Dis Posted June 27, 2021 Posted June 27, 2021 Hi Guys! I was out with my girlfriends celebrating my 35th birthday at a club/bar type of place. There was this cute guy a few tables over and we were making a little eye contact and I thought he was cute so I told my friend that and before I could say anything she popped right up and went over to him and told him I thought he was cute. He said, "send her over" and waved me over. I started laughing and if I wasn't Italian I would've been blushing from head to toe. It was too funny. He was tall, big burly dude with a beard. Totally my type. The first thing he said to me when I walked up to him as he looked me up and down subtly was, "why are you single" Oh jeez, if I only had an answer for that. He told me he's 38, corrections officer in a max security prison. I said, Oh I like that so you can tell me what to do. He laughed and said, Oh damn. Our banter was cute. He has a house in the town I grew up in. He asked me a lot about my job as a nurse. He was leaning forward and very into the convo. He's a Taurus and I'm a Cancer. He laughed that I asked him that and we joked about how that only really matters to women. He asked me if I wanted kids and I said I was open to it. He alluded to wanting them and he didn't mind being the "old dad". We were basically asking each other qualifying questions while joking and enjoying the chat. ...which I thought was awesome. He asked me what my schedule was like, maybe to lock down a date, I'm not sure. But being a nurse my schedule is crazy confusing so it didn't give him much of an opening. He got my number right away and called me so I had his. After we chatted for while I had to go back to my friends so I told him it was really nice talking to him. I touched him on the shoulder while walking away and then when he was leaving for the night, he came back up to my table to thank my friend for introducing us. He seemed like a jovial guy and funny. Had us all laughing. That was last night and no text yet although it hasn't even been 24 hours. So should I reach out in a few days or let him do the leg work? Usually I like the guy to take the lead but also don't mind being proactive. Thanks everyone!!!
Sun Seeker Posted June 27, 2021 Posted June 27, 2021 No do not contact him and definitely let him do the leg work. You made your interest in him VERY clear, now it's his turn to make his interest clear and start leading. 9
Wiseman2 Posted June 27, 2021 Posted June 27, 2021 4 minutes ago, Dis said: That was last night and no text yet although it hasn't even been 24 hours. He doesn't want to appear overanxious or creepy. Relax. 4
Author Dis Posted June 27, 2021 Author Posted June 27, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Ya the guys is playing it cool. Dumb I know. It is though. I like a lot of interest so if he waits too long I might be turned off. But I know I'm a little high maintenance by nature so I do need to work on that ... I mean hasn't even been 24 hours yet lmao Edited June 27, 2021 by Dis 1
poppyfields Posted June 27, 2021 Posted June 27, 2021 1 hour ago, Punterxx said: No do not contact him and definitely let him do the leg work. You made your interest in him VERY clear, now it's his turn to make his interest clear and start leading. Yes this! 100%. Let him lead. A corrections officer? Right up your alley! Keep us posted! P S. And Happy Birthday! I'm a Cancer girl too; the sun and stars must be aligned just right me thinks. 1 1
Author Dis Posted June 27, 2021 Author Posted June 27, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yes this! 100%. Let him lead. A corrections officer? Right up your alley! Keep us posted! P S. And Happy Birthday! I'm a Cancer girl too; the sun and stars must be aligned just right me thinks. Ahahaha! You know what? When it happened I was like, maybe poppy is right I couldn't believe it! Still can't. One of my guys friends says he waits about 2 days to message...doesn't want to seem over eager. Maybe it's a guy thing to do that. And yes! I have a thing for corrections officers, cops and military men. Love guys who are masculine and authoritarian like that. He seems to really have his stuff together too. No kids either. Seems to check all the basic boxes. I'll be honest, I'll be bummed if I don't hear from him. He seems like he might be a good one. 2
Alpacalia Posted June 27, 2021 Posted June 27, 2021 My ex was a corrections officer turned SWAT officer. It could be long grueling hours and lots of sleep in which case give him a chance to respond. Other times, contact around the clock. See how you feel after a couple days if you don't hear from him. Good luck! 2
Author Dis Posted June 27, 2021 Author Posted June 27, 2021 5 minutes ago, Alpaca said: My ex was a corrections officer turned SWAT officer. It could be long grueling hours and lots of sleep in which case give him a chance to respond. Other times, contact around the clock. See how you feel after a couple days if you don't hear from him. Good luck! He said he works 2 to 9 Monday-Friday 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 OMG...this is so awesome and exciting. Yes, give it a few days. And happy birthday! 2
Alpacalia Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 2 hours ago, Dis said: He said he works 2 to 9 Monday-Friday Ok, well, you can give it a bit of time, or not if you don’t want to. It won't make a difference if he's the right person for you and you're the right woman for him. Get on with it for now and hours will go by and the stress of not hearing from your guy will be non-existent. If he isn’t contacting you at this point — move on. And, happy birthday! 1
Author Dis Posted June 28, 2021 Author Posted June 28, 2021 14 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Ok, well, you can give it a bit of time, or not if you don’t want to. It won't make a difference if he's the right person for you and you're the right woman for him. Get on with it for now and hours will go by and the stress of not hearing from your guy will be non-existent. If he isn’t contacting you at this point — move on. And, happy birthday! Thank you! Well according to a lot of guys I've talked to, men like to wait a few days before they reach out. I'm okay with that. I get he wants to seem cool and not overeager. Or maybe he won't message at all. Who knows. Either way I'm enjoying my day and have a busy work week ahead of me. What will be will be! 1
Author Dis Posted June 28, 2021 Author Posted June 28, 2021 57 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: OMG...this is so awesome and exciting. Yes, give it a few days. And happy birthday! Aww thanks for the shared excitment! I think it's awesome too and I don't want to get my hopes up but I'm pretty excited! I rarely meet guys IRL so I'm so happy about this! Even if I never hear from him the experience was nice and it gives me practice for meeting guys more organically. Glad the general consensus on here and with my friends is, give it a few days. Won't abandon hope for now 2
MsJayne Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 I say he'll wait until Wednesday night or Thursday. You wait until that part of the week to ask someone what they're doing on the weekend because if you ask too early in the week you look like you have nothing else going on, and if you leave it 'til Friday the other person already has their weekend planned. Don't call him, he'll call you. 2
Author Dis Posted June 28, 2021 Author Posted June 28, 2021 19 minutes ago, MsJayne said: I say he'll wait until Wednesday night or Thursday. You wait until that part of the week to ask someone what they're doing on the weekend because if you ask too early in the week you look like you have nothing else going on, and if you leave it 'til Friday the other person already has their weekend planned. Don't call him, he'll call you. Yeah , that's what I thought too If I were a guy this is how I'd go about it
Mrin Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 Guy thoughts: 1. Definitely was giving you a good looking over with all the qualifying questions. And not in a whether you would be fun in the sack sort of way. That's a good thing! Definitely feeling you out relationship wise. 2. Him coming over to thank your friend says he's definitely interested in you. That was a nice touch by the way. 3. If he doesn't contact you soon (or even at all) I just wanted to leave you with this thought: it probably isn't you. I once met a fantastic lady at a party. We hit it off. Big time. Traded numbers. Very similar to your story. Talked all night. But, I realized the next day that I was a mess. I had just ended a very unhealthy relationship, my emotions were a wreck, my work life was nuts and was just stretched too thin. As I looked down at this woman's number I was like "she's the real deal. You are in no condition to tangle with a woman like that! Get your crap together. Don't waste her time". And so I delayed calling her. One day turned into a week and that turned into never. I ran into her again years later and she was deep into a committed relationship. She asked why I never called her and I told her why - openly and honestly. She got a sad look in her eye and said, "you should have told me. Not sure if I would have waited but you never know what might have been." She got married a year later and seems to be crazy happy. My point isnt to bum you out with that story. It was rather to let you know that from my point of view he was big time interested in you as relationship material and if he doesn't respond right away, it is because of stuff he has going on in his own life. fingers crossed! 2 1
Author Dis Posted June 28, 2021 Author Posted June 28, 2021 41 minutes ago, Mrin said: Guy thoughts: 1. Definitely was giving you a good looking over with all the qualifying questions. And not in a whether you would be fun in the sack sort of way. That's a good thing! Definitely feeling you out relationship wise. 2. Him coming over to thank your friend says he's definitely interested in you. That was a nice touch by the way. 3. If he doesn't contact you soon (or even at all) I just wanted to leave you with this thought: it probably isn't you. I once met a fantastic lady at a party. We hit it off. Big time. Traded numbers. Very similar to your story. Talked all night. But, I realized the next day that I was a mess. I had just ended a very unhealthy relationship, my emotions were a wreck, my work life was nuts and was just stretched too thin. As I looked down at this woman's number I was like "she's the real deal. You are in no condition to tangle with a woman like that! Get your crap together. Don't waste her time". And so I delayed calling her. One day turned into a week and that turned into never. I ran into her again years later and she was deep into a committed relationship. She asked why I never called her and I told her why - openly and honestly. She got a sad look in her eye and said, "you should have told me. Not sure if I would have waited but you never know what might have been." She got married a year later and seems to be crazy happy. My point isnt to bum you out with that story. It was rather to let you know that from my point of view he was big time interested in you as relationship material and if he doesn't respond right away, it is because of stuff he has going on in his own life. fingers crossed! Love all of this! Thank you! These were my thoughts too...just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I can't see things from a guy's perspective sometimes #1- Yes he seemed to be pretty relationship oriented even from the brief chat we had. Him asking if I had kids, if I wanted them. It was kind of like a mutual rapid firing of deal breaker questions but in a really fun, flirty way. He kind of had his eyes on the prize and I do too. #2- I thought him coming back to say thanks was definitely big sign of interest too. If he wasn't interested he just would've walked out without saying a word. I thought it was well played too. Super cute and a nice way of showing additional interest. #3- Funny you mention this point because a friend and I were talking about this tonight. Even single people can be unavailable for whatever reason. He could still be messing with an ex, or maybe doesn't have enough time in his schedule, or could've had a change of heart. Who knows. The formation of relationships is so fragile and tentative. So many variables have to line up even just to get things off the ground. So I'm aware I might not hear from him for whatever reason and won't take that personally. I'll be bummed but if it doesn't happen because he does seem promising but I would be okay with it because I want to date someone who wants to date me and is in the right place for it. 1
Allupinnit Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 I'm cringing a bit because I think he should have totally approached you himself. I know friends try to be funny and helpful but she put him on the spot and he didn't want to look like the @sshole so of course he went along with it. I would just always wonder about his interest, especially because you haven't heard from the guy yet. He doesn't have to "play it cool" because he didn't have to go looking for it, it served itself up, no reason for him to be nervous about you. Anyway - let us know if you hear from him. 4
Alpacalia Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 17 hours ago, Dis said: Well according to a lot of guys I've talked to, men like to wait a few days before they reach out. I'm okay with that. I get he wants to seem cool and not overeager. Or maybe he won't message at all. Who knows. Either way I'm enjoying my day and have a busy work week ahead of me. What will be will be! I suppose. I once met someone who contacted me within 30 minutes of meeting him after I left, and while this certainly exhibited interest, it got a bit kooky. Nonetheless, If he wants to call you, he’ll call you. And if he doesn't, in the pooper he goes! 1
poppyfields Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Allupinnit said: I'm cringing a bit because I think he should have totally approached you himself. I know friends try to be funny and helpful but she put him on the spot and he didn't want to look like the @sshole so of course he went along with it. I would just always wonder about his interest, especially because you haven't heard from the guy yet. He doesn't have to "play it cool" because he didn't have to go looking for it, it served itself up, no reason for him to be nervous about you. Anyway - let us know if you hear from him. Fair points! And now that I think more about it, this guy does sound a bit off Dis. I mean, I get the eye fukking, I did same with the guy I recently met (subject of my most recent thread). He approached me later when we all went for a walk... BUT this guy, waving you over? I dunno, who the hell does he think he is, the King of England sitting on his a$$ waving his "subject" over and giving you a "once over" approving of you? LOL I am half teasing, but that's sort of what it sounded like, hopefully I am reading the situation incorrectly! That said, he could be a very nice man, I hope he is! It just sounded a bit off to me, not sure I would have been impressed. But hell we all like different things and different styles and it sounds like you had a great conversation. So hopefully he will reach out soon and makes a date! Fingers crossed and let us know!! Edited June 28, 2021 by poppyfields
Author Dis Posted June 28, 2021 Author Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Allupinnit said: I'm cringing a bit because I think he should have totally approached you himself. I know friends try to be funny and helpful but she put him on the spot and he didn't want to look like the @sshole so of course he went along with it. I would just always wonder about his interest, especially because you haven't heard from the guy yet. He doesn't have to "play it cool" because he didn't have to go looking for it, it served itself up, no reason for him to be nervous about you. Anyway - let us know if you hear from him. Can always count on this one to put a negative spin on just about any topic Edited June 28, 2021 by Dis 2 1
Author Dis Posted June 28, 2021 Author Posted June 28, 2021 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Fair points! And now that I think more about it, this guy does sound a bit off Dis. I mean, I get the eye fukking, I did same with the guy I recently met (subject of my most recent thread). He approached me later when we all went for a walk... BUT this guy, waving you over? I dunno, who the hell does he think he is, the King of England sitting on his a$$ waving his "subject" over and giving you a "once over" approving of you? LOL I am half teasing, but that's sort of what it sounded like, hopefully I am reading the situation incorrectly! That said, he could be a very nice man, I hope he is! It just sounded a bit off to me, not sure I would have been impressed. But hell we all like different things and different styles and it sounds like you had a great conversation. So hopefully he will reach out soon and makes a date! Fingers crossed and let us know!! It was actually cute and he was very engaging when we talked. Asked me a lot of questions. Was warm and funny. And he came up to me too at the end of the night to say bye. I didn't feel like I did all the work at all. He lead the conversation and came up to show interest at the end of the night. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 7 minutes ago, Dis said: It was actually cute and he was very engaging when we talked. Asked me a lot of questions. Was warm and funny. And he came up to me too at the end of the night to say bye. I didn't feel like I did all the work at all. He lead the conversation and came up to show interest at the end of the night. It sounds playful and fun. 1
Author Dis Posted June 28, 2021 Author Posted June 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: It sounds playful and fun. It was and it felt good...nothing weird or one sided about it I had fun ☺ I get that he should probably text me but if he doesn't I'll probably shoot him one text because I don't have anything to lose....why not? He could be thinking the same as me. That I should text. I did walk away from the convo to go back to my friends. Who knows. All I know is it felt nice and genuine and if I never hear from him again, it's okay. I'm just a stubborn person and like to see things through. Anything can happen at this point ❤ 2
Allupinnit Posted June 28, 2021 Posted June 28, 2021 20 minutes ago, Dis said: Can always count on this one to put a negative spin on just about any topic It's called experience. Don't reach out to him. Please, he knows how to reach you. You have everyone here telling you the same thing, (in most of your threads) yet you blow through the well-meaning advice to your own detriment. If he's a tall, hot corrections officer trust me, he knows how to pick up the phone and get sh*t done. He didn't go seeking YOU out, remember that. I'm with @poppyfields - the image of you walking to his table all red-faced because he WAVED YOU OVER, a total stranger, like you were the help is just... I don't know. Now you want to text him, too! You thought it was cute but he and his buddies probably thought it was hilarious and slapped him on the back outside. You're already in the down position, and as the woman that is not favorable. He should reach out himself and ask you out, unless you want to make it even easier for this guy who likely has zero issues attracting women. I'm 42, married, and before that and I dated LOTS. You can call me a Negative Nancy but human nature is pretty much the same across the board, we just want to be the exception. 3
Recommended Posts