TiredOfWaiting Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Morning All This morning I got blasted as being deceitful, untrustworthy etc etc and basically not worth exMM's time (he is now D) because he does not believe I can be faithful to him. He bases this on the fact that I have a male friend who he has never approved of, and felt very threatened by. He has felt this way about ANY man in my life, all the while admitting he could not leave his wife. I have NEVER cheated on anyone in my life. I just feel very hurt and hollow and hate this opinion he has of me. What are the rules in these OW/OM situations? If no promises have been made by the MM/MW, is it ok to have a life (albeit celibate) outside of the relationship?
civettuolo Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Morning All This morning I got blasted as being deceitful, untrustworthy etc etc and basically not worth exMM's time (he is now D) because he does not believe I can be faithful to him. He bases this on the fact that I have a male friend who he has never approved of, and felt very threatened by. He has felt this way about ANY man in my life, all the while admitting he could not leave his wife. I have NEVER cheated on anyone in my life. I just feel very hurt and hollow and hate this opinion he has of me? Then I as with any relationship I would end it. This is his issue not yours. Tell him get over it or move on. What are the rules in these OW/OM situations? No rules. You say Hes D? Then are you OW still? If no promises have been made by the MM/MW, is it ok to have a life (albeit celibate) outside of the relationship? Hell Yes !!and it does not have to be celibate . Your choice usually ,of course MM does not want you to have a "life". Its your live it . Dont put it hold for him ,hes certainly not for you.
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Morning All This morning I got blasted as being deceitful, untrustworthy etc etc and basically not worth exMM's time (he is now D) because he does not believe I can be faithful to him. He bases this on the fact that I have a male friend who he has never approved of, and felt very threatened by. He has felt this way about ANY man in my life, all the while admitting he could not leave his wife. I have NEVER cheated on anyone in my life. I just feel very hurt and hollow and hate this opinion he has of me. What are the rules in these OW/OM situations? If no promises have been made by the MM/MW, is it ok to have a life (albeit celibate) outside of the relationship? He can't trust fully because he was a MM who cheated on his wife. Now he's divorced and has reflected HIS insecurities. The fact you have a male friend scares him, he thinks you're going to cheat on him because he cheated on his wife. If he isn't committed to you then you owe him no explanation of what you do. If you love him and want to be with him, then make him understand that you're not interested in anybody but him. Either way, it's his personal issue, not yours.
TiredOfWaiting Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 civettuolo - yes he is D. No I am not OW anymore, he has been brushing me off for quite a few months prior to the D, but it became very final a few weeks ago. whichwayisup - he is not committed to me in any way, never has been, could never give an indication of his plan. A real CakeMan. I have told him in no uncertain terms, that I love him and no-one else. Yet this is not enough for him. He is a very judgemental person in general, and has very rigid ideas and boundaries within which he perceives all relationships (except his marriage obviously) should operate. Based on the issue of this male friend, he is prepared to sever all ties ... cutting off his nose to spite his face, quite frankly.
Katch22 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Hey, When I was involved deeply with my m/m I still had a very full life of friends and events to go and do that didn't involve him. One of which was a B**ty Call that he even knew about. I remember being on the phone with him (m/m)and he saying that he wanted to come over a ravish me but I told him that this wasn't such a good idea. Boy didn't he ask WHY??? so I told him I had a date that night and he said so your planning on getting laid and I said not planning on it but it's always a possibility. Then a few days later I got the crying on the phone I can't believe you hurt me this way and I told him that the only thing that hurt him was the fact that someone else was eating his CAKE!! So GF if there is no promises or commitment to each other and he's tripping already over some B*llsh*t then just like with any man that you would meet not a m/m but just a normal man if he gave the same BS would you put up with it!! Your answer should be H*ll NO and you should treat him just like any other man especially with the fact that he's cheated on you & w. So were does he got off pointing the finger at you????? I hope it was helpful.
JayKay Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 He sounds emotionally abusive, controlling and immature. Do yourself a favor and tell this one to beat it.
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