dsl Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 so we've been going out for 3 weeks now and things have been moving really quickly and hectically. we have the same level of intensity and want the same things etc. She's beautiful, funny, generous, caring, romantic and makes me feel good about myself. But she likes to play games. I come across as this hard core, confidence, together classy intimidating guy, and i guess she likes that but underneath it all i'm actually a big softy. However she likes to push my buttons and play these power games that just really really bug me. Some examples of these are every time she comes over to my place we have a great afternoon together and then just before she leaves some minor issue comes up and then she has to rush off and there's always that uncertainty. its like without fail every time she drives off i'm feeling kinda stressed and shaken. i guess i just want to be able to flop on my bed and reflect on a beautiful afternoon. Then there's the sexual stuff, she says no so i stop but she means yes. and then another time she says no and she means it. So i'm like WTF! And at any rate i'm not into this whole "forcing" myself of another person... i want it to be like consentual .She also likes to play dumb when we're talking about something, like i'll say she does something and she's all like naive, but then it turns out she's just playing around. And then the next time she's say she doesn't know wat i mean and she actually doesn't so needless to say i get all irritated. We're just fighting a lot and i'm frustrated a lot and i'm walking around constantly questioning if this is going to last. its like i just want to dump her to rid my life on this constant uncertainty and drama, but i really do like her! She just plays up this whole never been kissed kinda attitude meanwhile she is a lot more experienced with guys (and clearly relationships although apparently this is her first one!) than she lets on. We had 2 fights last week.. really bad ones where she pushed me so far that i absolutely exploded... and i'm a very calm rational person. And then i feel so guilty afterwards because i dont like disrespecting people. But she caused it by pushing me and pushing me. And i even said to her "you were pushing me for a reaction you just got a bigger one than expected". And yeah i feel like a total ass afterwards but then i suspect she likes it when i feel like ive behaved like a moron and i'm trying to make it up to her. And then she appologises and promises she'll change but im wondering if she can? Why is she addicted to these games? Basically she has shaken my confidence in a huge way and now i'm analyzing everything she does or says. She has so many good qualities, she's totally into me, always returns my calls/sms's and stays in contact a lot (so thats one game she doesn't play) she's fun, outgoing, loving, devoted, generous, everything. So in a nutshell as amazing as she is i just don't feel like i can put up with this drama in my life all the time. We've discussed how i feel ( as part of the argument) and she apologizes and says she's gonna try change. But since then (Saturday) its almost like i'm looking for faults. yesterday morning she didn't sms me good morning (a tradition) so i was stressed that she was pissed at me. Last night she didn't answer my calls at all, but it turns out she went to sleep really early and sms'd me in the middle of the night to explain wat happened when she woke up. so i can't fault her on that but at the time i was stressed out and thinking theres a problem. But now today she's like i dont think i'll be able to see u this weekend and i dont think i'll be able to see u today etc etc which makes me kinda sad but then i'm like is she playing games or does she mean it. I'm basically so skeptical of everything now because either i think she's playing another game or she's gonna get bored with me because she can no longer play along. And even when we do sexual stuff she gets off on me begging, like on saturday night she suggested we do something and i'm like thats awesome. And then she's like no i have to go its late. So i beg and i beg and then i say "im not going to beg anymore". So she's like "please ask just one more time". So instead of creating a fight i just go with it and i ask her AGAIN and we do it. But do u have any idea how frustrating and almost degrading it is? she has never shown any sign of wanting to break up and she's always like "oh i love u and every problem we have we can work through". So she is into me which is cool but i dont know if i can handle her as much as i like her and i feel she just needs someone who is either so ambivalent that they dont get affected by the drama or someone whos so in awe of her they'd put up with anything. And im not either of those people. Plus her best friend is this total creep who wants to get into her pants which she constantly reminds me so that’s also a source of major tension for me because if we have a fall out he’ll give her bad advice to try break us up and I’m not always convinced she’ll be able to look through it. Despite her saying that we know how we feel about it and nothing else can change that. So once again do i take that comment at face value and accept it... or is she enjoying playing out my little insecurity. But perhaps the most frustrating thing is i go out of my way to protect her from her insecurities regarding my friends and them not approving of her. she was so nervous about meeting them and i did everything in my power to put her mind at ease and calm her insecurities and orcastrasted the entire thing so that it went absolutely brillantly and everybody loved everybody else. Seriously it was a lot of planning and thought. And then instead of returning the favor she gets off on sending me in for the slaughter. Even the first night i met her friend she's like "he's going to hate you because he's in love with me". Ok i have typed so much and even i can't make sense of this anymore! This is just so much to say but i think the one thing i'm getting across is how insanely confused i am!!!! Are my expectations too high of a relationship and do i expect perfection or is this just simply never going to work? If anyone has been brave/bored enough to read all of this please just help me find clarity in all of this.
noitoved Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Not sure how exactly to help you. But doesn't it concern you that you're having SO many issues only THREE weeks into the relationship?
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