Am I crazy to think this?

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

This is the BIG question.  Was this friend a dude?

He claims it was a dude.

[Hopeful30]

9 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

It's disrespectful to me isn't it. How should I start the convo with him when I see him? What wording should I use?

Tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him how you feel about what went down, and wondering if he feels the same or has other expectations for this relationship. 

[Miss Spider]

Yep & do it calmly & in person 

Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Tinyjaguar]

Britney, glad to hear you are feeling better.

The best way to approach this is to have it clear in your mind what you want to say. Try writing it down and reading and editing until it feels right. Then commit the major points to memory.

It should cover what you want and shouldn't focus on grievances except where relevant to your future needs. Also, although it shouldn't be the central focus, you need to mention boundaries and pace and direction. The central question needs to be, does he want to be your boyfriend and how he needs to fulfill that role.

You need to lead the conversation, although temptation to "attack" him should be avoided. You don't want to put him on the defensive because then he could close up. It is more a case of inviting him to your relationship than a ticking off.

Hopefully, by the end, you will have a clear idea of what he is prepared to offer against what you want.

There is no right way to run a relationship, but knowing what you both want is a very good start.

[Miss Spider]

I think what I would do instead of asking him what he wants is just to state what you need out of the relationship. Like “I wanted to spend the 4th of July together” l* try all avoiding accusatory language* and also be prepared for him to be like “ I’m sorry I didn’t know that it was important to you “ excuses then watch if he steps up to the plate after you have open communication with him. Communication is super important in relationships and meeting each other halfway. Be prepared that he just isn’t all in and that you will have to walk away

Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Britney25]

15 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said:

Britney, glad to hear you are feeling better.

The best way to approach this is to have it clear in your mind what you want to say. Try writing it down and reading and editing until it feels right. Then commit the major points to memory.

It should cover what you want and shouldn't focus on grievances except where relevant to your future needs. Also, although it shouldn't be the central focus, you need to mention boundaries and pace and direction. The central question needs to be, does he want to be your boyfriend and how he needs to fulfill that role.

You need to lead the conversation, although temptation to "attack" him should be avoided. You don't want to put him on the defensive because then he could close up. It is more a case of inviting him to your relationship than a ticking off.

Hopefully, by the end, you will have a clear idea of what he is prepared to offer against what you want.

There is no right way to run a relationship, but knowing what you both want is a very good start.

So tell me how to ask?? Because I'm stupid. What he feels about us? Is he happy in our relationship?

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think what I would do instead of asking him what he wants is just to state what you need out of the relationship. Like “I wanted to spend the 4th of July together” l* try all avoiding accusatory language* and also be prepared for him to be like “ I’m sorry I didn’t know that it was important to you “ excuses then watch if he steps up to the plate after you have open communication with him. Communication is super important in relationships and meeting each other halfway. Be prepared that he just isn’t all in and that you will have to walk away

But it's not just the 4th of July. Its other things as well. We dont see each other often. We only saw each other Tuesday and then Friday. Saturday he only texted good morning and then stayed mia. Today didnt ask to spend time together and not sure about tomorrow even. I never know when I'm meeting him. 

[Miss Spider]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

But it's not just the 4th of July. Its other things as well. We dont see each other often. We only saw each other Tuesday and then Friday. Saturday he only texted good morning and then stayed mia. Today didnt ask to spend time together and not sure about tomorrow even. I never know when I'm meeting him. 

Yes, sorry that was just one example. But you need to go through all of the things that you want out of it. So tell him that. “I feel like we don’t see each other often enough. We only saw each other Tuesday and Friday, with a short text Saturday, and that isn’t enough for me. ” I think it should be in your own words. You’re not stupid. You just seem very low in self esteem/confidence.

[Britney25]

17 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think what I would do instead of asking him what he wants is just to state what you need out of the relationship. Like “I wanted to spend the 4th of July together” l* try all avoiding accusatory language* and also be prepared for him to be like “ I’m sorry I didn’t know that it was important to you “ excuses then watch if he steps up to the plate after you have open communication with him. Communication is super important in relationships and meeting each other halfway. Be prepared that he just isn’t all in and that you will have to walk away

He just texted thinking of you baby.

What the hell??! Should Ignore. 

[Britney25]

28 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said:

Britney, glad to hear you are feeling better.

The best way to approach this is to have it clear in your mind what you want to say. Try writing it down and reading and editing until it feels right. Then commit the major points to memory.

It should cover what you want and shouldn't focus on grievances except where relevant to your future needs. Also, although it shouldn't be the central focus, you need to mention boundaries and pace and direction. The central question needs to be, does he want to be your boyfriend and how he needs to fulfill that role.

You need to lead the conversation, although temptation to "attack" him should be avoided. You don't want to put him on the defensive because then he could close up. It is more a case of inviting him to your relationship than a ticking off.

Hopefully, by the end, you will have a clear idea of what he is prepared to offer against what you want.

There is no right way to run a relationship, but knowing what you both want is a very good start.

He just texted thinking of you baby

[stillafool]

Well since it's after 5PM ET why hasn't he asked to see you?  He has tomorrow off doesn't he?  No, I wouldn't reply back at this point and time. You need to sit down and write out the things you want to say to him and the questions you need answered.

[Britney25]

37 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said:

Tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him how you feel about what went down, and wondering if he feels the same or has other expectations for this relationship. 

He texted thinking of you baby. What the hell? Why?

[Tinyjaguar]

12 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So tell me how to ask?? Because I'm stupid. What he feels about us? Is he happy in our relationship?

OK, you need to have more confidence.

You could start with how you want a long term future and want to know where the relationship is going. Also how you want to see him more and that you feel that some of the recent communications have been misunderstood and has lead to this situation.

Honestly, write it all down and read it, then rewrite it until you feel you have covered everything. When I had some personal trouble, I started writing about my feelings and it really helped.

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well since it's after 5PM ET why hasn't he asked to see you?  He has tomorrow off doesn't he?  No, I wouldn't reply back at this point and time. You need to sit down and write out the things you want to say to him and the questions you need answered.

Exactly I will ignore him. He should ask me out or ask about tomorrow...not thinking of you text as if we are 5 hrs away from each other. He's playing games.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He texted thinking of you baby. 

Does he generally treat you in a way that implies he thinks you're a fool?

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said:

OK, you need to have more confidence.

You could start with how you want a long term future and want to know where the relationship is going. Also how you want to see him more and that you feel that some of the recent communications have been misunderstood and has lead to this situation.

Honestly, write it all down and read it, then rewrite it until you feel you have covered everything. When I had some personal trouble, I started writing about my feelings and it really helped.

Thank you.

He just texted thinking of you baby. Why only this? He should be asking me out about tomorrow.  

[Britney25]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Does he generally treat you in a way that implies he thinks you're a fool?

Never got that vibe from him no.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Does he generally treat you in a way that implies he thinks you're a fool?

I mean why would he text me thinking of you when I am 10mins from him and he's with a friend not me. He is playing me.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Britney25 said:

No after his trip we still saw each other. 

Not really Britney according to these:

On 6/27/2021 at 8:40 PM, Britney25 said:

Fling?! He asked me to be exclusive.  He told me I love you. He made plans for future even talking about children. I am his girlfriend so I have a right to know when I will see him next.

 

On 6/28/2021 at 2:53 PM, Britney25 said:

Today he texted thinking of you. How much can he text me this without making plans?? It has been 6 days we havent seen each other. Yes he was traveling for 3 days but still. Is this normal? We live only 10 mins away from each other. 

 

On 6/28/2021 at 2:54 PM, Britney25 said:

I'm trying to calm down but he never behaved like this. Our meetings were never up in the air like it is now. I dont get it. Why tell me hes back Sunday when he didnt feel like meeting me. Today didnt text me about plans either. 

 

On 6/28/2021 at 2:59 PM, Britney25 said:

Ok forget about me moving in. 

I'm talking about why he's texting me things like thinking of you and nothing else. 6 days we havent seen each other. He was traveling for 3 days, kept in contact yes. Came back yesterday,  texted hes home and tired, goodnight. Today he texted thibking about you from work and nothing else. I dont understand why he's not making plans to see me. I'm not going to initiate because I already asked him yesterday about meeting and he told me maybe Monday but for sure soon. Like wtf does that mean?

 

[Miss Spider]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I mean why would he text me thinking of you when I am 10mins from him and he's with a friend not me. He is playing me.

Yes I agree that he probably is. But are you going to put your foot down about it and have a mature conversation or are you going to just keep playing into his games? People are more inclined to respect those who  respecttmselves 

Edited July 4, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Not really Britney according to these:

 

 

 

 

Yeah meant we saw each other Tuesday and Friday after he apologized for that vague text he sent me.

[Tinyjaguar]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Thank you.

He just texted thinking of you baby. Why only this? He should be asking me out about tomorrow.  

This is the problem, he is being noncommittal because he thinks it's OK with you, when, from reading the above, it is clearly not. He needs to know what he is doing is not enough.

[Britney25]

Just now, Cookiesandough said:

Yes I agree that he probably is. But are you going to put your foot down about it and have a mature conversation or are you going to just keep playing into his games? People are more inclined to respect those who demand respect

Of course I want to be respected because I have genuine feelings for him. Ok I will ignore this text and tomorrow I will ask to meet and see what happens. Yes the day off.

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Thank you.

He just texted thinking of you baby. Why only this? He should be asking me out about tomorrow.  

It sounds like he's keeping you on the back burner and giving just enough (a text here and there following an egg mcmuffin) to keep you on the hook.

[Britney25]

Just now, Tinyjaguar said:

This is the problem, he is being noncommittal because he thinks it's OK with you, when, from reading the above, it is clearly not. He needs to know what he is doing is not enough.

What do you mean noncommittal?