Am I crazy to think this?

[Britney25]

20 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

There is a variety of relationships between just for sex and committed. It's never all in, or all out. 

Plenty of people have casual relationships where they share intimicy, go eat together, offer the occasional gift and treat, but it's still casual as in there is no plan for the future, the relationship is limited to them spending time together, they don't mix with friends & family. 

That's the thing. I point blank asked him if he sees us as a casual couple. He said no. He said we are seeing where it goes. I'm only seeing you. I met his friend before but only once.

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

That's the thing. I point blank asked him if he sees us as a casual couple. He said no. He said we are seeing where it goes. I'm only seeing you. I met his friend before but only once.

I don't want to be a party pooper...why do I keep saying that and then being the party pooper anyway? So scratch that. Anyway, yes, that could be true. OTOH, he knows what you need to hear in order to be accessible to him...when he wants you to be. (That's the party pooper part.)

Not saying this has to be true, I'm just pointing out that lip service is just that. Lip service.

Also, he SAID that...but then you say he suddenly and significantly changed.

There's a saying: "when someone shows you who he is, believe him." That's something I take to heart when I'm getting a weird or off vibe about someone.

[CaliforniaGirl]

13 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I discussed if he sees us as casual. He says he doesn't but wants to see where this will lead to. What does that mean exactly? Marriage?

It means he's trying to tell you what you want to hear in order to be immediately accessible whenever he's ready, without his actually having to commit to saying "yes, I want this to last." That way you can't say later that he misled you.

I really don't get the vibe that this guy is thinking of marriage. He's moving farther from you emotionally, not closer.

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He says he doesn't but wants to see where this will lead to.

It seems you know it means play it by ear, see how it goes, etc. That's a fine answer for 4 mos. dating.  Kind of silly to keep rehashing that you are exclusive, no? 

It's odd to discuss all this when the issue you claimed you wanted to discuss was why he was pulling back, no?

But instead he sent  a schedule of when and why he's busy and can't see you yet all this circular talk about casual, exclusive, etc.

 

 

Edited July 7, 2021 by Wiseman2

[introverted1]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems you know it means play it by ear, see how it goes, etc. That's a fine answer for 4 mos. dating. 

I must be an outlier.  Any man I have dated has known if he was in love within 4 months.

Britney, have you guys discussed feelings for each other?

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I never said he is hard to get hold off. Whenever I ask to meet he tells me yes. What I said changed is he doesnt plan ahead to ask me out. It's usually last minute (day off) and if we do meet in the past 3 weeks we usually just end up in his home. He takes me out to a restaurant less now. That's what changed.

It sounds to me like, after four months, he is settling into the relationship.  You are boyfriend/girlfriend, there is no longer a need to "pursue" you with many of the standard dating rituals that occur in the early stages, like asking you out in advance for example.

I am going to reiterate what I posted earlier, best to say goodbye to this thread!

Go enjoy your boyfriend and your relationship!

What I see happening now is you feeling you need to defend your boyfriend and your RL, and when that happens it's time to say goodbye to the thread, you are not gaining anything positive from it from what I can see.

Have fun and enjoy!  Allow things to develop organically and naturally.  Take steps to squelch insecurities, and as I also mentioned earlier, get on Amazon.com and order some good books about relationships and the like.

I learned a TON from reading!

Wish you both the best and take care!

Peace and love.  xoxo

[Gaeta]

25 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

That's the thing. I point blank asked him if he sees us as a casual couple. He said no. He said we are seeing where it goes. I'm only seeing you. I met his friend before but only once.

Seeing where things go IS casual. 

This is a 40 year old man. I'd be ok if you get pregnant is something teen boys say. Men of 40 year old age, serious about dating will invite you to visit his parents in Utah. He brings you over to dinner to his friends. 

You said he has not met your parents because it's a cultural thing, he only gets to meet them before getting engaged or something. Then you said you have no problem introducing him to your parents. So your parents are ok to meet him or not? 

I think introducing the parents & friends is a great way to judge someone you're dating. When I ask the men I date around 4 months dating if they want to drive up to my parents for a long weekend and they say they'd love to....I know then they're in for more than casual. 

 

Edited July 7, 2021 by Gaeta

[glows]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

It sounds to me like, after four months, he is settling into the relationship.  You are boyfriend/girlfriend, there is no longer a need to "pursue" you with many of the standard dating rituals that occur in the early stages, like asking you out in advance for example.

I am going to reiterate what I posted earlier, best to say goodbye to this thread!

Go enjoy your boyfriend and your relationship!

What I see happening now is you feeling you need to defend your boyfriend and your RL, and when that happens it's time to say goodbye to the thread, you are not gaining anything positive from it from what I can see.

Have fun and enjoy!  Allow things to develop organically and naturally.  Take steps to squelch insecurities, and as I also mentioned earlier, get on Amazon.com and order some good books about relationships and the like.

I learned a TON from reading!

Wish you both the best and take care!

Peace and love.  xoxo

Couldn't agree more. 

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Seeing where things go IS casual. 

This is a 40 year old man. I'd be ok if you get pregnant is something teen boys say. Men of 40 year old age, serious about dating will invite you to visit his parents in Utah. He brings you over to dinner to his friends. 

You said he has not met your parents because it's a cultural thing, he only gets to meet them before getting engaged or something. Then you said you have no problem introducing him to your parents. So your parents are ok to meet him or not? 

I think introducing the parents & friends is a great way to judge someone you're dating. When I ask the men I date around 4 months dating if they want to drive up to my parents for a long weekend and they say they'd love to....I know then they're in for more than casual. 

 

He did tell me he is ok to meet them. So is he lieing as well?? Omg now im even more confused than before. I seriously dont know where his intentions are in the long run. He said he loves me. Said it during sex as well. What should of been a proper answer? Anything but seeing where things go?

[Britney25]

13 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I must be an outlier.  Any man I have dated has known if he was in love within 4 months.

Britney, have you guys discussed feelings for each other?

He told me he loves me. Said it 2 times now and during sex.

[Britney25]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems you know it means play it by ear, see how it goes, etc. That's a fine answer for 4 mos. dating.  Kind of silly to keep rehashing that you are exclusive, no? 

It's odd to discuss all this when the issue you claimed you wanted to discuss was why he was pulling back, no?

But instead he sent  a schedule of when and why he's busy and can't see you yet all this circular talk about casual, exclusive, etc.

 

 

 He also told me he likes spending time with me, loves our connection, is not seeing anyone else.

So he gave me a proper answer...seeing how it goes?

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

He did tell me he is ok to meet them. So is he lieing as well?? Omg now im even more confused than before. I seriously dont know where his intentions are in the long run. He said he loves me. Said it during sex as well. What should of been a proper answer? Anything but seeing where things go?

I feel this relationship needs to escalate to the next level. Wouldn't you like that? You could start by inviting him over for dinner to meet your parents. 

If he says he loves you, then *seeing where this goes* does not apply here. Usually ILY means I want a future with you, not right now, but walking together toward that same future. 

[Britney25]

25 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

It means he's trying to tell you what you want to hear in order to be immediately accessible whenever he's ready, without his actually having to commit to saying "yes, I want this to last." That way you can't say later that he misled you.

I really don't get the vibe that this guy is thinking of marriage. He's moving farther from you emotionally, not closer.

so what should have he said? anything but seeing where this goes? I thought it was a normal response based on 4 months only? I could be wrong as it seems I am wrong  about everything I thought I had with him. Ugh girl I am sooooo confused now. I dont know if hes telling me the truth anymore. When I believe everything he said during those 3 months my life was much easier.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He told me he loves me. Said it 2 times now and during sex.

Are you happy or unhappy with the outcome of your latest talks with him? Just curious, do you have a flip-phone? Why can you only text one sentence at a time? And the same sentence over and over?

6 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Said it during sex as well. 

 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

I feel this relationship needs to escalate to the next level. Wouldn't you like that? You could start by inviting him over for dinner to meet your parents. 

If he says he loves you, then *seeing where this goes* does not apply here. Usually ILY means I want a future with you, not right now, but walking together toward that same future. 

So he is still confused if he wants a future with me? Why the hell tell  me he loves me? I feel like love is meaningless nowadays. He told me he got divorced because his wife never gave him space. Kept tabs on him. He had to report on everywhere he was. WHy hes not home yet ect...

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you happy or unhappy with the outcome of your latest talks with him? Just curious, do you have a flip-phone? Why can you only text one sentence at a time? And the same sentence over and over?

 

No I dont have a flip phone and I am still on the fence because I dont know anymore if he is telling me the truth. He says he loves me but said we are seeing where this goes?

Edited July 7, 2021 by Britney25

[Britney25]

OMG . It just clicked for me! He added we are seeing were this goes. That screams casual!!!!!!!! tell me Im wrong?

[CaliforniaGirl]

28 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I must be an outlier.  Any man I have dated has known if he was in love within 4 months.

 

Me too.

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

so what should have he said? anything but seeing where this goes? I thought it was a normal response based on 4 months only? I could be wrong as it seems I am wrong  about everything I thought I had with him. Ugh girl I am sooooo confused now. I dont know if hes telling me the truth anymore. When I believe everything he said during those 3 months my life was much easier.

Brittany again, STOP.  There is no need for you defend your boyfriend or your relationship, this is getting ridiculous.

Many of these same posters who criticize your boyfriend and relationship are only too aware of all the criticism they receive re their choices, which they don't appreciate, so frankly it's a bit troubling to see them doing the same to you.

As I said, your boyfriend has settled in.  This is a good thing, it means he's comfortable, but still making effort and providing the attention you need.

It's only been FOUR MONTHS, of course he wants to see "where this will go," it does NOT mean it's casual, it's realistic!

Work on your insecurities and anxieties, become more independent, make new friends, new hobbies, and I guarantee you will feel much better, and so will your boyfriend.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

7 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So he is still confused if he wants a future with me? Why the hell tell  me he loves me? I feel like love is meaningless nowadays. He told me he got divorced because his wife never gave him space. Kept tabs on him. He had to report on everywhere he was. WHy hes not home yet ect...

Does it matter? You’re not getting what you want anymore. 

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Brittany again, STOP.  There is no need for you defend your boyfriend or your relationship, this is getting ridiculous.

Many of these same posters who criticize your boyfriend and relationship are only too aware of all the criticism they receive re their choices, which they don't appreciate, so frankly it's a bit troubling to see them doing the same to you.

As I said, your boyfriend has settled in.  This is a good thing, it means he's comfortable, but still making effort and providing the attention you need.

It's only been FOUR MONTHS, of course he wants to see "where this will go," it does NOT mean it's casual, it's realistic!

Work on your insecurities and anxieties, become more independent, make new friends, new hobbies, and I guarantee you will feel much better, and so will your boyfriend.

 

THank you Poppy. Everyone on here is giving me anxiety.

[glows]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

THank you Poppy. Everyone on here is giving me anxiety.

I don't know how you lasted 32 pages. Go on and enjoy what you both have. If it's not working out, you'll know it's not working and end it. Trust your instincts. 

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He says he loves me but said we are seeing where this goes?

That's fine. He's being honest. He cares for you, obviously and 16 weeks dating is too soon to map out a future .

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's fine. It has nothing to do with a formal sit down dinner with a meet the parents situation.

The entire holiday weekend her parents were away and still, he was not allowed near her house, no less invited over. That, yes is odd.

If I were the one in that situation, I wouldn't bring him to my parents' house in their absence. You see, it would be their house, not mine. It's not that strange, I assure you.

He would have met my siblings, so he would be known to people who were close to me. But my parents and their home would be a whole different ballgame. 

I think this doesn't have to be a problem, though. If two people care about each other and are willing to make the effort and communicate about the things that concern them, they can find some kind of middle-ground that allows them to address their cultural differences and meet each other's emotional needs.

I see the fact that they haven't spoken about their health histories with each other as a sign that they're not that close yet. They still have a distance to go where emotional intimacy is concerned.

[elaine567]

18 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

As I said, your boyfriend has settled in.  This is a good thing, it means he's comfortable,

It means he is comfortable NOT seeing her...
In the past month he makes no plans to see her, he decides to spend the 4th July with a friend and he sends her a schedule that is already full. 
Yes, it all sounds like great fun...  
Now he has uttered the famous "casual" line - "Let's just see where this goes..."