*Met a Cute Guy. Next Step?*

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 6/27/2021 at 4:06 PM, Dis said:

(snip)

One of my guys friends says he waits about 2 days to message...doesn't want to seem over eager. Maybe it's a guy thing to do that. 

 

And yes! I have a thing for corrections officers, cops and military men. Love guys who are masculine and authoritarian like that. He seems to really have his stuff together too. No kids either. Seems to check all the basic boxes. I'll be honest, I'll be bummed if I don't hear from him. He seems like he might be a good one. 

Probably. And just kind of out of respect. He probably doesn't want to jump right on you within hours or whatever. 😂 I feel like this is fine.

I mean, even when I've met new platonic potential friends and we exchanged numbers, I didn't text as soon as I got home or whatever. You give people a couple days to give them space. I don't know this dude, obviously, but that's my experience in my own life.

[Gaeta]

Sorry Dis for raining on your parade.

He wouldn't be the first guy in a bar pretending to be single. There was also a certain level of alcohol involved encouraging the flirting & the waving a woman over. That part kind of jumped at me too. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He wouldn't be the first guy in a bar pretending to be single.

Wait. Now he's married?

[Sun Seeker]

I know you want to message him if he hasn't messaged you yet but I really don't think you should. You made your interest super clear. You want to be with someone that is interested in you as much as you are in them. If after getting your number he can't make contact, that's already failing the interest test, and you do NOT want to then continue showing interest.

I agree with @poppyfields about the whole waving you over, that was my first impression too. At best it was lazy, at worst rude, regardless if he came over to you at the end.

From your pic and your topics on here you are definitely a catch, so sit back and see what happens. If nothing, then his loss.

[Gaeta]

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Wait. Now he's married?

I said no more than what l said. It's a bar, alcohol involved,  and to not dismiss that sometimes people lie.

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Sorry Dis for raining on your parade.

He wouldn't be the first guy in a bar pretending to be single. There was also a certain level of alcohol involved encouraging the flirting & the waving a woman over. That part kind of jumped at me too. 

Why do you think he's married??? ETA: Sorry, I didn't see your response. I mean...I can't see why we're jumping to that possibility...sure, it's possible (???) but it's always possible no matter how you meet someone. 

Edited June 29, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[Gaeta]

16 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Why do you think he's married??? ETA: Sorry, I didn't see your response. I mean...I can't see why we're jumping to that possibility...sure, it's possible (???) but it's always possible no matter how you meet someone. 

I did not say married. I said to not dismiss people lie in bars with some alcohol in them, right?

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I did not say married. I said to not dismiss people lie in bars with some alcohol in them, right?

Yes...I just don't know why we jumped to that. I can't see that overwhelmingly, people lie in bars, or I guess really more to the point, I don't see that there was any indication in the OP's post.

I think it was a cute and fun way to meet...people have all different stories...and OTOH everybody has a million stories of the dude who walked up to the table while all the girlfriends giggled, swallowed his humiliation to ask the girl out and got turned down...while he stood there feeling bad about it...I mean...sometimes meeting in a more playful way is a way to avoid all that, keep it light, keep it noncommittal.

We can disagree, that's fine. I am not seeing that this meeting with the funny waving was him sitting there like a king commanding her to come over or anything, LOL. So, we just see it differently. But...I don't see any indications so far of anything nefarious...like the guy cheating...or whatever...it was a meeting, a lot of laughter, and now she's wondering if he'll call. That all seems pretty status quo to me until proven otherwise.  JMO!

[Dis]

I actually found him on fb because he gave me his full name

 

I looked him up on FB and he his status listed him as single. Not another mention of other women on his page either.

 

So I do think he's single

[Dis]

I think @enigma32 is right though and so is @Mrin

 

People have a lot going on in their lives so you really never know where a person is at in terms of being available. There's plenty of single people who are unavailable for whatever reason....guess I just ran into one of them. I did kind of take it hard though just because I miss feeling pretty and wanted. Bummed he didn't call/text. Kind of feeling like it's me. I do usually jump to that but I did this time. 

 

One of my friends said I should text him because who knows what he's thinking. Maybe he thinks the ball is in my court or whatever else. Again, who knows what people are thinking despite the obvious things we think they should think. But I do agree with everyone here that if he was interested he would've texted. That I made my interest clear so now it's really up to him and for whatever reason he doesn't want to reach out. The only thing is, so what if I texted him? It's not a decision where I would suffer long term consequences. If he doesn't reply he doesn't reply. End of story. So, I might. The friend who said I should text actually had a similar thing happen to her. She met a guy and showed most of the interest. She gave him her number only to text him first...and now he's super into her. 

 

So I don't think it's fair to say he HAS to initiate for there to be any positive outcome. Don't think any situation is that black and white. Would I have preferred it that way? Of course! But sometimes it doesn't always pan out in a picture perfect sense. 

[Caauug]

He could have lost or had his phone stolen, your number may have been only stored locally so he no longer has that..... 

Mean While....

3 hours ago, Dis said:

I made my interest clear so now it's really up to him and for whatever reason he doesn't want to reach out.

It's ok to take a traditional role, be stubborn and let this chance slip away.... What happened to equality and actively pursuing dreams and goals???

[Wiseman2]

Ag

4 hours ago, Dis said:

One of my friends said I should text him because who knows what he's thinking. 

Agree. Just send a text. That way the suspense is over.

You'll find out if he's interested or just some clown 🤡 who collects numbers in bars.

[elaine567]

The man was railroaded into interacting with Dis, it was not his idea, he did not choose her.
It would have been kind of rude not to ask for her number, but once home he did not feel like contacting her for some reason.
Just one of these "night out" numbers collected that mean little I guess.
Personally I wouldn't be in any hurry to contact him, the ball is in his court.. 

[Weezy1973]

6 hours ago, Dis said:

.I did kind of take it hard though just because I miss feeling pretty and wanted.

Stop relying on men to feel good about yourself. And especially not randoms you meet at bars..

[Fletch Lives]

Gimmie fifty bucks and I'll tell you when or if he's gonna text 😛

 

I think it's very cute how you met.

 

If you don't know what your schedule is, you may have to work a little harder when it comes to setting the date.

 

I do agree to let him call/text first, however. Hot women don't have to risk much rejection. You go girl 👍

 

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but security/cops/ military people have a higher risk of being control freaks. Some savvy women won't date them. Just be aware. 

 

I wish the best for you

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Stop relying on men to feel good about yourself. And especially not randoms you meet at bars..

It's not about relying on men to feel good about herself. It's a normal feeling when we go back to dating after being in a relationship. I went through the same. It's like restarting a car that was left in the parking lot, the car used to run great but there is a bit of *normal* anxiety about restarting it. 

[poppyfields]

I'm not judging, I promise, cause I've been there too, but to me, it's about seeking and relying on external validation (versus internal within yourself) to feel whole and complete, which rarely leads to anything positive.   

It's why people post hundreds of provocative selfies on IG and other socials, why people troll on-line seeking others out with no intention to actually meet in person.  Etc etc.

They thrive on the attention, and need that validation to feel complete. 

Or as in Dis' case, to feel "pretty and wanted." 

Again not judging cause we all need validation on some level, it would be inhuman not to!

But it's best to strive to attain such validation from within, not externally from others.

Other people will ALWAYS let you down.  Just like this guy has.

Once you achieve internal validation from within, the only person who can let you down is yourself, and you are in complete control of that.

How others feel about you, whether they like you or not, or find you attractive, won't matter so much..  Or at all! 

Dis, I'm sorry this joe hasn't called.  As Punterxx said, you are quite the catch, inside and out, HIS loss.

Next! 

 

Edited June 30, 2021 by poppyfields

[Noproblem]

I don't like his job. I would avoid him if I were you! 

Also, he asked you about kids right away, seems so weird to me you barely just met!

 

Also Taurus guys seem like great match for cancer girls, but they eventually break their hearts. 

Edited June 30, 2021 by Noproblem

[Noproblem]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I'm not judging, I promise, cause I've been there too, but to me, it's about seeking and relying on external validation (versus internal within yourself) to feel whole and complete, which rarely leads to anything positive.   

It's why people post hundreds of provocative selfies on IG and other socials, why people troll on-line seeking others out with no intention to actually meet in person.  Etc etc.

They thrive on the attention, and need that validation to feel complete. 

Or as in Dis' case, to feel "pretty and wanted." 

Again not judging cause we all need validation on some level, it would be inhuman not to!

But it's best to strive to attain such validation from within, not externally from others.

Other people will ALWAYS let you down.  Just like this guy has.

Once you achieve internal validation from within, the only person who can let you down is yourself, and you are in complete control of that.

How others feel about you, whether they like you or not, or find you attractive, won't matter so much..  Or at all! 

Dis, I'm sorry this joe hasn't called.  As Punterxx said, you are quite the catch, inside and out, HIS loss.

Next! 

 

it's not like a click of a finger.. we can feel validated if we decide.

Oh I am gonna feel important and love myself today.. OH done

No, this never works this way, could take years to do it and yet again a single bad interaction can destroy that internal validation.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

Hasn't it only been like less than four days?

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, Noproblem said:

it's not like a click of a finger.. we can feel validated if we decide.

Oh I am gonna feel important and love myself today.. OH done

No, this never works this way, could take years to do it and yet again a single bad interaction can destroy that internal validation.

 

Chill out, I realize that. I said it's best to "strive" to achieve internal validation, and it's not gonna happen overnight, takes a long time.

I'm still not there all the way!

It's a work in progress, but I'm striving, taking steps to get to that place.

But I'm getting there and when shyt like this happens, I try to not allow it to get me down, that choice is mine.

I say NO to those negative feelings..  

That's all I meant.

Edit:  I disagree that one negative interaction or experience can destroy internal validation. 

Not possible, not once internal validation is achieved. 

They'd let it roll off, next.  No one person or experience should render that much power or control over you and if it does, then more internal work needs to be done.

Edited June 30, 2021 by poppyfields

[Johnjohnson2017]

OP you can text him if you'd like. I don't see anything wrong with that. You'll at least have your answer whether he is interested in a relationship with you.

You can also choose to wait for him to contact you. You just don't know if he will or not. You might lose interest if he waits too long.

If you like him a lot, take a chance.

[poppyfields]

Dis, I just remembered this but one of my brothers is Taurus and it took him three weeks after meeting his now-wife to call her. 

It also took him ten (10!) years to know if he wanted to marry her!  They lived together.

Now they are very happily married!!  

As she explained it to me, she REALLY liked him, but waited for him to make the first move.  That's what her gut told her to do, and it paid off in the end.  Taurus men cannot be rushed or pushed!

You should read up on Taurus men, their symbol is the bull and they are very slow movers.

If me, I'd just take a "wait and see" approach, continue meeting and dating other men.  Place him in the backburner of my mind.

If/when he ever reaches out, see how you feel at that time.  

Try to not let this get you down or analyze too much.

You are a beautiful woman, smart, educated, with lots to offer, you don't need one's man approval to know that, try to remain open and positive. xo

 

Edited June 30, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

11 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but security/cops/ military people have a higher risk of being control freaks.

Yes, part of the job is to regain control of out-of-control events.

Kind of like air traffic controllers and electricians. 

But I digress.

20 hours ago, Dis said:

So I don't think it's fair to say he HAS to initiate for there to be any positive outcome.

I've taken the initiative in the past, but he was the one who called first. Both ends can be equally interested.

[Pumpernickel]

18 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

I've taken the initiative in the past

Yes because if nothing else at least you would know where you stand. Better than nonstop ruminating. By the way it happens all the time - I met at a guy at one of my friends’ parties and we had a nice chat throughout the entire event - he asked for my phone number and he never texted or called either. That was three weeks ago.I wasn’t super attracted to him so I’m cool with that.