We kissed, made out and eventually had sex, which was wonderful and I thought it was a dream coming true. BUT afterwards he:

- started a conversation about his ex (which he mentioned before and that they had a close bond), and that they'd had an open relationship and are still very close. Quote: "We kinda have a relationship, but without the sex"

- Suddenly he says: I'd better call her. And hangs on the phone with her for about 20min. 

- After the phonecall he is distant and distracted, hardly making contact with me anymore. 

And then: I lay in bed next to him and find a hair elastic which is not mine and he only said: "Oh I think I know who's it is" . He fell asleep and I decided to sleep on the couch after staring at the ceiling for an hour. Couldn't sleep on the couch either. Waited till 6 'o clock in the morning and said goodbye (he said: "Ok") and left. 

I texted him and said I hated this and didn't understand what was happening. I also said: take good care of yourself and bye. He texted back that he was 'surprised' and would really, really, really hate it if we'd never see each other again because it really meant something to him. I went home, walked 40 min in a strange town for a subwaystation, and finally the train to my home. No sleep. No text from him whatsoever whether I came home allright. I'm actually shocked by the lack of decency and courtesy. And also I haven't had any form of explanation or apology. He first started that I might have a problem with his ex and I said: really, I also would have hated it if you'd call your mother, best friend or second uncle right after sex. Anyway, it was very hard to make him understand so I. Broke. Contact. 

And now I'm heartbroken. I feel like an idiot. I feel betrayed. I feel confused. Somehow I think somethings wrong with me now I've broken contact, that I should have been more understanding. And something within me says: this was such weird, inappropriate, inhospitable, immature behaviour of him. And if he doesnt see that, then, hell, I'm not raising him. And yet, I feel unworthy and so, so sad. I said I didn't want contact anymore and that what happened actually killed the spontaneity and fun in our conversations. Obviously he doesn't respond whatsoever. I miss him terribly. 

So, I guess I basically need some consultation :'(. I feel like I'm not worthy a damn s***... What are your thoughts on this...? :S

  

 

 

Has he ever taken you on a real date? 

IMO you got played, and now you are seeing the real him. 

Agreeing to go to his house the second time seeing him in person implies you are wanting to be intimate, and is a green light to make a move is his mind.

You have to take some responsibility for this situation and learn some lessons, otherwise it will keep happening with other men.