*Met a Cute Guy. Next Step?*

[Sun Seeker]

4 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said:

Yes because if nothing else at least you would know where you stand. Better than nonstop ruminating. By the way it happens all the time - I met at a guy at one of my friends’ parties and we had a nice chat throughout the entire event - he asked for my phone number and he never texted or called either. That was three weeks ago.I wasn’t super attracted to him so I’m cool with that.

If a guy does not message you after getting your number you already know exactly where you stand, no need to take the initiative to find anything out. Their interest is low.

Any guy who is interested in a woman will be eager to get in contact asap as they won't be able to get you off their mind.

 

[Miss Spider]

There is a small concern that guy gets messaged by a girl after giving him her number and making clear she’s into him, he’s thinking ‘dang she really want the D…. This should be easy, so why not’ bc a lot of the time guys have to put in more effort and are the ones having to do most of the chasing … 

 

I guess I agree though you can always just message and see… not much harm …if you consistently have to put most of the effort though, probably should next. 

[poppyfields]

Dis, don't call him.  Pls read my last post about my Taurus brother AND Taurus men in general, I know you're into the astrology stuff.

They are slow movers, extremely, they need time to process before making a move.

Like I said, it took my brother THREE WEEKS to call his now wife after they first met.

I guarantee you, had SHE called him first, they would not be married today nor would he have ever dated her.

Call it old-fashioned, heck call it sexist if you want, don't push this.  Taurus men will not be pushed and they like, they NEED to lead.

Patience is a virtue, we Cancer women have plenty of that, so don't blow this by being impatient/anxious (modern, lol) and beating him to the punch.

Stay busy, meet other men, and if/when he ever calls, be upbeat and happy to hear from him, and hopefully he will make a date with you.

$.02.

Edited July 1, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Pumpernickel said:

Yes because if nothing else at least you would know where you stand. 

True.

I think sometimes we generally adhere to basic principles in order to reduce our own anxieties.

So, OP can alleviate that by being proactive or forgetting about it altogether.

[Gaeta]

Will texting him eliminate the anxiety or create more.

lf he's happy to hear from her but does not offer to meet she remains in limbo. If she waits and he communicates with her then she will know he's interested.

I say wait & go back to Home Depot

 

[poppyfields]

Re Dis asking him out as has been advised by some, I think it's quite possible (and likely) he will accept her invite, why wouldn't he?

Here's a woman basically offering herself up on a silver platter, what man wouldn't take advantage of that?  

He gets to 'pump and dump' guilt free because she initiated it!  Which is what he will be thinking, most likely. 

That's what women risk when they go chasing.  Harsh reality. 

Look, I'm all for a woman taking initiative, once it's been established there is mutual interest and they begin dating.

But it hasn't yet been determined what, if any, interest HE has! 

He knows Dis has interest, she essentially approached him, enthusiastically responding to his "wave" after her friend told him she thought he was cute.

That's a huge IOI !!!

What effort did HE make? 

I'm sorry if this comes off preachy, but don't women know how to intrigue a man anymore, pull him towards her? 

It's not by chasing, especially after she's already made her interest known, and he's done NOTHING.

Not even so much as a simple text saying it was nice meeting you, I'll be in touch.

No wonder men have become so lazy.

Dis, you will do what you think is best, I just dont think it will ultimately get you what you want, that's all.

JMO, I could be wrong, and if you do reach out, good luck and hope it works out the way you hope! 

Edited July 1, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Here's a woman basically offering herself up on a silver platter, what man wouldn't take advantage of that? 

If she went home with him the same night they met, I may agree with you.

[Fletch Lives]

12 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Kind of like air traffic controllers and electricians. 

I could use an electrician......I have a static electricity issue.........everytime I touch something metal, my hair stands up and i look like Buckwheat 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Fletch Lives

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Alpaca said:

If she went home with him the same night they met, I may agree with you.

I was speaking more to how HE will initially interpret her taking charge and asking him out.

Why?  Because he's done nothing, made no effort, so his natural assumption will be she's "easy."

Dating is effort by both.  

Dis made effort, gave him a huge window, he's done nothing...

 

Edited July 1, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

26 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I was speaking more to how HE will initially interpret her taking charge and asking him out.

I see.

Well, I'm not sure anyone actually suggested that.

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

I see.

Well, I'm not sure anyone actually suggested that.

Wasn't it suggested she ask him out?  If I'm mistaken, my apologies. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

Still nothing, Dis?

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I was speaking more to how HE will initially interpret her taking charge and asking him out.

Why?  Because he's done nothing, made no effort, so his natural assumption will be she's "easy."

Dating is effort by both.  

Dis made effort, gave him a huge window, he's done nothing...

 

Well, you're speaking about how some guys may initially interpret her going over because her friends initiated it. Personally I think this is a little over-the-top. They just talked and laughed.

[poppyfields]

47 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Well, you're speaking about how some guys may initially interpret her going over because her friends initiated it. Personally I think this is a little over-the-top. They just talked and laughed.

I just think dating takes two people showing interest and making effort.

Dis did more than her fair share, eye contact followed by her friend marching over to his table telling him she thinks he's cute , then dutifully going to his table after he waved her over.  I am envisioning this scenario, and the entire thing just sounds "wrong," again jmo.

I certainly would not have done that, no way.  After making eye contact, if/when a man is interested, he would typically either approach my table or arrange for the bartender to bring me a drink, something to indicate interest.  NOT wave me over, that is so lazy.

But Dis took the initiative and that's fine.  No argument from me, although it's not how I would have approached the situation.

So he's got her phone number but since then has done NOTHING.  Not even a simple text saying nice meeting you, I'll be in touch.  Takes 15 seconds to do that, tops.

But yet some of y'all are suggesting she should make the next move and ask him out?  After he's made literally zero effort to indicate he's even interested in seeing her again?

I'm sorry I cannot agree with that.  It's how women get played.  Again, JMO.

EDIT:  That said, I haven't ruled out him calling/texting yet.  As I said, my brother (who is also a Taurus) took three weeks to call his now wife after they first met.  They're extremely slow movers and don't like to be pushed or rushed from what I understand, and my brother is exactly like this as well.

Edited July 1, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

everytime I touch something metal, my hair stands up and i look like Buckwheat 

Working on the gazebo again in a thunderstorm with metal hand tools? 

5 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Wasn't it suggested she ask him out?  

No, not that I am aware of.

 

[Timshel]

Which field of nursing are you in and with which specialty? Drinking alcohol with meds is a no.

Who knows what happened on your birthday night out. Leave it.

Do not bring hungover to work, particularly when lives are at stake.

 

[Miss Spider]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

 

Dis did more than her fair share, eye contact followed by her friend marching over to his table telling him she thinks he's cute , then dutifully going to his table after he waved her over.  I am envisioning this scenario, and the entire thing just sounds "wrong," again jmo.

I

MTE… honestly he sounded kinda arrogant … I’m with the other person, would be out for me on his job alone. Lol.
 

anyway probably thought a little harmless fun with flirting and took her number, but if interest was high enough he’d contact. He might have been drunk too so that’s part of it .. Who knows but wouldn’t read too much into it. 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Dis]

On 6/30/2021 at 11:09 AM, Gaeta said:

It's not about relying on men to feel good about herself. It's a normal feeling when we go back to dating after being in a relationship. I went through the same. It's like restarting a car that was left in the parking lot, the car used to run great but there is a bit of *normal* anxiety about restarting it. 

This is exactly how I feel

 

I spent 9 months sitting in an apartment with a kid on almost all my days off, bumming around in pjs. I'm not blaming anyone for that because it was my choice to move in but I really lost that sexy/confident feeling because of that. There's something very unsexy about being around a kid all day and I was so unhappy I gained weight. I have since lost the weight but the groove I once had still needs to be recovered. 

 

And let's be honest, attention from the opposite sex really helps that even if you feel great as you are. 

[Dis]

21 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

There is a small concern that guy gets messaged by a girl after giving him her number and making clear she’s into him, he’s thinking ‘dang she really want the D…. This should be easy, so why not’ bc a lot of the time guys have to put in more effort and are the ones having to do most of the chasing … 

 

I guess I agree though you can always just message and see… not much harm …if you consistently have to put most of the effort though, probably should next. 

Yes and I could see a big macho CO thinking the above

 

I've dated some COs in the past and I don't want to generalize too much but both of them weren't nice guys and they cheated. Not saying this guy operates that way but one of my friends was a CO and he said the guys he worked with were D bags. 

 

So I think if I texted him it would just be an ego boost for him...which he probably doesn't need 

 

Someone said he was a hot CO...he was actually pretty chubby....but I kinda like them like that sometimes.

Edited July 1, 2021 by Dis

[Miss Spider]

Haha I honestly hear it and think D-bag, but I don’t have experience with any, much less all, so that’s kind of unfair … 

[Dis]

10 hours ago, Alpaca said:

If she went home with him the same night they met, I may agree with you.

Which I would never do

[Dis]

7 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Wasn't it suggested she ask him out?  If I'm mistaken, my apologies. 

My friend did suggest that. She was the only one who did. Everyone else I've talked to has said not to. 

[elaine567]

2 minutes ago, Dis said:

I've dated some COs in the past and I don't want to generalize too much but both of them weren't nice guys and they cheated.

It's tough job, I guess "nice soft guys" need not apply... else they  get swallowed whole and spat out...

[Dis]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I just think dating takes two people showing interest and making effort.

Dis did more than her fair share, eye contact followed by her friend marching over to his table telling him she thinks he's cute , then dutifully going to his table after he waved her over.  I am envisioning this scenario, and the entire thing just sounds "wrong," again jmo.

I certainly would not have done that, no way.  After making eye contact, if/when a man is interested, he would typically either approach my table or arrange for the bartender to bring me a drink, something to indicate interest.  NOT wave me over, that is so lazy.

But Dis took the initiative and that's fine.  No argument from me, although it's not how I would have approached the situation.

So he's got her phone number but since then has done NOTHING.  Not even a simple text saying nice meeting you, I'll be in touch.  Takes 15 seconds to do that, tops.

But yet some of y'all are suggesting she should make the next move and ask him out?  After he's made literally zero effort to indicate he's even interested in seeing her again?

I'm sorry I cannot agree with that.  It's how women get played.  Again, JMO.

EDIT:  That said, I haven't ruled out him calling/texting yet.  As I said, my brother (who is also a Taurus) took three weeks to call his now wife after they first met.  They're extremely slow movers and don't like to be pushed or rushed from what I understand, and my brother is exactly like this as well.

Yes, I'm in agreement about not reaching out. 

 

Plus I'm already turned off. I like effort, interest. Seeing as he's shown none, he's now in the "yuck" zone for me. 

 

I don't think though that the way we met was off or wrong. It was cute and I don't see anything wrong with it. I was with a group of friends and I know some guys get intimated approaching women so I don't think it's always a bad idea to make the first move. I'm not saying this is how he felt but I don't think it was the way you're painting it out to be. But I know you and of course you're coming from a place of good intentions and I can understand why you feel that way. 

 

Next time though I'll probably take your advice and let the guy approach me. Might weed out the guys who aren't that interested. 

 

I still think it was a cute/fun experience and it opened me up to the idea and possibility of meeting someone naturally so I don't regret it and I'm not bummed about it anymore....just turned off so even if he does text me like you suggested he might, I don't know that I'll go for it. I like to be #1. If I'm not treated that way I get grossed out. 

[Dis]

45 minutes ago, Timshel said:

Which field of nursing are you in and with which specialty? Drinking alcohol with meds is a no.

Who knows what happened on your birthday night out. Leave it.

Do not bring hungover to work, particularly when lives are at stake.

 

#1- Geriatrics

 

#2- You can drink with non-narcotic meds in moderation

 

#3 Thanks?

 

#4- I didn't get drunk, I was driving. So...no hangover. Pretty sure as an RN I put my needs/personal issues aside for my patients on a daily basis and have no issue with that, actually love that aspect of my job. 

 

But...thanks?