Am I crazy to think this?

[Britney25]

Yeah he kept saying the first 2 months he cant stop thinking about me while at work.

[Britney25]

He also said that mixing his Gene's and mine what intelligent kids we would have. He was so obsessed with talking about children with me at the beginning. 

[Miss Spider]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Weren't you engaged to your last ex though last year?  I read that in one of your threads. 

You said he also talked about marriage and babies within the first couple of months, how did you handle that?

Maybe your story might help Brit. 

Yea briefly. I don’t think the circumstance was the same as Brits Bc I wasn’t the one who suggested that stuff,  I just agreed with it at the time until I realized how crazy it was and broke it off .
 

I think this guy might have been “lovebombing” her 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

Also he didn’t say I’d look good pregnant or anything weird like that, just kept talking about  he wanted kids and soon as his bio clock was ticking . This guy was being way weirder about it 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yea briefly. I don’t think the circumstance was the same as Brits Bc I wasn’t the one who suggested that stuff,  I just agreed with it at the time until I realized how crazy it was and broke it off .
 

I think this guy might have been “lovebombing” her 

Oh ok thanks for clarifying.

I don't think Brit was the first to bring it up either, like you she agreed with it, positively responded to it, I could be wrong. 

Difference is, you broke it off, she didn't, she took it all seriously and then CRASH.

Agree he was definitely lovebombing her!  That's my understanding of it - he was infatuated, his head was up in the clouds, he wasn't thinking clearly.  And he had no filter!  

Not all that uncommon, I've had guys propose marriage on the first date and they were serious!  Lol

Infatuation, sex hormones and high levels of  testosterone (same thing?) can do some strange things to guys sometimes.😳

Have fun with it, but dont take it seriously.  Stay grounded. 

@Britney25live and learn, hope you enjoy the book!  

[Miss Spider]

Oh sorry… I thought it meant I was lovebombing my ex. Yea i didn’t go through with it but we were actually engaged and I was planning a wedding out with his mom ,.. also living together, spending every day together and stuff…. It was a bit deeper than this even though we’d only been together 1/2 a year. I don’t know how it would have played out with my ex but I think this guy was playing her. Just the stuff he said and how he acted. it’s a diff scenario 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

Also I  want to clarify it’s my opinion that it’s not the timeframe that matters much. We’ve all heard of some weird cases of people getting married within days/weeks/months or got pregnant early on and stayed together. I would never do that but for some people they know . To me, this was least of all a time frame issue. It was everything that everything about the scenario and this guy was wrong 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh sorry… I thought it meant I was lovebombing my ex. Yea i didn’t go through with it but we were actually engaged and I was planning a wedding out with his mom ,.. also living together, spending every day together and stuff…. It was a bit deeper than this even though we’d only been together 1/2 a year. I don’t know how it would have played out with my ex but I think this guy was playing her. Just the stuff he said and how he acted. it’s a diff scenario 

No worries cookies, I understand now.

Not sure he 'intentionally' played her, but who the hell knows. 

Might be better if she thought he did though, she might move on faster.

Onwards and upwards! 

 

Edited July 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

My impression is that he was… just my conjecture though since we are all just guessing here. I am basing this on what Brit has said about this guy. The words he uses is typical player verbiage… “I want to get you pregnant, baby momma” type stuff.  no hesitancy or self consciousness about how she’d feel about it.   Also other things he has said/done throughout this. . How up until the end he was saying “miss you baby girl” and all this other stuff when he knew that he was over it. That is player stuff. Done it 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Britney25]

24 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Oh ok thanks for clarifying.

I don't think Brit was the first to bring it up either, like you she agreed with it, positively responded to it, I could be wrong. 

Difference is, you broke it off, she didn't, she took it all seriously and then CRASH.

Agree he was definitely lovebombing her!  That's my understanding of it - he was infatuated, his head was up in the clouds, he wasn't thinking clearly.  And he had no filter!  

Not all that uncommon, I've had guys propose marriage on the first date and they were serious!  Lol

Infatuation, sex hormones and high levels of  testosterone (same thing?) can do some strange things to guys sometimes.😳

Have fun with it, but dont take it seriously.  Stay grounded. 

@Britney25live and learn, hope you enjoy the book!  

Yes you're correct.  I didn't break it off and I allowed it. 

Yes I learned the hard way.

Thank you!

[Britney25]

21 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh sorry… I thought it meant I was lovebombing my ex. Yea i didn’t go through with it but we were actually engaged and I was planning a wedding out with his mom ,.. also living together, spending every day together and stuff…. It was a bit deeper than this even though we’d only been together 1/2 a year. I don’t know how it would have played out with my ex but I think this guy was playing her. Just the stuff he said and how he acted. it’s a diff scenario 

First time I got played. I even told him hes a player over the phone.  I was just frustrated with him. 

 

[Britney25]

20 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Also I  want to clarify it’s my opinion that it’s not the timeframe that matters much. We’ve all heard of some weird cases of people getting married within days/weeks/months or got pregnant early on and stayed together. I would never do that but for some people they know . To me, this was least of all a time frame issue. It was everything that everything about the scenario and this guy was wrong 

Yep exactly what I believe in. There is no time frame. I know people who got engaged the first day they met! Talked before of course but still Crazy I know! And they are still together with kids.

Others who moved in the 1 month ect.

I really wanted believe this guy was for real. I really thought maybe God has sent me my husband as I started praying for him a couple of months prior to meeting him everyday. Boy was I wrong! But you know even thou I was hurt in the end, I really did care for him. I really did love him. If he came back I would give him another chance! I know I know I'm crazy 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Britney25

[Britney25]

13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

My impression is that he was… just my conjecture though since we are all just guessing here. I am basing this on what Brit has said about this guy. The words he uses is typical player verbiage… “I want to get you pregnant, baby momma” type stuff.  no hesitancy or self consciousness about how she’d feel about it.   Also other things he has said/done throughout this. . How up until the end he was saying “miss you baby girl” and all this other stuff when he knew that he was over it. That is player stuff. Done it 

Yes! In the last month communicated to me miss you , thinking of you almost every day while he knew he was over this. Even when he was in Chicago on that trip. Sometimes texted twice a day even! I think @Poppy fields at the begging said he is doing way too much and it must be out of guilt since he was probably with another Woman. He still wanted sex I guess while trying to process what to do. 

[Britney25]

36 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

  

Not all that uncommon, I've had guys propose marriage on the first date and they were serious!  Lol

 

Wow! How did you react?

[Miss Spider]

16 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yes! In the last month communicated to me miss you , thinking of you almost every day while he knew he was over this. Even when he was in Chicago on that trip. Sometimes texted twice a day even! I think @Poppy fields at the begging said he is doing way too much and it must be out of guilt since he was probably with another Woman. He still wanted sex I guess while trying to process what to do. 

Yea, this guys behavior seemed very wrong from the beginning, irrespective if you were together 2 months or 2 years. 
 

One thing is my ex had met my parents indirectly when we’re out and he also went to a family get together, but it wasn’t clear how serious he was and he was just a “male friend”. It all came crashing down when we were set to have dinner with him+ his parents+ mine because I knew it would be real then, no turning back.  Was there a reason you were hiding him from your parents? You weren’t sure about him either? I think your gut was telling you something wasn’t right…. 
 

Also I will confess I’ve “technically” cheated on guys before I break up with them, but I’ve pulled away. I don’t see it as cheating though if we’re not in a serious Relationship( to me) anymore. Near the end I do say similar to keep them hanging on just in case. So it’s very possible he was just keeping his options warm until he decided it really was just not gonna work 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yea, this guys behavior seemed very wrong from the beginning, irrespective if you were together 2 months or 2 years. 
 

One thing is my ex had met my parents indirectly when we’re out and he also went to a family get together, but it wasn’t clear how serious he was and he was just a “male friend”. It all came crashing down when we were set to have dinner with him+ his parents+ mine because I knew it would be real then, no turning back.  Was there a reason you were hiding him from your parents? You weren’t sure about him either? I think your gut was telling you something wasn’t right…. 
 

Also I will confess I’ve “technically” cheated on guys before I break up with them, but I’ve pulled away. I don’t see it as cheating though if we’re not in a serious Relationship( to me) anymore. Near the end I do say similar to keep them hanging on just in case. So it’s very possible he was just keeping his options warm until he decided it really was just not gonna work 

He was  planning something on Mother day for our Moms to get together but his Mom never flew in. No I wasnt intentually hiding him. He spoke with my Mom and they had a nice conversation.  Next day he sent doughnuts for me and my Mom. I thought that was sweet. Last time we saw each other which was Friday, I told him my Mom wants to meet you and he said when I have to look my best. But that never happened. He was more distant. 

I thought it was early still. I wanted to introduce him this month tbh. Now I am blaming myself that maybe I was the problem for this but then again we should have worked this out if he really wanted to be with me. 😞

So do you think he was never that invested? It was just infatuation? Because of the things he was telling me? 

[poppyfields]

26 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Wow! How did you react?

In a  couple of instances, I thought they were nuts, politely excused myself and left!  This was when I did OLDing the first time years ago in my 20s.

One of my ex's came on so fast, suggesting we elope in Vegas within the first WEEK!

I really liked him so I had to ask him to slow down, he was freaking me out!

So he did and we dated six years, actually got engaged for real after 5 years, I broke it off.  Long story. 

But I am very familiar with love bombing and have learned to not take it seriously or encourage it.

If I like him, I'll let it play out, take it all with a grain of salt pretty much.

After we have sex, things typically slow down naturally. 

Edited July 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[basil67]

34 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

First time I got played. I even told him hes a player over the phone.  I was just frustrated with him. 

 

I don't think you got played.  I'm more inclined to believe that he was enamoured with you at first, but made too many promises and declarations of love (which wasn't love, it was infatuation) and then started to lose interest.  

On the topic of infatuation or the honeymoon period - both sexes experience it.  Sometimes it can last as long as six months before we really start to see the true person.   And one of the more tricky aspects is that the inexperienced dater (yes, I'm looking at you) can confuse this early rush of hormones as love.   Not criticising you at all - we've all done it and only experience teaches us that while it's good to enjoy this time, we must also keep giving ourselves reality checks.   The reality check being: "I do not know this person well enough to truly love them yet.  This is hormones tricking me into thinking it's love.  I will take it steady, enjoy the time together and trust them unless I see signs that I should walk away"

Edited July 17, 2021 by basil67

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

In a  couple of instances, I thought they were nuts, politely excused myself and left!  This was when I did OLDing years ago in my 20s.

One of my ex's came on so fast, suggesting we elope in Vegas within the first WEEK!

I really liked him so I had to ask him to slow down, he was freaking me out!

So he did and we dated six years, actually got engaged for real after 5 years, I broke it off. 

But I am very familiar with love bombing and have learned to not take it seriously or encourage it.

If I like him, I'll let it play out though, take it all with a grain of salt pretty much.

After we have sex, things typically slow down naturally. 

We had sex sometimes 12 times a month. He never changed after sex. They say a Mans true feelings come out after sex. He was still into me.

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So do you think he was never that invested? It was just infatuation? Because of the things he was telling me? 

Infatuation tries to trick a person into thinking that they are really, super into a person.   So a person can be super invested, but the infatuation wears off and they realise it was just an illusion.

[Miss Spider]

It’s hard to say. Maybe at the beginning he was infatuated. I don’t see anything to suggest that he was really “invested”. Likely he was running on new relationship energy where you’re about a new person and sex with them.  We’ve all been there. Unfortunately, that wears off sometimes. But I think he was enjoying the easy sex too much to completely cut it off at that point when his interest took a dive. He was using a lot of player lingo and able to just check in with you with two texts, and future fake about babies and international vacations to keep you on his hook, while his actions showed something else entirely.That’s playing. .  His mom never flew in .. isn’t that convenient lol. sounds like something I’d say. Bc my ex constantly asked to do the dinner I kept saying “next week” lol future faking is common for people who are biding time. You just never see it come to fruition 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s hard to say. Maybe at the beginning he was infatuated. I don’t see anything to suggest that he was really “invested”. He was running on new relationship energy. Excited about a new person. We’ve all been there. Unfortunately, that wears off. But I think he was enjoying the easy sex too much to completely cut it off at that point when his interest took a dive. He was able to just check in with you with two texts, and future fake about babies and international vacations to keep you on his hook, while his actions showed something else entirely. That’s playing. .  His mom never flew in .. isn’t that convenient lol. sounds like something I’d say. Bc my ex constantly asked to do the dinner I kept saying “next week” lol future faking is common for people who are biding time. You just never see it come to fruition 

Well he did show me his text exchange between him and his Mom. So he wasn't lieing. She doesnt like flying too much.

 

Edited July 17, 2021 by Britney25

[Miss Spider]

It sounds weird to me

[poppyfields]

I pretty much agree with @basil67about this, but again who knows.

Try to not spend too much time/energy analyzing him and his motivation, work on figuring yourself out so you never allow this to happen again, not on this level anyway.

It was all much too much too fast.

 

Edited July 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[Britney25]

Does a Man who is infatuated return to the woman one day?