Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea. What’s the motive in ignoring him today? Gonna be tricky to have healthy relationships with unhealthy communication skills/emotional reticence/reluctance to have a simple conversation with your significant other, even if your just dumping him. His interest might be waning due to this. I know I lose interest at the first sign of games or passive aggressiveness. How am I reluctant to have a convo with him? Today is not the time anyway. What's the problem with me texting him tomorrow to meet? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 It’s not a problem, just seems pointless, is all. But if that’s what you’re gonna do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't invite yourself over because you're off from work, have no plans, bored, lonely, angry, etc. to confront him. Idle hands are the devils tools and making no plans, not seeing friends is a huge mistake. Also "thinking of you" requires no answer. Kind of weird...like you send a grandmother or a sympathy card<- same with sending food. Simply do not communicate at all until he texts something decent/substantial. What if I get a good morning text from him. Should I reply to that? I mean I have to in order to meet. Or should I just text him today about meeting tomorrow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: It’s not a problem, just seems pointless, is all. But if that’s what you’re gonna do. Ok so I should text him about meeting him tomorrow TODAY? Ok well maybe you are right and I should... Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) Just my $.02 but the ideal response to him today would be something like, "thanks babe, I'm off to a barbecue with some friends, hope you're having a good one, chats with ya later!! xo" Let him know, he may need to know, you have a life without him! He may feel you are becoming too dependent on him for your happiness, which to me, reading your posts, you are. And it's turning him off as it would turn most people off unless they are co-dependent which is definitely unhealthy. You have the power to flip the script, change the dynamic, but that would require you taking steps to make friends, getting BUSY, and becoming more independent. Again just my take, up to you, again good luck. Edited July 4, 2021 by poppyfields 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Just my $.02 but the ideal response to him today would be something like, "thanks babe, I'm off to a barbecue with some friends, hope you're having a good one, chats with ya later!! xo" Let him know, he may need to know, you have a life without him! He may feel you are becoming too dependent on him for your happiness, which to me, reading your posts, you are. And it's turning him off as it would turn most people off unless they are co-dependent which is definitely unhealthy. You have the power to flip the script, change the dynamic, but that would require you taking steps to make friends, getting BUSY, and becoming more independent. Again just my take, up to you, again good luck. Yeah I'm going to do that! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Just my $.02 but the ideal response to him today would be something like, "thanks babe, I'm off to a barbecue with some friends, hope you're having a good one, chats with ya later!! xo" Let him know, he may need to know, you have a life without him! He may feel you are becoming too dependent on him for your happiness, which to me, reading your posts, you are. And it's turning him off as it would turn most people off unless they are co-dependent which is definitely unhealthy. You have the power to flip the script, change the dynamic, but that would require you taking steps to make friends, getting BUSY, and becoming more independent. Again just my take, up to you, again good luck. Btw if he does text me tomorrow good morning and nothing else. Do I suggest to meet myself? Or just follow his lead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 13 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Just my $.02 but the ideal response to him today would be something like, "thanks babe, I'm off to a barbecue with some friends, hope you're having a good one, chats with ya later!! xo" Let him know, he may need to know, you have a life without him! He may feel you are becoming too dependent on him for your happiness, which to me, reading your posts, you are. And it's turning him off as it would turn most people off unless they are co-dependent which is definitely unhealthy. You have the power to flip the script, change the dynamic, but that would require you taking steps to make friends, getting BUSY, and becoming more independent. Again just my take, up to you, again good luck. He answered back "OK my love" is that a good reply??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 Just now, Cookiesandough said: 🤦🏻♀️ Why that emoji. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Btw if he does text me tomorrow good morning and nothing else. Do I suggest to meet myself? Or just follow his lead. Forget "the talk" and begin changing this unhealthy dynamic wherein you rely on him too much for your happiness and validation ... to one wherein you are independent, have a full, busy life and have achieved internal validation.. If you are not there, apply the "as if" approach, you'll get there eventually. IF he still has feelings for you, you will have this guy begging for YOUR attention. Which isn't healthy either, best to find the right balance. But for goodness sake, forget all these "talks" they're draining and will turn him off...😳 Edited July 4, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: 🤦🏻♀️ Btw if that's you in your avatar then you are very pretty. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Forget "the talk" and begin changing this unhealthy dynamic wherein you rely on him too much for your happiness and validation ... to one wherein you are independent, have a full, busy life and have achieved internal validation.. If you are not there, apply the "as if" approach, you'll get there eventually. IF he still has feelings for you, you will have this guy begging for YOUR attention. Which isnt healthy either, best to find the right balance. But for goodness sake, forget these "talks" they're draining and will turn him off... He reply to the text I sent with OK my Love. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Forget "the talk" and begin changing this unhealthy dynamic wherein you rely on him too much for your happiness and validation ... to one wherein you are independent, have a full, busy life and have achieved internal validation.. If you are not there, apply the "as if" approach, you'll get there eventually. IF he still has feelings for you, you will have this guy begging for YOUR attention. Which isnt healthy either, best to find the right balance. But for goodness sake, forget these "talks" they're draining and will turn him off... Yes but not talking about it , he won't change then. I have the right to ask him how many times a week he thinks we should be seeing each other for example. I dont like too much space. I am not asking to meet everyday but I never know if were going to meet twice a week or not. Edited July 4, 2021 by Britney25 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yes but not talking about it , he won't change then. I have the right to ask him how many times a week he thinks we should be seeing each other for example. No amount of "talking" will change anything, it only adds unnecessary pressure. Your behavior however might change things. Like I said, become more independent, make new friends, take a class, work out, get busy! Show him through your actions you do not need him to be whole and complete. Forget the talks, he will not appreciate, he will feel pressured and turned off, nothing will change. Watch some Esther Perel videos, read books on interpersonal relationships, learn what attracts men and holds them, keeps them moving towards you versus running away from you, like this guy is doing. Edited July 4, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: No amount of "talking" will change anything, it only adds unnecessary pressure. Your behavior however might change things. Like I said, become more independent, make new friends, take a class, work out, get busy! Show him through your actions you do not need him to be whole and complete. Forget the talks, he will not appreciate, he will feel pressured and turned off, nothing will change. Watch some Esther Perel videos, read books on interpersonal relationships, learn what attracts men and holds them, keeps them moving towards you versus running away from you, like this guy is doing. He texted back ok love. Nothing about meeting tomorrow or otherwise. What are your thoughts on his reply? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 4, 2021 Author Share Posted July 4, 2021 6 minutes ago, poppyfields said: No amount of "talking" will change anything, it only adds unnecessary pressure. Your behavior however might change things. Like I said, become more independent, make new friends, take a class, work out, get busy! Show him through your actions you do not need him to be whole and complete. Forget the talks, he will not appreciate, he will feel pressured and turned off, nothing will change. Watch some Esther Perel videos, read books on interpersonal relationships, learn what attracts men and holds them, keeps them moving towards you versus running away from you, like this guy is doing. Btw how am I to do this? Say no when he asks me out? Never initiate a text just reply? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Btw how am I to do this? Say no when he asks me out? Never initiate a text just reply? Brit, sorry this is too much, the help and guidance you need goes beyond anything I (or anyone on this forum) can help you with, imo. Take all our advice, and do what YOU think is best. And let chips fall where they may which means talk to him if you like, in your own words. If he feels pressured, turned off, so be. Learn from your experiences, both good and bad. That's the best way to learn actually. Gotta run, all the best, hope it works out. Edited July 5, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Share Posted July 5, 2021 14 minutes ago, poppyfields said: No amount of "talking" will change anything, it only adds unnecessary pressure. Your behavior however might change things. Like I said, become more independent, make new friends, take a class, work out, get busy! Show him through your actions you do not need him to be whole and complete. Forget the talks, he will not appreciate, he will feel pressured and turned off, nothing will change. Watch some Esther Perel videos, read books on interpersonal relationships, learn what attracts men and holds them, keeps them moving towards you versus running away from you, like this guy is doing. Also I don't quite understand this dynamic as he is supposed to be my boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 24 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Why that emoji. Lol You just texted your bf a lie. It seems like total game playing haha. Healthy, happy rships don’t go that way from what I’ve observed . Go out and have a good time with the remainder of the 4th for you!. He either likes you for you or doesn’t. So what happened. He said OK because either he doesn’t care or he still does not think anything is wrong bc you haven’t told him. ?!?!Meanwhile, your resentment grows… Also thank you btw 😊 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 33 minutes ago, Britney25 said: He answered back "OK my love" is that a good reply??? What did you text him? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) Agree with @Cookiesandoughto NOT play games, but rather work on becoming whole and complete so it's not a game but rather, the REAL you. And BTW, I did not mean to text him that literally, it was an example of showing him you have a life without him and do not need him to complete you or for you to be happy. That is very unhealthy imho.. Edited July 5, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 16 minutes ago, Britney25 said: He texted back ok love. Nothing about meeting tomorrow or otherwise. What are your thoughts on his reply? I thought you were going to TELL him you want to meet and talk tomorrow. What did you say in your text to him? He could very well put you off again tomorrow if you didn't make it clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Share Posted July 5, 2021 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: What did you text him? I texted him thanks babe, im going out with friends for a BBQ, hope you're having a good one. Talk to you later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Share Posted July 5, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Agree with @Cookiesandoughto NOT play games, but rather work on becoming whole and complete so it's not a game but rather, the real you. And BTW, I did not mean to text him that literally, it was an example of showing him you have a life without him and do not need him to complete you or for you to be happy. I did text him that thou lol . He replied ok love Link to post Share on other sites
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