Am I crazy to think this?

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said:

Well, not sure to make of these last developments. He could have a legitimate reason for his actions but it is strange that he hasn't seen you for so long.

Agree. This seem to be the goal. Enough nonsense so she pulls the plug rather than him having to do it.

Sort of consistent with that schedule text. As well as all the other passive-aggressive texts and actions.

He's using the "invitation to leave" approach to tiptoe out of this. 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Well she wrote this less than a couple of weeks ago:

>>"We dont live together,  that's another thing. Why isnt he asking me to move in yet? Is it still too early? 4 months? "

But now she says it's too early to introduce him to her parents?   

I get he's not treating her the way she needs, but then why question why he is not asking her to move in?

Seems like a contradiction.

Anyway, nuff said from me and hope it works out the way you hope Brit.

 

In my mind if we lived together that would mean he is serious about me. That's all.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. This seem to be the goal. Enough nonsense so she pulls the plug rather than him having to do it. Sort of consistent with that schedule text. he's using the "invitation to leave" approach to tiptoe out of this.

Ok but what if he texts back with a plan to meet?

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Well she wrote this less than two of weeks ago:

>>"We dont live together,  that's another thing. Why isnt he asking me to move in yet? Is it still too early? 4 months? "

But now she asserts it's too early to introduce him to her parents?   

I get he's not treating her the way she needs, but then why question why he is not asking her to move in?

Seems like a contradiction.

Anyway, nuff said from me and hope it works out the way you hope Brit.

 

Okay...it doesn't seem to be a contradiction to me. She was literally saying she didn't know if it was too soon (so...she wasn't assuming this should be happening). She also followed up saying her friend said this to her. It wasn't even her idea. So I'm not seeing "offended and hurt."

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

In my mind if we lived together that would mean he is serious about me. That's all.

Fair enough.  Playing devil's advocate, perhaps in HIS mind if you introduced him to your parents, that would mean YOU were serious.

Again, I am not defending him, I have no idea what's going on with him but he sounds unhappy otherwise none of this would be happening.

He may feel frustrated, OR hurt, who knows.

I agree with others he is waiting for you to pull the plug so he doesn't have to be the "bad guy" and feel guilty, but that's only a guess.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 6, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

Ok but what if he texts back with a plan to meet?

You'll agree. He'll pick you up,  you'll go out on a date, have sex and you'll go home.  Then you'll be upset again and post one sentence at a time about it.

[elaine567]

The not introducing to the parents is a distraction tactic.
What guy is in such a hurry to meet the parents? It is a nonsense accusation to divert the attention away from why he is never initiating and why he is not planning to see Britney any time soon... What actually is his schedule full of 24/7?
 

[AnnieB]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Ok but what if he texts back with a plan to meet?

He probably will and then something will come up and he will have to cancel. This guy has been breadcrumbing you for the last two weeks, out of 16 weeks of dating, that is 12.5% percent of the entire relationship:) 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, AnnieB said:

He probably will and then something will come up and he will have to cancel. This guy has been breadcrumbing you for the last two weeks, out of 16 weeks of dating, that is 12.5% percent of the entire relationship:) 

I never said he canceled a date yet. He never had. I said lately I asked to meet him. In the past 2 weeks he only planned 2 dates and the rest I did.

[CaliforniaGirl]

7 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Ok but what if he texts back with a plan to meet?

IMO, you need to stop asking us what to do. You're asking for step-by-step "moves" to every single email or talk. To me this says you're trying to play some sort of game (hate to put it that way) in order to "do all the right things" with the goal of changing him back into who he seemed to be before. It is up to *you* what you say and do next. You can twist like this forever or you can say "that's enough" and walk. You almost 100% certainly can't change him to be and do what you want. JMO.

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

The not introducing to the parents is a distraction tactic.
 

Wholeheartedly agree.  I was only trying to make the point that Brit's thought process re moving in was confusing, that's all.

Anyway, I really have to go Brit, but I will be checking in and wish you the best, whatever happens.

 

Edited July 6, 2021 by poppyfields

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

The not introducing to the parents is a distraction tactic.
What guy is in such a hurry to meet the parents? It is a nonsense accusation to divert the attention away from why he is never initiating and why he is not planning to see Britney any time soon... What actually is his schedule full of 24/7?
 

Or does he really want to come inside my house. I just dont get why he is so hanged up about that. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

IMO, you need to stop asking us what to do. You're asking for step-by-step "moves" to every single email or talk. To me this says you're trying to play some sort of game (hate to put it that way) in order to "do all the right things" with the goal of changing him back into who he seemed to be before. It is up to *you* what you say and do next. You can twist like this forever or you can say "that's enough" and walk. You almost 100% certainly can't change him to be and do what you want. JMO.

Ok ok I know it seems like that. I'm going to stop and do what I plan to do.

Thanks

[glows]

Were you expecting this to be something more serious, Britney? Agree with the previous comments about asking yourself what you want out of a relationship. If he's not it, don't keep putting yourself through this.

[AnnieB]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

I never said he canceled a date yet. He never had. I said lately I asked to meet him. In the past 2 weeks he only planned 2 dates and the rest I did.

Fair enough. Then just make the plans for Friday night and Saturday and text him the plans. Case closed. 

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You'll agree. He'll pick you up,  you'll go out on a date, have sex and you'll go home.  Then you'll be upset again and post one sentence at a time about it.

But I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think what I need to do is if he does plan a date,  I agree, but we have no sex. Everytime we see each other it always ends up with sex because I cant control the chemistry we have.

[Britney25]

Just now, AnnieB said:

Fair enough. Then just make the plans for Friday night and Saturday and text him the plans. Case closed. 

But that's not what I want. I want him to plan the dates. 

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, glows said:

Were you expecting this to be something more serious, Britney? Agree with the previous comments about asking yourself what you want out of a relationship. If he's not it, don't keep putting yourself through this.

He said yesterday that he is treating our relationship seriously not casually and is surprised I even think that. 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Britney25

[CaliforniaGirl]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. This seem to be the goal. Enough nonsense so she pulls the plug rather than him having to do it.

Sort of consistent with that schedule text. As well as all the other passive-aggressive texts and actions.

He's using the "invitation to leave" approach to tiptoe out of this. 

Ugh, hadn't even considered this...but yeah, maybe. I had a guy once do this. He kept doing jerkier and jerkier things until I said to him, "I am wondering whether we should move forward at this point with this relationship." He finally said "I think you want to break up but you just don't have the guts to do it." I was like, holy hell. So I said, "All right, I have the guts. Let's break up."

He came back a couple months later (guess the grass wasn't greener? My suspicion was that he was checking out other women online) and continued to harass me every so often that I "still liked (him)" ("liked"? The man was 40) and that I was obviously playing hard-to-get but that we may as well be true to our feelings and just get back together.

I continued to say no all the way up to "I'm engaged. Don't call me again." (I had been telling him that I was seeing someone and he kept ha-ha-ing that, intimating that I was just playing some sort of game or something, hard-to-get.) And he still did, LOL! In fact, the very last time he called me I said "tomorrow I go on maternity leave." 

I finally never heard from him again.

Sorry, Brit, I know this isn't about me. Just breaking up the thread a little with a horrifying trip down memory lane.

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

But I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think what I need to do is if he does plan a date,  I agree, but we have no sex. Everytime we see each other it always ends up with sex because I cant control the chemistry we have.

OMG Britney!!!!

There are definitely going to be 50 more pages to come on this thread.

[AnnieB]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

But that's not what I want. I want him to plan the dates. 

He is not going to. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, AnnieB said:

He is not going to. 

Was just going to say this. 

[stillafool]

23 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

In my mind if we lived together that would mean he is serious about me. That's all.

So you won't introduce him to your parents until you two move in together?

[glows]

Just now, Britney25 said:

He said yesterday that he is treating our relationship seriously not casually and is surprised I even think that. 

If you'd like something more than fwb I don't think this person is for you. At the moment the chemistry and sex is good but that's about it. Not certain why you'd want anything more out of this man. 

Start dating and seeing other people. Why not busy your schedule for a change?

[poppyfields]

 

15 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

But I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think what I need to do is if he does plan a date,  I agree, but we have no sex. Everytime we see each other it always ends up with sex because I cant control the chemistry we have.

Shoot, returning to say this^ is very telling.  I read on a men's forum very recently (like last week) that some men believe the BEST relationships are when the woman feels anxious, insecure and off balance.  

Reason being, when the woman is anxious and off balance, the sex is hotter, SHE is doing most if not all of the chasing, and he gets to relax feeling like GOD or a King.

You can't make this stuff up, this is what I read and other men agreed!  They even used the word "God" to describe how they feel.

I can't say that is what HE is doing but the dynamic you've created here Brit, is that he treats you less than what you need and feel you deserve, yet you will still chase him down, and have hot sex because you cannot control the "chemistry."

Yes, I would say he's got you EXACTLY where he wants you, and until you STOP rewarding bad behavior by chasing and giving him what may be the best sex of his life, I don't envision anything changing.

Edited July 6, 2021 by poppyfields